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October 17, 2003
October 17, 2003
Collin is 2 years, 3 months old.
I’m 30 weeks pg.
Yahoo for 30 weeks! I always feel so much better when hitting 30 weeks because I know if, God forbid, something should happen and I go into labor now, the baby would have an extremely high chance of survival.
Potential doula #3 was definitely the charm. I’m excited to report that we now have hired our doula. I called her a couple weeks ago and set up a time she could come over. I liked her even over the phone. Monday she came over and she was what I was hoping for. Warm, spunky, down to earth, friendly, caring, and fun. She was very interested in Collin and what he had to say and didn’t seem the least bit annoyed when he would come barging over and interrupt our conversation. She shared her experiences with us and asked us many questions but mainly, she was interested in what Mark and I had to say. She wasn’t overbearing by any means and she was open to all questions I had.
She told me about her own birth experiences, which I found fascinating. She has four children, ages 11, 8, 5, and 2. With her first birth she went into the hospital, had an IV, an epidural, an episiotomy, the whole nine yards. She said that with each birth she learned something new and was more informed to make better choices for the next time around. By the time she had her fourth baby, she took the big leap and had her at home.
She’s been a doula for over 10 years, is certified through DONA, and is medically trained. I felt very comfortable talking to her, although I was very nervous. I guess not so much nervous as totally excited which may have looked as if I was nervous. She also gave me some very good news. She said that since I last gave birth, the hospital we are delivering at has added three whirlpool-birthing suites to the maternity ward. She told me that they are mainly reserved for those who wish to have no pain meds at all. She suggests, no matter what my decision is, to go in saying I want no pain relief and if I change my mind, so be it. They aren’t going to kick me out.
I asked about her fee and she told me it was $300.00 but then immediately told me that she would also work with a payment plan or work on a sliding scale. She told me that she isn’t a doula for the money, and that she doesn’t believe that money should ever get into the way of having a beautiful birth experience. She told me that if we wanted to hire her/them, to talk it over and see what amount fit into our own personal budget. We were very impressed by that because to be honest, $300.00 was a bit more than what we had budgeted for.
She visited for about an hour, left some paperwork and told me to give her a call when we had made her decision. Mark and I immediately talked about it and he said he liked her and that the final decision was up to me. He said he totally supports me and since I’ve had a hard pregnancy, he thinks I’m “entitled” to any form of “pampering” I want or need. I was giddy with excitement and couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the night. I even had a hard time sleeping and dreamt that I had the baby but missed out on my whole birth experience. Almost like I wasn’t even the one who birthed my own baby. In the dream I was so disappointed and went running through the streets yelling, “How unfair! I even had a doula!”
I called her the next morning and told her we were definitely interested and that we thought she was warm and friendly and very caring. She said she was excited to meet with us again and then told me the breakdown of what happens from here on out.
Her and her partner will meet with me a minimum of three times before the birth. At each visit we will go over our birth plan in great detail and talk about things I do and do not want during my labor. She also said that during our first visit they would give me a hand massage. The second visit I get a foot massage and the third visit they will go over some total body relaxation techniques.
Once I go into labor, even if it’s the very, very early stages, I am to call them and one of them will come to the house and stay with me until I’m ready to go to the hospital. Once at the hospital, they will stay all through labor and then a couple hours post partum. She will help with nursing and make sure I have everything I need before leaving. They even take professional photos and video during labor and birth, if we want, which, of course, we do. Once we are released from the hospital and have had some time to rest and be alone, they will come to our home to visit, talk about my birth experience, snuggle with the new babe and answer any questions I might have. After that, technically she has fulfilled her “duty” but she said that if I should need anymore help with nursing or anything else, she would be happy to come back to our home and see if she could help.
I then asked her if we could work something out with the fee and she was more than receptive. I told her that the $300.00 was a bit more than we could handle but that $200.00 was within our range. She had absolutely no problem with that and said the $200.00 was perfectly fine. We agreed that we would pay $100.00 now and then the last $100.00 within a month after the birth.
Can I just mention how completely ecstatic I am to have a doula? This is so important to me because of so many things. For starters we have a toddler to take care of now and I don’t want Mark to feel torn between spending time with me in labor and also making sure that Collin is well taken care of. The plan as of right now is to have Mark’s mom stay at the house while we are in the hospital, but I know that Mark will also need to be spending some time with Collin and making sure he stays somewhat on the same routine. That will also make me feel a lot better. It will put my mind at ease knowing that daddy is home for Collin for bath and bedtime.
Another reason I’m happy to have the doula is because I have no family, let alone any female family around me that I feel could support me or just be with me during my hospital stay. Since my mom passed way, I feel like I’m alone and I think having that extra “motherly like” woman with me during labor will make me feel more at ease and calm.
