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March 5, 2003
Big news: Hana took her first “real” steps last night! She’s been standing and cruising for quite awhile now, and has even take one or two very wobbly steps. Last night was different though. These were real….still wobbly, but real steps for sure! My mom & grandma were over for dinner, and we were all enjoying a post-dinner glass of wine and watching Hana cruise around the living room. Mike got down on the floor with her, and he set her (standing on her own) in front of him…and then, she took 4 REAL steps, stopped and paused (standing), and then took two more real steps (then tumbled). She repeated this trick (at one point taking a total of eight steps!) several times, and looked quite pleased by the applause that erupted.
Hana is 9 months, 1 week (actually a couple days short of). I don’t even know if I’d consider these steps official “walking,” but if not, its pretty darn close. So I guess we have an “early walker” on our hands. And how do I feel about that? I am excited and it is thrilling to watch her take those tentative steps. But overriding my excitement is this surprising sadness. Am I crazy? Am I a horrible mother to feel this way? Honestly, watching her take those steps last night made me cry, and it wasn’t entirely in happiness. I’m sad, and part of me really does not want her to walk. It hadn’t hit me until last night what a big step (no pun intended) this is. She will always be my baby, but in some way, walking changes her “baby status,” and makes her a toddler before her time (in my mind). And I’m sad. I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of my baby, my immobile baby. I don’t really have a choice, I suppose (can I strap her down now?! Kidding, of course!). Hana has never (still won’t) crawled, so maybe that is why it hits me so hard. I haven’t had to face her (true) mobility (i.e not just cruising), and the independence that comes with that, until now.
The incredible thing about all of this is that I got it all on video! What are the odds? I just decided to record some of her antics with her grandma and great-grandma. And I guess this girl has a knack for performing for the camera! I'm still just amazed and so proud of myself for getting this on film.
Hana had her 9-month appt last week (20 lbs, 15 oz., 29” tall) and the doctor said something to me that I thought was interesting. We were talking about crawling, cruising & walking, and she (doc) said that she just wanted to warn me that babies often seem very “out of sorts” in the days or week (or so) before they start walking. This is the first I had ever heard of this. But now I believe it! Hana has definitely been out of sorts in the last week or so. I’m pretty certain a big part of that is due to teething (she has 4 teeth breaking through on top), but perhaps the doc makes a good point—maybe my little girl is just as torn about this walking thing as I am--?? Has anyone else out there heard this or experienced this?
So, I’m sad. I’m happy and excited and amazed at this awesome little girl. But I’m also sad that my baby is growing up in such a big way. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way when your baby walked for the first time?
For the record, Hana has also added “mama,” “dada” and “do-do-do-do” (like “dough,”) to her vocabulary, and I must admit I’m quite impressed. She’s also on a “No” kick AGAIN (uh-oh) and just loves to shake her head no at any question. Last night Mike was talking to me and said the word “no” and Hana started shaking her head madly! What a crack-up, my smart girl.
Before I go, I want to thank EVERYONE who posted on my board with daycare advice and/or thoughts on the topic. Every single word was eaten up, and I am so grateful for all of the support and feeback from you. This site is truly amazing. What a fabulous network of support. I have a few more posts to address on my TTM board, and I apologize that I haven’t gotten to them yet, but I promise I will, soon! In the meantime, I’d love to hear from any of you who have felt sad or overwhelmed by your baby’s new feats….so that I know I’m not crazy!
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