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April 19, 2004
Poll of the Week - Results:
What do you think is the ideal age gap between siblings? Post and tell me why. (Total Votes: 18)
0 votes (0%) - I love Irish Twins – less that a year between births works for me.
3 votes (16%) - Lets get the baby years out of the way as quick as possible – having children one to two years apart is best.
7 votes (38%) - I need a bit of a break – two to three years between children is ideal for me.
7 votes (38%) - I don’t want two in diapers at once – three years or more between kids is the way to go.
1 vote (05%) - Babies are TOUGH – I think I’ll need at least five years to recover and get ready to do it again.
Have you found your passion? (Total Votes: 16)
6 votes (37%)- Yes - I have, Oprah would be pleased! Life is very, very good!
3 votes (18%) - I think so - but I have not figured out how to apply it...help please!
2 votes (12%)- No, not even close....but I'm content with my life as it is. I don't feel the need for a passion or a calling
5 votes (31%)- No - and it is getting me very down. I wish I could figure out what I am meant to do.
______________________________________
To begin with – a huge congrats to my bestest friend Dawnie-Marie (Dawn from Toddlers Today for all of you that have not known her since seventh grade). Although we were pregnant together last time, and delivered William and Bella just hours apart, it seems Dawn has decided to go it alone for pregnancy number two!
Dawn and I have shared a LOT of history, and it has been such a joy being able to share this crazy motherhood journey with her as well. We actually just spent a wonderful few days together here in Arizona (for a detailed account, see Dawn’s diary – I’m too lazy and too far behind to write it out - grin), and like always, it felt as if we had never been apart. We always seem to be able pick up where we left off without the slightest pause or awkwardness. I am so truly blessed to have someone in my life that knows me so well that I don’t even have to talk for her to know exactly what I am thinking.
No matter how wonderful and close the adult friendships in my life become, I know that there is a certain depth that can only be reached with someone who was with you through first kisses, adolescent acne, teenage heartbreaks and curfews struggles. Dawn knows things about me that nobody else knows, she’s seen me at my worst, and she still loves me. Because I moved frequently as a child, and because I left my high school town the week after graduation (and didn’t return till last summer), Dawn is really the only person in my life that fits that description, and I never stop being thankful that our friendship has lasted and grown as it has. Despite our history, and how many thousands of hours of face-to-face and phone conversations we’ve logged in our 16 years of friendship – I think we got to an even deeper level on this short trip, as we talked about things that normally go unsaid. I take that as a sign that our friendship will continue to grow, strengthen and change throughout our lives.
Best wishes Dawn, for a healthy and happy nine months, a wonderful delivery and for a baby that weighs less than a toddler (for those of you who don’t follow Dawn’s diary William weighed in at a whopping 11.5 lbs at birth)! Holy Cow!
Queen-B
It seems that my dearest daughter, despite being one-half Francophone, has some Anglophile tendencies. While at two and a half years her French vocabulary is limited to a pathetically short list picked up from her grandparents (C’est bon! J’ t’aime’ and Bonne Nuit; in case you are wondering), she has suddenly, and apparently spontaneously, picked up a British accent. She actually sounds ever so much like Madonna with her out-of-nowhere, put-upon, fake as can be accent.
She says, “I CAAWHN’T do it, I CAAWHN’T”, drawing out the “A” sound like the perfect English Lady. When she’s about to be naughty, she’ll turn to me and tell me that “We MUSN’T do this Mummy”, her voice full of pretension and propriety. I, of course, am encouraging it – by laughing every time I hear her break out that voice. I almost expect her to start quoting Shakespeare.
Gywinnie dahling, you’d best watch out- give her a few years and she’ll be stealing your movie roles!
Terror-able Twos?
Over the past week or so, Isabella has found a new way of sharing her frustrations with us. We’re no strangers your garden-variety toddler temper tantrums, although we’ve been quite lucky that they’ve been, for the most part, few and far between. I’ve seen her yell, I’ve seen her scream, I’ve seen her throw herself on the ground and kick and wail to great dramatic effect. However, I’ve not witnessed anything like the show we’ve been treated to this week.
