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June 13, 2003
I wrote this entry (below) a couple of weeks ago, then realized I had misplaced my password for posting entries. Well, I just found it, so I’m going to post this entry as is, and hopefully I’ll be back with a newer, updated one soon!!
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May 28, 2003
Hana: 12 months
It has been so long since I’ve updated this diary. Yes, I’m still alive. Yes, we’re doing well. Fabulously, in fact! Life is grand. Summer is on its way! I apologize for being away for so long. I haven’t actually even LOOKED at my TTM board in over a month, but I will get to it as soon as I can. In the meantime, at least I’ve finally got an entry posted! Life has just been busy and full, and other than that, I have no good excuses!
I’ll start with Hana. This girl amazes me more each & every day. Yesterday (5/27) was her 1st birthday!! How the time flies. She walks & runs (her own, odd version—she actually just runs in place) & jumps (really she is just bouncing, but she thinks she’s jumping!) & climbs endlessly. Her most recent hobby is walking around the house, pointing and anything & everything in sight and saying “eh, eh, eh” at every object until you name it for her. She babbles constantly, and sounds quite conversational, although with whom, I’m not sure. She also loves lids and caps of any sort. Water bottle lids, flip-top lotion caps, shampoo bottle lids, mascara wands…you name it. Hana can be entertained for eons just taking lids on and off, on and off, on and off. Actually, she is very adept at it, and I am often amazed that she is able to actually screw a lid into place with those little fingers. She still loves unwinding the toilet paper roll every time she manages to sneak into the bathroom, and another new trick is dropping various household objects into the toilet for a swim. She is an avid fan of board books, especially Brown Bear, Brown Bear (What Do You See?), Where’s Spot, and Goodnight Moon. I know that I am blessed when Hana plops herself down in her reading corner (where all her books are) and just peruses the selection quietly while I make dinner. It never fails to crack me up, because she looks so, I donno, mature…sitting there peacefully flipping the pages having a running commentary with herself (ie. “eh, uh, da! ba ba, eh, eh, da!”). She knows what a doggy says (“woo, woo, woo”) and what a kitty says (“maaaaw”) and what a sheep says (“baaaaaaa”). Hana has recently become a terror in stores of any sort. I shudder at the thought of having to go to the grocery or Home Depot or Target (etc) with her by myself. She has decided that she hates staying put in the cart, and will scream and wail until she is let down (I thought tantrums came a bit later in the game--??). Yet when I let her down, she is off & running and I can hardly keep up with her, let alone get any shopping done. The other day at Target I let her wander around the baby section, and for one nano-second I turned my back to grab a pack of socks. I turned back around and she was gone. My heart stopped. I spun around the end of the aisle, only to find Hana racing toward the escalator (very safe, right). Needless to say, that is the last time I EVER turn my back on her in a public place. The mini-stroke I suffered was a reality check.
We had a big 1st birthday party for Hana on Sunday, and ended up with about 35 people in our tiny little house. Luckily the weather was decent and people spent a good deal of time hanging out in the backyard. Mike put up badminton for the older kids (and himself…) and bubbles also provided some entertainment for the younger kids. The party was wild & fun, and Hana was a doll the whole time. She spent most of her time getting in the way of the badminton game and stealing the boys’ rackets. She was much daintier with her cake than I would have expected her to be, and looked dazed and confused as everyone sung happy birthday to her. Her first gift, a cherry red Radio Flyer wagon was wheeled in, and stole the show. Hana proudly sat in it (with her 14-mo. old cousin Paige and her 11.5 mo. old friend Ella) while I tore through the gifts and created total mayhem in our living room. She was blessed beyond belief with awesome gifts—books, sundresses, toys, pools, pool floats, beach towels, jogging suits, puzzles, stuffed animals, and a college savings plan funded by her grandparents, (etc. etc. etc.) Everyone was so generous!
