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February 20, 2003
Wow! How do you say goodbye to something that has been such a big part of your life for 4 years? How do you express in words what this site has meant to me? I don’t think I really have the words to say how much I have enjoyed my time here. The friends I’ve made and the memories we share are just unbelievable to me. There are so many of you here that I think of family and I know for a fact that I will keep in touch with you for many years to come!
So, what lead me to this decision? It’s funny that when Christina posted that she was closing her diary, I was really sad to see her go, but didn’t think that would me. And yet, here I am. I think I’ve known for a long time that I needed to move on, but the pull to stay is so strong!!! There are a lot of things changing in my life right now and I think this is just one of them.
I think the biggest thing that is happening in my life is the Bible study I’m doing. It’s really challenged me to look at my entire life and purge anything that keeps me from having a close relationship with God. So, I’ve made several changes over the post month and that in large part is what leads me to this decision.
I really can’t explain the pull that iparenting has in my life. I find myself thinking about it all the time, planning my next diary entry, wanting to keep up with everyone, lurking on other boards and spending hours upon hours on the computer. I hit me yesterday that I talk to my “computer friends” way more than I do my own husband. I share things here that I don’t even share with him and that’s not right.
I often think about my priorities And it’s easy to determine what you’re priorities are… it’s what you spend most of your time on. We all have 24 hours in a day. It’s how we spend those 24 hours that determines what’s most important to us. If I spend more time on the internet that I spend playing Barbie with my girls, or cleaning or reading my Bible, then I’ve rearranged my priorities in a way that’s not how I want to live my life. It kills me to think of the times (and I’m being brutally honest here), that I get Macy involved in coloring or something just because there is something “juicy” happening on this site and it makes me sick to my stomach to think Macy has lost out on my precious time because of me being on the computer. I’m in tears right now thinking about it! I have to be there for my family and this pull that iparenting has in my life has to stop!
The other thing I’m doing is I’m no allowing myself to watch anymore reality TV!!! That’s been another pull in my life. I’m sure there are times when I’ve rushed through one of Macy’s stories so I can get her in bed before 8 PM, so I can go watch Survivor or whatever else was pulling me. Again, I think I get more involved in those peoples lives than I even do my own! So, I’ve decided no more!!! I’m going to tape the few shows I want to watch, ie Everybody Love Raymond and Reba and I’m going to watch them at another time. I have about 4 books I’m reading right now, which I can’t seem to finish, I have loads of scrapbooking to catch up on, and I always have other things I need to get done after the girls in bed. And goodness, how strange it would be for me to go to bed early!
The main thing I want everyone to know that follows my diary is that this is all good!!! I’m at a great place in my life right and things are really going well! I’m very happy and I have my joy back! It’s just I need to purge the things out of my life that keep me from truly living my life! Does that make sense? There are days when I feel like my life is running right in front of me and I’m missing the entire thing. And that’s so sad to me. I’m going to be 35 yrs old this summer! That blows me away! I have much I want to accomplish with the time the Lord has allowed me to be here and I need to get busy.
I have a few people I want to say a special word to…
My friends on the Born in May 1999 board… you ladies have touched my life in so many ways!!! We all started off with tiny babies growing inside our bellies and now look at them. They will be four in a few months!!!! My time with you has been precious! We have seen each other though everything from sleepless nights, to teething, to solid food, to the terrible 2’s and the tempered 3’s. We helped a friend when her husband passed away, when new babies where born, through Dr. appts, illnesses, hospital trips, Sept 11th, family issues, potty training and so much more. You will always be special to me!!! Even though I’ve never met any of you in person, you hold a treasured place in my heart! (And you always know how to find me :o)
To Christina… Wow, what a special friend you are. I don’t even know if you’ll read this (well, sure you will because I’ll email this to you!). What a unique bond we have. It all started back when you were TTC Ethan and now look at you! I hope we’re always friends. You have encouraged me so much and my life is better for knowing you!
To Tricia… It’s utterly amazing to me that 2 people that are so different could be so much a like. We have such different parenting styles, but you have always been so gracious and kind to me. You have supported me and cheered me on the whole way. I have never heard you say a bad thing about one person on this site and I respect you so much. You know the bond we share and that will last for an eternity! I can’t thank the Lord enough for bringing you into my life!
To Jeanette… What an incredible women you are. It’s hard to believe that you are so young. You have such a wonderful way about you. Your passion for children and their Moms inspires those around you to do better and be better. You challenge us all to think a bit more and stretch our preconceived notions about everything from childbirth to clothes :o) You’re writing style is inspirational and to those that are luck enough to know you, they feel better about themselves after coming in contact with you. You are going to do well in this life and I wish you the best!!
Jolie… I’m so thankful that I got to meet you here and then I get to meet you in my real life as well! Who would have thought that out of the millions of people that use the internet that I would meet someone so special right in my back yard. We are going to get together soon!!!!
To the Born in January 2000 Moms… Thanks, thanks, thanks and more thanks! What a great bunch of Moms you are and I encourage you to stay together and enjoy each others company. You’re already making friendships that will last for years. Erin sends kisses to all the babies!!!!
I also want to say a special word to my girls… Your Mommy can be really crazy at times and I hope you know that it’s my love for you guys that has inspired me to keep these diaries in the first place. Every word I wrote and every entry I made was in dedication to you both. I will always give you the gift of my written word. You can speak things and they mean something, but there’s something magical about writing it down. I can still remember how my Mothers little “love notes” to me would touch my heart so deeply. So even though my words to you won’t be public anymore, my “diary entries” will keep coming to you in other forms. I promise you here and now that you will never have to doubt my love for you. I will tell you, I will show you and I write it down, all the day of my life!!!
Okay, I think I’ve been about as melodramatic as I can be!! It does really feel like I’m closing a chapter in my life. It’s sad and exciting at the same time. It’s almost like saying goodbye to a really good friend. So, with that said I wish each of you well. I wish you many years of organizing your homes, I wish you all many pounds to be lost and most of all I wish you all the best the experience of a lifetime and that’s being a Mother. It is a great adventure and I hope you all enjoy the ride!!
Love, Lara
BTW, as of Saturday 2/22, I won’t even be able to access iparenting. After talking to my DH last night, I asked him to block my access to the site all together, that way I can’t even give in to the temptation. So, if you want to reach me Tricia has my email address and I would be happy to chat via email. I’m not giving up the computer all together just iparenting.
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