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January 15, 2003

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Warning: This is long. 9-pages-in-Word long. It is the best way I can attempt to make up for my unexcusable absence from posting and from my TTM board (which is now deserted, and I deserve it).

I have documented our first Christmas with Hana in enough detail to bore even myself, but I wanted to record it for Hana and for me. Feel free to skip right over my who-came-where-we-went-what-we-ate-list-of-presents litany.

I was going to include Jeanette’s trip to Seattle and our Diary-Writers slumber party in this entry, but it has become too long. So, (*sigh*) I will post it either later this week or next week in its entirety (no “to be continued’s”, I promise).

So, here’s catch-up for several weeks worth of neglecting this diary…
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Hana, Hana, Hana (just a reminder—its pronounced like “sauna”)
The first thing I thought of as the clock struck midnight on January 1st was that this is no longer the year Hana was born. It is now the year that she’ll turn one. One year. Wow. How can it be?

Hana is now 7 months old. I can hardly believe it. Time really does fly. The one thing that all (experienced) parents tell new parents is surely true—that it all goes by so quickly, that you will wake up one day to teenagers and wonder where the years have gone. Sad, but bittersweet, because those years that fly by will be filled with the best that life has to offer, and you’re rewarded with all of the incredible memories to cherish always.

So what can I tell you about this awesome girl who has made my life deeper and richer a million times over? Plenty. Here goes…

Hana has two teeth - the bottom middle two. They didn’t seem to bother her much when they were coming in, and I haven’t experienced the horrors of teething I’ve heard about. We had one bad night about a week ago, but I can’t blame it on teething for certain. She got her first tooth in early December, and the next one followed in short order. She is just beginning to figure out how to grind Cheerios against the two teeth, but more often than not she just gags on the Cheerios. A bit of a drama queen, I think. Speaking of Cheerios, this girl already has her pincer grasp working. She doesn’t just rake them, she actually can pick them up between her thumb and pointer finger. Brilliant, I tell you!

Let’s see, what are some other tricks she has up her sleeve? She can clap and pat-a-cake on cue (well, when she feels like it). She knows bye-bye and will wave (albeit sometimes we both arms flapping wildly) on cue and sometimes just when someone leaves her line of sight, with no prompting. She knows “kitty” and will contort herself into all kinds of positions looking for the cat when the magic word is spoken. She knows “no” and shakes her head Stevie-Wonder-style. This is the best of all her tricks…maybe because it’s the newest. It is hysterical to see her bob that little fuzzy head back and forth and smile at her own cleverness. She also knows “kiss” and will lean forward and place her open mouth on your face when you say the word. Ah, it makes my heart melt every time!

Hana still dislikes being on her tummy, and I really believe she may never crawl. She makes little army crawl moves and sometimes propels herself backwards or sideways or in a circle, but so far never forward. She gets irritated with this charade pretty quickly, and usually rolls onto her back in a matter of minutes, and then strains to pull herself up to a sitting (or more preferably, standing) position. Or yells until someone gets her up off the floor. I must give her credit, it is not much of a vantage point.

Now standing…that is another story…standing is definitely Hana’s gig. She LOVES to stand. She ALWAYS wants to be standing. On the floor, in her crib, on a lap, holding onto a table, holding onto a chair, holding onto a laundry basket, holding onto a box, holding onto the headboard of the bed…whatever. If she’s standing, this girl is happy. She has been a stander since birth, honestly. Legs of steel, we say (appearances can be deceiving; you should see these thunder thighs-“steel” would not be the adjective you would choose!). She is particularly proud of herself when she holds on one-handed while standing. She looks up with a gleam in her eyes, wobbling on those little legs with one hand in the air, and I swear she wiggles her brows in a “hey mama, check me out!” fashion.

