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May 13, 2004
Hey everyone,
Well, I’m back! I don’t know if anyone even noticed I was gone what with all the changes here lately. But I lost my password the last week in March and that was that. Luckily, Tanya sent it to me on the weekend. I was actually in the process of setting up a blog – “Parenting Without a License.” But I do like the format here, even if there are a few updating glitches here and there. So I think I’ll hold off on my blog – I just don’t think I a) have the dedication or b) am interesting enough to find stuff to talk about on a daily basis. Parenting and all the issues that go with it are the topic that most interests me in terms of journaling, so I’ll just stay put for now.
So settle in, I’ve decided to update everything all in one entry!
OK – so the biggest change in my life is that I am now unemployed. I haven’t written about my work situation because I know some of my coworkers read this diary – my email buddies know about my six months of work hell. But I’ll tell you the whole shebang. If you don’t want to read the whole sordid tale, skip down to the “New House” heading.
I am a writer and I was hired three years ago to write in my former employer’s PR department. This is what I do – I write brochures, press materials, newsletters. The “soft” kind of publications a company puts out. When I returned from maternity leave I was presented with a “promotion.” I would now report directly to a director in Investor Relations. My boss’s boss wanted me to work exclusively for him, writing all the financial materials, annual reports and helping with investor communications. I did NOT want to take this job. But I had no choice. They did say I could do PR, in my spare time, but I couldn’t see how that would work.
But what ended up happening is that the IR department wanted me all the time – I had to ask them if I could take on PR writing jobs and probably 60% of the time, they said no. But it was OK because my boss was keeping me busy and giving me new opportunities. I wasn’t thrilled that I had to say, “no” half the time to PR, and I can’t say financial writing is my forte. But I persevered – even though I didn’t think this job was a good fit for me or the company.
Flash forward to November 2003. The CEO retired, and the company reorganized. I got a new boss who was COMPLETELY unqualified for his job as head of IR. He had no financial training or acumen. But instead of taking his time, getting to know everything – he decided to act like he knew everything. He screwed up constantly and was rude, cruel and downright belligerent to his staff. I have never had an employer speak to me the way he did. He insulted me on a daily basis – he insulted all of us. In January he gave us all interim “performance evaluations,” which were completely bogus (he had only worked with us for two months!) and he basically insulted our personalities, not our work. At this time a light bulb went off in my head. He wanted to get rid of us and get people in to do his job for him. None of us could – we were the “doers,” not the financial brains. It got so bad in February I cannot even tell you. DH and I looked for ways for me to quit. My boss basically stopped giving us work at all, did it all himself and did it BADLY. We were all waiting for the shoe to drop. My one coworker decided she had had enough abuse and since HR wouldn’t do anything about it, she decided to take a different position in the company, arguably a more junior position. I knew I was a goner – since she was gone he could lay me off and have enough cash to buy a staffer with a financial designation. In fact I told my coworker that I had a meeting with my boss that day and I didn’t expect to be coming back to work. She thought I was being melodramatic. Well, I go into the meeting and he gives me my actual performance evaluation and surprisingly (based on his attitude) rated me a solid performer and gave me a great performance bonus. I was starting to think I WAS being melodramatic, but then HR walked in He had a different vision of the department and so he was dissolving it in it’s current capacity and creating a more finance-based shop. So I was officially laid off.
But honestly, and I am not rationalizing, this is the best thing that could have happened. Here’s why. We had been looking for ways for me to quit and freelance because Sam was getting SO sick at daycare. But we had a tonne of student debt that would take us five additional years to pay off. But because I was not let go for performance reasons I got a kick ass severance. And they gave it to me as a lump sum. Amazing really. With that, together with my bonus and DH’s bonus – we paid off ALL our debt. At the exact same time, my DH (who works for the same company) got a great raise. We actually have more cash without the debt and with me at home. Sam has been out of daycare and is healthy as a horse. I am in the process of setting up my business and I have had some FABULOUS meetings with PR agencies and have a tonne of work lined up for fall. I am taking the summer off to just be with my boy and de-stress. In the fall, Sam will go into a small day home two days a week and I’ll freelance. I kind of feel like the world is my oyster right now. And being debt free ROCKS!
Plus – I hear from my former coworker that things have gotten even worse since I left. As of last week there was one remaining coworker (an admin assistant) who ended up being put on medical stress leave (she’s pregnant) due to the abuse he has heaped on her. This is a strong woman who was reduced to tears on a daily basis. So now he can hire at will – all the financial people he wants. I don’t feel bad that I’m gone from there, given the changes and the skill level of my boss. I did not have the financial training or even the interest in the work available.
But I could use some advice from people who have been laid off or whatever how they deal with their former employers when they see them again. As DH works for the same company, I will no doubt run into him at Christmas parties and company picnics. How do I stop from saying, “bite me” when I see him? Although I am in a much better place right now – I am still ridiculously angry that this stupid little man, who nobody in the company respects, was able to have ANY power over me. How do I get over that?
