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April 8, 2005
Ava received her very first timeout Sunday night. Backing up just a tad. About four months ago Ava went through a maybe month long phase of taking swipes at me and/or her dad when she got excited. I am reluctant to use the term ‘hitting’ because she wasn’t angry, I don’t think she knew it was necessarily inappropriate. John and chose to react by under reacting. We would firmly move her hand, keep our faces neutral, say ‘no Ava, we’re gentle to each other’ and do the sign for gentle. A sign she knows and uses appropriately. This behavior happened to correspond with her 18 month well baby visit, so I asked her pediatrician what the deal might be. He said she was probably just testing her boundaries, our response was great and not to worry. After a few weeks Ava stopped and I congratulated myself on my clearly superior abilities as a parent.
Well what do you know, the behavior is back. Sunday night Ava and I were sitting on the couch talking about her classmates (Ella, Jack, Lissy, Gibson, Dakota, Josh, Zoe… she loves to talk about them) and out of no where she took a swipe at my face. I probably didn’t under react, I was caught off guard, but again I said, ‘no, Ava we’re gentle to each other’ and made her do the sign for gentle. Which she did, followed by a deep belly laugh and another swipe at my face. Again, ‘no, Ava we’re gentle to each other’ and before I could even get the words all the way out she swiped at me again. That was it. I picked her up, took her to a kitchen chair, turned it to face away from the kitchen and living room, down a hallway and sat her down. I sat down next to her, didn’t look at her, and said ‘Ava you’re in timeout because we don’t hit, we’re gentle to each other.’ She sat perfectly still, sucking hard on her thumb for about 2 minutes. Then I picked her up and said “Ava, tell Mama you’re sorry.” She said ‘sorry’ and that was it. I have absolutely no idea if I did that right or if she even had any idea what the deal was. She hasn’t swiped at me since but this time I will be in a little less of a hurry to congratulate myself on my superior parenting skills. As I understand it the ‘rules’ for time out are they should be an immediate, but calm reaction to the undesired behavior. They should be relatively brief, especially for a toddler and you should explain to them simply and clearly why they are having time out. I’d welcome any input you might have on what worked for you in this regard. I feel like we’ve transitioned a bit into a new behavioral development and I want to be consistent, but appropriate to my Patito.
We are in the market for a swing set and I just have to say I am completely stunned by how expensive a decent swing set is!!! Admittedly we’ve only looked at once place – Home Depot – but the swing set we liked, by no means the Cadillac of swing sets – was $630. Wow! We’re going to expand our search this weekend. Any recommendations? I could maybe see spending about half that. Am I too cheap? I don’t think I’m cheap. I do want to get Ava some outdoor play opportunities. She absolutely loves being outside. She has a wagon, which she adores, but I am thinking about looking for a contraption she can push/pedal herself. The wagon riding is a bit passive and for goodness sake if she’s going to be outside she should be wearing her little self out.
Monday night I got to have the first row of the season. It was a windy night and the water was a bit choppy. It was the first time out for the new crew, five of the women have been rowing together for quite a while, there were three newbies, me having the least experience. My lack of experience showed and I felt like I’d never participated in this sport before. We paid a coach to follow along in a little powerboat and help us make adjustments and accommodations. I got called on a lot. I think, if I can get myself together, that I will enjoy being pushed to improve by this crew. By the end of the row Monday night I was kind of maxed out, I lost my rhythm and started second guessing every move. Is rowing a metaphor for life right now? Maybe I just need to relax and let my body and mind go, do what they know how to do and stop stressing out, second guessing myself and giving so much ‘air time’ to my inner critic. Hopefully this Monday’s outing will be better. Even with that, it was awesome to be back on the water again. I’m so glad Spring is here.
Ava has figured out how to give real, honest to goodness hugs. She used to kind of lean in and allow herself to be hugged. Now she’ll wrap her little toddler arms around your neck and squeeze. I’m addicted. Am I too needy that I ask for hugs all the time now? The hugs are made better by the announcement that they’re coming – Ava will launch at us saying ‘hugs, hugs.’ She also will give us little pats on the back or arms when we pick her up. I know she’s mimicking what we do, but it is so sweet to me. She is a very busy girl, rarely sitting still for long enough to cuddle or be cuddled, making the hugs all the more satisfying.
Again I find myself with another week having come and gone with not much to report – mostly due to my job. This is a very busy season for me, making my life narrow to a pretty small little window. I did manage to sneak out today over lunch and buy Ava a pair of sandals. I got her a pair of Columbia kind of sport sandals for all her running around. I’d love to find a more neutral, fun pair of shoes for summer – ones she could wear with cuter outfits and dresses. My little princess has decided she wants her toe nails painted purple at all times and complains when the polish begins to fade or chip. I like a good pedicure too, so I understand.
I know I ‘owe’ Bonnie the story of how John and I met. I started it, but wanted to get this entry posted before the weekend came and went. Next week I promise.
Thanks for reading—
--Kate
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