Cross our little spitfire lately, and she winds up slowly – and then lets loose. She looks us in the eye and explains (with a grating whine) exactly why she is not about to comply with our latest request. She yells till the rafters shake (or they would, if we had them) and, for the grand finale, she screams as loud as she possibly can, puts so much tension into every little muscle in her body that you’d swear she would shatter if you touched her; jaw clenched, knees locked, hands in tight little fists. And she shakes.
No, I take that back, she doesn’t shake so much as she quivers, or maybe vibrates. Yes, yes, she vibrates – that is exactly it.
It is actually rather disturbing to witness, like one of the deleted scenes you might find on a newly released DVD version of The Exorcist. I’m not sure whether to run screaming for the nearest priest, or fall on the floor laughing at the absurdity of it all. Ah well, at least she’s not a high risk for problems resulting from repressed anger.
Update on my quest for fitness.
Rule Number One: Always remember, gym employees are like used car salesmen - not to be trusted.
Rule Number Two: Trust your instincts – if the place has a bad vibe, it is probably a bad place.
Rule Number Five: Read every single stinking line on a fitness center contract. Then read it again. And again. And again. Then have your lawyer read it.
Well, my first month as a healthy individual was fraught with challenges, all of them related to my decision to join Ballys Total Fitness. I’m too frustrated to go into details about all the half-truths, mistruths and outright lies they told to get us in the door, or the important details they glossed over to get our business, or the fight we’ve had to get released from the contract and get our money back– but I do want to tell you what happened with the daycare.
The ‘Kids Klub’ at Ballys is one smallish room, with a single shelf of smaller toys, and a few larger playthings around the perimeter. The times I visited to check out the gym before signing on the dotted line it was quiet, with the children mostly just sitting and watching a video. Not the ideal in terms of intellectual stimulation and play opportunities, but rather seemingly rather harmless as I was looking at Bella being there for an hour or so a few times a week. I wasn’t thrilled, but I didn’t see anything alarming.
After my friend C. and I joined, I called to schedule our complimentary session with a personal trainer. After making the appointment I was transferred through to the daycare room to schedule a space for Bella, only to be told they were booked up. When I called back to change my personal training appointment, I was put through to the manager of the gym who said not to worry, he’d schedule extra staff for the daycare center, and my friend and I should come on in as planned.
When we arrived the next morning the daycare room was full of kids, maybe ten or so – and the single staff member on duty was, to put it mildly, freaking out on the phone with her manager. Apparently no extra staff had been arranged (although we were told when we enrolled that there were always two employees present), and she was left on her own with an overbooked center, and two infants (regulations say she is only ever supposed to have one infant at a time).
We also learned from her frantic telephone conversation that this was not the first time that the club manager had done this – he has frequently overbooked the daycare center just to get new customers in the door. During the time we were in the room, the staff member was continuously taking calls for appointments – and her only interaction with the children was to yell at the older boys whenever they got up from watching the video that was playing. We were not impressed, and felt it simply was not safe to leave our kids there for the workout we had planned. We did decide to leave them in the room for a few moments, just to give us time to find the manager and complain, but turns out he wasn’t even in the building yet.
When we returned to the center, my friend’s seven-month-old son was crying, and from the looks of his runny nose, had been since we left him. When we were in the room collecting our children we noticed that the toys were filthy, when we ran our finger along the toys and table edges, they came away smudged with black. Books were torn and broken, and the stuffed animals high on the shelf looked as if they had been around for years (and not washed or cleaned at all). We were told the center and toys were disinfected daily, but I don’t see how this could possibly be true.
By the time we were ready to leave the club, the manager had arrived. We shared our complaints with him, and he became incredibly condescending and arrogant, saying he was just trying to make these arrangements for our convenience, making no apology or even excuse for not providing the promised staff for the daycare center. We left angry and upset, but promised ourselves we would give Ballys one more chance to redeem itself.