Thirdly, there are so many things that I want different than my first birth. Not that I had a bad birth, in fact, I think I had a pretty good one, but since I’ve gone through it once before, I know there are certain things I do and do not want this time around. Having a doula there to help act as the go between will help out tremendously.
And last, I think I just deserve the pampering. I want someone telling me how wonderful I’m doing, how great I am doing, how close the baby is to coming. I want someone rubbing my back, swabbing my temples and helping me into different positions. Mark did a fantastic job last time, don’t get me wrong, but a doula is trained for this and with her help, the relief of the whirlpool tub I’m hoping to get in the hospital and the positive outlook I have, I just might be able to do this (pain med free). I’m NOT setting my goals too high, I’m going in with the same attitude as last time, I’ll hold off as long as I can and if I want or need the epidural, then so be it. I had a fantastic epidural last time. I was able to move and feel my legs, I felt every contraction and knew exactly when to push and how much, I was controlled and able to feel all the pressure. I didn’t get a headache and I didn’t feel the least bit nauseous. The reason why I’d like to try for an all-natural birth this time is to avoid the icky IV and the catheter and I’d just like something different than my first time. Plus I just think it’s better to avoid unnecessary interventions. Like I said, I’m not setting myself of for failure, but I am confident that I can accomplish a lot more with a doula. During Collin’s birth I made it to 6cm before begging for the epidural. Maybe this time I can hold off a lot longer or even hold off completely. I’m excited to see how this birth experience is going to be and how different or the same it will be compared to my first.
Enough chatter about that, how about an update on Collin. He’s definitely 2, that is for sure. Nothing squeaks by this kid and he’s even picked up on a few of our spelling words. He knows that M-I-L-K spells milk and knows that B-A-T-H spells bath.
He loves to help in the kitchen and insists on being the stirrer and taste tester for whatever we are making. His favorite things to help make or Jell-O and cakes because he knows he can lick the spoon/beaters off when we’re done.
He’s normally a really good child, but when he gets tired and cranky he can throw a pretty good fit too. He’s never thrown himself on the floor and thrown a temper tantrum but he’s good at screaming and getting frustrated when he doesn’t get his way or doesn’t understand why he can’t have his way. Usually the temper tantrums come to a quick end when we calmly ask him to settle down and then explain to him why he can’t have/do something. I would say that 99% if any tantrum he has (which isn’t many at all!) are due to him not having the understanding of the concept that’s being presented to him.
He’s never once had a fit at the grocery store and he accompanies me a lot. He never begs for candy or toys and doesn’t throw a hissy because he can’t have something. What normally keeps his content and at peace is if I let him snack on something while we are shopping. His absolute favorites are a flat of strawberries. I will usually get a 1-pound carton of strawberries and let him go to town while I get the shopping done. By the time we reach check out, he will have almost devoured the entire pound - I kid you not. This boy can, and regularly does, munch down a pound of strawberries in one sitting. He never gets a stomachache or gets sick. He just loves them. I’m not sure what we’ll do now that strawberries have gone out of season. He seems content with an apple or a pear but those are by the pound, not by the flat. It’s a bit strange to hand the checkout person a nibbled up, slobbery half eaten apple in a plastic sack, to get weighed. Especially considering that Collin has already eaten the majority of it by the time we get done. And taking our own apple, strawberries or snack along with us doesn’t cut it. He likes to pick it out and take pleasure in knowing he’s eating the fruit he’s chosen himself. I’m just glad he doesn’t howl for a candy bar or gum so I’ll gladly live with sometime sneers from the checkout gal when I hand her the chewed up fruit.
Swim lessons are going great and Collin is having a blast, just like we knew he would. Every Friday night he talks about the next day being Saturday and how we’re going to go to swim class. He always says how excited he is and how he can’t wait to get up and eat breakfast so he can go.
He’s really into making his own decisions these days. He likes to have a choice, no matte what is going on. He likes to pick out his own clothes and his own food. To solve any potential freak out’s, I always give him two choices. I tell him he can either wear shirt A or shirt B and that he can decide for himself. When we eat breakfast and lunch, I tell him he has a choice between food item A or B. This gives me a hand up while still allowing him to make a few of his own choices. We all come out happy.
I had intended on writing more on Collin and the pregnancy, but my back is killing me and it’s past my bedtime so I’ll go ahead and get this much posted.
I have an OB appointment on Monday, Oct. 20th so I’ll post another update shortly after that. I’m also going to my first Le Leche League meeting, Tuesday morning. Yay for me!
Off to bed,
~Jennifer
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