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April 15, 2005
Time just goes by in a whoosh. As unbelievable as it seems, my sweet baby is moving up another room at daycare. She is currently a Ladybug aka mobile infant. This week she is began her transition to the Butterfly aka toddler room and will be there full time starting next week. They typically don’t move kids from the Ladybugs to the Butterflies until their second birthday, but the teachers think Ava is ready. They’re moving 4 children this week and apparently Ava is the only one who’s responding very well – at one time of another all the other children were crying, upset and had to go back to the Ladybug room. Not our sweet girl, she’s having a ball, not the least bit concerned about the transition. I have to say, I am a little surprised, given what a creature of habit Ava is. I think the older kids’ activities are clearly more fun for her. Plus there is a little girl in the Butterfly room, Tessie, who has kind of taken Ava under her wing. It is very sweet and a bit of a relief.
What John and I have noticed this week is the more time she spends with the Butterflies she seems to be going through a big transition of her own. Her vocabulary, which is always pretty well booming, continues to explode. Her brain just seems to be clicking in on things, she’s more observant and busier, if that’s possible. She seems more like a little girl and much less like a baby. The Butterflies work on toilet training and Tuesday Ava announced to her teacher that she needed to poop. The teacher set her on the toilet, Ava began doing her business, but apparently got a little surprised/confused and hopped off the potty, getting poop everywhere. She came home in a random outfit, but very proud of herself for using the potty. Is it terrible to be relieved to have other, experienced people assisting in the whole potty training thing? I think the move will be a good one and I’m relieved that she’s weathering it so well. John and I are going to bring treats to the Ladybug teachers and a restaurant gift certificate to her lead teacher to thank them for the love and care they’ve given our daughter the past nine months or so. Ava’s second birthday is coming up, the end of May, and I’m just one big walking cliché for how fast the time has gone, how much she grows and changes everyday and how very much my life has changed since she became a part of if. It is truly remarkable.
Our weekend was full of projects, projects, projects and I didn’t even come close to scratching everything off my to do list that I wanted to. Most notably, our yard is a disaster. Our flower bed, which was previously dead and dry has sprouted the most spectacular collection of weeds in the five or so days since spring has sprung in Iowa. I meant to clear the beds, pull the weeds, maybe put down mulch and start trying to plan out a bit what we might plant this year. Instead we spent most of the weekend chasing Ava around outside, completely ignoring our yard. John and I made a completely boring, yet somehow fascinating purchase this weekend. We bought a Dyson vacuum. Our old vacuum was kind of fritzing out – we’d had it for four years and it wasn’t working that well anymore. We were in Sears looking for a swing set (did you know that Sears doesn’t sell swing sets anymore??) and saw the Dyson, on sale, cheaper than we’ve seen it anywhere else. We’ve now become borderline obsessed with vacuuming and looking at all the crap that machine pulls out of our carpeting. File that under things you’d rather not know, but somehow can’t help yourself for looking. We are very weird.
We had a gorgeous weather weekend and our outdoorsy girl would have practically none of being inside for any reason. Our neighbors immediately behind us have a wonderful swing set, which Ava has now claimed as her own. They are very nice and generous, saying she can use it any time, but I am wondering if they knew that would mean we’d be in their backyard for several hours a day on the weekends. We’re hoping to finally get a swing set of our own installed this weekend, which seems a little odd given that they will basically butt up against each other, but I don’t want to take too much advantage of their good nature. Ava also refused to wear any shoes all weekend, except for a few brief outings she was outside barefoot or in our house barefoot. She seems to like her Columbia sandals, but won’t keep them on outside or in the car. Ava was marginally better about keeping them on at daycare. It could be a very long summer. She is a stubborn little stinker.
