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December 4, 2003
12.3.03: The subtle art of bribery…
I try to post an entry every two weeks, but haven’t been able to do that because the kids and I have been sick. No one wants to read about us being sick, so I’ll just say the kids are much better, and I’m still battling a sinus infection. There’s no point in trying to write about every single thing we did between the last entry of 11/7 and today (12/3), so I’ll just start with the most recent things.
Holidays…
My favorite time of the year is the fall. I love the months of October, November, and December. I enjoy the change in the weather and, of course, the holidays and most of the activities that go along with the holidays. It seems I was dressing Mitch in his Halloween costume just yesterday, but my calendar tells me it’s December 3rd. We had a nice Thanksgiving with our little family of 4. We watched the Houston and Macy’s Thanksgiving parades. Jerry whipped up some frozen margaritas. He watched a little football as his Lions traditionally play on Thanksgiving day. They actually won! I made the turkey and Jerry helped with the side dishes. It’s not that hard to make a turkey or the side dishes. This year we picked up pies from Kroger, and I made a Mississippi mud cake. It’s just such a waste in many ways because it’s such a big meal for just the four of us, and we aren’t really into leftovers. Jerry made potato pancakes on Friday morning, and we had some turkey sandwiches. I put some turkey in my soup. But, really. Who wants to eat leftover stuffing and dry turkey until its gone? We go through the motions of putting everything into containers, storing it in the fridge, intending to eat it later. But come Monday, it all gets tossed in the trash.
The subtle art of bribery…
Rachel’s stubbornness is a trait that comes naturally from both her father and me. It’s a trait that I admire and, yet it frustrates the heck out of me too. She will stand her ground, to the point of losing privileges without giving an inch. As part of her night time routine, she is allowed to watch a short video before bed (a 20-minute video, like Frosty or the Care Bears). We read her a story before bed time, and she is allowed to fall asleep listening to music in her room with the lamp on. When she misbehaves, Jerry will warn her, and she is given many chances to obey before he starts stripping away privileges. “No video tonight!” She doesn’t care. “No bedtime story!” Couldn’t care less. “No music!” So what? When it gets to the final point where the lamp is turned off (she is afraid of the dark) and her Care Bear is taken away, then she gives in and begs and pleads. It’s frustrating for us, because we have to be firm so she will learn. The next night is usually better because Jerry will remind her that she didn’t get to do x, y, or z.
Her stubbornness makes her set in her ways, unbending on some things. Sometimes it’s necessary to use the subtle art of bribery to persuade Rachel to change her mind or try something new. She is beyond crazy for the color pink, and for awhile refused to wear anything that was not pink (underwear, socks, shirt, pants). On the weekends, we let her pick out her own clothes, and sometimes we just have to laugh at the choices she makes. So stubborn is she, that she wouldn’t even wear an outfit that was trimmed in pink because it just wasn’t pure pink. Before this pink crazy routine started, I had purchased a few sets of what I call “summer pajamas.” They were just a set of matching shorts/top. I bought a few sets in different solid colors (the horror!). Rachel just refused to wear them. Nope. One of the PJ sets was a solid coral color, not exactly pink, but not really peach either. Her first argument was (1) “those are not pajamas, those are shorts!” Her second argument was (2) “I am not wearing them, they are not pink.” I conned her into wearing them by telling her (1) they were “summer pajamas” and (2) that Corinne always wears summer pajamas. She had to pause and think about that one. And then, suddenly, this piece of knowledge changed everything. The minute she heard that Corinne wore summer pajamas, then she asked why I didn’t wear summer pajamas too. A good question. So, she nearly wore out the summer pajamas (your basic shorts set) and is now sad because it’s getting cooler and she has to wear more traditional pajamas. She is a classic case of imitating her role model. She adores Corinne and often draws pictures of Corinne or for Corinne.
