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February 25, 2003
Since Hana was born, there has been one definite ongoing theme in my life: my obsession with WORK. My friends & family can attest. It is an ongoing “battle” for me. The question is NOT “to work, or not to work.” There really isn’t a choice. I have to work, in some form or another, at least until Mike is much more stable in this new (commission-driven) career he started just three months after Hana’s birth. I am also not sure that I am comfortable with not working in some form or another. I like earning an income and contributing financially, and I think I would want to have that sort of contribution even if it weren’t a necessity (moot point though—because it IS a necessity right now).
The question for me is: what the heck do I want to do??? As you may recall, one of my New Year’s Resolutions was to find peace about work. At the time, my goal was to find peace about my current career/job in a financial brokerage. And I do have some peace about it. I recognize that I work for a great company. I am able to work part-time (30 hours a week though--still pretty darn close to full-time, if you ask me). I am in a management position that gives me lots of independence, freedom and flexibility. I “do good” with my work (part of my job is helping people solve their horrendous medical claim issues). Most importantly, Hana is in good hands with my mom, Mike’s mom and my grandmother.
So you see, I AM very thankful for the job that I have. I realize that it is a blessing to even have a job in this economy, let alone a satisfying one in a good organization. Its just...its just…
I still feel like its not where I am meant to be right now, at this point in my life. I have tried mightily to convince myself otherwise, but for some reason, this three-day weekend-away was an eye-opener for me. We went skiing this weekend up in Canada, and you know how a vacation (no matter how short) can really help put things in perspective? Something about being away from home, being away from your daily grind—helps me see things in a new light. Well, I got that perspective this weekend. Today I am back at work and my feelings support everything I thought of this weekend. I just don’t want to be here. And its not even that I’m completely miserable or dislike my job…I just think I have a “calling” elsewhere right now.
I have pondered all sorts of ideas (work-wise). One of the more realistic ideas is contracting myself out to smaller brokerages to do what I do now, but from home. I really seriously tossed this one around for awhile. I also considered & researched several other options. But the one single idea that keeps coming back to me (and I was considering this option even before I got pregnant) is starting an in-home daycare. I have gone around-and-around with this idea so many times it makes me dizzy to even think about it. From all this thought and research, I literally almost have a true business plan in place.
I’ve sort-of unconsciously thought that I kept coming back to this idea b/c it would be a relatively easy (RELATIVELY, I say…) thing to start-up in my own home. I figured I was continually considering this b/c it was the “easy way out.” But over this weekend I considered that perhaps the true reason I come back to it is because it inspires me. It excites me. Maybe I’m not giving myself enough credit. Maybe this is really what I want to do.
I have been a nanny (several times) and I have worked in a daycare center and I have been a lifeguard and I have been a swim lesson instructor, and I loved those jobs...and the reason that I loved each one of them was the kids, plain and simple. Last night Mike, Hana & I went to a community meeting in Ballard. Mike’s office is in Ballard—a Seattle neighborhood—and Seattle is building a monorail line through the main thoroughfare near Mike’s office, hence the reason for the meeting and why we were at it. Anyway, the meeting was held at an elementary school, and I spent much of the time wandering the halls with Hana. The halls were decked with bright artwork (the students’), the classroom doors were plastered with pictures and quotes and drawings, the floor a cheerful checkered linoleum. As I paraded through those hallways, I was struck by the realization that I spend hours each day in a bland corporate environment without any of this type of cheer and color and boldness. Granted, I was already in the mind-frame of “career evaluation” but this was just one more sign, if you will. What a change, and what a treat it would be, to spend my days surrounded by the vibrancy and exuberance of children. So the point of this anecdote is to say that it is slowly sinking in to me that perhaps I really do want to start an in-home daycare…??
Last week I was walking through my neighborhood with Hana, thinking about work in general, and considering what my options are. I was mulling over various home-based-business ideas and I stopped and asked myself, what would I be willing to pay money for? What needs do I have that are not met right now? What is important to me, and what do I need? I just thought I should consider those questions and maybe they would result in some good brainstorming ideas. Well, guess what I came up with? Yep, in-home daycare. I have been casually looking around at various daycare options lately since I will eventually have to put Hana in daycare if I keep working (the family care situation isn’t going to work forever), and the state of daycare is sad in my opinion. The centers I’ve visited have been nice and clean, but they lack the comfort of coziness of home that I think is important for young children (as in 2yrs and under). The in-home provider I have visited (granted, I’ve only been to 3 so far) have seemed warm and loving, but their homes were too messy or disorganized for my tastes. And nannies in your own home are great, but very expensive. All of the working moms I know really struggle with day care, with finding a quality provider that “feels” right. So I do think there is a need out there, and I think in-home daycare providers are a great compromise between a nanny and a center.
So then I think of the negatives. I would be working (more than) full-time and would DEFINETLY be sacrificing some of my independence and freedom. I would also lose some privacy, in the sense that I would be sharing my home and myself. I would be surrounded by children, which can be incredibly trying at times. I will have days when I feel stuck, when I would love to get away, have time to myself. I would keep the # of children down to 2-4 kids (including Hana), so I’m not talking of a huge daycare center here-just a little in-home daycare. Even so, it would be very different and very new and challenging.
