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December 3, 2002
And so I embark upon this journey: into motherhood, into a family of our own, with all it’s dynamics and relationships, towards the day where my house will be filled with children’s toys, and children’s cries of both pleasure and pain. If there was any month in which we wanted to conceive, it was this month. I really wanted an August baby, and this one, barring that we do not stumble on any of the numerous hurdles that we still have to pass, will enter the world right around our wedding anniversary. That is, if it so chooses to grace us with its appearance within a week of the estimated delivery date! I could very well have an late July baby, or a late August baby, depending on the whims of this Little One, as we have nicknamed it.
We had had some hunches that I may be pregnant this cycle, and when the news came that I would have to travel right when I would potentially be testing, this really altered both of our thoughts and feelings. I truly wished that I would be at home to do the home pregnancy test, instead of on the other side of the country, but so be it. I packed a test into my bathroom bag, both of us discussing how careful I must be to leave no evidence of the test behind, as no one knew we were even trying to get pregnant at that point.
I had been temperature and fertility charting to monitor my cycles, and had been on a rollercoaster of sorts, initially thinking my temperatures were far too low to be pregnant, but the morning I was to leave, they jumped higher even still, and took my heart with them. I was hoping against hope that this would be the month, but still being somewhat realistic and open to the fact that it may not be either. On that morning I will remember forever now, I took my temperature, it was very high again, and decided not to wait any longer, but went to the bathroom and took the test… My heart was racing and I initially looked at the test, but then found I just couldn’t watch as the results were showing up, so I placed it on the counter, and took a peek not a minute later. A positive, two lines! Two strong lines that is! Thoughts just raced through my head – I was going to be a Mum, we were going to be a Family!
I finally got hold of my husband in the early evening and was able to talk for a bit. He asked me, quietly, with a bit of excitement and caring in his voice if I had done the test and I replied that indeed I had and that it was positive. I could tell that he was really happy and excited, just by his voice, and I longed to be held in his arms on this very special day. I had to go out immediately and so the rest of our conversation was rushed, but when I phoned late that night, we had a very nice talk, and I got some closure on the previous phone call and the news, which made me very happy and I was able to go to sleep quickly that night.
I spent the remainder of the day in just this wonderful sense of, well, wonder. I am so excited, so happy, a little nervous, a little sad here and there… Just an amazing mixture of emotions ran through me for the whole day. I am so looking forward to the myriad of changes that this little tiny life will bring to our lives, I am just a little upset that I have to wait so long for it to occur!
Talk to Me:
When did you find out you were pregnant, and how did you tell your sweetie?
What were your first emotions looking at the results of that test?
Namaste, Laura and the Little One
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