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February 10, 2003
Thursday -We Meet. Thanksgiving Day 2002.
As I drove through the baggage claim drive at Sea-Tac, I spotted her almost immediately - this tall (taller than I expected anyway) brunette leaning into the drive as if she didn’t know quite who she was looking for (imagine that! perhaps an internet friend?). I think I spotted her first; she looked concerned. Soon after, I witnessed the wave of recognition & relief that washed over her face when she spotted my green Civic with the cockeyed front license plate (result of a run-in with a parking barrier-oops) that I had told her to look for.
My first physical impression was of ‘Jeanette, the Stylish.’ She was in chic belted wool camel pea coat, stack-heeled black boots, and shiny auburn flip that swept her chin. Hmm, I thought, perhaps I should have dressed for the occasion? My 501’s and running shoes just didn’t measure up. I should have known better; after all, Jeanette & I had several conversations about wardrobes & shoes (Jeanette’s Kenneth Cole boots, in particular), and she was gleeful at the thought of wearing her cold-weather-clothes. I was adequately warned.
I hopped out of the car, we hugged, we packed suitcases in the trunk, and we were on our way.
Shortly after her arrival at our house, Jeanette settled in for a sandwich while I ran frantic circles in the kitchen, tossing together (literally) my first pumpkin pie ever at the last possible moment (procrastination = my middle name). I shamefully admit that it wasn’t much of a welcome, but Jeanette was patient and understanding…and made me feel better by reflecting upon her own domestically-challenged-ness. Jeanette was also very good-spirited about her accommodations in our small house. Her home for the weekend was a small corner in the basement (its carpeted at least!), with futon and down comforter to soften things up. She didn’t complain one bit. A trooper, I tell you.
Now here is a girl I’ve just met for the first time, sitting at my dining room table, juggling my baby & eating a sandwich, while I attempt to make a pie (what a joke) in the last seconds before Thanksgiving. We chat, we laugh, we catch up. It struck me that it should perhaps be awkward, picking up an internet friend at the airport, bringing her to your house, introducing her to your husband, handing her your child. But no, you know what? Those first hours with Jeanette felt like I was catching up with an old friend, not meeting a new one for the first time. Words don’t do justice, but it is and was a very cool thing.
Aside from her stylish exterior, my first impressions of Jeanette were….well, frankly, she was just as I anticipated her to be. From my first impressions to my last impressions, Jeanette is: smart, witty, loquacious, curious, honest, forthright, and mostly: exuberant. This is a woman who is excited about life. She is fun to talk to, fun to listen to, fun to joke with, fun to bounce ideas off of, fun to gossip with (yes, we did. and no, we’re not telling…) and fun to daydream with. She is an inspired person, and an inspiring person. She is a confidante. Yes, she is passionate about informed childbirth. More deeply though, she is plainly passionate about life. She is one who can light up a room with her enthusiasm, who can stimulate enticing conversations, who can electrify others with this energy, and who will promote avid pursuits in the spirit of learning and growing. She….she sparkles. Plain & simple.
So…I digress. On our dining room table I had a tray full of place cards to dress the Thanksgiving table at my parents (my other Thanksgiving assignment – place cards & pie). I knew Jeanette was my kind of gal when she saw her place card, titled “Jeanette, aka The Baby Snatcher…” and…LAUGHED. Phew! Granted, I had told her about this endearing term before, but I suppose I took a bit of a risk on her sense of humor when I made her official place card. Luckily, she’s fun.
