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November 1, 2004
There’s a mom at daycare who has the remarkable ability to throw me into a vast inferiority complex about my abilities as a mother. I’ll share my most recent experience: I am dropping Ava off at day care Wednesday morning - ‘Taylor’s’ (not her real name) mom is there when I arrive quizzing the caregivers on that day’s menu. You see, ‘Taylor’ only eats organic. Her mother prepares all her meals and snacks from scratch for her so she can be spared daycare food. Apparently the day care providers had failed to notify her that they were out of snacks, so what was ‘Taylor’ to do? The conversation went something like this:
Mom: Why didn’t you notify me in a timely way that ‘Taylor’ was out of healthy, prepared with love snacks I make for her?
Caregiver: I am very sorry, ‘m’amn
Mom: What are you having for snack today?
Caregiver: Cottage cheese and apples.
Mom: ‘Taylor’ only has soy milk products or breast milk….
And so it goes. I don’t know how they resolved it. I was also quite busy looking at ‘Taylor’s perfectly adorable, no doubt unbelievably expensive toddler outfit. Does her child not spill? Ava comes home from daycare looking like she deliberately rubbed every food item served on her clothing. Does ‘Taylor’s’ mom have to dry clean those suede pants? How on Earth does this woman have the time and energy to prepare all these organic, made from scratch meals for her daughter and work full time? Does she ever sleep? And I happen to know (because she told me) that they do BabyYoga together three times a week and that ‘Taylor’ knows how to do several of the poses – downward dog, warrior etc…I can barely drag myself to the gym three times a week. Its not even really that I’m envious (ok maybe a little) but I’m more mystified at how she holds it all together. I’ll bet her house is immaculate. In case you were wondering, mine’s not. And the other night for dinner Ava had a croissant and a piece of string cheese for dinner because we got home late and had practically nothing in the house.
Tuesday night “The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown” was on television. A classic! Continuing the theme of inadequate mothering I actually tried to get Ava to watch it. To date she has shown only marginal interest in the television. Why would I want to change that? I’ll confess that I looked at a friend’s daughter with great longing when she was sitting quietly watching ‘Dora the Explorer.’ Ever since Ava abandoned her exersaucer and started to walk we don’t have anything that can keep her interest for long enough to allow me or John to prepare a meal. Tuesday Ava enjoyed looking at Snoopy for about 45 seconds and moved on to toys. Once a week at daycare they list on her sheet that they watched television – always something like Elmo or Barney. I asked her caregivers if Ava actually watches TV and they said she always takes that opportunity to play with the best toys. In a way it made me proud, my savvy girl!
When I was driving Ava the other day she was acting very squirrely. She can sometimes do that in the car – she’s become quite a little Houdini, working her arms out of the top part of the straps on her car seat no matter how I tighten them. I had a Rafi CD in the car, so I popped that in – trying anything! She settled right down when the music started. I had been listening to NPR, maybe she’s also tired of the election coverage too… Then the funniest thing happened. Rafi started singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus” and I look back and Ava’s doing all the motions. They must listen to the song at daycare. My favorite was when “the baby on the bus goes waaa-waaa-waa” Ava made crying noises and rubbed her eyes. She’s brilliant – what can I say?
Wednesday was John’s birthday. Boy week nights can be tough to celebrate. Between work and the kids activities we already feel stretched pretty thin. But I think it is very important to acknowledge the actual day – it is never very satisfying to me to say “we’ll celebrate your birthday on Saturday.” I left work a couple of hours early to do the grocery shopping and prep. I made a wonderful Kalhua chocolate cake, chicken picata with capers and artichokes, parmesan skin on mashed red potatoes, peas with shallots and proscuitto and bruschetta with lemon olive oil. Even leaving work early we didn’t eat until 7:00pm. By some twist of good karma Ava was an absolute angel. Lane was exhausted from a tough football practice and Meghan was a little squirrely for reasons unknown. John was appreciative, but I think next time I will order take out from his favorite restaurant. John’s mom and I split the cost of a La Cruset pan that he’s been eyeing for a year – he was tickled. Before you go wondering if I’ve lost my mind buying my husband a pan for his birthday I will inform ‘new’ readers that John is an amazing cook. It is a passion for him made better when he can use the best tools. I got him a Wustof Santuko knife for Father’s Day that made him swoon. What can I say? The man wooed me with food. I’m a lucky girl!
