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May 10, 2004
Poll of the Week Results:
Poll of the Week:
How do you feel about preschool (Total Votes: 19)
10 votes (52%)
-My children attended/will attend preschool at the age of three.
2 votes (10%)
-My children attended/will attend preschool starting only at the age of four.
2 votes (10%)
-My children will remain at home (or at daycare/sitter) right up till kindergarten.
5 votes (26%)
-I have not yet decided.
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Zen and the art of everyday living.
Lets face it, we live in a pretty crazy world – where our importance is often measured by how jam-packed our calendar is, the number of phone numbers programmed into our cell phone, or how many miles we log in a day. We go-go-go so hard that when we finally stop, we hardly know what to do with ourselves. We wake up with our minds overflowing with to-do lists, and when our head hits the pillow at night, we are often still trying to check items off the list. Be honest, how many of you have been drifting off to dreamland when you remembered that the wash didn’t make it to the dryer, that tomorrow’s lunches are not packed and that you can’t remember feeding the pet fish since last Wednesday – so you get up to finish off the work. After all, if you don’t do it, nobody will – right?
We over-conceptualize, overanalyze, overcompensate and overdo, until we drop, plain and simply OVER-loaded. We speak of saving time, wasting time, spending time, making time and banking time. We’re a nation of people looking for peace, quiet and yes – just a little bit more time. That extra time is supposed to be spent in repose, in moments of quiet relaxation, but if you are anything like me you just end up trying to do MORE. It is no wonder that yoga is no longer the domain of flower-children, that even Wall Street has embraced meditation, and that every music store has shelves stocked with CDs of tranquil music mingled with nature sounds. But who has time for serenity when the car is not washed, the lawn is not mowed, and little David won’t go to soccer practice because his lucky shorts are at the bottom of a gargantuan pile of dirty laundry? Clearly, we need some help – and it seems that the Madison Avenue Big-wigs have decided that Zen is the answer.
Until quite recently Zen was only a somewhat obscure Eastern philosophy; now it is a trendy buzzword. Zen is actually a school of Mahayana Buddhism, which teaches that enlightenment can be attained through meditation, self-contemplation and direct intuitive insight (rather than through faith and devotion as practiced by most Western Religions). In the last few years, however, we’ve taken the esoteric principals of this ancient practice and turned it into a profitable industry – as though transcendence was a tangible item that could be purchased at the local Target for $19.99 (or perhaps less if you’ve used your saved time to clip coupons). The colloquial use of Zen seems to have little to do with meditation and intuitive insight, and everything to do with convincing us that the answer to our stress lies in adding yet another piece of clutter to our crowded and hectic existence (and then finding time to actually do something with it).
An Amazon.com search for “Zen” turned up 24,895 hits in books alone, with titles ranging from the basic ‘The Complete Idiot's Guide to Zen Living’, to the dubious ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values’, to the obscure ‘Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies & the Truth About Reality’. Moving outside of literature, the hopeful student of pop-cultural Zen can also pick up a Zen Tea Kettle made by Le Creuset, Remington’s Executive Zen Meditation Garden, or even Zen Body Detergent (enlightenment and a fresh clean smell – how clever). Surely however, a charged up Visa is a small price to pay for inner peace?
In our typical Western way, we’ve taken a profound concept and warped it beyond recognition. We want the payoff without the discipline, the reward without the work. Lets face it, who has time to sit quietly and meditate for hours? If I even tried I’m sure Bella would dump green poster paint on my head, give the dogs a haircut, and/or decorate the walls with spaghetti sauce.
Meditation also looks so, well…uncomfortable. I’ve already got the joints of an eighty year old, there’s no way I could sit still for hours - I’d be writhing in agony long before my mind reached that higher plain. Besides, the idea of sitting in silence with my own thoughts for more than a few minutes actually makes my skin crawl. Who knows what might surface. I quite worry that, given a chance, the little taunting voice in my head (now a mere annoyance) might try to stage a coup and take over. Rather frightening, that.