To give background: when I gingerly explained to my mother that a stranger, in fact – a stranger I had met online – would be joining our family for Thanksgiving, she was a bit taken aback. But she recovered quickly as I breathlessly explained the who’s, how’s, and what’s of my relationship to Jeanette. My family was a bit wary, but after sharing Jeanette’s pictures and website with them, I think they felt a little better. My mom, however, took to (jokingly) referring to Jeanette as “The Baby Snatcher” since her first reaction had been “how do you know she won’t steal Hana in the middle of the night?!?” Hence the place card…
So, we head to my parents’ house with the pumpkin pie sloshing away (I don’t think its supposed to ‘slosh,’ per se) at my feet. Thanksgiving itself is kind of a blur, but the food was grand (I think I even got a few compliments on my pie…liars.), and Jeanette scored big with the fam. She fit in perfectly. She joked with my dad, she regaled my grandma with stories, she listened with good humor to my great aunt & uncle’s stories (not an easy thing), she helped set & clear the table, yada, yada. Jeanette was the quintessential well-mannered guest, an amusing storyteller, and an expert conversationalist. She persevered through too many hours of food & drink. Oh, and she helped me clean up both, yes BOTH, times I spilled something or other all over the place (Klutz R Us…er, me). AND, bonus points to Jeanette, she didn’t even write about it (guess my secrets are safe with her).
By the end of the evening, Jeanette was lounging in the leather armchair by the fire, struggling to keep her eyes open and listen to yet another story from someone. She had been a trooper. A day of flying, eating and making small talk with strangers isn’t usually a recipe for high-spirits, yet Jeanette had made it through with a smile. Earlier in the day, I had grand notions of hitting a local tavern in the evening for a couple of post-Thanksgiving beers. Spying Jeanette late that afternoon, I realized I’d have to prop her eyes open with toothpicks and perhaps carry her in on my back, so I decided against the bar. Actually, a smoky bar & beers didn’t sound so hot to me anymore either. We went back to my house, and frankly, I don’t remember what we did. But I know it had something to do with pajamas, the couch, and talking. Oh, and a video of Bella performing various tricks and just generally being her charming & adorable self. Her moniker is precise; she is absolutely beautiful. The highlight – Bella grabbing her diapered crotch -a la Michael Jackson- affirming her status to the viewers: “Bum bum. Bum bum.” This girl needs a diaper change.
Friday – We Shop.
Shortly after I woke up, Jeanette came bounding up the stairs. The girl who had regaled me with tales of being a sleep addict had awoken before me, who is usually up at the crack of dawn (albeit grudgingly). Poor Jeanette had been sitting downstairs flipping through magazines and surfing the internet (ok, maybe I’m not feeling so sorry for her…), just waiting for me to wake up. She hopped onto my bed, and we chatted there in our pjs (pajamas with an A!) with Hana playing between us. Have I mentioned yet that this seemed more like a reunion of old friends than a first-time meeting?
This was our big day downtown, shopping & going to the spa. Mike had to work, and given our “one-car-family” status, that left Jeanette, Hana & me with the Metro bus service downtown. It was also a holiday, so we were subjected to Route 71 (the express routes weren’t running), possibly the most INdirect route one could dream up to get from point A to point B. Ah well, I figured - Jeanette will get a nice little tour of north Seattle if nothing else.
We emerged from the caverns of the bus tunnel, and Jeanette was seized by moment. Do you recall that I mentioned exuberance? I don’t kid. Jeanette was like a kid in a candy store, so excited was she to be in the bustling downtown Christmas landscape. She had been very patient with me moaning about my lack of caffeine (my coffee pot had broken just days before) through the whole bus ride, and once we reached downtown, she was as ambitious as I about finding caffeine (likely to shut me up). Lucky for her, we’re in Seattle. There is a coffee shop/stand on (literally) every corner. I, however, had to add to my caffeine-deprived misery: you see, I happened to have a Tully’s coupon, so I dragged Jeanette around for a few torturous moments in search of a Tully’s. None were to be found (near enough to indulge my addiction soon enough) so to Starbuck’s we went. I’m still not entirely convinced I can be Jeanette’s kindred spirit if the girl doesn’t even like coffee, but I said a little prayer for her and focused my attention on my latte.
