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April 1, 2004
So, I realize it has been a bit since I've updated, and seeing as things have, well, happened, I figured I should.
I am just about officially 'un' pregnant right now. My hCG level had dropped to 15 when I went in this Monday for a blood draw, so hopefully only one more session with nurse Ratchet and my little, rolling veins, and I'll be off the bloodletting chair for a bit.
For anyone who hasn't read my TTM board, I did end up miscarrying. I was at the ER on the 20th with side pain, and they thought I had an ectopic pregnancy, so they gave me methotrexate. This is what my regular Ob would have probably ended up doing, since the hCG numbers were still rising abnormally. I would have preferred to have skipped the ER visit altogether, of course. That was Saturday, and on Sunday I passed something, so now I don't know if it really was tubal or not. Either way, I really do believe it was not a thriving pregnancy, and I don't think it would ever have gotten to a heartbeat, even.
For some reason this (the methotrexate) made my mother completely freak out. I don't know if it's because it ended the pregnancy, which I am sure was doomed as my hcg was only 100 at 6 weeks along, or if it's because of the nature of the drug itself, being a chemotherapy agent. I am more inclined to think it's the latter, since she went through chemo herself. Anyway, DH got a big lecture from her the other day (as predicted), of, "Laura is stubborn and won't ask for help - if this happens again don't let her tell you she can go to the ER by herself - go with her!" She wasn't mad, but was in her full-on Mom mode. Having a child now, I can understand it more. She was in Canada when I went to the hospital and of course felt powerless. Was there anything she or anyone else could have done? No. I think she realizes it, but she still wanted to be there. I actually was fine by myself. I told Chris I'd call him if I needed him, but as Katie was already in bed I didn't see the need for a family field trip, or calling my sister over to stay until the wee hours of the morning.
So, since then I spent the better part of last week feeling like I'd been run over by a truck - I was just so TIRED. I took one day off last week to stay home and rest, and felt pretty normal by Thursday, only to get sick with a cold on Saturday. I've since lost my voice, gotten it back, and now have a lovely urinary tract infection to go along with everything else. Stupid stinkin' Foley catheter!
Emotionally, I'm doing okay. It's been a couple of weeks and I really feel like I've done okay with things. Of course, all of this has me thinking about our options, which are pretty much as follows:
1. We can go back to IUIs to get pregnant, spending the money each month and not knowing if we will miscarry or not.
2. We can keep trying to get pregnant on our own, with just me taking clomid and no IUIs. I'm looking into getting a repeat SA done on Chris to see if it was a fluke that we got pregnant, or if his motility has increased. Of course, we are still taking our chances on the miscarriage front.
3. If we opt not to do IUIs, we can save up for IVF with pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). This is our ONLY sure bet of knowing that a child conceived would be healthy and chromosomally balanced, because those are the only embryos they put in. Of course, the drawback to this, besides the money, is that there's an even lower chance of it working than with regular IVF, because you have to find not only quality embryos to transfer, but also quality embryos that are chromosomally balanced. I've heard of couples going through cycles to have NO eggs that are worth transferring. In some ways, I feel like that might almost be as heartbreaking as repeated miscarriages.
Neither DH nor I feel like we're at the IVF point yet, but at the same time I don't really know, off the top of my head, how many miscarriages will be 'enough'. I mean, does anyone? It seems like it's so dependent on the severity (whether a d&C is involved, ER visits, ectopics, etc) and when they happen.
So, that's where we stand. We have an appt. with the RE in less than 2 weeks, and I'll be interested to hear his take on everything. I'm sure he'll say IVF - why wouldn't he?
I'm hoping that after I kick this stupid UTI and cold that I'll be back in the game. I hate feeling so crappy, and have NEVER felt so physically crappy for such a long period of time. It stinks, and I'm ready to be done with it.
Katie now is up to TEN teeth! She cut a molar over the weekend, and just yesterday the eye-tooth that was really giving her fits finally popped its way through. She is also stuffed up and coughing, but has gotten much, much better. She is walking like a little pro now - rarely falls, can even walk backwards, and is practicing balancing on one foot - it's pretty funny to watch!
That's about it from here -
Take care,
Laura
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