John and I were watching ‘Sex and the City’ reruns on Tuesday night, I was lying on the couch just burned out from a long, tiring day at work. We’ve been teasing through our plan for trying to facilitate a job transition for me that is long overdue – trying to work out the money, the logistics. While we were watching the show John asked if I ever wished I was single and living in New York, a city I spent quite a bit of time visiting and just loved. No. He asked what my ‘dream’ was right now. You want to know what is really sad? What fell out of my mouth instantly was; a great massage and a good night’s sleep. Am I easy to please or just so burned out I couldn’t come up with anything else? But even writing about that conversation right now I can’t think of anything better.
We have a wedding to go to this weekend – one of John’s co-workers. This time of year is so awkward to try to dress, it can be a bit chilly, but certainly winter clothes look out of place. The really summery stuff is not at all appropriate, especially given the day-glo pale tone of my skin. I bought some of that lotion that has a hint of self tanner in it – you’re suppose to use it everyday and gradually build up some color. I have been afraid to even try because I am so pale I believe it will be streaky, even though I bought the one for fair skin. I picked up a very cute little outfit for Ava at BabyGap, which she needed for church and other ‘dressy’ outings. It is a little prairie skirt and capped sleeve t-shirt that is adorable on her. I have to make one comment about Baby Gap – I have found good clothes there, cute things at reasonable prices that wear well. But there are times I find it ridiculous too. Either over priced or wildly inappropriate. When I walked in there this week they actually had a strapless top in Ava’s size. Hello?! Baby Gap! She doesn’t have breasts. Just in case you were wondering! Does anyone else think that’s just pushing it to some sort of odd extreme? I had a similar reaction to the little triangle top bikini. I had one like it before Ava, before my already somewhat flat chest became booblets post breast feeding, when I was in fabulous shape and looked very good. Why are we trying to make toddlers look like women? I think Ava’s little toddler body is just beautiful – her long torso, her little buddah belly. She doesn’t need to grow up that fast.
I finished a very good book this week called “Good Grief” by Lolly Winston. It is a story of how a woman copes with the loss of her husband. You might wonder how a story like that could be funny and inspiring, but it is. The tone is great, serious, but still light, not at all superficial. I highly recommend it. I am trying to read the somewhat new Grisham book right now, but it isn’t really keeping my interest. Could be the pace and level of intellectual commitment my job requires right now. Maybe I need something a little fluffier. A trip to the library is on my every expanding weekend to do list.
Bonnie mentioned on my TTM board recently that she’d love to know the story of how John and I met and fell in love. It is a pretty good story, which I’ve been tapping away at since she asked the question.
As I mentioned in a previous entry (11/24/04 if you’re at all curious) that I was engaged once before I married John. That relationship didn’t end well, mostly because, while I believe my former fiancé is a good man, we were too young to be making that kind of commitment. Fortunately time has very much healed some of the things we said to each other and today, even though we very rarely interact, I believe we’ve forgiven each other and completely moved on – there aren’t any lingering bad feelings on my part anyway.
This is important to know, because prior to becoming a lawyer, John was a minister. He served the church that my family has attended for 50+ years. A side note on John’s former profession – John and I have both struggled with the conservative turn Christianity has taken over the past five years or so. For anyone who follows this diary you know I can be a bit of a liberal, but John outpaces me by a good measure. He holds a deep commitment to equality, community and social justice that wasn’t lining up very well with the current state of Christianity. He left the ministry on good terms, but has no intention of returning. He has filled in a few weekends for friends and performed a few weddings and baptisms for friends, but that’s it. We’re now, at best, sporadic church goers.
I met John for the first time in November of 1994 at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party. I was newly engaged and talked with him briefly about performing the wedding ceremony once we’d set a date. He was kind, professional. I have tried to remember my first impression of him – all I remember for sure is that I thought he was (IS!) very good looking. A little time goes by, my ex and I have set a wedding date and I spoke with him once briefly to confirm his availability. That summer my grandfather passed away and John officiated the funeral service, beautifully I might add. But again, I don’t remember a lot about interacting with him. A little more time goes by and I call off my engagement. I made the call to take the date off the church calendar and John was very kind and compassionate at a time when it felt like, to me, my friends and some of my family were questioning my decision. Mind you, he was married at the time and never anything but completely appropriate. Over the next year and a half, two years before I moved to Washington, DC I attended church with my grandmother occasionally, did a little bit of volunteer work for Habitat for Humanity, which he was a board member….