Hana has now figured out how to take steps when we hold her hands and walk with her. She loves it, and she gets those little legs going so fast that she starts walking in an almost-horizontal position-ha! Put the kitty in front of her, and I swear she almost runs (the cat, by the way, looks incredibly frightened at the prospect of this child actually walking). Last night Mike set Hana up against the bottom stair, half-leaning/half-sitting, and moved about a foot away from her and held out his hands. I thought for sure she would just stare at him, or fall over, but…she stood up on her own two feet and took a step! I kid you not, she took a good solid step toward him, all on her own (no hand holding, nuthin’). Then she toppled into Daddy’s arms. Of course we were both so impressed and shocked that we made her perform several more times, and she delivered each time! I wanted to run and get the video camera, but I didn’t want to miss a minute of it, so I didn’t. Now of course I’m kicking myself. I hate to see her grow up so quickly, but at the same time it is so incredible and so fun and such a miracle to watch her reach all of these new milestones and achieve these awesome feats. A step! WOW. My baby…my sweet baby is growing up.

I usually take the Metro (bus) to and from work each day. It’s a bit longer than driving, but WAY less expensive, better for my conscience, and I actually do enjoy the quiet uninterrupted time to read or just stare out the window and relax. The other day as I walked up to our house from the bus stop, bemoaning in my mind the time it takes for me to get from point A to point B, I saw Hana sitting in her highchair in the window. She spotted me from quite a distance, and a big smile broke across her face. As I got closer, she wiggled and squirmed in her chair, and by the time I reached the door, she was literally bouncing up and down in excitement, with a grin as wide as her cheeks. I tell you this, it is little, seemingly insignificant moments like this that confirm for me, without a doubt, that there is no greater role in the world than “Mom.” If she never says a word of thanks (but gosh, I sure hope she does), seeing her smiles and her joy are thanks enough.

Hana has a fine layer of curly blonde hair. In the back, where she lays on her head, the hair is nappy and coarse, and it cracks me up. Mike worries that all of her hair will be this way and she’ll hate it forever, but I know it’s just from sleeping on it there-the rest is soft and smooth. Besides, she’s female…she’ll probably hate her hair no matter what it does. Hana’s hair is starting to curl into ringlets or a little flip-curl right under her ears, and it is so adorable. Recently she’s been getting a lot of comments about the curl and the color. Many a woman in the last few weeks has remarked on the color in particular—its been described as “the perfect ash blonde,” and as “champagne blonde,” and one woman said “people pay a lot of money to get that shade of blonde!” My friend Melissa & I went and visited our midwives last week, and my midwife commented that it was a bit strawberry blonde, although I don’t really see that except rarely, in certain light. Hair, hair, hair. If it does turn out curly like mine (although mine has been much straighter since I had Hana), I can be sure that Hana will struggle with it. I remember wanting so badly to produce the big bangs of the 80s, but I never could. My curly hair would rebel into little ringlets on my forehead. Oh how I hated my bangs! I hope that I can help Hana appreciate her curls (if she gets them) and…well, really I’m getting to something much bigger. I hope I can teach her to love herself for herself, especially during those rough pre-teen years. If I’m still here in 10 or 11 years, I’ll be looking for good advice!

One Saturday afternoon Hana and I went to Mike’s office with him while he did some work. We walked around the neighborhood and admired all of the charming little homes and the mountain/Puget South views. Mike met us for lunch at a little Italian deli, Robertinos. We each had a cappuccino and shared a bowl of minestrone and some antipasti. I decided to give Hana a little taste of the minestrone; this was the first time I had veered off of the standard baby fare of pureed veggies or fruit or rice cereal. Well, she LOVED it. She firmly and very seriously placed both hands flat on the table, and heaved forward for more. She was not messing around! We ordered a bowl of strawberry gelato (Italian ice cream, sort of) after lunch and Mike gave Hana another little taste, which produced an equally enthusiastic response. She had the two Italian ladies behind the counter cracking up, and Mike & I were almost in tears at her antics.

The Holidays
Hana’s first Christmas was wonderful, warm, and filled with family & friends. She didn’t really know what was going on, but she always loves a chance to hang with her grandparents and her aunt Ceilidh (pronounced Kay-Lee) and uncles Kyle & Trevor, and her cousins, so she was a happy gal.

The big Christmas hoopla this year was Hana’s acting debut as Baby Jesus in the St. Mark’s Parish Christmas Eve Children’s Mass. Mary Lee (the “church lady,” for lack of a better term) even reserved an entire front-row pew for our family (a big bonus at this most-crowded Christmas Mass). You get top-notch service when you travel with Baby Jesus.

