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May 6, 2005
This has been a very hard week. The legislature is trying desperately to wrap up its work and so I’ve entered that time of suspended animation – working 14 hour days, living at the Capitol, not spending anywhere near enough time with John or Ava. Tuesday late in the afternoon I got some very sad news that a good friend of mine from high school died unexpectedly that morning.
Some background and a cast of characters. My friend who died is Matt. I’ve known Matt since my sophomore year of high school. We met through my very bestest friend in the whole world, Todd, who I’ve known since 8th grade and am still close to today. If I would have had a more traditional wedding we would have had to figure out how he could have been a bridesmaid. Matt and I had a very brief (and I do mean very) dating relationship the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of high school. He was the first boy I dated that came and picked me up in his car and took me anywhere. We kissed like, twice. He broke up with for my (ahem) friend Amy. I was pissed for about a minute and we were great friends after that.
That fall I started dating Todd and Matt’s other good friend Grant. Grant was my first real love, my high school boyfriend, we dated all the way through high school. Todd, Matt and Grant were my high school memories. They were a year older than me and when they graduated I was devastated. Grant broke up with me once he got to college, pledged a fraternity and decided it was most unhip to be dating a high school senior. I was heartbroken for about two months and we’ve been pretty good friends ever since then. Todd, Matt, Grant and Kate.
After high school Todd and I stayed very close. Our time in Washington, DC overlapped by several years (he’s still there) and we saw each other several times a week. Grant and Matt went to the same college, pledged the same fraternity and took a more similar life path. But they were all still very much in my life. Matt stayed in Des Moines, got married (in fact I have the best picture of me, Todd, Matt and Grant taken at his wedding on my bookshelf at home) and they had a daughter right about the time I got pregnant with Ava. She’s nearly 3. Grant moved to Colorado, but is back during the holidays and for big events. They were all at the party I had to celebrate my wedding. We saw each other at holiday times, occasionally throughout the year.
Matt was one of the most intensely loyal people I have ever known. He had a huge heart and a burning desire to be ‘the hero.’ Matt helped move me out of the apartment I shared with my former fiancé after we broke up. He was there for me countless times. Matt was one of those people that, once he was your friend, he was your friend for life.
I’m not sure what took Matt to the hospital on Saturday night. But once he got there his organs began failing. His wife made the decision to remove life support Monday, he passed away Tuesday. I am numb. Between my job and this I feel like someone could kick the sh*t out of me and it wouldn’t even hurt. Tonight is the visitation, tomorrow is the funeral. Todd flew back yesterday for the weekend. We’re getting together tonight with Grant, probably to try to help each other make sense of it. To put some kind of closure to our shared experience, our shared loss.
The last time I saw Matt I ran into him, his wife and his daughter at the mall near Valentine’s day. They had been a Build a Bear getting their daughter a Valentine’s Bear – I was picking up something for Meghan. We stood in the hallway and talked, promised to get our families together when the legislative session was over. The Saturday before I found out that he died I was driving and heard one of those 80’s flashbacks on the radio – “Sign your Name” by Terrance Trent D’Arby. It was Matt’s favorite song. The groove was great and I went home and downloaded it into my iPod. I was thinking about driving around in his ’67 Mustang in college with this song blaring – all of us drinking Moutain Dew and driving out to the lake. And I thought – I should send him an email and see how he’s doing. But I didn’t. I got caught up in something else. He probably wouldn’t have seen the message, but sitting here now I wish I would have sent it.
If you pray, or if you don’t – add your thoughts, prayers, healing wishes to the river of goodwill for his wife Julie and their daughter Lauren. I don’t know exactly what to pray for them except that time might round the edges of their grief and when Lauren is a little older I won’t get so caught up in living my life that I forget to take her to lunch and tell her goofy high school stories about her big-hearted, loyal, loving dad who she probably will only just barely remember.
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