After I moved to Washington, DC I visited my family in Iowa for holidays, reunions, occasional weekends and would see John from time to time. He performed the wedding ceremony for my brother Marc one Christmas where I remember having a very nice, interesting conversation with him while waiting for everyone to gather for the wedding. The next year I was home for my traditional Lessons and Carols weekend with my Grandma and I heard John was getting a divorce. Remembering his kindness when I had called off my engagement several years prior I sent him a Christmas card when I got home just telling him I hoped he was doing ok and finding a similar kindness during what was, undoubtedly a difficult time. I never heard from him, but I can’t say that I expected to.
That Spring I was back for a visit and ran into John following church with my family. We had a very nice, light hearted talk where and we exchanged email addresses. I didn’t write him, he didn’t write me, for several months. I was planning a trip back to Iowa for a family reunion that August and several weeks before I was scheduled to be home I got an email from John asking me if I was interested in having lunch with him the next time I was in Iowa. I remember thinking ‘how funny – I am going to be home in just a couple of weeks.’ Funny, not so much, my sly Grandmother had planted the seed! I don’t know if she was matchmaking or just making an offhanded comment. She’s very quiet and not at all meddlesome, so it was especially funny to me that she was somehow involved in that ‘nudge. I waited an appropriately cool two or three days before I responded that I would enjoy lunch.
To make a long story just a little shorter, that lunch sealed my fate and future with John. I swear I knew by the end of that meal that we would be together. I can remember thinking, well, looks like I’ll be moving back to Iowa (something I had been giving consideration to anyway). We had a marvelous meal at a wonderful little bistro that has since closed. We talked for three hours and it was just electric. Following that lunch we went for a run together the next morning. After the early morning run we sat on his back porch drinking coffee and talking in the sun, talking about books, movies, food... One of his neighbors came out and gave us a wave – I said ‘John, they think I spent the night.’ His only response? “Cool.” We didn’t kiss that weekend, but there was a lot of tension, the good kind of tension.
Over the next few weeks we emailed daily, long getting to know you messages, most of which I saved. (They are fun to read now) I made up an excuse to come back to Iowa for a weekend about a month later. John made me pesto cheesecake (divine, you spread it on crackers or crusty bread) and bought a beautiful bottle of wine (we still have the cork). When I walked in the door to his house he kissed me for the first time and that was it. He actually said ‘here we go.’ We were engaged that February, married in November a little over a year after our first date and six years after we met for the first time. My soul mate and the best person I know. Writing that story made me smile and reminded me again how fortunate I am. Our journey to each other was a little bit untraditional, but I swear I love him more today than I did on our wedding day, I’m just as attracted to him, am just as happy, just as fortunate as I’ve always been to be his partner.
And so that’s the abbreviated story of us—
Thanks for reading—
--Kate
PS Closing this long entry with a recipe for baked beans. Yes, baked beans. Grilling season is upon us, impress your friends. These things rock. We got the recipe from Giada de Laurentis – Everyday Italian on the FoodNetwork. I promise this is only just a little bit more work than heating up a can of ready made!
6 oz bacon, chopped (the recipe actually calls for pancetta, but I prefer using bacon – your call)
2 onions, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup dark beer
1 cup tomato sauce
1/3 cup brown sugar
¼ cup balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons molasses
6 teaspoons Dijon mustard
salt
pepper
4 15 oz cans cannellini beans, drained
Cook bacon in heavy, oven safe pot over medium heat until crisp (8 minutes). Add the onions and garlic and sauté until onions are translucent (5 minutes). Mix in beer, tomato sauce, brown sugar, vinegar, molasses, mustard, salt and pepper. Stir in beans. Bring to simmer. Transfer to the oven and bake, uncovered, until the bean mixture bubbles and thickens slightly, stirring occasionally, about 45 minutes.
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