DW, the Picky Eater…
One of the Arthur books is called, DW the Picky Eater. It’s about Arthur’s younger sister DW, and her refusal to eat most foods, including vegetables. This is one of Rachel’s favorite books, and she and DW are like twin sisters in this area. Rachel will not eat vegetables. She simply refuses to consider vegetables. In her defense, she does have a gag reflex. The mere sight of a green bean or kernel of corn on her fork sets her off. When giving her the sales pitch, we not only point out the nutritional value (pointless at this age), but we tell her that Corinne eats corn and Corinne likes green beans. We were able to coax her into eating one forkful of corn this weekend. A major accomplishment.
Santa is watching…
Another person we “use” to help persuade her, especially during this time of year is good Old St. Nick. Rachel is in awe of Santa. The mere suggestion that, “we will call Santa!” or “Santa is watching you,” makes her believe that we have close connections and ties to Santa. If she only knew! The minute she starts grabbing something from Mitchell, or kicking the back of the car seat in frustration, we remind her that Santa is watching her and would not be happy. Not happy at all. Rachel is anxiously awaiting our trip to the mall to sit on his lap. Last year, she only asked for two things: a Disney Beauty & the Beast castle and a Barbie Rapunzel DVD. Small requests. Jerry predicted that the list would grow longer with each year, and he was right. She loves flipping through the Disney catalog and the Toys R Us and Target ads in Sunday’s paper. Each week, she finds something else that she wants. Although she keeps adjusting her list, she is certain she wants a Barbie laptop, the Bratz dolls, a CD player and a Sleeping Beauty castle, and the Barbie Swan lake CD. With each request, we remind her that she can’t have everything we wants and that lots of other children are in line for toys as well.
Rachel has two more practices at Kids Praise before her Christmas performance at the church warehouse on Saturday, the 13th. She’s really excited about it. We have been practicing the songs in the car to and from school each day, much to Mitchell’s dismay. As soon as the Christmas music comes on, he will shout, “I want Wiggles! Wiggles!” They are learning to take turns, and it’s been hard for Rachel to let Mitchell have his turn some times. Rachel’s favorite song is “Shake Up the Sun” by Sheryl Crow. She can listen to it 50 times in a row. It gets old. Jerry is lucky because his truck does not have a CD player, so he does not have to referee the fights over which CD we will listen to or whose turn it is when driving the kids. Lucky man!
Car woes…
Monday morning, while driving the kids to school, I noticed that the “check engine” light came on and stayed lit. This is something I dread. I know many people who can drive around with their check engine lights on for years without a care, but it’s something I take very seriously. I feel more carefree when driving alone, but when I have the kids with me, I am cautious and nervous when a light comes on. The last time it came on was this past summer on the way to the airport, and it was a $1,000 repair. I made it safely to the school and then got out the driver’s manual and read it as I crept along the freeway in rush hour traffic. It said that it could be something as insignificant as the gas cap not being secured. Jerry had filled up the tank the night before, so I was hoping that the cap was the problem. But, no. I dropped it off at the shop on the way home. Jerry picked the kids up from school in his truck and then came to pick me up at the shop. This is where the problem comes in. We have the Explorer which is a great family vehicle. We all can ride in it. I love driving it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Although we are racking up the miles on it with my commute to/from work, I absolutely love it and plan to drive it for many years. Jerry has a work vehicle which he is free to drive for work and personal use. We rarely use the truck. But, on Monday, we were stuck. Jerry picked me up, and there was no place for all of us to sit, so Jerry sat in the back of the truck, while I drove in front with the kids in their car seats beside me. I hate this situation. I don’t feel safe having Mitch sitting *this close* to me (the driver). He can kick out his feet and hit a button or he can reach and touch the steering wheel which is dangerous. I find it unnerving to drive the truck, even by myself, but adding the kids and a dark sky, I get really nervous. They are talking and asking questions like, “why is daddy sitting back there,?” “can I have a snack,?” and “Wiggles! Wiggles!” I am trying to concentrate, driving slowly and carefully like a Grandma. All I need are the knitting needles and a sweater around my shoulders. They know there is no CD player in the truck, so there are no arguments over music selections. But, Rachel likes to argue over who gets to press the remote button to open the garage. She always insists that it is her turn, too. Poor Mitch, in a few years, he will be more concerned about these issues.
