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October 7, 2003
I am sorry I haven’t update in a while – it’s kind of been a stupid couple of weeks. After I last updated you, my cough progressively went from bad to worse. A lot worse. When it was hard to breathe I decided, OK, maybe I will go to the Dr. (I hate going to the Dr.). Anyway – it turns out I had pneumonia. Oops! The good news was that it was bacterial, not viral. They said they call it “mom’s” pneumonia because moms have a habit of getting a perfectly innocuous bronchitis and then stifling coughs so as not to disturb their kids, don’t clear their lungs and then BOOM – pneumonia. So I had to go on antibiotics. Oh, and did I mention I ovulated the very same day? Lovely. DH did get home in time, but I knew that since my body was fighting the battalions of bacterial bad guys, the odds that it was going to concentrate on baby making were slim to none. We’ll go with none.
I did get better very quickly. But does it ever seem that when one thing goes away – another one starts? For example, after two weeks on antibiotics, I got that lovely side effect that antibiotics are wont to give. Grumble grumble. Then Sam got some bug where he went #2 about 15 times a day. No kidding. Now, that’s a pain enough, but this happened all night as well. In the beginning he never woke up and he had the nastiest darn diaper rash I have ever seen. Blisters, sores, the whole nine yards. After one week I took him and got a prescription cream. After two weeks and his poor back end was bleeding, I brought him back for another cream. This one worked. By this time he would wake every time he would go at night because it hurt so badly, and so we’d be up several times a night. Maybe I am not ready for another baby!! Sam has learned to ask “please” (peese) whenever he wants something, and every time I would change his diaper he would whimper and beg PEEESE! Man – they can pull at your heartstrings. But he was a trooper and last week between the cream and whatever was wrong with his bowels resolving itself, he quickly got better.
So part of the insanity of the past couple of weeks had to do with this rash. Sam’s dayhome closed last week and….gulp…. time for daycare. But he couldn’t start with this rash and I wouldn’t send him to a new situation when he wasn’t feeling well anyway. So DH and I took turns working during the day. We’d still put in full days – so one or the other of us wasn’t getting home until later at night. We were both totally busy that week – Murphy’s Law. But now that Sam is better – time to start daycare. I have been SO nervous about this. I have been no doubt overanalyzing this to death. I just keep thinking how scary this must be for him – mommy drops him off and then he’s with strangers all day, wondering if she’s coming back.
So yesterday we dropped him off and he went off and played, couldn’t care less that we left. I went to get him at the end of the day and he comes up to me sobbing, with a tear stained face, dragging the bunny he uses only to nap with. They said he realized about 15 minutes after we left that we were gone and he started crying. And he pretty much cried on and off all day. He would forget, play for a bit, then remember and cry --- all day. He barely ate and barely napped. I am impressed he napped at all. They sleep on these pads in a room all together – no cribs! Oh – and they drink from cups – with no lids!! Let’s just say I brought plenty of changes of clothes. Anyway, after I picked him up he was happy as a clam. He was in great spirits all night so I figured it didn’t bug him THAT much. But he woke up several times at night sobbing, just wanting to make sure we were still there. Breaks your heart. For now on DH will do the morning drop-off. They told us that day two is usually the hardest for the little guys. DH said he started crying before he even put him down. I really hope he gets to like it there. It is so important that he is happy while we’re at work. The daycare workers seem great, the facility is terrific, it has the makings of a success. I just really hope it works!
What else is Sam up to? Well, all of a sudden he’s becoming so much more verbal. I say he is using a new word every day – and using it correctly. Yesterday he ran around the backyard and pointed to every tree and yelled TREE on the top of his lungs. It has been warm out lately (yes I wrote about snow last time – now it’s in the 70s) so he’s picking a bunch of outdoor words. He points to everything, says the name and then looks to me for approval. He is also mimicking. By that I mean he says words or phrases correctly, but I know he doesn’t know their correct use. Or so I think. Sam can count to four, and I thought it was mimicking. But now he counts as he does things I don’t do when I count. He counts to four as he goes up the stairs, or when he stacks leggo. But here’s a PRIME example of mimicry. He counts backwardJ There is NO WAY he knows what he is doing. Whenever I heat something up for him in the microwave I count backward with the timer. But now when I get to four, off he goes, “four, tee, two, un.” Every time. It’s cute, even if it is just a copycat thing.
Oh, yes, and how could I forget the whole TTC thing. Well, I did not get PG this month but I am HIGHLY confused by my cycle. This was my first cycle on Clomid (while TTCing kiddo #2). I Od on CD 16. That I know. Well, I waited, no AF. I had tested early and I knew I wasn’t PG – but where was AF? I had one early day of spotting, but still, nothing. So I took another test and I got a faint line. I didn’t get my hopes up though because the spotting continued. Then ANOTHER day with nothing. So just when I was beginning to wonder, AF arrived 17 days DPO. So what’s up with that?? Can Clomid give false positives? Did I have a VERY early miscarriage – or a chemical pregnancy or whatever? Or can Clomid really lengthen your LP? Anyway – onto the next cycle – number eight if you’re counting, like I am.
Speaking of counting cycles, I wanted to comment on TTC. Fifteen months TTC with Sam, 8 months and counting this time – not forever by any means, but long enough to have experienced my fair share of disappointment. Now it’s time for deep thoughts (or whatever) from Jenn. Now I have troubles getting pregnant. I don’t know if it’s infertility per se – I guess maybe? But obviously I am not infertile as I have been pregnant. So I just say I have troubles getting pregnant. But I’ve been getting this somewhat disturbing vibe from the online world that people who have trouble getting pregnant should be treated with kid gloves, that they should be treated like fragile people who cannot be talked to about children. I know it’s hard -- but I couldn’t disagree more.
I love to hear when someone is pregnant. And I think it is their right to share their excitement, it’s an exciting time. I would never tell them they have to hide it like a dirty secret since I am jealous. And that’s really what it amounts to – jealousy. I would love to be pregnant, they are, I am not. I am happy for them, but of course that little green monster rears its ugly head now and again. But they have what I want, how can I tell them to curb their enthusiasm? I just hope their good fortune rubs off somehow, and I deal with my own issues of jealousy on the side.
That being said, I have had some REALLY dumb things said to me that are, quite frankly, very hurtful and if they thought about it, quite mean. Let me highlight two. One was during my HSG. For those of you who are blessed with abundant fertility, let me explain. It’s a test where they clamp your cervix to the side, inject dye and take photos of your fallopian tubes. It’s sort of one of the first steps in infertility check-ups. Well, I’m sitting there with this clamp on, the x-ray breaks and they are fixing it. The nurse leans over and whispers, “this must be so humiliating for you, all my husband has to do is brush by me and I’m pregnant.” Nice eh?
The second comes from a source I cannot even remember. It happened a long time ago and although I cannot remember who said it, the sentiment will always be there in the back of my mind. I sure hope none of you said it to me – but I think it was someone here at home. Anyway, we were talking about the fact that DH had an SA and it was fine, but he still felt bad as we had no solution. The response, “Well, I have to tell you that my DH went and told everyone how proud he was such a man that he got his wife pregnant on the first time.” Again, nice. Can you imagine if one of the people he announced this to had issues with his swimmers?
So what’s the moral of this story? Well, personally, I think everyone should be able to rejoice in the miracle of a pregnancy. If you want to shout it form the rooftop the second you get a +, or wait 12 weeks or whatever – go wild IMHO. I’ll deal with my own issues on my own time. But at the same time, use common sense people!!
Until next time,
Jenn
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