When we arrived a few days later for our rescheduled personal training session, there was again only one staff member on duty in the daycare room. I asked if another person was going to be arriving, and was assured that this was the case. We went ahead with our workout, feeling nervous but optimistic. My friend went down to the center several times to check on her children, each time finding at least one with a dirty diaper. Worse than that, it soon became clear that her eight month old son was not going to be picked up at all, it seems he spent the entire time in the walker he was placed in when we first arrived.
After the session ended, while I was still talking to the personal trainer, C. went to the daycare to collect her children. There was a different staff member in the room than when we dropped them off, and he remained on the phone almost the entire time C was gathering up her children. He did not once ask for ID, or check their armbands against hers to verify that they were her children. Without realizing exactly what she was doing, C. also coaxed Bella to come to her (note: Bella does not go easily with ANYONE, even friends of ours – so I know this took some doing and it was not as if Bella ran willingly into her arms), and left the room with not only my child, but with my identification as well (the staff member got off the phone long enough to hand over my Photo Identification to a total stranger, but apparently could not be bothered with the basic security procedures that were supposed to protect my child).
When C. came out with Bella, I was FURIOUS. This guy didn’t know either of us, or our children. He wasn’t there when we dropped them off, had never seen us before in his life. For all he knew – C. could have been a psychotic kidnapper, child molester, or worse. She not only walked out with her three children without anyone verifying her identify, but she cajoled my child out the door right in front of him, and was given my photo identification to boot! I was angry with myself for ignoring my instincts, and leaving my daughter in a facility with security so lax that anyone off the street could have left the premises with my daughter in tow. Although it was all completely innocent, and no harm was done, the implications of the lack of attention and security left me shaken.
After leaving the gym, both C. and I telephoned the local corporate office. On the daycare side, we received an acceptable response, the woman in charge of the childcare centers promised to look into things, and then let us know that the staff member in question had been “written up” and that a mandatory meeting had been called that weekend for all childcare employees. On the contract side, however, we met with nothing but frustrations, unreturned phone calls, and unbelievable rudeness. We are actually still working to get our money back – but like I said, that is another story.
C. actually called CPS to see if a formal complaint could be lodged against the facility, only to discover that childcare centers like the ones in Health Clubs are not regulated at all, because the parents are assumed to be on the premises. What that means: when you leave your child in one of these facilities, there is no mandatory level of training or experience, no regulations governing staff/child ratio, and, aside from the Health Club corporation itself, no mechanism for filing an official grievance against the center in case of negligence or unacceptable conditions. If something goes wrong – there is not a heck of a lot that you can do.
I wanted to share this story with you all, so that you can hopefully avoid a similar situation. Be VERY, VERY, VERY careful about daycare centers at gyms or other facilities that add childcare as an afterthought, and a way to attract your business. You can’t possibly ask too many questions, and you should always trust your instincts. I didn’t, and I’m very, very sorry about that.
On to better news – I’ve found a wonderful alternative. I’ve visited my local YMCA four times now, and not only am I much more comfortable with the atmosphere of the gym (think family fitness instead of muscle bound jock), but the daycare if fabulous. There are always three staff members on duty during busy times, and all of them are mothers. Children are signed in and out, and if someone different comes to pick them up, the daycare staff will come out to the gym and find me for my okay, before releasing my child. The biggest and best selling point, in my eyes, was Bella’s reaction. At Ballys she hung back, didn’t want me to leave, and was obviously uncomfortable (I chalked it up to it being a new environment, I should have given her more credit). The first time we visited the Y, she slid out of my arms, ran into the room and began happily playing with the toys, and she didn’t want to leave. Guess her womanly intuition is already active and going strong!
To get out of our contract at Ballys, we had to complete 12 workouts in the first thirty days. I complained about this at first, but I think I have to grudgingly admit that it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Because I really, really, really wanted my $$$ back, I had a concrete motivation to make sure I logged my twelve visits. I’ve joined so many gyms in the past, and poured so much money into sign-up fees and monthly dues, only to go once or twice (or not at all). This time I had to go, and it gave me a chance to experience the difference that exercise could make for my energy level, mood and self-esteem.