Despite requests from Mary Lee to arrive about a half an hour early, I ran, huffing & puffing, into the Church about 10 minutes before Mass began at 5pm. I had the female Baby Jesus slung on my hip in her very feminine Christmas attire, and Mary Lee gave me a look of apprehension when she spotted us. Quickly I stripped Jesus down to her skivvies—a white onsie—and wrapped her in a white blanket. She looked angelic, and frankly, a bit old & a bit big to be Jesus. I surely wouldn’t deny her this big debut though. Talk about starting at the top, playing Jesus in your first role. About 15 minutes into Mass, the eighth grade cast of Mary, Joseph and their posse paraded onto the altar. Mary (a girl with 10—yes, 10—siblings) came to the pew and took the sweet Baby Jesus from my arms. Jesus, completely unaware that she was now center-stage, was enamored by Mary’s rosary (necklace) and was trying desperately to get it in her mouth. The narrator narrarated, Mary & Joseph and the Wise Men did their thing, and Jesus happily tugged and sucked on Mary’s rosary through the whole thing. The 10-minute performance went off flawlessly and Mary returned Jesus to me with nary a cry. At the end of Mass Father Otto said a special thanks to the fantastic Baby Jesus, and HER whole family glowed with pride from the front pew…

After Mass we headed to my aunt & uncles house (my mom’s side of the fam), where we enjoyed some fabulous hors de ‘oeuvres (smoked salmon with a wonderful soft cheese on little wafers), some adult beverages (including the wine my uncle made from their very own grapes-smashed under their very own feet), and a succulent ham with all of the trimmings. I was the lucky adult who got to sit at the “kid’s table” in the kitchen since I was feeding Hana. An intriguing conversation about dog poop commenced, and I was none to happy to feed Hana, eat quickly, and hover around the adult table. Post-dinner we opened gifts and generally celebrated. The highlight was a gift for Hana, a fancy doll made in New York City (I’ve forgotten the name of the company now). The history is this: my mom got one for her first Christmas (Christmas 1951 – my mom was the exact age that Hana was at Christmas this year), and my Grandpa got some film of her “opening” the gift. In the film, my Grandma hands baby Margaret (my mom) her new doll, and she brings it to her face and gently kisses the doll. Back to present: my mom ordered one of these dolls for Hana (this was a surprise to me) for her first Christmas. It came in a beautiful pastel pink & blue striped box. When I opened it I made the connection right away. I handed the doll to Hana, and guess what? She gently brought the doll to her face and gave her a kiss. It was incredible; the same scene we’ve all seen on film from 1951, unplanned & replayed right before our eyes in 2002. It was one of those goosebump moments, and my mom, my grandma and I all had tears in our eyes. AND we even captured it all on video (a miracle for me, who never has the camera on at the right time).

On Christmas morning, Mike’s mom & brother & sister came over about 9am. Mike’s mom, a worse procrastinator than I (unbelievable), still hadn’t finished her wrapping, so she frantically wrapped presents in the rec room while I made cinnamon rolls and got the coffee started. Eventually we all gathered together in the living room, beside the fire and the fire-hazard of a Christmas tree (we have a nice double-windowed corner in our living room—“just perfect for a Christmas tree,” we thought! The windows, however, are placed right above two heaters. Therefore, by Christmas, our tree would crumble when you even looked at it). Hana was in need of a nap by the time we opened presents, but she hung in there until the last box was chewed on. She zonked out just as my mom, dad, grandma & brother were arriving to join us for breakfast. My mom & I each made an egg casserole (a Christmas morning tradition for us) dish, and it’s a good thing we each made one—because I misread the directions and baked it for TWO hours instead of one. Oops. It turned out OK, but it was nice to have at least one casserole that didn’t have an extra-crispy top. We toasted each other with mimosas, said Grace, and enjoyed our Christmas breakfast. After breakfast we opened gifts with my parents. Some of the highlight gifts from Christmas morning were an outdoor fireplace/grill for the patio in our backyard from my parents, a xylophone for Hana (she LOVES it) from her Uncle Kyle, 3 of my favorite Gap tees from Mike (honestly, this was my favorite gift—how pathetic am I that t-shirts are what I get jazzed about?!), a beautiful sterling silver bracelet from Mike’s mom, two beautiful Christmas Nutcrackers from Mike’s mom (for our mantle-we’re collecting them), an adorable snowsuit for Hana from my parents, some sexy new undies for me from Mike (yes, he is trying to tell me something), a (golf) putting-practice set for Mike from his mom, 4 more of my silver place settings from my parents, and several new outfits for Hana, fashionista that she is.

