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August 22, 2003
August 22, 2003
Collin is 2 years old.
I’m 22 weeks pg.
It’s been a rough month - let me tell you. Thank you so much for all the kind words and wishes and prayers that a lot of you offered. It meant a lot to know that others were thinking and caring about me while I was sick.
When I last left off, it was late July. A week later I came down with some major pains in my upper stomach after everything I ate. At first I thought it was just heartburn or acid indigestion but the pains were so severe that it not only felt like I needed to be in the ER but it felt like someone was stabbing me right in the sternum. If I had to guess what a heart attach felt like, this would be it. The only time I felt any better was right after getting sick, which was happening a lot since most foods I was eating were making me miserable. I didn’t matter if it were a heavy meal or just fruit. I hate throwing up, but this gave me such relief, I almost felt happy afterwards. After several days of downing Tums and Mylanta, then realizing that this wasn’t just heartburn, I finally placed a call to my OB. They thought it sounded like gall bladder problems, which can sometimes happen during pregnancy. Gee, just another one of those fabulous things they don’t tell you about when you sign up for this gig. She prescribed me some Pepcid and told me to try that for a day or two. Relief! I was told to take two pills, twice a day, but since I noticed that my pain only happened starting mid afternoon, lasting into the night, I decided to just take one a day. It did the trick and I was once again able to eat like a normal person and keep it down. I still don’t know what my deal was, but it’s gone and I hope it stays away!
Two weeks go by and I think I’m finally on my way to having a smooth sailing pregnancy. Not so fast…one Friday afternoon I awoke to such severe vertigo I could hardly see the room. Let me tell you that if you’ve never experienced this, it’s the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever felt. I had no idea what was going on, I was scared out of my mind and I was sicker than a dog, throwing up, crying and just plain miserable. It was as if I was on a roller coaster ride and it wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t just your typical dizziness it was full fledge vertigo. Not like the room was spinning but like I, myself, was spinning uncontrollably as if doing hundreds of somersaults in a row. It seemed to settle down for a bit, long enough for me to use the bathroom and get Collin some breakfast. I thought it was just a “spell” and that I was done with it. Mark went to work and I lay on the couch miserably sick and nauseous. 45 minutes later it kicked in again and I began to panic. I called Mark at work and cried to him that I was feeling horrible and that I thought something was wrong. I was afraid to be home alone with a 2 year old in case I fell or passed out. Mark came right home and spent an hour on the phone calling my doctors. It was Friday, my OB was out of the office on vacation; all the other OB’s were in surgery until mid afternoon and even my primary care doctor was out until the end of the day. The only thing I could do was check into labor and delivery at the hospital to have someone look at me and make sure my vitals were okay. The three of us packed up and arrived at the hospital and told them what was happening. I changed into a gown and got hooked up to a monitor. The baby was doing great, my blood pressure and temperature where normal. My urine didn’t indicate I was dehydrated or had any type of infection. The resident came up and said that I was probably dehydrated and ordered an IV bag of saline. Two nurses popped veins trying to get the IV started so they had to resort to calling anesthesia up to try my last one. He got it with no problems. Since it had been 7 hours since I had anything to eat or drink, they allowed me juice and a lunch, which they brought in on a tray. Everything looked pretty nasty so I drank the grape juice and ate the apple. Mark and Collin scavenged through the rest. Since it was now nearly 2pm and Collin was so tired, I told Mark to go out and get them some lunch and keep Collin occupied. That little guy was such a trooper. He was worried when I changed into the gown and got into the bed, but we explained to him that he would get to see neat equipment and that we were just making sure his baby sister was healthy. He did great, just sitting in the room with Mark, eating snacks and playing. For being tired and past his nap he was an angel. It also helped that right outside my window, the hospital was having construction done. Collin loved looking out and giving us reports on what the guys were doing and what he thought was being built. Mark and Collin left for about 40 minutes and Collin snoozed in the car for a while. When they got back the resident was giving me a neurological exam where they have you follow their finger, walk a straight line, stand on one foot, etc. Blah, blah. After being in the hospital for three hours, they finally said that I was “dehydrated,” that I should be feeling better and to go home on strict bed rest. What? Are you serious? I knew this wasn’t right and wasn’t happy at all with the diagnosis. What a serious waste of time.
The weekend was a blur and it truly sucked. Thank GOD that Mark had the weekend off from the band and was able to be home with me and to take care of Collin. I was still having major vertigo and still throwing up so I don’t know how I would have survived if Mark would have been out of town or even playing a show in town for that matter. He ran the fort, took care of Collin 100%, fixed meals (or at least went out and got them all!), did laundry, cleaned the house, changed every diaper, gave every bath and took Collin out each day for several, several hours so that I could lay around and be miserable in peace. Collin loved spending quality time with daddy and Mark really enjoyed the one on one time with Collin.
Saturday afternoon, I paged the on call OB to tell him I wasn’t any better. He suggested I try some Sudafed. I tried that for a day – nothing better. Sunday I paged the on call primary care doctor and he suggested I try Benadryl. Nothing was working so I was told to wait and see my OB on Monday.