I think someone, somewhere must have known that I really needed things to work this time, and they’ve been arranging me to get a double shot of endorphins every time I get onto the cardio equipment. Unlike every other time that I’ve tried to start an exercise routine, this time I’ve been not only ready, but eager to get to the gym and to start working out. I didn’t really realize at first how good it was making me feel, until during one of my first sessions I became aware that I was pumping away on the elliptical machine, purple faced, sweat dripping off my body and grinning like a freaking idiot! I’ve always read about the rush people get from exercise, but this was my first time really, really experiencing it. It was so good that I didn’t want to stop – and managed to do a straight 45 minutes on the elliptical right from the start. Yea, it was hard – but it felt GOOD. Strangely enough, despite all the negative feelings I had associated with the gym, I couldn’t wait to get back every evening after Sam got home from work.
Those twelve visits didn’t take anything off my waistline, and the scale reports the same weight as when I begin. I don’t know how to explain it, but I FEEL thinner. I’m standing taller, I have more confidence, more positive energy – and I just plain like myself more these days. The backache that has plagued me for months seems to have disappeared overnight, and the soreness in my muscles after a workout remind me that my body is still capable of amazing things. Now that was worth paying for.
I spent some time the other night, weighing myself and taking all my measurements. I found an online calculator to estimate my body fat percentage, and I created a spreadsheet to keep track of my goals and my progress. I intend to be accountable for my actions, and reward myself for meeting my goals. I’d love to start an iParenting Fitness Challenge with any of my readers who would like to do the same. If you’ve been looking for the motivation to work out and want some cyber-companions to keep you on track – post on my TTM board and we’ll get started! Like just about anything in life, getting in shape is easier when you don’t have to go it alone.
Also, I want to add weight training to my routine. If any of my readers are currently doing a training routine, I would be incredibly grateful if you would share it with me. I’ve done weight training in the past before, but it was so long ago that I don’t really know where to start.
Meeting a Hero
A few weekends ago I had the amazing experience of meeting one of my heroes. To most people outside of the birth community, the name Penny Simkin does not mean much. To those of us who are passionate about pregnancy and birth, however, Penny has Goddess-like status. Doula, childbirth educator, founder of DONA (Doulas of North America), respected author, in-demand speaker, a woman whose CV is so staggering you can hardly believe that one single, solitary woman could have possibly done so much (http://www.pennysimkin.com/PDF%20files/Long%20CV.pdf).
To doulas, midwives and birth junkies around the globe, Penny Simkin is an icon.
[I know this will not be of interest to many, but I also know I have more than a few doulas, midwife wannabes and birth junkies among my readers – so I am including the details of the conference. If you want to know more about any of the topics, or would like the bibliography for the conference - just post and let me know.]
She was in town for the Laborers of Love Conference, and annual event at a local hospital that is in its 12th year. Somehow my radar missed news of the event until the week prior to the conference, and I was panicked at the thought that I might be too late to enroll. Luckily, a few spaces remained open, and I quickly sent in my registration. I discovered my mentor Robin was attending as well, and she made my year when she emailed to say she had been invited to a special breakfast with Penny the next day and wondered if I would be interested in attending as her guest. Would I ever!
The conference was fabulous, I learned so much, and tried to soak up as much wisdom from this amazing woman as I possibly could in one day. Penny began the day with a fascinating discussion about the historical events of the last sixty years, how they influenced our culture and in turn shaped the way women give birth. I have done a great deal of study on the history of birth, but it was incredibly interesting to see how in each decade, the situations and “rules” governing birth changed to reflect major the historical and socio-cultural events of the time.