I think we all yearn for a little bit of Zen in our lives, but we look at the “requirements”, see only impossibilities, and decide to purchase a yoga video and a rock garden as the next best thing. Only thing is, we’re so busy that we get halfway through the yoga video before the phone rings, the dog barks and the baby cries (but of course. all at once – we mothers are nothing if not queens of multi-tasking) and while we’re busy doing ten other things, our kid dumps the rock garden down the toilet and jams his toast in the VCR. Forget Zen, I’ll settle for a loose grip on sanity and a full-time nanny!
I’m not just imagining this. Once, as a young, impressionable twenty-something searching for answers, I attended a meditation instruction with a prominent Buddhist monk. I had fallen in with some lovely Buddhist folks, and was quite taken with they way their religious practice and philosophies integrated so smoothly into their daily lives (What do you mean I can’t squash the ant crawling through my watermelon?). No doubt about it, they were just more comfortable in their own skin than most of the white-bread, middle-class Protestants in my immediate circle.
On their recommendation, I signed up for this one-day seminar at the local Shambhala center. The young monk’s personality was magnetic, his wisdom obvious and his belief in the practice of meditation quite convincing. However, I’m rather embarrassed to admit that I spent most of the session peaking out the corner of my eye, trying to see if other people were really getting this (it felt kind of like peering through lowered eyelids during a prayer at Church, wondering if I was the only one figuring out what groceries I needed to buy, and what shirt would go best with my new jeans).
I tried to “follow my breath” as the youthful (and rather handsome) monk instructed, but was distracted by the twinges of pain that were shooting up though my hips and rising up my spinal column at increasingly regular intervals, even after I gave up and eschewed the hard floor cushions in favour of the more comfortable looking meditation chairs reserved for the more senior members of the class. “I have back problems,” I whispered in apology as I moved through the totally quiet and still room to take my place with the geriatric crowd, interrupting more than one person on the path to personal Nirvana. Okay, so sitting meditation was not my cup of tea – the day was not over yet.
Next came our practice of walking meditation. Although I found the first segment of the day difficult, this proved even more impossible. We were all walking in a circle so close together, with our eyes partially closed, hands folded at our chests and our heads bowed. How is one supposed to follow one’s breath, and let one’s mind flow freely, when one is far too preoccupied with not tripping on the heels of the person walking a scant two inches to the front? All I could picture was the domino effect that my clumsiness could have, ending with everyone toppling down one after another, into a heap of novice meditators on the floor, and the monk harrumphing his disapproval at my utter ineptitude.
Beyond all the immediate physical challenges of meditation, I have to blushingly admit that my foolish young mind was far more taken up with daydreams of the handsome monk than it was with taking my mind to the next level of existence. Disappointed that I wasn’t going to find the answers in a single day (and unable to catch the eye of my unattainable crush) I didn’t even return for the afternoon session. However, I’ve been intrigued by Buddhism, and by the level of peace that radiated from my friends following meditation practice, ever since. I wanted that, even if I didn’t fully understand what it was, and couldn’t be bothered to give up a few more hours to try and attain it. (What can I say, I was 20, and of the sort that expected immediate gratification).
Now, almost ten years later (as an older and infinitely more mature twenty-something) – as my life became increasingly hectic, my days increasingly full, and my brain increasingly cluttered with meaningless crap - I found myself thinking about the lessons I learned from my Buddhist friends, and wondering how I could possibly apply them to my life today. What is a frazzled mother to do when she years for a little slice of transcendence, but hasn’t the means or the opportunity to spend a month at a Buddhist monastery learning from the masters? Is enlightenment really that far out of reach?
Thankfully my dears, my research and contemplation lead me to believe that adding a touch of Zen is a little bit easier than all that. Read on, and I will attempt to throw a little of my new found knowledge your way…
[Warning, you’ll have to actually stop DOING something in order to catch it. Just how many of you are occupied by one or two things right now in addition to reading this entry? ‘Fess up – I know that at least some of you are brushing your teeth, nursing your baby, typing a one-handed email AND dressing your toddler right this very minute. Enough is enough ladies – we’ve just got to S.L.O.W down a little… and get in touch with our inner Ohm.]
