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October 22, 2002
I had been a bit nervous about breastfeeding. I definitely planned to breastfeed, but I must admit that I was not sure I would want to continue for long. Boy was I wrong.
But let me back up. The day my milk came in (about day 3 or 4, I believe) ranks up there as one of my less-than-stellar days. Ouch. No one would EVER call me well-endowed, but that day I looked like a Playboy centerfold. Well, not really, but it sure sounds nice. I did feel like I was “busting at the seams,” so to speak. Getting Hana to latch on was not difficult, it was impossible. I was hand-expressing, pump-expressing, using warm compresses, taking warm showers, using ice packs.....anything to help with the engorgement! I finally broke down in the middle of the night, after a long crying session (Hana AND me) and pumped a bottle (I love you, Avent Isis). I pumped and fed her the bottle with mixed feelings of relief (“thank God she finally stopped crying and thank God my boobs are lighter...”) and dismay for having to resort to a bottle this early on. Over the next day or two, I pumped and gave her a bottle a couple of times, when I was feeling very engorged and very frustrated. Each time we gave her a bottle I was quite distraught. Mike didn’t help much when he said (with enthusiasm intended to cheer me up) “Why does it matter? She’s still getting breastmilk!”
On the Sunday following Hana’s birth, my midwife, Wendy, came by to check on Hana, and I asked her for some help with breastfeeding. Let me tell you, Wendy was the best thing to happen to breastfeeding (well, for Hana & me) since sliced bread. No, that doesn’t work. The best thing to happen to breastfeeding since the Avent Isis, how about that? Anyway...Wendy helped me arrange my horridly awkward body so that I could feed Hana in the side-lying position. She also took a look at my cradle hold, adjusted my arms a bit, showed me how to maneuver Hana’s little head into place, and we were set. I tell you, from that point forward, it was smooth sailing. Don’t get me wrong, it still felt awkward for awhile, but I had learned how to position myself so that I could help Hana latch on easily. So, lesson learned: for any new mom out there struggling with breastfeeding, just ask someone for help! A doctor, a midwife, a friend, a lactation consultant, a nurse, your mom, your sister.....anyone! Having someone maneuver me into position helped immensely, and now I am a breastfeeding zealot!
Look at me now, I am an A#1 fan and advocate of breastfeeding. I can’t imagine any other way. It baffles me when people talk of using bottles & formula for convenience. WHAT?!?! What could possibly be more convenient than breastfeeding? How could having to wash, store & fill bottles and buy and prepare formula be more convenient than bringing your baby to your breast whenever she is hungry?
More important than the convenience factor is the bond that breastfeeding creates. I would not give up my breastfeeding time with Hana for anything. The moments with her at my breast, making her little gurbling noises, looking up at me through her lashes, smiling at me with my nipple in her mouth, resting her little hand on my chest, brushing her fingers up and down my breast, having her little body curled against mine......those are the most precious moments of my day. Already the thought of having to wean her someday brings tears to my eyes. Perhaps when that day comes, I will be ready to have my body back to myself, but I have my doubts.
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We use cloth diapers. Yes, cloth. Yes, all the time. Yes, even when we go out. We wash them ourselves. Yes, really. Yes, in our own washer. No, its really not that hard.
This is a sampler of a conversation I’ve had many times with many different people over the last 5 months. Mike & I both feel very strongly about using cloth diapers. They are better for the environment, better for our baby, and better (way, way, way better) for our pocketbook. And they are not hard!
It amazes me that so many people are so amazed or incredulous (I have found that some people, for reasons I can’t understand, find our use of cloth diapers offensive in some way) that we use cloth. It really was not all that long ago that disposable diapers weren’t even an option. So I find it baffling that so many people out there treat cloth diapering as this antiquated, impossibly inconvenient option. In addition to the anti-cloth people I have run into, I have also met people who literally seem in AWE of us for cloth diapering. I can’t tell you how many old(er) ladies, nurses and doctors have praised me to the high heavens for using cloth diapers. It is similar to the people who just cannot believe women can have babies naturally (with no pain medication or interventions). My response to both (cloth diapering and natural childbirth) is simply that YOU CAN! Its really just a different type of dedication, a different mindset.
We used the local diaper service (Pure & Natural--they are wonderful.....for anyone in the Seattle area, I’ll do my plug here) for the first 2 and a half months. They dropped off a bouncy fresh load of those little newborn diapers each week. We tossed the dirties into our diaper pail (no flushing or rinsing; just drop ‘em in) and they picked them up the following week. Simple. And no, the diapers did not stink up the nursery. In fact, the few times I have used disposables, THOSE stink up the nursery! There is something that the disposable manufacturers put in those disposable diapers that make them very stinky: kind of a pee/poop-mixed-with-fake-scent smell. My hypothesis is that the makers of disposables put some scent in there so you know when to change your baby. Whether they do that to aid parents (since disposables are so absorbent, its hard to know when baby has wet) or to sell more diapers (so parents change baby more often) is up to you to decide for yourself...
After a couple of months, Mike insisted that we begin washing our own diapers. Now I must admit that I dragged my heels. It was oh-so handy to have someone haul the dirties away and drop off a fresh load at the end of each week. But for budgeting purposes, we decided to do the switch-a-roo. I bought 3 dozen new cloth diapers online for about $50. I also bought more of the velcro diaper covers in the bigger size (Hana grew out of her newborn diaper covers just about this time) for about $20. They arrived. We diapered. The pail filled. I was dreading wash day, imagining a messy endeavor.
