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October 31, 2002
MADONNA IN THE MAKING?
Since Hana was a wee bean of an embryo, I have wanted her to be strong-willed and independent. I want to raise a passionate, self-reliant, autonomous being who is strong in her convictions and true to herself.
Don’t we all, I suppose. But I wonder if perhaps I am different from some, in the sense that I want Hana to question convention, I want Hana to question what I do, I want Hana to assert her will…even when all of this is inconvenient or downright painful for me.
I must admit that I LIKE the idea of her being a bit of a brat, a bit strong-willed, a bit fierce and independent. I may come back and eat my words when she is 16 and fighting me tooth and nail, but even then, I want my girl to stand up for herself, have strength of heart, conviction, passion and confidence… but also compassion, propriety and empathy.
That’s quite a menu.
Now, after having said all that, I must say that so far, I think we’re on the right path as far as “strong-willed” goes, and here’s my case for why:
Bottle: Hana hates it. Often…no, usually, refuses it. Wouldn’t be a big deal except that I work 30 hours a week. She has proven that a young baby CAN and WILL boycott a bottle for upwards of six to eight hours of the day. Thank God we finally started rice cereal. More on that later.
Screeching: Hana is good at it. Particularly when she doesn’t get what she wants. If I had a nickel for every time Mike has said “she is so spoiled”…. while Hana shrieks away, demanding to be moved to a new activity, picked up, or otherwise entertained.
Back Arches: Hana has already perfected the art of arching her back just so, throwing herself backwards in protest. A baby form of a temper tantrum, I do believe. Uh-oh.
Stroller: Hana tolerates it. For awhile. When she’s done, she is done. She will not compromise. It used to be I could calm her into submission, stroll her into slumber, plug her with a pacifier. Not so anymore. If she is done riding in her stroller, that is the end of story.
I played lots of Madonna (The Immaculate Collection, what proper girl doesn’t love the Immaculate Collection??) while I was pregnant, and now Hana bops away with me in the car. I figure that listening to Madonna is a good head start to being independent and free-spirited. Perhaps I’ve created a monster.
(My heading above (Madonna in the Making) is just tongue-in-cheek, by the way).
FRENCH KISS
Q: Is it possible that a 5-month old is already attempting to kiss and hug?
Hana does a version of what appears to be a kiss and hug. She sticks her chubby little arms straight out towards me and plants her drooly, open mouth on my face. The first time she did it I was quite amused at the coincidence of her movements. But since then she’s done this exact thing several times, leading me to wonder if she, perhaps, knows what she’s doing…?? Is it possible? Is she a genius?? Haha.
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
Hana loves food. She really loves boobs too, so I wondered if she might protest a new way of eating, especially given her irritation with the bottle method. I had no reason to worry.
Although she officially started rice cereal about a week ago, we had given her a few taste treats prior to that. Fruit, no less. I won’t tell my pediatrician, for fear of getting scolded about the horrors of introducing fruit before cereal and veggies. Anyway, Hana just loves to gnaw on apple slices or chunks of melon. Now before you hop on my TTM board and rant about choking hazards, let me just say, I know, I know. But we’re very, very, very careful. I promise.
She gobbles her rice cereal down too, leaning forward in eager anticipation of the next bite. It only took this girl about two spoonfuls to figure out just how the process works!
Q: When will solids affect her poop?? So far, I’ve seen no difference.
I’m planning to make my own baby food using the ice cube tray method and the Super Baby Food book (Christina--MomsToday & BabiesToday diary writer--has written an entry or two on this subject in her BT diary…just an added reference for anyone interested in this topic). Mike was actually the first to express an avid interest in making our own baby food. My answer when I was pregnant was “great, have fun.” Now that Hana is here though, I myself am actually very enthused by the idea of making her food. Heck, I’m already cooking dinner, what is one more veggie to steam…
Last week I made my first batch of sweet potato baby food. It was even easier than I expected. I’m not going to argue with anyone—it IS more inconvenient and labor intensive than just buying the stuff; there is no question. I just personally like the money saved and the fact that I know nothing was added to alter the flavor or the content. I baked 3 sweet potatoes in the oven (two for Mike & me for dinner, one for Hana), let Hana’s cool, scooped out the potato, blended it in the blender with some breast milk, dropped it into the ice cube trays, and popped them in the freezer. I think the whole process took me about 20 minutes (not counting the time for the potatoes to cook in the oven—since we were having that for dinner anyway). We haven’t given her the sweet potatoes yet, as I’ve just simply been lazy about introducing a new food. Soon. I’ll give you a full report.