So, what is an Internet addict to do when she’s in search of information? Why, Google it, of course. And so that is just what I did.
After a few false starts (coming across a Zen blog, a Zen internet company and a Zen record label), I learned that Zen is actually the Japanese pronunciation of Chinese chán, which simply means “quietude.”
Hmmm…. Now that sounds a little more doable than that cryptic mumbo jumbo about intuitive insight. Quiet is not always attainable in a world with babies and toddlers in arms and underfoot, but ‘quietude’, (simply meaning tranquility) certainly has potential, doesn’t it? Meditation really doesn’t have to mean sitting in the lotus position in front of an sacred alter with incense burning for hours on end? Nope my friends, dictionary.com defines the act of meditation simply as “close or continued thought; the turning or revolving of a subject in the mind; serious contemplation; reflection; musing.” Another website says that is the act of “calm lengthy intent consideration”.
One Buddhist website I came across defines a type of meditation called ‘Vipasanna’; “ The basic practice is to note everything you are doing as you are doing it. When you are walking, know that you are walking. When you are drying the dishes, note that you are drying the dishes. Be aware of the sensation in one's foot as it touches the ground, and the different sensations as it rises again.”
A different website explains another type of meditation “ Let your thoughts be like a river — Just let the good ones and the bad ones flow on through. This state of bliss that comes from the inside is powerful and real enough so that you don’t have to do anything with your thoughts.”
Hmmm…now we’re getting somewhere.
As I read and explored more and more websites, I began to get a sense that Zen (at least the admittedly superficial level of Zen that I was looking for) was a lot less complicated than I initially believed, that I’d probably been making it more difficult than it really had to be. Perhaps interjecting a little peace into my harried days might be easier that it seemed.
Finally, I came across the following quote, and I had my own personal “Aha moment”.
“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine”
- Shunryu Suzuki
In trying to learn the answer to my questions about Zen, I was looking for someone to explain what I had to do. After I read this quote, it was quite clear, Zen is not just about doing. Zen is about BEING. Best as I can figure, as far as it applies to my own selfish desire for a little bit of peace and tranquility, it is going about my day with an attentiveness to my actions and my place in the world, and releasing my mind, such that my thoughts are free to flow where they will. It is not only doing this, but also being aware of it, and recognizing the rejuvenation and serenity that it brings. It is an act of release and mindfulness all at the same time.
Once I figured this out, I started to examine my life to see if there were opportunities to interject a lil’-bit-o-Zen. What I was surprised to find out is that, based on the above definitions, I was already doing regular periods of quasi-meditation without even knowing it. I’m guessing that everyone reading this can come up with some activities, probably solo, but perhaps not, that leave them feeling relaxed and refreshed. Times you look forward to impatiently, guard selfishly, and enjoy deeply. Maybe for you it is a bubble bath at the end of the day, cuddling with your toddler while she drifts off to sleep, or watching the sunrise with a good cup of coffee in the morning. A time (however brief and transient it might be) when nobody is around to interrupt your thoughts, where you can luxuriate in the silence, or maybe even the chaos, that surrounds you. Where your mind wanders, and you dream lovely daydreams or solve troublesome problems, and most importantly, come away breathing a little bit more deeply and feeling just a little bit more alive.
The first and most obvious place that I reach that slice of Zen is (now get this) thrift store shopping. Sounds bizarre, I know, but bear with me. Several weeks before I got on this Zen kick, I actually tried to figure out exactly what the lure of Goodwill really was. It’s not just the shopping; shopping is actually far easier (if more expensive) at the mall. It’s not just the great prices, or the thrill of a good find, or any of the most obvious reasons. The pull of Goodwill, for me, is actually the opportunity I get to be alone with my thoughts for a few hours – a luxury not afforded to me all that often in life. When I go to a thrift store, I’m planning on scouring the racks for an hour or two. I’ve reached such an expert level, that I don’t have to think while I shop, I just scan the racks, touching fabrics, eyeballing colour combinations, checking tags. I’m pretty much on autopilot from the moment I walk in the door, till the moment I leave. And once I gave it some thought, I realized that during this time, I really do reach that Zen-zone, and that is the real reason I can’t stay away. I don’t think about anything in particular, just let my mind go where it will, totally aware of my surroundings and my thoughts, but at the same time able to go completely inside myself. When I leave, I have reached a new level of peace, and I ride on that for the rest of the day.
