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February 13, 2003
“I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way…. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunny shiny day.”
This is the theme song of my life these days! I’ve put the old things behind and a new thing is beginning!
Last year was not a year I plan on repeating anytime soon. I can’t put my finger on it, but the year 2002 will go down as a big roller coaster of events. I won’t get into rehashing all those things here; let’s just say the black cloud that has been hovering over me for a year is lifting and there are sunny skies ahead. It’s funny that I would feel this way when our country is on the brink of war, our economy is down and I still have 3 months before DH’s graduation. But, I’ve come to learn in my life that joy is something that comes from within, it’s not always based on your external surroundings. And I’ve known for a long time that there was not much “joy” in my heart. Yes, I have wonderful things in my life; I have 2 beautiful daughters that have brought me much happiness, but true joy comes from only one source. I won’t go into the details, let’s just say I’m thankful that I’m finally feeling back to old normal self. I’m not sure if I was clinically depressed or dealing with a long case of the “baby blues”, but either way I know in my heart that it’s lifting and I’m thankful!
Okay, enough about that…
Can it be that my youngest child no longer needs a bottle for nourishment? Can it be that I will never again stand over the sink for hours washing plastic bottles and rubber nipples? Is it just a dream or will I never pay a ridicules amount of money for formula again? Will I never have to pack another bottle in a diaper bag or clean up formula powder from my counter tops? Can it be… is it so? Well, the answer is YES!! Erin is officially off the bottle, which in turn means I’m officially off the bottle! I’m done with bottles for life! Not that I hated bottles or anything, but it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. She moving at breakneck speed out of the baby stage and barreling into toddlerhood. And I couldn’t be happier.
So, many people have asked me if I’m sad that my youngest turned a year old and am I longing for more children. I have to give an almost confident “no” to all those curious questions. As I will miss that Erin will never be a baby again, I do not really want to go back to that stage. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy Macy at her current age. I love to talk to her and have conversations, I love teaching her about life and the world around her. I love arts and crafts and cooking with her. I love watching her learn and grow. I’ve always thought of myself as a preschool or above age Mom. I know that sounds weird, but I’ve never been a big lover of the baby stage… I’m a HUGE lover of the preschool stage! I’ve worked with preschoolers for years and where some of the women only want to work with the babies, I tend to gravitate towards the older kids. What’s more fun than coloring or working with play dough? Is there anything more fun than a trip to the zoo or to an aquarium? And how about Disneyworld; babies don’t get much out of Disneyworld, but take a 3 year old and you’ve just won the “Best Mom of the Year Award!”.
I hope no one misunderstands me... I love Erin and I’m so thankful to have her and I’m even glad she started out as a baby. But, to me having her as a baby means I get to look forward to all the fun we’re going to have when she gets older. I love the outdoors. I love going on nature hikes and laying in the grass. And to watch the stars and gaze at the moon (okay, not really, but it’s a good thought) and I’m looking forward to teaching my girls about the wonderful world that God has created for them.
So, with all that said, having Erin off the bottle puts me one step closer to being at my favorite age. I have the perfect age in my head. Not sure where I got it from but to me it seems like having Macy be 7 and Erin 4 is my ideal age. I have a feeling when they get to that age I’m going to want to stop growing!!!
I have a friend at church that has 2 girls and they are 7 and 4 and I watch her as she walks through the halls so carefree. She’s not lugging a diaper bag and a purse, carrying a really heavy baby, all the while negotiating another child’s hand as she wants to run ahead. I watch my friend show up to church looking stylish and carrying a nice small purse. Her lipstick is on, her hair is done, and I can tell she’s put on perfume. She and her DH just stroll down the hall as her kids go right to their rooms and greet their teachers with a big smile. Unlike me who has to hand a not-so-happy-camper over to the really nice nursery worker (she’s fine 2 seconds after I leave, but she doesn’t like to be left some days). So, that to me is the prefect age. When you’re out of the really hard physical side of parenting and you really get to “parent” your children. Those days will come soon enough and it will be me with the carefree stride and the unfrazzled look on my face, but until then I just show up looking however I can get out the door!
What’s been happening…
I’m happy to report, not a whole lot! DH had class last weekend but my best friend is moving back down here from Nashville so she was down all weekend working out the details. DH watched the kids Friday night and she and I went to eat and to a movie. I was out until midnight! I can’t remember the last time I saw midnight and the outdoors at the same time. We had a really nice evening. On Saturday we bummed around all morning with the girls and it was great having someone here to spend the day with as oppose to it being just like every other day of the week. The rest of the week has just breezed by. The weather has been nicer, so I’ve gotten out more with the girls. Erin seems to be feeling good and Macy has been all excited about her Valentine’s Day party they were having today at school.
A few things that have happened are I started a new weight loss Bible Study. I have to say it’s been the BEST thing I’ve ever done. I’ve talked about my weight struggles before and this has really opened my eyes. I’ll probably get more into it later, but let’s just say for the first time in my life I feel free from the bondage of food and I can tell the weight is starting to come off. The plan discourages you from weighing yourself, so I don’t really know how much I’ve lost, but I can tell my clothes are fitting better, so that has to be a good sign. I really love this Bible Study because it takes the focus off of food and places the focus on my trust and reliance on God. It’s great to not feel out of control and to not feel the compulsiveness to overeat as I have so many times in my life. Again, I won’t go into details here, but it’s been great!