WORKING GIRL
Hi, my name is Jessica and I work 30 hours a week.
Some days I enjoy it, sometimes I hate it.
I am a benefits consultant and manager at a regional financial services firm here in Seattle. My job is often interesting and challenging, and I like that. I also have to admit that it is nice to have some adult time. I admit that I use some of my work time as my own personal catch up time on the computer (the diaries, my personal email, etc.).
But even though working has some benefits, mostly I miss being home with Hana, and I hate feeling like I miss out on so much of her days. I hate not knowing exactly when she napped or how much she ate. I really hate the scramble of getting us packed up and ready in the morning. I am lucky in that I have close friends and family taking care of her while I work, so I don’t worry about the quality of care.
I just miss my baby.
I dislike office politics, dislike the “babysitting” aspect of being a manager, and I dislike the fact that I am not truly fulfilled by my job. Sure it is challenging and interesting, but it doesn’t feel truly meaningful. I guess that having a baby at home really highlights that for me. It makes me question where my time is best spent (and I know the answer is not at work). It also makes me even more of a maniac about what I do with the time I do have. When I get home from work I feel pulled in so many directions. I can’t fathom working full-time; its hard enough working 30 hours. I get home and have to divide myself between spending time with Hana, spending some quality time with Mike, fixing dinner, getting things ready for the next morning (diaper bags packed, bottles ready, lunches made & packed, etc), getting Hana fed, bathed and into bed, and so on and so forth. I feel so rushed, and don’t always feel like I’m giving my baby my full self. She deserves all of me, and I feel that as a mother I deserve, am entitled to, enough hours in my day to devote that time to my baby.
So am I quitting my job? Not yet. Would I like to? Hell yes. Finances are still too tight to allow for that, but I have some things cooking on the back burner. More on that in a later entry.
On a side note, Babies Today diary writer Virginia has a great entry about this very subject of time value (titled “The Tonsillectomy”). She captures the importance of our time, as mothers, well.
Christmas
Someone recently had the audacity (yes, that’s you Allisun…ha) to post on my TTM board that she already has most of her Christmas shopping done and gifts wrapped. Oh my. I can only imagine being so organized. That post left me stuttering “is it really that time of year already??!” I just got my sandals and beach towels put away! I’m already facing the dreaded activities of compiling gift lists and shopping and wrapping and stamping and mailing-?
Q: Am I total scrooge for dreading that aspect of the holiday season? Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas and the festivities that surround this time of year. What I don’t relish is the frenzied rush to fill the stockings (so to speak) with material goods. Have the holidays always been this way or was there truly once a Normal Rockwell-ish spirit of peace and goodwill that superceded malls and . Why is the focus so much on THINGS? I feel almost manic about all that I have to accomplish between Halloween and Christmas Eve. Sure that list includes several parties, finding a nice Christmas outfit, Santa photos and some baking. But those are the fun things; those are the things that I chalk up to the spirit of the season and truly love and enjoy. Mainly, though, my to-do list ends up being a laundry list of meaningless gifts I need to buy. And its not that I don’t enjoy the tradition of gift-giving; it just seems to have lost its meaning in our commercialized world.
I want to build memories and traditions for Hana. I want hers to be centered on family, around giving, around warmth and joy and appreciation and thankfulness for the fullness of all that we already have. My challenge as a mother is to build those sorts of traditions amidst a culture that seems to value money over time, possessions over simplicity…and to “grow” a person who values the true spirit of Christ’s birthday over the commercialized version of this holiday.
So…some questions for you:
On a practical note, do you have any good gift ideas that don’t break the bank but truly come from the heart? If so, please post!
On a more philosophical note, how do you (if you do…) celebrate the holidays (whatever holidays you celebrate) with children and avoid the pitfall of major commercialization? I know its not an issue for us this year in the sense that Hana won’t be poring over the Toys R Us ad, but I would appreciate any tips, hints or tidbits of wisdom for the future.
Until next time,
Jessica
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