But the big question is, can I handle those things? Do the positives outweigh those things for me? What ARE the positives? What are the things that excite me?
-Being at home with Hana full-time
-Providing Hana with the benefits of playmates and socialization (without having to put her in a daycare center. Note: I will still put her in preschool at around 2.5-3 yrs old, even if I am doing an in-home daycare at that time).
–Being with kids, and being a positive and important person in their young lives.
-Owning my own business – and the challenge to continue learning and improving that business.
- Creating daily schedules that stimulate learning and imagination. Activies that provide peer & adult interaction, play, fun, reading, fresh air, movement, singing, community outings.
–Preparing nutritious meals that will (hopefully) be a foundation for a lifetime of healthy eating.
–Avoiding the constant RUSH that comes with working outside the home (getting bags packed, unpacked, having to be out the door by 7:30am, getting home late in the afternoon and facing laundry, unmade beds, dinner to prepare, lunches to make, etc.).
–Making as much money as I make now (granted, now I’m working part-time—with a daycare, I would be working full-time-plus!), without the added expense of childcare for Hana (we do pay my grandma & Mike’s mom currently).
–Avoiding the need to enroll Hana in a daycare center. My family will not always be able to take care of Hana while I work, and the day will come that she will have to go to daycare. And I just don’t like the “feel” of that. I was in daycare growing up, and I know many people who were too…and we’re all fine. In fact, we’re all very functional, loving, capable adults. So its not that I think daycare is a bad thing. I just remember. I remember napping on mats. I remember having to leave my warm bed so early every morning. I remember having to say goodbye to my mom every morning. I remember teachers and nannies who were great and wonderful, but who just did not compare to my mom. They weren’t my mom. And that is who I really wanted: my mom. So at the risk of starting major SAHM vs. WM controversy, I’m going to keep that in this entry, with this caveat: I think the choice of staying at home vs. working is incredibly personal. Each choice has its merits and its downfalls and each family has to make the right decision for themselves. There is no right or wrong. I’m not judging or trying to make anyone feel badly. I think there are incredible day cares and nannies out there, and I think there are HUGE benefits with each. I believe this so much that I hope to BE one of those people. If I do pursue this, I want to create a warm, home-like environment where children can be comfortable learning, growing, napping, eating, cuddling, reading, playing…the next-best thing to mom & home. And Hana will be home, with her mom.
I just think maybe its time for a chance, and maybe I’m cheating myself (and Hana) by not pursuing this. The fact that I keep coming back to it, and that each time I do I am excited and passionate about it should perhaps be telling me something. What is it that has kept me from pursing this so far? Fear. Worry. I have this nice cushy corporate job right now, and I would be giving up that security. I would also be risking some of my privacy and independence.
I am surprised that I’ve been with the same company for 5 years. I’ve never seen myself as the type of person who stays with the same company for 35 years until retirement (actually, does ANYONE do that anymore?). I get bored easily and need a change of pace often. It just seems strange that I’ve stayed here. Of course, I left for a little over a month to nanny, but that situation didn’t work out, and I came back b/c it all worked out at the time. I think maybe its time for that change. I don’t think that I will want to run an in-home daycare forever, but it inspires me at this time in my life. With a young child (and likely, hopefully, another on the way in a few years) it could possibly be a very convenient and rewarding opportunity to earn money and still be at home with Hana.
Logistically there are many other things to consider, such as buying a car that could handle 4 kids (and car seats/boosters), buying age-appropriate toys and games, creating a nap area/room, fixing up odds & ends in our house so that it is able to handle additional children. But none of those things seem like big hurdles to me. The biggest hurdle is to make the final decision, and to plow forward with faith and confidence in that decision. Mike & I have talked about this idea many times, and while he has his reservations (mainly about me leaving the security of my job, and a bit about opening his little home up to more rugrats), he would fully support me if I decided to pursue this.
So, I’ve just poured my heart and mind out, and I apologize that its not very cohesive or organized. While the slant of this entry really sounds like I’ve made my mind up, the truth is that I haven’t. It’s a big leap for me to quit my job and take this on, and I’m still not convinced it’s the right decision. I AM, however, very inspired and excited by the possibility.
I do want to consult any daycare providers (esp. in-home providers) out there who might be reading. So if you’re out there reading this, I would love your feedback. Actually, parents with kids in daycare can probably offer some insightful feedback too. Here are some of my questions/thoughts:
1) What are the biggest rewards of being a child care provider?
2) What are the biggest challenges?
3) Do you “get out” of the house with the children? If so, how often, and what sort of activities do you pursue?
4) How do you keep yourself inspired and challenged? How do you keep from burning out?
5) How do you structure your pricing and contracts? How do you handle taxes?
6) What, if any, additional insurance do you have for your business(liability rider on homeowners-etc?) ?
7) Are you licensed?
8) What kind of turnover have you experienced? How much notice do you require a family to give before ending their contract with you?
9) What meals are included in your pricing? Do you provide diapers? Formula (if needed)?
10) What amenities would you say are essential (in terms of toys, games, highchairs, napping space, strollers, outdoor toys, etc.)?
11) Any other tips, advice, feedback, thoughts???????
Thanks to all who made it through this rambling entry! I look forward to hearing from you.
Jess
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