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April 8, 2003
Husbands. We love them. We hate them. They make our hearts feel full and our limbs tingle. They make us want to pull our hair out and scream from the tops of buildings. This week has been a true test of marriage in our household. Had I not repeated those sacred “Until death do us part” vows I think I may have just sent him packing!
My Morning~
Mornings at our house are insane. We have one bathroom and three potty-trained people. This in itself is a bad combination. I am always the first one up in the morning in an attempt to have a few private moments in the bathroom. On Monday I sat down on my “familiar friend” to leisurely start my morning when Maxwell came running into the bathroom telling me that he had to pee. I quickly finished and he hoped on before I even had time to flush. And there my morning began. I pulled up my pajama bottoms and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Yowza. I would need a little extra time this morning. Then Maxwell asked me to look at him. I find him standing behind me pointing at “Willy” asking me what is wrong with it. His little solider was standing at attention in a major way. Now could someone please tell me what I was supposed to say at this moment? I was at a loss. I told him it was fine and pulled up his pants. Phew! Uncomfortable conversation averted! I walked him into the family room and plopped him on the couch to watch some Sesame Street. I hadn’t gotten halfway back to bathroom when he began screaming my name. I returned to find Red peeing in the middle of the family room. Ok, that’s it…time for Mike to wake up.
After I yelled for Mike and cleaned up Red’s little gift Maxwell told me he wanted an apple. I quickly cut one up and put it in a blue bowl as requested and again attempted to make my way back to the bathroom. Another scream from the family room. Red wanted an apple too. I should have known. I put the dog outside and nearly run back to the bathroom. I wash my face and smother it in anti aging lotion. I begin to brush my teeth when once again the prince summons. He’s thirsty. Ah yes, of course. Doesn’t everyone need a glass of apple juice with an apple? What was I thinking? Back to the bathroom to spit and rinse and then onto the clothing selection.
Everything that I own needs to be ironed. Fabulous. Just as I begin to iron I realize that my darling husband still hasn’t gotten his butt out of bed. I call for him again. I iron my clothes and head to the kitchen to make some lunches. Maxwell would like one of everything that I am packing in the lunches and so I pack him a mini lunch to take to my Mom’s. The clock is ticking and I now have 25 minutes to get out of the house. I wash my hair and slap some goop in it. 15 minutes left. I head back to the bathroom to put on some make-up and I am met by a locked door. What the? Uh hello Mike! Welcome to “One Bathroom Land” unlock the door NOW! He is in the shower and he will be out in one sec. Fine. I put my freshly ironed clothes on and head out to start our vehicles to warm up. It is time for the morning fight. Maxwell vs. clothes. The clothes win…but only by a very narrow margin. 5 minutes left.
All of a sudden Mike zooms past me towards his lunch box. He manages to give me a half peck on the cheek and then he makes his way to the back door. I ask him to give the dog some fresh water when he announces…that HE is going to be late. OMG! NO! I arrive at work 8 minutes late with no make up on. What a great start to the day.
The Drive Home
Mike and I spent the weekend at my grandma’s farm about two hours away. Mike and my Dad went in his truck and my Mom, Maxwell and I traveled in her car. It was a great weekend until their car was stolen. Don’t worry it was quickly recovered but will need some work. Mike and I ended up leaving WAY later than anticipated on Sunday because we remembered that the car seat was in Mom and Dad’s car. The RCMP had to determine whether the car had been in an accident or not before releasing the car seat so we didn’t leave until about 9:30pm. We had to make a pit stop at Mom’s to pick up my car before we drove the 20 minutes to our house. Maxwell was dead asleep in the truck. I transferred myself and Red into my car and started the engine. I began to close the door when Mike asked why I wasn’t taking Max. I still am boggled by this one. Let’s look at the facts:
*It is 11:00 at night
*Maxwell is asleep and warm
*We are both going to the same location
Now why on earth would I haul him out of his car seat into my car? I closed the door quickly and shifted the car into reverse. Was he kidding me?
IS IT ONLY ME???
Please ladies tell me, do your husbands make you crazy some days? Mike has this fear of actually having to take care of Maxwell BY HIMSELF and just flat out won’t do it. Now don’t get me wrong when I am around he is a good Dad, but don’t I need some time too??? These are just two of the many incidents from the past week that have made me CRAZY!!! I want to hear your best “I am going to trade in my husband” stories!!!
Nicole
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Other fun news:
*Red decided to pee down our heat vent. Mmmmm the fresh scent of urine everyday!
*Maxwell would NOT go potty at Safeway the other night so he just decided to relive himself in the cart. Groceries anyone?
*I caught Red attempting to pee on the carpet the other morning and when I lunged at him to tell him no I got the WORST rug burn on the top of my foot! YOWCH!
*My face looks like a giant pizza. Oh how I LOVE pregnancy hormones.
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