Another thing I did was sit my rear-end down and force myself to look at our money situation. I feel so bad because DH earns it and I spend most it if not all of it! I’ve been terrible with our money and I know it! We are very blessed that he makes a good living and we really don’t have any money problems. I know there are so many people that do and I’m very aware of our blessings. But, I also know that I could be managing our money so much better. So, I updated our budget to make it more realistic and made some long term plans. Of course I shared all this with DH, but he’s so busy with school that he really doesn’t have time to deal with any of that now. We’ve always had goals and we’ve been saving for retirement for years. We don’t have any debt (other than one car and our mortgage) and for the most part I think we’re doing really well for a young couple our age. But, there’s always room for improvement. And we only have one year left before we plan to start Macy in private Christian school. That is going to be huge investment on our part and we are going to have to make some big sacrifices to put them both through school, but we feel very strongly about our decision and somehow we’ll make it work. So, I’m trying to stick to the budget and hopefully get some financial issues under control.
That brings me to another issue… how much is too much when it comes to indulging children? I struggle with this issue all the time! I don’t want my girls to grow up thinking they can have whatever they want, whenever they want it. And for the most part I don’t think we spoil them, but I do have my overindulgences. For example, I know when I take them to the mall (and with all the cold weather we’ve been having, we’ve made several trips) we usually eat out lunch, I let them ride the little rides, and more often then not I buy them new clothes or some small treat. (I’m so terrible about their clothes. I LOVE kids clothes. I think it has something to do with the fact that since I’m overweight I can’t have all the stylish clothes, so I want my kids to be stylish. They have so many more clothes than I have!). It’s never been a problem before but I’ve started to notice that if I do go the mall, Macy expects that she’s getting something new. As soon as I turn into the parking lot Macy will say “Oh goodie, we’re going to spend some money!”. Where does she get that from? I think I need to take her out shopping a few times and not buy her anything. She’s getting to the point where she expects it. We went shopping a few weeks ago with my in-laws and they bought the girls new shoes (2 pair for 85.00), Macy got a wallet from Hello Kitty (Grandpa got suckered into that one and then he turned around and put money in it), we ate lunch out (at a really nice restaurant), I bought them some spring clothes (about 75.00 worth) and then I got Macy a cookie. And on the way out she was complaining that she didn’t get a “treat”!
I think I’m answering my own question as I’m typing this. I think we need to scale back on spending money on the girls. They got so much stuff for Christmas (most of it they don’t play with), they have more clothes than they really need (not to mention how fast they grow out of them) and they would be just as happy with less and they need to learn they can’t have it all.
I was one of those Moms that never thought I would get suckered into the trap of having to have the latest and greatest for my children and I think that’s exactly what I’ve done. Okay, I’m going to work on that one and write about it later. So, what do you guys think on the subject of indulging your children? Have you found a balance?
I said I was going to get back to my organizing tips and here’s one that helps me a lot…
I have so much arts and crafts supplies for Macy that it was over running my house. So, I organized her into different art stations. I keep a basket next to the kitchen table that has a container of crayons (I cleaned out a wet wipe container and I emptied a lot of her boxes of crayons into that container), coloring books and construction paper. In her playroom I organized everything into small (slightly larger than a shoebox) clear, storage containers. I have one for makers and stamps, one for paints and brushes, one for coloring books and paper, one for sand art and other odds and ends. I keep them stacked up in a corner and when she wants something she can just look inside the container and pull out what she needs. I also cleaned out the bottom drawer of the dresser in her room and I keep crayons and coloring pages in there for when she’s having room time. I also have her keep all her little toys that she likes to play with in that drawer, so Erin can’t get to them. It helps having things spread out into little stations so she’ll have what she wants close by and it’s less likely that something will get left out or lost.
Well, I guess I’m done for this entry. I think I’ve decided that Flylady and I have to become reacquainted. I had put her aside right after I had Erin, but I’m ready to get back into it. I need to find a way to get everything done when the kids are down at night. I hate cleaning house when they are up and I want their nap time to relax and have my computer time. So, I’m going back to my night and morning routines that I had gotten out of. Now, that spring is almost here and Erin is older, I plan on being on the go a lot! I hear the park calling my name and the girls need to get to exposure to the sun! I’ll let you know how it goes.
Hope everyone is doing well!
Lara, Macy & Erin
PS. I just have to journal about the cutest thing that Erin does. When she lays down her in crib she gathers up the sheets in her hand, makes a fist and sucks that thumb. Now, she’s gotten to where she’ll lay on chest and gather up my shirt in her hand and then suck that thumb. It is so cute!!! Another thing she did today was I was reading the latest issues of Parents magazine (I usually read it cover to cover the day I get it) and she crawled over and was standing in between my knees and she started playing peek-a-boo with me. She would stand up so she was behind the magazine, then she would lean over and just start smiling and laughing at me. It was really cute as well!!!! Okay, so I do really enjoy the baby stage too :o)
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