After a break the talk moved to the “Seduction of Induction”. This was a topic of particular interest to me. Last years Maternity Wise Survey (http://www.maternitywise.org/pdfs/LtMreport.pdf) showed that 43% of respondents were induced – and in my own small sample, only one of my five doula clients actually started labour without intervention. It is simply unbelievable to me that almost half of women are unable to deliver without outside intervention. If you subscribe to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and accept that survival of the fittest is a reasonable assumption – this is just impossible. If half of us needed induction to delivery healthy babies, that half would have succumbed to the “weeding out” forces of Natural Selection a long, long time ago. Anyway, I digress…
Penny discussed the fact that, while medically indicated inductions remain constant, elective inductions are on the rise. She explained in some depth the biochemical ‘conversation’ between the mother and the child that initiates labour, and the inherent difficulties that medicine has in trying to replicate even part of that complex interplay in an induction situation. She took us on a fascinating trip through history, touching on each decade of the last century and discussing what techniques were used, and what attitude the medical community too toward induced deliveries. We discussed medical indications, risks and benefits and the various available methods, including several which are not commonly used within the medical community, but which are backed by some fairly good initial data.
We then moved onto a discussion of Epidurals, and ways to work with women to minimize the physical and emotional side effects. The most intriguing technique demonstrated was one that Penny likes to call the ‘Rotisserie’ – where the woman labouring with an epidural is turned a quarter turn every thirty minutes (if not asleep) so that the baby is helped into the right position for delivery. Since studies show that up to 85% of women with an epidural end up with pitocin and have a much greater requirement for instrumental delivery, this rotation can help avoid some of the positioning problems that lead to stalled labour and increased intervention. I get the rationale behind it, but I really think I’ll have to find a new name, as I doubt my clients would appreciate being likened to a chicken on a stake!
After lunch came my favorite part of the day, a discussion of the Three R’s: Relaxation, Rhythm and Ritual – and how to use them as a new approach to childbirth education. After attending hundreds and hundreds of births, Penny became aware that women who made use of the Three R’s, were able to cope much better with the demands of labour. Penny showed us her new video on the topic and I think it is safe to say the entire room was blown away. It was short, only fifteen minutes, and intense. The women labouring in this video were not quiet, or still, they were most certinaly not “good patients”. They moaned, they rocked, they were deep in a place of instinctive being. Their labour songs (my own name for the Three R’s) were awe-inspiring and breathtaking. Because we had the benefit of Penny’s talk, it was easy to see how the women and their partners and support people used the Three R’s to meet the demands of childbirth and to identify the coping skills they were intuitively using. Many in the room were struck by the sexual nature of some of the sounds, rituals and rhythms the women used in the video, which really added evidence to Ina May Gaskins quote, "That's what got the baby in there. That's what gets the baby out”
After the video we talked about creating a safe environment for the women, because a woman needs to feel very secure and uninhibited in order to let herself go instinctively into a place where she can use the Three R’s. We brainstormed many different potential rituals, rhythms and relaxation methods, and people shared stories of supporting women who created their own. Most importantly to me, we talked about how to help a women find her own rhythm and ritual when she is not able to get there herself, or when the intensity of labour causes her to loose it. This was incredibly valuable for me, and I purchase the video to show to all my future doula clients. If you have a chance to view the film, I highly recommend it.
The next topic of the agenda was a very in-depth look into the Second Stage of Labour. We talked about the different styles of management (active and physiologic) and looked at the evidence on both sides. Penny talked in depth about the physical and emotional needs of the labouring women during each phase of the second stage, and she demonstrated many different positions that can be useful. One that I have seen only once, but that seems very interesting, is the Towel Pull, where the mother-to-be pushes while pulling on a towel or other sturdy piece of material, with a support person pulling in the opposite direction. I tried to find a diagram online, but had no luck. I’d be happy to describe the technique in more detail to anyone who is interested.
