 | Diary Navigation:
|
February 26, 2003
16 Weeks 3 Days
This is just very quick, because I forgot to include it in my last entry. Last week, my neighbour lost her baby. She was just 9 Weeks when they found out that something may be wrong. Because she has had some poor reproductive health history, she had already had three ultrasounds and she had gone for another appointment with her Doctor who was having a difficult time locating the heartbeat. I cannot be sure on the accuracy of this information, as my neighbour doesn’t know as much about pregnancy and fetal development as I do, but she was referred for another ultrasound to check the baby later that week. The ultrasound confirmed that the embryo (it’s only at 13 weeks if I remember correctly that it is called a fetus) was not alive.
I have to say that this is a very difficult thing for me to write about, I feel very conflicted in my emotions and reactions about what has happened to my neighbour. Since we have moved in, she and I had been getting quite close and for the first time in a couple of years, I thought that I might just have a best friend again. That is, besides my husband, but there are some things that I just can’t talk to him for hours about, I am more than sure you all understand this! We talked about when we were going to start trying to make a family, how our children would be best friends and play together all day long in our backyards… Wistful yearnings of mums-to-be…
The thing is, from the moment that she got the positive test results in her bathroom, she was absolutely, without a doubt, convinced that something was wrong with her, that she was going to miscarry. Now, I know of mothers who have known with that special intuition that occurs sometimes with pregnancy that they will be giving birth to a boy, or a girl, or the name of their child has been overwhelmingly strong right from the start. So I am not trying to say that perhaps in her deep sub-conscious that perhaps she knew that something was indeed wrong. It’s just that she is a very very self-doubting person in general – always putting herself down, never believing that something good could happen to her, although I can name a number of things that she has told me about herself that are indeed very good events in her life.
So, because of this negativity, I found myself not able to be with her. It was literally too taxing on my own fragile newly pregnant state for me to be strong for both her and I. I have dealt with a number of issues in my life, I am prone to depressions and I found that I was sinking downward when I was with her. So, there were phone calls here and there, but it wasn’t the same as before and I think that she took it upon herself not to phone me as much during the past couple of weeks. On our little vacation we were talking about how we hadn’t really seen them lately and that when we got back we’d give them a phone call to set up a dinner and games night. I did this, and the phone call was never returned. Simon and I talked about this and concluded that there must be something happening over there, they are the exact opposite type of people who would behave this way.
We found out because Simon was out shovelling us out, again, from another snow dump and her husband also came out during the same time. He asked how she was doing and that’s when he found out. The worst part is that I had just left a message on their machine saying that they should get up because we had received a huge snowfall and her hubby would have to do quite a bit of shovelling so that she could get out of the driveway that day. I also said congratulations on making it to 9 Weeks, only 4 more to go before she reaches the second trimester. When Simon came in he told me that the husband asked him not to tell me, that she would be phoning me in a couple of days to talk about it, but Simon and I share everything and this was more important than most things we share.
She did phone me a couple of days later and told me what I have already said in the first paragraph. Her doctor had her scheduled for a D&C at the beginning of the week. I told her that there were other options besides that operation, but she would not hear me on this. She was completely not interested in any naturopathic or homeopathic routes to take. I dropped the subject then and told her that I was there for her, whatever she needed, whenever she needed and that she could drop by or phone me and I would come over and be with her. That was the end of the conversation I guess, and we said our good-byes.
All I can hope for is that with this experience behind her she is able to move on in her life and gain some confidence perhaps. I am worried for her. I am worried for our relationship. I don’t quite know what else to write here about this whole event. I feel guilty about me being pregnant, and her not. She is a good person, her husband is a good person and both Simon and I really enjoyed their company when we’re around them. I don’t want this event, this little embryo dying, to also mean the death of our relationships together. Time will tell. I will not give up on her though.
Namaste, Laura and the Little One
 |  |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