Thursday night I think I had my first experience with the ‘terrible twos’ and Ava. She is only seventeen months old, so it is a bit early. Although I do have some other theories about why that night fell to pieces. As I mentioned, Wednesday was John’s birthday – big meal, a visit from Grandma and Grandpa, a late meal…. Thursday night we were all pretty pooped. Meghan had an altercation with her bio-mom that led her to our house for the evening. She was a fairly upset and moody presence in the house. Ava had a short nap that day at daycare and was generally pretty cranky from the time I picked her up. She wouldn’t eat anything for dinner, but kept fishing in the pantry for Triscuits. (Vent: I have nagged and nagged John about putting a latch on that darn cupboard. It is the only place we can store crackers and the like… I have threatened to do it myself, but John is feeling very ‘gender-role’ specific about me using the drill to put holes in our cupboards. Argh!) She was almost manic about climbing on chairs, the stairs, her rocking horse you name it. When I picked her up she lurched backward and started to cry. John took Ava up for her nightly bath around 7pm and the tantrum began in earnest. I know she was over tired. I would also speculate that she was really craving a little one on one time with mom and dad. Whatever it was, she was frustrated and couldn’t tell us how except to generally act like a little terror. She wouldn’t let us rock her or read her a story. I am sure it would be frustrating to be upset, have all these opinions and not be able to communicate them well. John, being the intuitive wonderful dad that he is finally laid her down in her crib, laid next to the crib on the floor and held her hand until she fell asleep. She howled for about twenty minutes, then settled down. I am sort of embarrassed to admit that all I wanted to do was sit in a quiet house and read.
Saturday night was Beggar’s Night – perhaps a uniquely Iowa phenomenon (when I lived in DC they ‘begged’ on Halloween night) that is apparently an effort to avoid kids walking the streets on Halloween? Anyway – we dressed Ava up in a completely darling ladybug costume I found on sale. Normally she doesn’t like hats or hoods, but she loved the little hood on her costume. We went to my parents house, my grandma’s house, our friends Ted and Lana and called it a night. Ava had a little pumpkin bucket where she stashed her blankie for the trick or treating. When I was driving between houses she fished a mini candy bar out of the pumpkin bucket, bit through the paper and ate the mangled Kit Kat. Anything for chocolate! And btw, I took the bucket of candy away after that! One mini-bar was enough to send her into sugar orbit. Ava really seemed enjoy helping us answer the door and seeing all the kids. I am fairly certain she thought they were all coming by to admire her.
Later that night some good friends of ours, Tim and Cathy, came for dinner. It was so good to see them! We had planned to meet them for a late dinner at one of our favorite eateries, but our babysitter came down with the flu. John cooked a completely awesome stir fry chicken and some pot stickers and it was nice being able to settle in a bit at home. I always enjoy going out – especially since we do it so infrequently anymore, but in a way it was great to be able to finish dinner, say good bye to our friends and collapse into bed! It certainly was better for the budget to cook at home and not have to pay a babysitter. But the fun outfit I had picked out to go out to eat stayed in the closet – and instead I wore jeans and sweater.
Sunday John had some work to do, then he and Jim squeezed in what is likely to be the last round of golf for awhile. So Sandra came over to our house with Sophia and we played with the girls and had ‘mommie therapy’ for a while that afternoon. How many times have I said or thought about how grateful I am to have good friends who are mommies? Plus having stumbled into this forum for writing and reading about our experiences as moms. It just makes you feel so much less alone in this complicated role…. Sandra and I cooked up a fantastic chicken curry courtesy of Nigella’s “Forever Summer” cookbook. That one is definitely going into heavy rotation at our house – it was fairly easy and most of the ingredients are pantry items for us! (And Ava LOVED it – go figure) Ava was adorable with Sohpia, just so long as John and I didn’t touch her or hold her. Sophia likes her pacifier, but being only three months old spits it out quite a bit. Ava would run over and pick it up, pop it back in Sophia’s mouth and say ‘more.’ She was very gentle and loving with the baby, gently touching her arm or hair. We got some great pictures. For some reason I am having a hard time posting on my Babies Online account. I can’t get my photos sized right… I need to tinker so I can post all these darling photos.
I am a political junkie – I worked in Washington, DC during the Clinton administration and still have a fairly political job now. I’m going to go ahead and take a moment here at the close of this entry (for the five people who read this) to encourage you to VOTE. I have a bias on who I think you should vote for, but even if you don’t share that view I can’t encourage you enough to take the opportunity to make your voice heard. I can’t wait to park in front of the television tomorrow night and watch it all unfold. The ultimate theater…
Thanks for reading—
--Kate
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