From there (aaaahhh…my aches & pains were easing away as I sipped. really, I’m THAT addicted) we meandered through the Pike Place Market and through the streets of Seattle. I’d love to say that we shopped till we dropped, but I hate shopping (‘Shopping with a Mission’ is my motto) and Jeanette is a thrift store addict, so really, shopping (downtown) didn’t hold a lot of interest for either of us. We did hit Old Navy (my second home) and picked up a few things before lunch, including some fuzzy Christmas slippers for Bella. It was nice to be downtown in the Christmas hustle & bustle, but navigating the stroller through the crowds had taken its toll on me and I was none to happy to settle in for lunch at Gordon Biersch. I still feel guilty for taking Jeanette to a chain for lunch but I was uninspired, given that I was starving and a juicy burger sounded fantastic. We ate, we gossiped some more, we both juggled Hana (what a saint Jeanette is – she gets a long-awaited break from mommy-hood, and there she is bouncing a 6 month old on her hip while I shovel garlic fries in my face).
I had scheduled manicures for the two of us at the Gene Juarez salon (I was hoping and praying that Hana would sit patiently and sweetly cooing in her stroller while we got prettied up), and given that neither of us are spa-frequenters, we were quite excited. As the clock struck 4:30 (or something like that—its been so long, I forget some of the details), we were riding up the elevator to the swanky salon. I wheeled the stroller right up to the front counter and gave our names. The two bombshells at the desk looked at each other, looked at us, and informed me that our appointment had been at 4. No, you must be mistaken, I said. No, they said back. 4pm. You’re late. And now the manicurist is booked solid. To make a few torturous minutes short: Jeanette & I exchanged looks, I argued weakly with the receptionist, she held her ground, and I gave up. This is my biggest disappointment about the whole weekend. My apologies again, Jeanette. Boo hiss on them. I swear I had the time right.
So, we hung our heads and headed back for the bus tunnel, our spirits a bit deflated. To make matters worse, we just missed our bus, so we had to sit in the cold dungeon of the bus tunnel on tired feet with a cranky baby. There was talk of a nice girls-only (no babies, no husbands) dinner out. I still felt slightly motivated by this thought, but waiting for the bus was quickly wearing us down. The bus finally arrived, and a long ride home in the dark ensued. Even our chatter was more of a drone by this point, I think.
By the time we got home, Jeanette & I were unanimous: we’re staying in. We had dinner (again, details: fuzzy) in, and rented a movie to watch with Mike. I fell asleep about .05 seconds into it (standard practice), curled up on the futon next to Jeanette. Perhaps you consider it a bit odd that I fell asleep while my husband and a friend I had met only two days before enjoyed a movie together. Nah. It bears repeating again: Jeanette already felt like a comfy old friend, like someone I’ve known forever.
Saturday - The Slumber Party (et al).
Our little household awoke Saturday morning feeling refreshed and revived. Jeanette’s excitement about seeing her good friend Debbie again was evident; she exuded giddy anticipation. She hopped in the shower while I made french toast and caught up with Mike (I felt like I had hardly talked to him in the last few days, what with him working, Jeanette in town, etc.).
Debbie arrived as breakfast was being served, and I loved her immediately. She was charming, friendly, open, engaging, and well-spoken. She had a voice and composed manner of speaking that immediately drew me in and captured my attention. She was also darling: fresh-faced, crisp & outdoorsy. With her shiny brown hair, round (green?) eyes, khaki pants and fleece vest, Debbie could have just stepped off the pages of a J Crew catalog.
Jeanette & Debbie regaled us with some stories from their university days over breakfast, and then the two of them caught up with each other while Mike & I bustled around the house getting ready for the day.
Once I had showered and dressed, Debbie, Jeanette & I walked across the street to the supermarket to pick up some groceries for the evening. I got my coffee right off the bat (sense a theme here?). The highlight of the trip was Jeanette & her cheesecake. The girl was bound & determined to get a cheesecake, but the only one the store had was some ridiculous price ($16 or something?!), so Jeanette really had to duke it out with the Budget Angel and the Budget Devil on either shoulder. In the end, the devil won out and Jeanette went home not only with a cheesecake but also with some sinful chocolate and berry syrups as well. We stocked up on the fixings for fajitas & margaritas, and Debbie put it all on her credit card. We of course agreed to pay her back, but the mere fact that she was willing to put about $100 worth of groceries (for a group of strangers) really highlights her character. Debbie struck me as so authentically thoughtful and considerate and sweet.