But no! Yet again, I was wrong! Its easy! Mike dumps out the leftover water in the pail into the utility sink next to our washer (we still don’t have to rise, flush or shake out diapers; they just go in the pail, which we fill with water & a tiny bit of non-toxic, non-chlorine whitener). Then he tosses the diapers into the wash. I do a rinse in hot water with a bit of detergent. Then I do a full cycle wash with detergent and a bit of non-chlorine whitener. Then the diapers go into the dryer, they dry, and they get dumped into the basket in Hana’s room for another week of diapering..... We do this load only once a week and it takes maybe 15 minutes of my time, total. Its a snap.
I also gave up on the relatively expensive velcro diaper covers and moved to the old-fashioned pin & plastic pants method. Cheap, cheap, cheap. I had issues with the velcro covers because they often leaked out the sides. I worried a bit that Hana might get rashes from the plastic pants, but it hasn’t been a problem at all. If she has just gone #1, I rinse the plastic pants out in the sink (hot water) and hang them to dry. If they get messier than that, they go in the wash.
Hana always has a soft cotton diaper against her bum, we don’t have to spend oodles on disposables, and the dumps don’t get filled with our baby’s non-biodegradable waste. I am pretty proud of that, I admit it. And maybe, just maybe, she really will potty train a little earlier.....(although probably not now that I’ve jinxed myself in writing!)
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And onto the next issue.....co-sleeping. Boy, I am really beginning to sound like a tree-hugging granola here! I like tree-huggers and have nothing against them, but I am not one. I just don’t want to mis-represent myself here. I am your average American girl - I drink cow’s milk, I don’t buy organic (too pricey, wish I could!), I don’t know who or where my coffee beans come from.....
And in that vein, I was adamant that I would never co-sleep before Hana dropped in on us. We had a nice little bassinet set up by our bed, and I had grand notions of moving the little cherub into her crib in her own room as soon as she began sleeping through the night at 3 months. HA! I moved her into our bed for the convenience of feeding her throughout the night as a newborn. She stayed because I love having her there, feeling her breath on my face and her warm little body snuggled next to mine.
Now Hana goes to bed around 8pm in her crib. She usually wakes up at some point in the middle of the night. A couple of times I have tried and successfully settled her back to sleep in her crib. But usually I just go get her and bring her into bed with us because she seems to love it, and I definitely love it. And as long as Mike gets a little “us” (he & I, alone) time before sleep, he loves it too! She settles right back to sleep when I bring her into our bed (she doesn‘t nurse), and doesn’t wake again until about 5 or 6am for breakfast. She naps easily in her crib and goes to bed easily in her crib. Somehow I was blessed with an easy-sleeping child, and trust me, I do thank my lucky stars. Who knows what I might get next time as karma!
For awhile I was a bit obsessed with the co-sleeping issue. I worried that she’ll never leave our bed or never have good independent sleep habits (p.s. I never worried about the intimacy issue because its just never been a problem--you just have to be creative!). I let well-meaning relatives lecture me and drive me crazy, when in my heart I knew to just go with whatever felt right So now, we do what feels right and just go with the flow. I can very honestly say that we have not had any long, horrendous sleepless nights. I know mainly we have Hana to thank, since she just happens to be a good sleeper. But I do believe that co-sleeping has made things a little easier too.
I love knowing the comfort she draws from sleeping next to her mommy and daddy. I love her light breathing next to me. I love her stirring beside me. I love waking up to her big, smiling face and sleepy, puffy eyes. I love the way she turns her head from side to side in excitement when she wakes, giddy that both mom and dad are right beside her, surrounding her in her slumber.
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OK, with those big topics out of the way, I’ll zoom up to date, and actually talk about this little independent girl taking our house by storm!
Hana will be 5 months old on Sunday. I just cannot believe it. When did she get so grown up? When did she suddenly blossom into this funny, independent, tempermental being? What happened to that serene, sleeping newborn?
Some of Hana’s newest tricks are screeching (in pleasure or in disagreement; she lets us know which), raspberries (usually when she’s had it with the world but sometimes just for fun), peek-a-boo (this CRACKS HER UP these days), crying whenever mom leaves the room, lifting her arms to be picked up, sitting unsupportive (for a few minutes at a time....before the topple), and working on her consonants (baaaaa, mmmm...). What a resume; such a talented girl!
We have been in mom-tot swim lessons (www.WaterBabies.net) for several weeks now. Hana loves the pool. She “jumps” in excitement when she gets in the pool--her little arms and legs get pumping furiously and she starts breathing heavily with excitement! It is hilarious to see. She is stellar at submersion and appears to enjoy going under, as she comes up with a smile on her face and her eyelashes batting wildly. She loves to float on her tummy and watch mom blow bubbles (she giggles). She also likes the “Step on the Gas” part of “Motor Boat, Motor Boat” when you spin in a fast circle in the water. She squeals! Her backfloat leaves something to be desired, as its hard to truly “backfloat” when your feet are always in your mouth! We have a lesson tonight and we’re going to be doing “torpedos,” where baby is pushed underwater from instructor to mom with a few seconds of independent “swimming.” I can hardly wait!
I was not going to get an Exersaucer for Hana, but a girlfriend of mine found a nice one at a local consignment shop and dropped it off at my house. I owe her the world. This item has been an absolute lifesaver for me. Hana LOVES to be upright. She does not like to play on her back or her tummy on the floor (her grunts of protest quickly escalate into shrieks of anger and then plaintive wailing...). She will sit peacefully for awhile but its not long until she is calling for rescue. But set her in that Exersaucer, and she’s golden for at least a half an hour (not that I generally leave her in there for that long at one time...)! My mom also has one at her house that has a magnifying mirror on it and Hana just LOVES to look at herself in that mirror. It is quite funny to see her GIANT magnified eyeballs peering up from the Exersaucer.
Ah phew! I feel immense relief having gotten all of this down. Now I am relatively up to speed and can finally start writing about present day in the McFarlane household.
Until next time,
Jessica
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