Later in the afternoon we headed to my aunt & uncle’s house to nosh with the cousins & aunts on my dad’s side of the family. Their house is a beautiful log home on wooded property. The house is so cozy and fun - warmed by a wood-burning stove that smells of winter, with the little cousins climbing the walls where the logs meet and chasing each other in circles around the stairs. Beautiful quilts hang from the log walls, and old black & white family photos line the antique tables and buffets around the rooms. My aunt had set up a buffet of finger-foods: warm artichoke dip & crusty bread, cheeses, crackers & meats, crunchy veggies and dip, chicken wings, etc. We chatted and we ate and we opened our gifts in a bit of a rush that left me feeling guilty and a bit sad. We still had another stop—Mike’s aunt’s—so we couldn’t stay for long. I don’t see my dad’s side of the family as often as I would like, so I was disappointed to be in such a rush to visit and catch-up. Hana got 3 adorable items from Old Navy: some brightly-striped pjs, a knit hat with two pom-poms on top, and an ensemble of animal-print fleece pants (boot-cut, of course) and a fur-collared sweater. What a knockout she is in that one! She also got a Raggedy Ann doll and an adorable ecru hooded cable-knit sweater--she looks like she stepped off the pages of a Gap ad in this sweater. Speaking of which, has anyone checked out the finalists from the Gap’s “casting call”? Pretty cute, all of ‘em. The men…Whew, check out the men. I digress. Mike got a big work-light for his “shop” in our basement, and I got…well, I actually can’t remember. Shoot. It will come to me later, probably at 3:30 in the morning or something.

Around 4ish, we were back in the car on our way to Mike’s aunt’s house for dinner. We arrived just in time for the ham & turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, salads, and three pies. YUM. Hana spent most of the evening in awe of her 10-month old cousin (second cousin-?) Paige, who was a whirlwind of activity, crawling around the house, up and down the stairs, under the table, over the couches. We were all impressed with the way she could hop across the room on her bottom, a move I’ve never seen before and that is undoubtedly difficult to replicate! For dinner, Hana sampled mashed potatoes with gravy, and this girl is a gravy fan, let me tell you. She couldn’t get enough. She also adores sweet potatoes, and made sure she got her fill. After dinner she dined on a little lemon cream pie and pumpkin pie, and again, expressed her favor. One look at her cheeks (or her thighs) is proof enough that this girl likes to eat!

We arrived home weary but happy about 8pm. Hana literally dived from my arms into her crib and fell sound asleep in seconds. I went to the living room, unable to resist the temptation to get rid of the cedar boughs that were dropping from the mantle to the carpet. Feeling Scrooge-ish but ready, I started with the boughs on the mantle, and could not stop. By night’s end, we had the tree down, ornaments packed away, mantle cleared (except for the lovely poinsettias that are still there today, mid-January), and floor vacuumed. In the midst of our frantic clearing and packing, Mike & I stopped and looked at each other sheepishly, discussed how awful we were for putting everything away on Christmas night, and then eagerly decided to keep going! I must admit, it felt good to wake on December 26 to a clean house. We still had the poinsettias and the holiday cards strung from the mantle to remind us that the holiday season was passing, but the house was CLEAN and pine-needle free. Aaahhh…

A clean house was a necessity because we had about 30 people coming for New Year’s Eve, and I was working all week between Christmas & New Years (except the weekend). I know, I know, the house will only get messier and dirtier after a party. All the same, I can’t host a party in a messy house. We are still very close to a big group of our high school friends, and most of us have known each other from grade school or middle school. It is an awesome group, an incredibly tight-knit group, and we all do feel like family. So I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend New Year’s Eve…in my own house with the best of friends, my husband and my sweet baby girl.