The weekend before last, Mike, Hana, my dad and I went to Ellensburg (a little town in Eastern WA) to visit my brother at school (college). My mom was travelling on the east coast, so she missed the big college party! We got to Eburg at around 1pm (it is about a 3 hr. drive from Seattle) and went directly to my brother (Kyle)’s water polo match. After watching that event, I am hard-pressed to come up with another physical activity that is quite as demanding and requiring of so much endurance plus athletic ability! I too got a workout chasing Hana around the pool deck and trying to keep her out of said pool. After the polo match we headed to “downtown” Ellensburg for lunch and a tour of the booming metropolis, followed by a beautiful drive into the surrounding hills. We had a relaxing day just touring campus, sipping cappuccinos, chasing Hana etc. The culmination and highlight of the trip was the raucous (and I do mean that) keg at my brother’s (disgusting, filthy, beer soaked) house. People started arriving about 5pm, and by 8pm people were (literally) dancing on the coffee tables and spilling out the front door, back door, and side doors…I would guesstimate there were, at any given time, 100 people in or on the property of this (not-so-big) house. The whole scene really took me back to my college days and honestly made me fondly nostalgic…except that this time I was chasing an almost-1-year old. It was hilarious to hear people around the house shouting over the music “WHY is there a BABY HERE?!?!” The best part of the evening was Hana dancing on the coffee table with several drunk college girls (don’t worry, I kept a good eye on her) who were in absolute adoration of her (as am I!). It was adorable, and quite a sight. I don’t suppose a lot of 1-yr olds get to attend many college keggers… Hana finally fell asleep, utterly exhausted, in my brother’s room at around 11pm, and I was able to actually relax while I drank a few beers and played Foozball with Mike and hung out on the front porch with the smokers (just like the good ol’ days…except I didn’t smoke this time…). It was a fantastic evening!
Did I tell you all that we got chickens? We did. 2 of them. Easter weekend. They started out as semi-cute (I’m still less-than-thrilled about this chicken idea) fuzzy little chicks. They have since turned into really ugly, half-feathers-half-fuzz teenaged chickens that were stinking up our basement. I finally convinced Mike to move them outside a couple of weeks ago, and now they’re semi-entertaining, and I can usually just ignore them. We take them out in the backyard a couple of times a week and let them wander around. Hana likes to chase them, but has been very good about “look, don’t touch” and we’ve gotten lots of great photo-ops with a nudie baby chasing chicks in the sunny back yard! The chickens were also a hit with the older kids at Hana’s birthday party and they got to chase them around the yard a bit. No eggs yet though. I don’t think they start producing for awhile yet, although my chicken trivia leaves something to be desired.
As for me and my career path…phew. Its such a long story. I think that having to write it all out is why I’ve avoided updating my diary. Lo & behold, Jeanette emailed to tell me that a few people had emailed her, worrying that I had dropped off the face of the earth, and also to ask me what the heck I’ve been up to. I began writing her a “short” version of my childcare saga, but it turned out rather long. Jeanette & I both simultaneously (over email) had the grand idea that I could just use the email I wrote to update my diary. So, here it is (honestly, this is a cut-and-paste from my email to Jeanette):
“OK, the long story re. the child care situation. I'm going to be as brief as I can...although I have a sneaking suspicion it may not actually be brief! Basically, I found 3 families (1 child per family) who met with me and who agreed they wanted to use me for child care. All of the moms worked various part-time schedules, so it would have worked out that I only had Hana plus 1 other child most of the time (a few hours of 3 children--incl Hana). The families & the babies were all wonderful (a 6 mo. old, a 1 yr old and an 18 mo. old), and I was very excited. I was very up-front with all of them, explained that I did have to stay at my job through mid-May and that I preferred to do a trial week just to make sure this would work out for me and I could do it (before "officially" and totally committing to them). THANK GOD I did that. The short of the story is that I did my trial week (3 days actually) and after about 2 hours into the first day, I had kind of a sinking feeling, like "uh-oh, maybe this isn't what I want to do." By the end of day 3, I knew. My mind was made. This was NOT what I had envisioned it to be. It wasn't that it was horrible or awful. The kids were adorable and it was crazy but manageable as long as I stayed organized.
So what was the problem, you ask? Well, for one, I felt STUCK. Stuck in my house and without adult interaction. It wasn't so much that I felt stuck at that point in time, but I knew that if I did this every day, as a job, I would not be happy and would feel very stuck and confined. I hadn't expected myself to feel that way (b/c so often at work I am daydreaming of being in my cozy home), but I sure did. Secondly, I never got one second to myself to gather my thoughts or relax. Maybe this would get better with time, as the kids adjusted to each other and to me, but I felt like right when I had met one need/demand, the other baby/child needed something. Something akin to running around like a chicken with my head cut off. As I said, I'm sure this would become more manageable as we all got to know each other and got used to each other, but still...I knew it would happen--often--that I wouldn't have a second to myself. And I just realized that I don't have the long-term patience for that right now. Third, and most importantly, I realized that I actually got to spend LESS quality time with Hana than I do when I'm working part-time (b/c I am home by 2pm and get to spend the whole afternoon with her). I couldn't just focus on her b/c there was always someone else who needed something, and that left me feeling terribly sad. The #1 reason I wanted to do this was to be with her more, and it seemed that although I was physically with her, I wasn't really WITH her. Finally, in order to make ends meet, I would have had to do the in-home daycare for FAR more hours than I work now, and for less pay in the end (and NO benefits, 401k, etc.). In addition to realizing it wouldn't be good for my sanity, it would have also been a really poor financial move on my part (although that is not as important as the other reasons).