Monday Mark stayed home from work again since I was still dizzy and had an OB appointment at 1:30pm. I couldn’t drive and Mark wanted to go to the appointment with me anyway. Mark’s mom came over and watched Collin while we went to our appointment. I was so relieved to see my own doctor and to get some real answers. I got weighed, lost two pounds (putting me at a total gain of 4 pds so far) got my blood pressure checked and pee’d in the cup. When I saw my OB I already felt at ease because she told me that two of her other patients were going through the same thing right now. After listing my symptoms and telling her what was happening she confirmed that I had something wacky going on with my inner ear. It’s common (not extremely common but it does happen) and it’s viral. It’s called Vestibular Neuritis. Basically it’s a virus that attacks the Vestibular nerve in the inner ear. It causes tiny crystals to form and then chip off. When these crystals chip off, they float around in the inner ear liquid causing our brains to think we are moving and then causing vertigo and nausea. There is no “cure” for this, you have to let it runs it’s course. She said that although I may feel like dying, it’s not harmful, just a pain in the butt. She did prescribe me some Antivert (Meclizine), which is safe for the baby, and helps with the symptoms of vertigo and nausea. I felt better until she told me that this can hang on for as long as a month! I swear I almost cried.
Everything else with the appointment went well. Ireland’s heart rate was strong and healthy and my triple screen came back normal. The ultrasound results revealed that we have a healthy baby girl and that she’s growing right on track, except FOR HER LEGS. Our OB said that she’s above in her leg growth and commented on how we’re going to have a tall daughter. No shock there considering that Collin has always been over 99% in his height. My placenta is up, away from my cervix, baby was head down at time of ultrasound (which changes each day right now anyway), heartbeat was 160 per minute, and my due date looked to be around Dec 21st. My OB said we are still sticking with my original due date of Dec 26 for now. I have a feeling I will go early anyway because I went two weeks early with Collin. At least I hope.
After our appointment, we went to the pharmacy and got my RX filled then came home and I, again, lay on the couch. I can’t even tell you how many hours of TLC and Lifetime I watched. I wished I could have enjoyed it but most of the time I was just praying to God to make me feel better while hanging my head over a waste paper basket and sipping on warm spite and eating saltines. Fun, eh?!
Tuesday I was feeling better (thanks to those wonder pills!) and even though I didn’t want Mark to go to work, he really needed too. I coped, but barely. Poor Collin was stuck in the house all day with a miserable mother who didn’t want to play, read, or have any fun. I felt terrible and even had a breakdown most of the afternoon. I felt so depressed not only for myself, but for my poor innocent little boy. He didn’t understand what was going on and I was feeling short tempered and mean all day. He kept asking me to do things with him and all I would do is tell him I needed to lay down and rest. I even yelled at him once because he wanted a Popsicle and not lunch. How immature on my part. That’s when I realized I was being a total bitch and not a decent mother. I know I’m not perfect and I wasn’t feeling well, but that was no reason to yell at my sweet little boy. It only happened once, but when I yelled at him I saw how scared he was, like I was some monster and it broke my heart enough to make me cry. We basically watched TV the entire day and ate all our food from the couch. How terrible is that? I called Mark and just bawled on the phone. Wednesday was pretty much the same, except I was feeling a little better. At least I could play with Collin and read to him and occupy him a little but I was still very depressed. I missed my husband and I wanted Collin to know that I wasn’t really a mean witch and I still felt guilty over yelling at him. I cried more and asked God to help me. I took a shower and almost instantly felt better. I was calmer and had more patients and told myself that I needed to relax. Mark surprised me and had flowers delivered to the house and that cheered me up a lot. Mark’s mom started coming over every day and taking Collin outside for an hour or two so he could play, get wet with the hose (which he LOVES), take walks around the neighborhood and just get some fresh air. It’s been a lifesaver for us all.
I love my child more than life itself and it still tears me up to know that for a minute he was terrified of me – me his mother. I swear I will never do that again. I will never lose my patients so bad that my own child is frightened of me. I swear.
As of today I think I’m pretty much back to my old self. My dizziness is gone and so is my nausea. I’m back to being a mom and we’re back to playing, reading, going outside and laughing. As much as I hate saying this, I think that going through the guilt of what I did, almost helped me be an even better mother, if that makes any sense. I have always considered myself a great mom but it was a serious reality check on how we should treat our children with the utmost respect every single day of their lives. They are only “ours” for a short time and they deserve the best of us and the best we can offer them.
I’m all teary eyed now so before I short out the keyboard I’ll end this now. I still have plenty to update on so I’ll be back with another entry early next week.
My 31st birthday is Monday and as my gift, I get to stay in a posh suite Sunday night – ALL BY MYSELF. I’m so looking forward to this. Long baths in the Jacuzzi tub, hours of watching brain melting Lifetime shows, cheesecake and ice cream. A king sized bed all to myself. No phone ringing, no dog to let out, no diapers to change, no husband’s shoes to pick up. Calgon take me away! :)
Have a great weekend everyone and kiss those sweet children and tell them how much you love them!
~Jennifer
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