The guests started arriving about 6:30pm. We had our dining room table set up for a buffet dinner. I had arranged “menu designations” prior to the event, and everyone followed through so that we ended up with an awesome smorgasbord. We had hors de ‘oeuvres of veggies & dip & cheese fondue, cheese & crackers & breadsticks & some AWESOME stuffed mushrooms that I still drool over when I think of them. For dinner I made “Ski Soup” (tomato based broth with sausage, cabbage, potatoes and onions) and we had the for fixings ham & turkey sandwiches. There were a couple of delicious green salads and some warm cheese quesadillas. Dessert was a buffet of fresh fruit, raspberry cheesecake (HEAVEN), cookies, chocolate covered biscotti, and various chocolate candies. We also had what amounted to a full bar set up in the kitchen, which of course became the most popular place in the whole house (until the karaoke was set up, more on that later). Our kitchen is a galley kitchen about the size of most people’s closets, so getting a drink was roughly equivalent to…well, getting a drink in a crowded bar.

The one other couple with a child brought baby Lucas, who was three months old and slept through the entire evening (this was no quiet affair). His parents kept remarking that they need to have a party at their own house every night if it would make him sleep so well. Hana entertained everyone through dinner and dessert, and did her fair share of food-sampling, as per usual. In the middle of dinner, our living room was brightened and aglow with flashing red and blue lights from outside. We rushed out to find a police car parked in our driveway; our friend Rich who is with the Seattle PD. He & his partner joined the party for a few minutes, and then headed on their way to protect and patrol the streets of Seattle. Looked lovely to the neighbors, I’m sure. I can hear it now “that nice young couple with the baby; it’s a shame. Police cars and a big party on New Year’s Eve...”

Shortly after dessert, the guys decided to break out the karaoke machine (our friend Brian’s Christmas gift from his wife Bernice…a gift she is surely kicking herself for….and a gift that will now be standard fare at all of our gatherings, I’m sure). Mind you, none --not-a-one-- of our friends can sing. Nonetheless, everyone took a turn (or fifty) at the mike, and I honestly think it was on and going for 8 or 9 hours straight. Hana and baby Lucas both slept through all the ruckus. Just before midnight we passed out champagne, noise-makers, party hats and those popper things that leave little strings of confetti in your carpet until the end of time. Everyone gathered to do the countdown with Dick Clark, and whooped and hollered when the clock struck twelve. And the babies slept…Then we headed to the backyard where the guys let off about 15 rounds of really loud, really obnoxious fireworks (illegal in Seattle, yes….I’m sure the neighbors heads were shaking so hard they heard rattling). And the babies slept… The party rallied on in the backyard for quite awhile, until everyone re-convened inside for toasts and then wrapped the party up with about….oh, THREE MORE HOURS of karaoke. Yes, we karaoked until about 3:30am. At one point, someone put on Garth Brook’s “Friends in Low Places” and we were all sitting in a big circle with our arms around each other, shouting out the words and singing together. I looked around and thought “it just doesn’t get any better than this.” Surrounded by friends I’ve known since I was a kid, singing a song we’ve all sung together a hundred times since middle school, most of us drunk and happy. Happy, happy new year.

Around 3am, I noticed that Mike was absent. Headed upstairs only to find him curled up in bed, half-asleep. “Excuse me?!” said I. My dear husband informed me that he was tired but he certainly didn’t want to spoil the party, so he decided to just sneak off to bed. I gave him an earful about how I was tired too, and I appreciated him leaving it to me to wrap things up (this was all in good humor—how could I not laugh at this logic?!). He said wearily “well, you can just come to bed too…” Um, sure. I’ll just leave our TWENTY friends in the basement singing karaoke all night…

Bernice (the party responsible for the karaoke machine) finally decided she’d had enough and rounded up her husband, the dear karaoke machine, and headed for home. The remainders soon followed suit, and I was in bed by 4am. Woke up at 10am the next morning to find my awesome husband had cleaned the entire house, run the dishwasher about fifty times, run the vacuum, taken out the recycle….What a guy. He more than made up for going to bed before the party was over, that’s for sure!

My resolutions for 2003:

1) SKI! I want to ski (even just once) this year. Last year I was pregnant so I didn’t get to go, boo-hoo. This year it would be easy to miss out again, what with the baby and all. But…Mike is busy planning a weekend ski trip somewhere in BC (as in British Columbia, Canada) in February, so hopefully that will be my chance to (please God) get some fresh powder and cold mountain wind on my face. Hana will come with us, but we’re going with about 4 other couples so I’m sure someone will be willing to watch her for a few hours while Mike & I ski. There are a few things in life that top my list of “Good Things,” and this is one of them: skiing hard all day and coming back to a cozy cabin or lodge (ski-in, preferably!) to sit in the hot tub with a drink, good food, and good company. Bliss.