A short while later my friend Melissa (one of my best friends, and a dedicated iParenting reader) arrived with Ella (her daughter, born 2 weeks after Hana). Melissa had generously offered to be part of the driving contigent for our trip to IKEA. It seems odd for me to put Melissa down on paper, as close as we are. It is easier to sum up the essence of someone you don’t know as well, whose intricacies you aren’t so familiar with. But I feel like I must, to capture the whole group. Melissa is elegant and graceful and smart and discerning and astute and perceptive and keen and clever and funny and charming and poised and constant and sharp and warm and open-minded and fair and loving, and I am lucky to count her as one of - well jeez -as my very best friend.
Jeanette & Debbie decided to ride together and continue catching up. Debbie assured us she’s a good follower, and so we were off, with Melissa, Ella, Hana & I in the lead. Debbie was right. She’s a fantastic follower. Melissa kept remarking on what a good follower Debbie was, on how she stayed just the right distance behind, how she switched lanes when she was supposed to, went the right speeds, etc. This, it must be noted, is a big compliment. Once at IKEA, we all wandered into the lobby to our designated meeting spot, sure to find Heather & Christina waiting (we were a bit late). We were, however, the first ones there, so we perched ourselves near the door and waited in a little circle. I honestly don’t remember many details about the initial meet & greet when Heather & Christina arrived, other than that I recognized Christina right away (after seeing many pictures) and didn’t recognize Heather at all (having seen only one picture quite awhile back). What I do remember are the couple of hours we spent meandering through IKEA, getting to know each other. It really was a nice way to break the ice and get to know everyone. We walked, mingled, talked in pairs, threesomes, as a group, separated, reconvened, waited, shopped, searched for Jeanette & Debbie, shared a table, lost Jeanette, swapped stories, and circulated as we weaved our way through the monolith that is IKEA.
Christina was, like Jeanette, just as I had imagined. She is a sunny spirit, one of those people who brighten your day just by being near you. She is like a ray of sunshine. Happy, bright, sweet & kind. An optimist. There is a restaurant in Bellingham that was one of my favorite places to get breakfast in college. You know the type of place: cozy, inviting, homey, warm, merry & lively. It is called The Little Cheerful….and that is the phrase that comes to mind when I think of Christina. She is The Little Cheerful; she just makes you feel good and comfortable and at home in her presence. She is honest and open. I found her candor & sincerity to be an inspiration. We talked of our babies as we shopped, and we shared a cart that ended up with pairs of most everything – I guess we have similar tastes too! With Christina, there are no pretenses. She is 100% genuine and she is a rare gem.
Prior to this event, I had gotten to know Jeanette & Christina via emailing, phone conversations etc. I had not, however, every really talked with Heather. I had read her diaries and was already humbled by her exceptional writing, her phenomenal intelligence and almost-mystic insight. I had also, through emails exchanged prior to our gathering, learned that she has a raucous sense of humor and a tendency towards profanity, and this really endeared her to me. What I hadn’t anticipated was what a calming & peaceful presence Heather is. I know she denies it, but the other ladies are right – Heather is soft-spoken and quiet…at first glance. What is unearthed as you talk to her though, is this of intelligence, humor and wit. When I think of Heather I get this sense of an earthquake, of this slow and magnificent revealing of a very deep, soulful person. She also has that quick wit, sailor’s mouth and no-holds-barred sense of humor I expected, topped off by a disarmingly mischievous smile.
