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Expert Q&A

	By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist

How is the death of a family pet best explained to a 3-year-old?

Although very sad, the death of a family pet is a good way for children to learn about the cycles of life.

As with other difficult subject, it is best to only respond to the questions the children ask without giving long detailed answers. Children will ask what they need and want to know. As they get older they will ask more. You may start by making a simple, direct statement -- "Rover died." If the child doesn't understand what the word "died" means he or she may ask what is "died." It is fine to say, "Rover can't eat, or play or jump anymore. His body is here but his spirit is gone." Saying euphemisms like, "Rover has gone away" or "Rover has gone to the sky" is only confusing.

It is fine for parents to use such experiences to convey their beliefs about the afterlife. This can vary from "Rover is in heaven with God" or "I'm not sure what happens when dogs die." The important thing is to be honest and not to try to take children's sadness away.

Children may surprise you by their reactions. When my niece was 3 I had to tell her that her cat had died. She asked if she could see him and when she saw his stiff body she asked if we were going to eat him. Many years later I had to tell my daughter that her cat had died. She was in the fifth grade at the time. She cried and cried and said she wanted to be alone. After about 10 minutes she stopped crying. The next day I asked her what had stopped her crying and she said she realized death was a part of life. When we don't interfere with our children's reactions often we can learn from them.

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