TV…
One thing that I am getting very tired of is the television. Why in the world we even have five TVs is embarrassing to admit, but it’s beyond me. The TV has become a fixture in our house similar to a light or fan. It’s just on. All the time. When we come into the house, we flip on the lights and the fans and get settled in. Turning on the TV is just part of the background activity, and I’m just fed up with it. I have been going out of my way to turn it off and get frustrated when I walk into a room where I swore I just turned off the TV because no one was even in that room, and then it’s back on. So, I’m making a silent, concentrated effort to turn the TV off and keep it off as much as possible. I don’t mind having the news on when we are getting dinner ready, but I think the TV should be off and we should enjoy dinner conversation with our kids and talk about our day and about what everyone did while we were apart. Growing up, we had one television set. We had no cable TV, I don’t think it was even invented back then (giggle). But, we certainly had no remote control and TV was considered a privilege. We were not allowed to turn it on without asking and programs were approved in advance. It’s just the way it was back then. We played outside, rode our bikes, played kickball in the street, Red Rover Stop, Dodge Ball, went sled riding, to the playground, we tossed blankets over the clothesline in the backyard and made tents. We spent hours playing in those tents and had a blast. We spent many nights sitting around the kitchen table playing board games as a family (Monopoly, Risk, Stratego, Parcheesi, and card games like Hearts and Flinch). But, today, my goal is to gradually cut out TV from our household. It’s not that we have to forbid it, but before you know it, you have spent a few hours watching mindless TV and that’s time that could have been enjoyed doing other things. Jerry enjoys watching TV as his form of relaxation. He likes to stay up late watching ESPN or the late night shows. He often falls asleep with the remote in his hand, and just last night I came downstairs to fold some laundry and he had fallen sleep with the remote, with all the lights on. I turned off most of the lights, and made my way back upstairs.
I find myself spending less and less time online or watching TV. I’ve read so many books lately, and I found I’m much happier this way. I just finished reading Split Second (yawn!), the Wedding by Nicholas Sparks (excellent!), and Bringing Elizabeth Home, by the Smart family. As interested as I was in the Smart story, while I was reading it, I felt my blood run cold at times and cried while I read of the grief and worry and pain they went through. I can’t imagine waking up and finding an empty bed in the morning instead of my child. It’s unthinkable what happened to Elizabeth Smart, and I’m glad that they didn’t include the horrible intimate details of what she endured. It’s bad enough to imagine it. But, I found myself tossing and turning on Sunday night, having nightmares about Elizabeth Smart. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was taken from her home in the middle of the night and was gone for 9 months. Nine months. Lois Smart compared the 9 months to the 9 months she was pregnant with Elizabeth. Those are nine months they will never get back. I admire them for their incredible strength and trust they put in their faith because they sincerely trusted God to bring Elizabeth home. But, the horror of “not knowing,” and the horror of wondering whether my child was alive or dead would have killed me. I guess God never gives us more than we can
Mitch...