The second part of my life that offers me a period of meditation will sound completely bizarre, especially to those of you who know of my aversion to anything even slightly resembling one of the domestic arts. Just the same, I found another Zen moment in my laundry routine (you are really shaking your head in confusion now, aren’t you?). I have actually always rather enjoyed laundry day - lets call it my dirty little secret (oh punny, punny). I love separating the clothes into their respective piles, I love hanging them up to dry along my curtain rods (home owners association says no clothes lines), and I love folding the clean clothes in neat little piles, hanging them in the closet and tucking them into drawers. I love the order and the accomplishment of it. As my clothes get clean and organized, so do my thoughts. I’m actually rather protective of this one household task, Sam knows better than to sneak in a load of laundry :). Again, this is a task I can pay attention to without it requiring any thought, and such I have an opportunity to follow my thoughts and gain a tiny smidgen of Zen.
The last regular opportunity for meditative awareness only came to me recently, but I have come to depend on it to bring me a level of peace I can’t achieve many other ways. Wonder of wonders, I am talking about exercise. For whatever reason, my experience with a fitness program this time is different from any attempts I have made in the past. From the beginning it has been quite obvious that it is as much about my mind as it is about my body – and I truly believe that that is why it is working.
The time I spend on the elliptical machine or the treadmill, or lifting weights in the gym have brought me to wonderful levels of inner peacefulness. As my muscles move themselves over and over in a repetitive cycle, my mind is able to let go of stresses, troubles and concerns. It is almost as if the more I move my body, the more still my mind becomes. More than any other time in my life, it is here while I am doing something entirely physical, that I am able to get closer than ever to the goal of simply being. It ain’t quite Nirvana ladies, but it is my own personal piece of transcendence, and I’ll gladly take it.
In the rush of modern life, we tend to lose touch with the peace that is available in each moment. Once I took the time to identify the opportunities for meditation in my daily life, and went about those tasks with an increased awareness, I experienced even greater effects than before. Now that I am conscious of the gifts of active meditation, I am able to carry the peace and serenity these moments bring further and longer into the rest of my hectic and crazy life. What is more, I am now able to recognize an occasion to squeeze in a fragment of Zen, and grab onto it before it slips away. The result? I am a happier, calmer, more relaxed person – more aware of what is happening around me, and inside me. And that my friends is (as Martha would say) a very good thing.
As women in this crazy world, there is not much chance that we can do less. We can’t make the day longer, and (most of us) can’t afford to hire a personal assistant. What we can do is learn to include time in each day to reflect and refocus – and to guard these times the absolute clarity that they are vital to your wellbeing. You don’t need a week at the spa to carve out some time for mindfulness, you just need to be aware of the opportunities that life brings, and to treasure each and every one.
Lets Talk About Zen
-Can you pinpoint opportunities for Zen that already exist in your life, or can you get imaginative and create some?
-If you do meditate (in whatever shape or form meditation takes for you) I would love to hear about the benefits and gifts it has brought to your life, as well as your secrets for fitting it into your day.
*Poll Of The Week* Vote on my TTM board.
How often to you manage to squeeze in few moments of Zen?
-Every single day - I purposely meditate or create opportunities for private time at least once each day.
-Once a week or so – life is busy, but I know I have to take care of myself in order to be the best woman and mother that I can be, so I make the time.
-Hardly ever – I know I need it, but I can’t seem to fit it in. I’m stressed and overwhelmed!
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