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October 5, 2003
OK, just to warn you, it is late and I am very tired, so this may not come out the way I want it to, but here goes!
I am now 30 weeks pregnant, and I am really ready to stop nursing Sarah (who is almost 22 months). I find I just don't enjoy it anymore. It hurts; she is very squirmy, she plays around too much, and I think it's actually doing her more harm than good. Here is what I mean by that:
The only time she nurses is when I put her to bed, and sometimes during the night (we co-sleep). Usually my husband does the bedtime routine, so all I am doing are the naps (during the day when he is at work). Now, when he puts her to bed, she lays down nicely next to him and goes to sleep all on her own. It takes him 5 minutes on average. Tonight he even told me that she was falling asleep as he was putting on her diaper!!
When I put her to sleep, I can almost count on being in there for a half hour. She will NOT go to sleep for me without nursing. You think it would be an advantage- the comfort of nursing. You think she would fall asleep quicker, but it is not so. She is very restless, squirming all over the place, and even after she falls asleep, I have to wait longer still before breaking the suction, lest she wake up and we start all over!
Then there is the "all-night buffet" syndrome. This is where she cycles into a lighter sleep phase, turns towards me and wants "milkies"! If I try to deny her, she will awaken fully, and then I am screwed. Most of the time, she will latch on and go right back to sleep. But there are some nights where she just seems to want to stay attached all night, and (again with the irony) it seems to keep her more restless and awake than calm! I end up not sleeping for hours on end, trying to get her back to sleep. =(
Listen, I am a grumpy, pregnant woman who is already having enough discomfort, and enough trouble sleeping, without this extra aggrevation. I am really in conflict here, because I realize that this baby will be here very soon. I wonder if it is even POSSIBLE to wean at this point, or if the baby's birth will just make her regress back into it. I just feel that it is time for us to end this nursing relationship. I plan to nurse the new baby, and I am beginning to feel like I will never have my body back!
Somebody please help!!!!!!!!
Grumpy Preggo in the Florida heat,
Jennifer
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