As a mother, I obviously had only experienced the joy of raising a daughter until Mitch came along. I’ve heard other people refer to their sons as “all boy!” or “he’s a typical boy!” before, but now I know what they meant. Obviously I don’t expect him to play with Barbies or paint his nails, but he just plays in a different way. He loves to bang things and pound things. He will use his pretend hammers and screwdrivers and other tools in imaginary play as he “fixes” the door knobs or table or wall. He’s going through the terrible twos right now in a big way. He still gets up on our kitchen table, stands there and tries to grab the light fixture, and I know he does it for the attention because he usually checks to make sure we are looking and then goes for it. Last weekend, Jerry took Rachel to run some errands and I brought Mitch downstairs. He felt kind of hot, so I quickly ran upstairs to get the thermometer and by the time I came back downstairs, he had gotten into the fridge and made a disaster. He smashed 6 eggs, the yolks were running down the sides of the fridge into the drawers below. He grabbed a carton of chocolate milk and tossed it on the area rug where it spilled all over the place. He grabbed a stick of oleo from the door, peeled off the wrapper and was squeezing it in his hands. When I caught him, he ran off and smeared his hands on the pantry door. Ugh! After that mess, I caught him again. He had opened the dishwasher and used it to climb up onto the countertop. He was sitting on the countertop and had opened the lids of my stainless steel canister set. He was busy tossing tea bags and sweet-n-lo packets all over the kitchen. Grrrrr! We have introduced him to the concept of *time out.* He is two, so the appropriate time out for a two-year old is two minutes. Jerry sat him on the chair and sat on the ottoman across from Mitch staring at him and saying, “no! no! stay! stay!” I couldn’t help but laugh behind my hand because he sounded like he was giving commands to our dog Sanders. I suggested that he use the word *time out* so Mitch would understand and get used to the concept. Of course, Mitch proceeded to giggle and laugh and wiggle and move, and Jerry was determined. I could see the vein in his neck sticking out. He was serious. Another thing Mitch is doing is stripping himself naked. For no reason or for reasons we just don’t understand, he will take off his pants, shirt, socks, underwear, and get down to the Full Monty. When I got him up on Sunday morning, he was naked. “What the heck?”
Going to the movies…
We ventured out for our first family movie with both kids. Rachel wanted to see Brother Bear, and since it was a Disney movie, it was inevitable. We went to the 5:30 showing on a Saturday night. In the car, Jerry said that this would just be a test to see if Mitch would like the movies. If Mitch acted up or got restless, Jerry would take him out to the lobby. We arrived early, stood in line for tickets and then waited for popcorn. As we entered the theatre, it was dark and they were showing previews. We quickly found our seats and settled in. Most theatres have stadium seating, so you never have to worry about sitting behind someone and not being able to see. Rachel sat quietly, watching the movie and eating her popcorn. Mitch was not interested in sitting still and watching the movie in a theatre. No way. He stood in the aisle, lost his drink under the seat in front of us, and then took off down the staircase before Jerry could get him. Mitch ran down to the front row, across the theatre and started climbing up the staircase on the other side. Of course, we were embarrassed, as Jerry was chasing him in front of everyone, while the movie was showing. People were laughing at Mitch and so was I. But, during a Disney movie, it’s to be expected. There were plenty of other kids talking and acting up. Jerry took Mitch out to the lobby and they walked around, but Mitch kept running away, trying to open the doors to other movies, so Jerry had to carry him. They came back in, and Mitch laid down on the floor (ugh!) on his stomach. I was counting the minutes until the movie was over so I could get him home and into the tub. I am a Disney fan and most of the movies are good. All in all, I felt the movie was terrible. It was graphic and loud and inappropriate for my children. The lesson learned is that Mitch is just not ready to go to the movies. But you never know until you try. We will try again in 6 months. Right now, his attention span is short and he has no interest in the TV (yay!). He is just starting to lie down beside Rachel and they watched the Charlie Brown and Frosty Christmas specials together. But, for the most part, he is up and down and not really paying attention.
Mitch loves books. He picks out his favorites and carries them to the sofa. He will say, “sit! read!” and then he will climb in my lap and turn the pages and point out the things on the pages. He loves the Brown Bear book and loves to open the flaps in our flap books, but most of them are missing flaps at this point. He loves our Christmas books and loves Santa. He will point at Santa, and say “Santa! Ho, ho, ho!”
We are going to pick out our Christmas tree this weekend and plan to put up our yard decorations. We usually line the yard with giant lolli pops strung together with lights and put up a wreath, etc. We are thinking of getting a blow-up Santa & sleigh or a snowman or something like that to display in the front yard for the kids. We got a miniature rosemary tree for Rachel’s room last year, and she has already asked for another one this year. We will let her decorate it and she can plant it in the back yard in January.
Don’t ask. If anyone knows how to get glitter glue out of a child’s hair, would you please post and let me know?.
I’ve written a lot more than I intended. It’s time to close for now.
Happy Holidays!
Megan
If you want to talk to me, you still have to paste/click on this link below:
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