As far as I can remember, a few of us bought a few things, but no one was extravagant and everything fit in the caravan of autos headed back to my house. Melissa led the pack again, and everyone followed fabulously. I chose to direct Melissa to take the windy, back-roads route to my house from the freeway. I think the followers were confused and completely disoriented, but I’m convinced I succeeded and now they’ll never find their way back again (haha, just kidding!). My fantastic husband whipped up some strawberry margaritas and fajitas and beans & rice, while I fritted about the kitchen (still not sure what the hell I was doing, but I was busy). Dinner was served. We stuffed ourselves and then faced dessert. Not only did we have Jeanette’s $16 cheesecake, but Christina had made one of the most fantastic dessert bar treats I have ever eaten (hey Christina, can you send me that recipe?!). I think if she ever decides to quit nursing, this woman could open a bakery and be incredibly successful. It was sumptuous.
We ate, we drank, we shared birth stories, we shared life stories, we swapped perspectives on medicine, children, marriage, family. We all just got to know each other a little better and we peeled back the layers. This slumber party was the highlight of the whole weekend, and so I feel like I should have some magnificent story to tell about the evening. But I don’t. It was a fun, silly, chatty, cozy evening among friends. It was plain and simple and perfect.
Sunday. The Morning After.
Well, actually, let’s back up to Sunday morning, 1am-ish. I think this is when Heather & I (last men standing) finally went to bed. After everyone else had headed home or gone to bed, Heather & I put on some tea and stayed up, talking about literature, school, work and family in dim light. It was a wonderful way to wrap up the evening, and is one of those peaceful memories I will always cherish.
The next morning the household roused itself. We showered and made our breakfast plans and rushed out the door so that we could meet Christina at a café downtown (about as halfway as we could come up with). We had a wonderful breakfast and it was fun to recap the evening and spend some more time with Christina before she had to leave us and go to work. It was a pretty typical lazy Sunday morning brunch, complete with good food and good coffee. Heather joins me in my caffeine addiction, and we both ordered coffee the nano second we sat down. We said goodbyes on the sidewalk after breakfast, and we all lingered there for awhile, I think because we didn’t want to end this weekend just yet.
On our way back to my house we stopped in at Melissa’s house and visited, did the tour, etc. Melissa & Ella decided then to follow us back to my house, where we said our very reluctant goodbyes to Heather & Debbie, and then had to fight Jeanette into her tennis shoes. Melissa & I determined that it was the perfect day for a walk, sunny & crisp. Jeanette felt that it was the perfect day to laze on the couch. Melissa & I won. Jeanette put up a good fight though. Eventually we wore her down, strapped her into the neglected sneakers and we were on our way. We had a nice walk around Greenlake and even Jeanette begrudgingly admitted she was enjoyed herself about halfway around!
The rest of the day was more Jeanette Style. We lounged, we relaxed, we read magazines and talked. We picked up a pizza and just hung out at home, enjoying our last moments together.
Monday. We Part.
The alarm went off at 3:30am, I think. I believe the last time I was up at 3:30am was a couple of years ago, and it wasn’t that I was waking up…I was still up, probably at a dingy club or party somewhere. This time, I was wrapped in my warm bedding with my warm husband and baby surrounding me. The only thing that dragged me out was that I knew I could climb back in again in about an hour and a half. I woke Jeanette and like zombies we got ourselves ready and packed into the car. To give you an idea of just how out-of-it we really were: as I pulled onto the freeway entrance ramp, I noticed a police car pulling up quickly behind me. I assumed he was after someone ahead of me and stayed to the right so he could pass. He didn’t pass though. Just kept getting closer & closer. And then the lights went on. It still hadn’t really occurred to me that he could be pulling ME over. I wasn’t speeding. Finally Jeanette brought me to reality and informed me that I’d best pull over. So off to the side we go, and He is a She (cop). I don’t have my headlights on. Nice coppy though, and I don’t get a ticket. Flip on the lights and off we go. The parting was anticlimactic given the hour of the day. I was sad to see Jeanette go, but I could feel her itching to see Bella and Sam, and we had made some good memories to last us until I get down to Phoenix.
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