The very last topic of the day, and the second most enjoyable for me, was using Roll Play as a teaching technique in childbirth class. Penny showed a hilarious video of her class in Seattle that she calls “Grandma Has a Baby”. (MT writer Jessica and former writer Melissa were very lucky and attended this class; they might have seen Penny in action performing one of her roll plays). For those of you (probably most of you) who don’t know what Penny looks like, she really is a grandmother and looks the part; she is a petite woman with a soft voice and a huge personality. In her birth classes, she asks the dads-to-be to volunteer, and acts out labour scenarios where she plays the roll of the labouring women. The entire auditorium was in STITCHES watching these poor guys try to deal with Penny mimicking labour contractions. From acting as a woman at a baseball game who returns from the restroom and loudly announces to her partner that she just lost her mucus plug, to lying on the floor moaning through transition contractions, she took these fathers through the ringer! She may be a grandma, but she does a VERY good impersonation of women in labour (I suppose when you’ve seen that many births, it becomes rather easy). It was priceless, but also very easy to see that the class came away from the exercise with some real, practical knowledge, and I would venture to guess a great deal more confidence.
The next morning was the breakfast in Penny’s honor, which was even more exciting for me, as there were only ten or so childbirth professionals in attendance, so I got an opportunity to speak to her one on one, and be involved in very interesting discussions. We sat in a circle and just talked about birth. The conversation flowed from topic to topic, with everyone contributing something, and everyone learning something. As wonderful as Penny is as a speaker, I think her true gift is her ability to truly listen to people, and to learn from them.
We also talked about her new book, a true labour of love that she has been working on for years, and the first book on this topic to be published. The book is called “When Survivors Give Birth: Understanding and Healing the Effects of Early Sexual Abuse on Childbearing Women”, and I think it is a very important addition to childbirth literature. I don’t have a copy yet, but it is next on my list.
At the end of the breakfast, the hostess explained that she was going to play a very special song, and handed out maracas for us to shake with the beat. She handed out lyric sheets and turned on “Shaking The Tree” by Peter Gabriel, asking us to focus on the lyrics as they could be applied to pregnancy and birth. Sam and I both love Peter Gabriel, and his live greatest hits album gets pretty regular play in our CD player. I suppose I had never given thought to these lyrics and how perfect they really are for women claming power in birth, or really, in any area of their lives. I’m happy to post the lyrics on my TTM board for all those who are interested – if you can track down the song, I encourage you to listen, it is quite inspiring.
It was the perfect way to end the breakfast, and I reluctantly said goodbye to Penny, shaking her hand and telling her what a true honor and privilege it had been to meet her. I was on a high for days afterwards, just recalling all I had learned and the wisdom and energy of one incredible woman. Several days later I received an email from the woman, a local doula, who had hosted the breakfast. She wanted to pass on the message that Penny had mentioned me on the drive to her hotel, saying that she thought I was a “very promising doula”. I don’t think I’ve ever received a more meaningful compliment – and I’ll treasure that forever.
NO MORE NAP? HELP!
Well….it seems that my days of two hours of alone time each afternoon may just be over. In the past month and a half we’ve had three different sets of visitors (Sam’s parents, my friend Dawn, and then Sam’s sister) and have been quite busy with preparing, hosting and recovering. As a result, there has been little or no attempt at maintaining a consistent schedule around here, and Bella began skipping afternoon naps if we were out and about, sometimes falling asleep in the car, sometimes not. Much to my dismay, now that things have calmed down and our hotel is closed for the season, I think she’s forgotten that she’s supposed to sleep in the afternoon and that her body really needs the rest.
She’ll fight naps like crazy, until I give up, frustrated and resentful. Then, around five or six she’ll be falling asleep in the car, or yawning over her dinner. If she happens to nap however, even just for 45 minutes or so – she won’t fall asleep until ten or later at night. If she falls asleep very early, around 630pm, she wakes up later on at night and wont’ go back to sleep for hours. Then she’ll be fighting to stay awake even before noon the next day. It is incredibly frustrating, on one hand she obviously isn’t totally ready to give up that sleep, but on the other hand, if she sleeps at all during the day, she is up all night. I hate transitions!
I’m not sure how to get her back on track. Should I push the nap issue? Just try to move back to a significantly earlier bedtime? Many people have suggested I institute a routine of quiet time in her room when she would have been napping, but every time I try that she screams bloody murder until I give up. I don’t want quiet time to be a punishment, or something I have to force, but I do believe that if she isn’t going to sleep, she at least really does need some down time….and what is more, so do I!