Also, those 3 days at home REALLY opened my eyes to the fact that, although its far from perfect, I have a pretty darn good deal going here at work. I get to work part-time. I get paid really well. I have lots of flexibility with my schedule, I have 3 weeks of paid vacation, I contribute to an employer-matched 401k, I have my own office (i.e PRIVATE time, private space!), I have my benefits & Hana's benefits paid for by my employer, and I get some nice downtime at work (to read my email, just relax, stop by Old Navy, get a latte at Starbuck's, whatever) that I actually think makes me a better mom to Hana b/c I think I personally need that kind of time to myself.
So anyway, after that third day of my trial week, I was 99.9% sure I knew what I was going to do, but I allowed myself to spend the whole weekend really mulling over things. I mulled & mulled & mulled. And the craziest thing happened. I mentioned before that doing this childcare thing made me realize how good-a-thing I have going at my job. Well, that is so true. And the crazy thing that happened (not really so crazy, I'm being sort of facetious) is that once I shifted my own outlook (ie. from negative to positve) on my current job, I REALLY was able to appreciate it and be happy with where I am at right now, and to be thankful for all that I have.
The following week, I came back to work and honestly felt like a new woman. I was HAPPY to be here. I was inspired and motivated again, and boy does that make work a lot more pleasant. :) I quit focusing on what I didn't have, and started being happy with what I do have, and how much I honestly do like it. I mean, when I'm not spending all my energy wishing I could just be home with Hana, I actually very honestly do enjoy my job and the challenges it provides and the interaction I get, and the sense of satisfaction.
On top of all this, I stopped by the office of a brand-spankin new KinderCare Center that is opening just across the street from my office, and was absolutely 100% impressed. The facility, as I said, is brand-new, I really like their program & curriculum, the teachers I met were wonderful. They rooms are bright & cheerful and they have an outdoor "playscape" (playground) that is really cool--on the 3rd floor of the bldg.
I decided then & there to enroll Hana. In just the last month or so I have become so much more comfortable with the idea of her in a daycare center. She has just suddenly grown & changed so much. She's so much less "baby", and so much more independent & interested in playing and learning....and that makes me feel like some interactive time with other kids and with some sort of more formal curriculum (although the toddler program is still very flexible and informal) will be really good for her. Anyway, that added to the fact that I just LOVE the idea of Hana being right down the street from me at work made me feel like enrolling her at KinderCare is the right decision. Now, even my commute time will be time spent with her (my co. agreed to reimburse me for parking, so no more bus for me!), which is wonderful. We can even shop downtown after work or hit the Market or whatever. She'll be my little hip urban girl in her downtown daycare center! So, beginning June 16, she'll be at KinderCare M, W, F from 8-2, and with her grandma on Tuesdays & Thursdays. I think it will be a great mix for her.”
So, that’s it. That’s the story for now. I’m going to get this posted, and I will be back soon with a new entry!!
So, I found 3 families (1 child per family) who met with me and who agreed they wanted to use me for child care. All of the moms worked various part-time schedules, so it would have worked out that I only had Hana plus 1 other child most of the time (a few hours of 3 children--incl Hana). The families & the babies were all wonderful (a 6 mo. old, a 1 yr old and an 18 mo. old), and I was very excited. I was very up-front with all of them, explained that I did have to stay at my job through mid-May and that I preferred to do a trial week just to make sure this would work out for me and I could do it (before "officially" and totally committing to them). THANK GOD I did that. THe short of the story is that I did my trial week (3 days actually) and after about 2 hours into the first day, I had kind of a sinking feeling, like "uh-oh, maybe this isn't what I want to do." By the end of day 3, I knew. My mind was made. This was NOT what I had envisioned it to be. It wasn't that it was horrible or awful. The kids were adorable and it was crazy but managable as long as I stayed organized.
