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December 19, 2002
Due Date – July 29, 2003
8 Weeks (and change)
Ah! The joys of Christmas! The crowded shopping malls! The insane mother at Toy’s R Us who will actually fist fight you for the last of something that her child desperately wants for Christmas! The endless array of treats and sweets! The shopping lists that seem to get longer instead of shorter! What a fabulous time of year! :)
I finally decided on the big gift for Maxwell this year. We got him a spring horse! I am so excited! But I have really begun to see that children truly do have it easier these days. I can remember back to the days of my spring horse and all of the times my darn legs got pinched in the springs! Now a days they have handy, dandy spring covers! How hard would it have been to think about that 15 years ago? Which also led me to start thinking about swing sets. Now a days they have plastic little covers on the swing chains. Where were those when I was losing chunks of hair right and left? Kids now a days….
We had quite an event in our family on the weekend. Now although I am unable to go into much detail, I will give you the just of it all. As many of you know my father is a hockey coach. He played in the NHL for 15 years and over the past 12 years has coached in the NHL and WHL. Well this past weekend he was released of his duties because the team has been doing poorly this year. I should explain that in no way was this a surprise, it is just hockey. Dad is not upset or discouraged. His phone has been ringing of the hook with offers since Saturday. My family has been through this our whole lives. It is a part of us. I feel very differently this time. I actually cried when I heard the news. I know how hard he works and it is devastating to see his face on the front page of the paper with negative things written beside it. My parents are wonderful. They don’t even bat an eye. I have an incredible amount of respect for my Mom. I don’t know how she has dealt with this her whole life. I wanted to share a bit about her with you…
My Mom and Dad met when she was 16 and he was 17. It was the typical figure skater / hockey player relationship. They fell in love and spent every second together. My Dad was drafted 3rd pick overall when he was 18 to the Minnesota North Stars. They got married and my mom followed him to Minnesota. They were both from a very small town in Canada and were thrown into fame and money. I can’t imagine how hard this would have been for her. Dad was on the road a lot and she was by herself a lot. There is something to be said about hockey wives though. For the most part they stick together and are each others friends. But then there are the others. The ones who would come to the games with the tags “accidentally” left on their new $1000 dresses. Meanwhile Mom would be up in the stands sporting her jeans and t-shirt. I am not sure what I am trying to say, I guess I just have a lot of respect for her. She has had an incredibly hard, yet privileged life. She has had to listen to people say horrible things about her husband at different times throughout their marriage and hasn’t completely lost it! She is 100% supportive of Dad and they have the most wonderful marriage ever. I love them both so much.
I know that I probably should have written a separate entry to my beautiful baby boy who would be celebrating his first birthday on the 21st, but I have tried over and over to begin that entry and I just can’t. I thought a year of healing would have put my in a place where I could openly talk about little Clayton, but it hasn’t. I still don’t feel like Clayton passed away. I feel like he was taken from us. Like he is somewhere far away and I can’t protect him. I wonder if he knows me, if he is safe, warm, happy. I wish more than anything that he was here opening presents, eating a slice of his first birthday cake and playing with his big brother. But he isn’t. I want to smell him and hold him. I want to know if he looks like Maxwell and what color his eyes are. Clayton, I love you. I miss you. Happy Birthday Sweetheart. XOXO
Merry Christmas to all of you. Have a very safe and SUPER HAPPY holiday season!
Love Nicole
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