2) Go to at least one good outdoor summer concert with Hana & Mike. Here in Seattle we have some great summer concert series. One of my favorites is ZooTunes; Woodland Park Zoo hosts some terrific artists each summer. It used to be a relatively “unknown” event, but in recent years has become much more popular (so tickets sell quickly). A stage is set up on a grassy field at the zoo, and people bring blankets, lawn chairs and picnic baskets. The shows usually begin in the early evening and continue until after dusk. Mike & I have gone to a ZooTunes show for several years, but we missed out last summer (what with the brand new baby and all…), but I’m determined to go to a show this year. Two summers ago (engaged and childless) we saw Joan Osborne (“What if God Was One of Us…”) at the zoo, and we sat behind a couple with a little girl about a year and a half old. I remember watching this young family, and the evening just felt magical. Blue dusky sky, sun setting behind the mountains, warm summer air, laying on a blanket on the fresh grass…watching this beautiful couple, so in love with their charming, vivacious little girl who was dancing freely to the music, gleefully munching on her dessert, and amusing those around her with her chatter, her joy and her zest. I vowed then and there to share a lifetime of such a joyful summer evening with my own family someday.

3) Come to some peace about working. I’ve been up and down and around and inside out about work. One day I’m content, the next I’m not. I’ve looked into a few different options (for work), and what have I decided? That its best if I stay put. Mike & I could probably swing it if I stayed home, but I don’t want to live that way. It wouldn’t be that we would be giving up luxuries like fancy vacations, dinners out or fancy cars. We would be giving up things I don’t consider luxuries…like good food (I just don’t want to live on mac n cheese and tuna casserole, nope) and new clothes (I like buying clothes, I admit it.). And I like the extra padding we have right now—that we can splurge when we want to, that we can enjoy nights out with our friends, or buy Hana special gifts or clothes, or take a weekend trip if we want to… I realize how shallow that sounds, but I do know and believe that life is not about “things,” and I think I live by that. All the same, I hate fretting over money and I enjoy being comfortable and being able to enjoy some flexibility. I also look at the big picture, the long term, and realize that me working adds up in more ways than just my take-home pay. I’m still contributing 15% to my 401k and that is matched by my employer, so I’m also contributing to our future and our retirement.

Most days I even like my job. I enjoy the purpose of it, I enjoy that I do actually help people, I do some real honest ‘good’ with my work, and sometimes people are even kind enough to thank me for it (!). I think the time away from Hana is good for me, and given that she is always in good hands (my mom, Mike’s mom, or my grandma), its probably good for her too. Of course I would love to stay at home and sometimes I do get sad that I’m not. But the big picture is that I am blessed and lucky to have a job that allows me to work part-time, to get home early in the afternoon, that challenges me, and that compensates me (and my family) very well in both pay and benefits. And most importantly, I’m incredibly lucky that Hana is taken care of by people who love her as much as I do (or almost…!) and gets constant one-on-one attention. So, my goal for this year is to remember all of this and to count my blessings with regard to being a working mom.

4) Buy a second car. We’ve now been a one-car family for about 8 months. It is definitely “do-able”, and it has definitely forced me to be a bit more resourceful and creative. It has also been a pain in the ass. We’ve hemmed and hawed about it long enough. We can afford a second car, and the thrift of it is just no longer worth the inconvenience of it. So we’re starting to look, and we will hopefully come to an agreement soon (on what type of car) and we will get this ball rolling and we will have a second car by this summer!

5) Take several day-trips this spring/summer. We live in such an incredibly beautiful part of the country, and I want to get out and enjoy it more, see more of it, hike in it, swim in it, breathe it in, revel in it.

6) Begin organizing my photos in photo albums, starting with Hana’s first year. The rest of the old photos can remain in their boxes, disheveled and disorganized.

Oh good Lord, this is waaaaaaaaaaay too long. I have to pump and go catch my bus. I promise that next time you hear from me, it will be about the Thanksgiving weekend with Jeanette, Heather, Christina et al.

Happy, happy 2003 to everyone!
~Jessica