I have to say, I’ve been surprised by my reaction to all this. I mentioned resentment earlier, and that is still the best word to describe my feelings. As awful as it sounds, I resent my daughter for abruptly giving up her naps, and for stealing the one window of time during the day that was really and truly mine. I think most moms out there probably understand how I feel, when your entire life revolves around caring for another, you need space and time on your own to take care of yourself, to rejuvenate and center yourself. I had no idea how protective and selfish I felt about those hours, or how much I depended on that time in the afternoon to maintain my sanity until it disappeared. Without that pocket of solitude, I began to feel my stress level rising slightly each day. I’m a little more adjusted to the idea now, because I’m not expecting a nap – but I’m still struggling to figure out how to carve some alone time into a busy day so that I can continue to care for myself and be a good mother. I welcome any suggestions from those of you who have gone through something similar.
Preschool? Or not?
Sam and I are currently debating the preschool issue for next year: do we want to enroll Bella in a program this fall, or not? We both go back and forth on the issue, and can’t seem to make up our minds. I’m not at all concerned about academic stuff, she’s a smart kid – and I think she has plenty of years ahead of her to learn reading and writing and math. The reason I am considering preschool is that I think it might be very good for her socially. As the only child of a stay at home mother, Bella’s social interactions are rather limited. We do playgroups, and have done Gymboree, library music class and the like, but she is at a stage where I really think she would benefit from a more structured program, and one that didn’t include me! Because she does not have any siblings, I do think there is danger of her developing “only child syndrome” and believing the world truly does revolve around her, I think some sort of program where she could interact with her peers, independent of me, would be very good for her on this level.
In addition to all that, I wonder if preschool might help Bella with her wariness and reticence in social situations. At home, Bella is a very active, spunky, wild child – but in public and in groups of other children (even her close friends) she can be very shy. For example, at a birthday party this week, the parents set up a piñata. Bella hung at the fringes of the crowd of kids wildly scooping up as much candy as possible into their bags. When the kids had moved on, she (with coaxing) walked up and picked up the single chocolate egg that remained and happily returned to me to eat it. I’m cool with this aspect of her personality; she just takes a little while to warm up, and doesn’t like to compete for things in groups. She is much like her daddy in that respect (I’m a rush in and grab the candy kind of girl, myself). However, I wonder if the social aspect of preschool might be quite beneficial to her development in this area. Would it do her good to attend a non-academic preschool in order to experience more peer-group situations? On the other side of the same argument, perhaps with her personality, preschool would be a much harder adjustment for her, and should wait till she is older?
Then there is the question of which school to choose. I love the Waldorf philosophy, but the only school is quite far from here, and I can’t imagine making a half hour drive or more just to bring Bella to preschool. Although very different from Waldorf, I am also intrigued by Montessori. There are some Montessori schools with solid reputations near by, but they have five day a week programs – and I really don’t think that a three year old needs to attend a five-day preschool right off the bat. I would much prefer to find a two or three-day program if we decide to go ahead, I think this would be a much gentler introduction for Bella, and would still give us mornings free to meet up with friends and do other activities around town.
I know I’ve got to make up my mind on this issue rather soon, as many schools have also started to enroll next fall, so I would love to hear from those of you who have already tackled his issue. I really appreciate your input.
Last but not least…
I do believe I have been told, in kinder, gentler terms to shut up! I can’t remember what I was saying, but Bella looked over at my in exasperation the other day, sighed as if my very presence was vexing her greatly and said “Mama. Just. Don’t. Say. Any. Words.”
Now how do you like that? ;)
Lets talk about....
Preschool
Naps
Fitness Programs
Poll of the week:
How do you feel about preschool?
-My children attended/will attend preschool at the age of three.
-My children attended/will attend preschool starting only at the age of four.
-My children will remain at home (or at daycare/sitter) right up till kindergarten.
-I have not yet decided.
If you did choose preschool, please share a little about your decision, what program you choose, and how your child handled the adjustment.
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