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May 15, 2003
OK. So I know I owe you a big, fat entry, so I will do my best not to disappoint. I finally have some quiet time alone, and I am forcing myself to do this. I figure if I wait until I feel inspired AND have the time, it will NEVER happen, and I will have to close my diary. So! Without further ado, here we go...
*Pregnancy*
So far, very uneventful. Surprising, really, considering the state of everything else in my life. It's weird, because in a way, it almost doesn't feel real. There are days when I nearly forget about it completely! Of course, there ARE a multitude of other things going on in my life right now, so that probably has a lot to do with it. More on that as we go on...
*Sarah*
After all, she IS the inspiration of this diary, is she not? She deserves at LEAST her "15 minutes of fame". Well, right now, I am sad to say she is sick. Has been for about a week now. Actually, we both have. It was one of those colds that start out kind of quiet. I actually thought it was allergies at first. Clear, runny nose, watery eyes, and lots of sneezing. A few days later, however, we progressed to thick, yellows mucus and eye goopies. (Lovely image, no?) After that, came the horrible cough and the high fever. (Scary, but Motrin works wonders!) She is doing much better now, but I will be glad when it is all over.
Sickness aside, Sarah is a full-fledged toddler, tantrums and all. She has a mind of her own and she will express it in no uncertain terms. I'm sure this is all normal, but it is very unnerving for a first-timer like me. Any tips on how to say "no" without incurring a meltdown would be greatly appreciated. I don't say "no" to much- only when she is endangering herself or others (like our poor cat!).
I probably should say SOME nice things about her, lest you all think I am raising some kind of hairy ape!
She is a wonderful girl. Every day I am in awe of her and how sweet she is. When she gives me hugs and kisses... well, I just can't get enough! I NEVER thought I would want to hug and kiss anyone much as I want to with her. There really are no words to describe how much I love her. I just always want the best for her; I want her to be safe, and healthy and happy. Now I know why people have doubts when having their second child, thinking "How could I love this child, too? How can my heart possibly hold ANY more love??" Thankfully, though, I have been reassured many times over that it can.
*A Place of Our Own*
We are finally moved in to our new apartment. Hallelujah! It is wonderful to be alone again, just the three of us. (Well, technically four. LOL.) I had no idea how much I valued privacy until we spent over a year living with his family and then mine. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to everyone for taking us in and helping us out. But as Mel Gibson said in Braveheart...
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL. Sorry. I suppose that was cheesy, but you have no idea the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. Parents mean well, I guess, but they can drive you nuts!! Always in your business, giving you advice on EVERYTHING... UGH!!!
*Kitty*
We got a kitten. It was Moe's idea. He just "had" to rescue her. Well, that's great honey, except YOU go to work everyday whilst I am stuck at home with a toddler and a kitten who seem bent on torturing each other! She plays and scratches and bites, like kittens do. Sarah grabs any part of her that is available and picks her up, like toddlers do! It is pure chaos. Most of the time, I end of losing it and locking up the cat. I don't really want to, but it seems to be the only way. Tips, anyone?
Oh yeah, and she also needs a name. She is mostly and off-white color, with grey ears & tail, and blue eyes. Suggestions?
*Feelings...*
Warning: This may not make any sense. LOL.
I have a lot of things going on in my mind, and I kind of feel like I should get them out in writing. I realize this leaves me vulnerable to popular opinion, but here goes anyway:
First, I am mad at my doctors. Two people now have practically held a gun to my head and told me I had to wean Sarah b/c I am pregnant. The P.A. I saw for my first visit said nursing can cause preterm labor. Then later on the phone, a nurse or secretary? told me I could miscarry! Of course, I have done tons of research and I know this is all bogus. I tried to explain this at my visit, but she didn't seem persuaded. Next time, I am planning to print stuff out and bring to them as proof. But I gotta admit, my resolve is fading to worry, just a bit. I know we are not ready to wean yet, but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking, "What if they're right? What if there's a chance, slim as it may be, that I could be endangering my baby?" Please rally around me, girls. I need love and support right now.
Oops! There is more to be said, but I am out of time. DH & DD are back from their shopping excursion and now Sarah is crying. It's bath time! =) Oh well, more for next time, I guess.
Thanks for sticking around. Hopefully, I have made up for my long absence. Please post to my message board with answer to my questions, and support for this frazzled lady. =)
See ya soon,
Jennifer
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