So what was the problem, you ask? Well, for one, I felt STUCK. Stuck in my house and without adult interaction. It wasn't so much that I felt stuck at that point in time, but I knew that if I did this every day, as a job, I would not be happy and would feel very stuck and confined. I hadn't expected myself to feel that way (b/c so often at work I am daydreaming of being in my cozy home), but I sure did. Secondly, I never got one second to myself to gather my thoughts or relax. Maybe this would get better with time, as the kids adjusted to each other and to me, but I felt like right when I had met one need/demand, the other baby/child needed something. Something akin to running around like a chicken with my head cut off. As I said, I'm sure this would become more manageable as we all got to know each other and got used to each other, but still...I knew it would happen--often--that I wouldn't have a second to myself. And I just realized that I don't have the long-term patience for that right now. Third, and most importantly, I realized that I actually got to spend LESS quality time with Hana than I do when I'm working part-time (b/c I am home by 2pm and get to spend the whole afternoon with her). I couldn't just focus on her b/c there was always someone else who needed something, and that left me feeling terribly sad. The #1 reason I wanted to do this was to be with her more, and it seemed that although I was physically with her, I wasn't really WITH her. Finally, in order to make ends meet, I would have had to do the in-home daycare for FAR more hours than I work now, and for less pay in the end (and NO benefits, 401k, etc.). In addition to realizing it wouldn't be good for my sanity, it would have also been a really poor financial move on my part (although that is not as important as the other reasons).
Also, those 3 days at home REALLY opened my eyes to the fact that, although its far from perfect, I have a pretty darn good deal going here at work. I get to work part-time. I get paid really well. I have lots of flexibility with my schedule, I have 3 weeks of paid vacation, I contribute to an employer-matched 401k, I have my own office (i.e PRIVATE time, private space!), I have my benefits & Hana's benefits paid for by my employer, and I get some nice downtime at work (to read my email, just relax, stop by Old Navy, get a latte at Starbuck's, whatever) that I actually think makes me a better mom to Hana b/c I think I personally need that kind of time to myself.
So anyway, after that third day of my trial week, I was 99.9% sure I knew what I was going to do, but I allowed myself to spend the whole weekend really mulling over things. I mulled & mulled & mulled. And the craziest thing happened. I mentioned before that doing this childcare thing made me realize how good-a-thing I have going at my job. Well, that is so true. And the crazy thing that happened (not really so crazy, I'm being sort of facetious) is that once I shifted my own outlook (ie. from negative to positve) on my current job, I REALLY was able to appreciate it and be happy with where I am at right now, and to be thankful for all that I have.
The following week, I came back to work and honestly felt like a new woman. I was HAPPY to be here. I was inspired and motivated again, and boy does that make work a lot more pleasant. :) I quit focusing on what I didn't have, and started being happy with what I do have, and how much I honestly do like it. I mean, when I'm not spending all my energy wishing I could just be home with Hana, I actually very honestly do enjoy my job and the challenges it provides and the interaction I get, and the sense of satisfaction.
On top of all this, I stopped by the office of a brand-spankin new KinderCare Center that is opening just across the street from my office, and was absolutely 100% impressed. The facility, as I said, is brand-new, I really like their program & curriculum, the teachers I met were wonderful. They rooms are bright & cheerful and they have an outdoor "playscape" (playground) that is really cool--on the 3rd floor of the bldg.
I decided then & there to enroll Hana. In just the last month or so I have become so much more comfortable with the idea of her in a daycare center. She has just suddenly grown & changed so much. She's so much less "baby", and so much more independent & interested in playing and learning....and that makes me feel like some interactive time with other kids and with some sort of more formal curriculum (although the toddler program is still very flexible and informal) will be really good for her. Anyway, that added to the fact that I just LOVE the idea of Hana being right down the street from me at work made me feel like enrolling her at KinderCare is the right decision. Now, even my commute time will be time spent with her (my co. agreed to reimburse me for parking, so no more bus for me!), which is wonderful. We can even shop downtown after work or hit the Market or whatever. She'll be my little hip urban girl in her downtown daycare center! So, beginning June 16, she'll be at KinderCare M, W, F from 8-2, and with her grandma on Tuesdays & Thursdays. I think it will be a great mix for her.
With that, I have to run and am just going to post this now. Hopefully I’ll be back again before Hana turns 2!!! Hope everyone is doing well…..and Rebekah, thank you SO much for checking in on me—I really appreciate it! I will try to post on my board soon!
Jessica
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