Wow – it felt good to get that all down on paper. Sorry to bore you
New House
Well, the move. It went off without a hitch – we had fabulous movers who cost a small fortune but I have to admit were worth the sticker shock at the end of the day. They were polite, professional, didn’t damage a single thing at either end and left both houses looking pristine. Our house sale went perfectly start to finish. This rental house is pretty cool. It’s the same size as our old house, but it’s brand new. And I like the layout SO much better. But you can tell the owner wasn’t too picky about the lot as it is rental property. It’s in this huge family-oriented subdivision but it backs on a construction road – where the dump trucks go to bed! And they get up at the ungodly hour of around 4:30ish to head out into the city. Picture 15-20 diesel engines starting at once. So we are all having a few sleep issues.
I have moved a zillion times and I actually have it down to a science. I hate the unsettled feeling of having a bunch of boxes spread everywhere so I literally go like a maniac – for about 48 hours – and unpack everything, hang every last item. I barely sleep, but in a weekend it feels like home. But we didn’t unpack everything this time as we will be moving into our house late summer/early fall.
When I lost my job we were moving the next day. So I kept Sam in daycare for the first few weeks and I did all the selections for our new place. I am so excited to see it all come together. We decided to go with the Craftsman style of design, even though it’s a two-story house. Lots of wood, big baseboards and casings, wrought iron, that sort of thing. We have a bunch of Mission style furniture which fits into that whole style. I am looking for a good book on Craftsman style design as we basically need to furnish 2/3 of the house over the next couple of years. Furniture is SO expensive – but I’d rather wait and get some decent stuff. We now have a basement and they started the walls on our place today. I know at this stage it all comes together so quickly. As we did a custom design I’m not all that sure what our house will look like – no model home to compare to.
Sam loves this rental house. He calls it – no joking – “Sammy’s Summer House.” And if I ever say “let’s go to Sam’s house,” I am very sternly corrected. He calls the other house “Sammy’s New House.” I guess he’s picked up on what we’ve said. This subdivision has a man-made park with a lake and a sandy beach, waterfalls and lots of climbing equipment. Sam is totally enamored. Now that I am a lady of leisure I can see us spending a lot of time at the lake this summer. And in Calgary – access to water is pretty much unheard of so I consider us pretty darn lucky. Sam LOVES water. He’s taking swim “lessons” with his dad now. He will go right under water and come up with a smile. He loves to put his face in the water and blow bubbles and jump off the side of the pool. For a cautious kid, the pool is his time for wild abandon.
More About Sam
Well, Sam’s definitely two. He is really not testing his limitations these days. And testing the limits of my patience. His “bad” behaviour still manifests itself in crankiness and whining. He doesn’t get angry or throw classic tantrums. But he has a whine that’ll pierce your eardrums. There’s also the fact that now that we are around each other all the time, we have to get used to each other’s likes and dislikes on a more constant basis. Basically I think the key to our happiness is getting out of the house. Sam loves to DO things, as do I, to be honest. So he has swim lessons and library reading time. We have been ridiculously social with play dates almost every day. I forgot that literally all my friends are SAHM and they love that I can play now We go to the mall – Sam loves to do groceries. And me, Jenn, the one who hates to exercise – has joined the gym. And I go 4 days a week – have for the past 4 weeks. My clothes are fitting better and I just feel better. Two of those days Sam goes to the daycare for an hour and a half. He loves it there – way more than his old daycare. He doesn’t even cry. I think for both of us, it’s a bit of a break.
Sam continues with his amazing vocabulary. He picks up everything and retains it. My shy guy will now talk to anybody. He will usually tell them, in detail, about whatever Blues Clues episode was on that morning. He uses really big words – correctly. He talks in LONG sentences. This morning’s was, “Mommy go to the gym and Sammy plays with the toys and then we will go to the library to get some good books and a CD for the car. OK?” I can’t help but smile and say OK. I’m sure he’s not as clear as he seems to me, but he is a little chatterbox, that’s for sure.
OK – I have a totally dumb question. Sam appears to be reading a little bit. I know this is highly unlikely – but for others who have two year olds, I ask – is this just standard development? Sam is obsessed with words. He knows his alphabet and almost all the letters (F and Q stump him) when they are written down. Well, lately, he wants me to spell everything. He’s say, “spell Poppy” – and I will, and he’ll say P-O-P-P-Y as I’m spelling it. He’ll ask me what that says and I’ll tell him and I swear he commits it to memory. In the morning he will go up to his easel and point to the correct words and say, “Mommy, Dog, Kitten – or whatever we spelled the day before. Lately he’s started to point to words like Cow and Cat in his My First Leap Pad and correctly identify them. Am I getting ahead of myself thinking he is going to be this terribly early reader, or am I just living in the clouds and all 2 year olds do this? I am kind of afraid to ask my “in real life” friends because I don’t want anyone to think I am a) bragging or b) playing that stupid, “look what my kid can do – what, yours can’t?” game.
OK – I had planned way more of an update. I wanted to talk about meeting Laura, house building, big boy beds, potty training, shopping, bloody TTC and a zillion other things but this novel is already four pages. I will continue again next week!
Until then
Jenn and Sam
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