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January 24, 2003
It’s over and I made it, though it wasn’t pretty. Walking through those familiar doors this morning was hard. Thankfully the wait wasn’t long and I didn’t have much time to dwell on the fact that I was sitting in the same chair I had been last Christmas. My mom and I were shown into the exact same exam room where I heard the news about my little Clayton. My Radiologist friend had been paged to an emergency at the hospital so I was on my own. The tech was wonderful. She knew my history and didn’t ask many questions. But nevertheless when the screen lit up the tears began to flow. I was terrified of what she may find. She offered me a Kleenex and told me that she would go through everything slowly. First of all there is only one little one in there. Surprisingly though I didn’t care. One, two, ten…it didn’t matter, just please tell me everything looks ok. That is exactly what I heard. She couldn’t tell much at 13 weeks and 5 days, but everything looks ok. We could see the brain, the spine and the heart but not in enough detail to prove anything one way or another. The baby’s heartbeat was exactly the same as Maxwell’s, 168 bpm. I am in love with this baby. I have tried so hard not to get attached, but I am. I am 100% drained. I had no idea how emotional this morning was going to be. I will write another entry on Monday.
I hope that everyone has a great weekend.
Love Nicole and ANOTHER love of my life.
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