 | Diary Navigation:
|
November 8, 2002
Camryn Grace,
Prelude. . .
The Holiday season is my favorite time of year! I love everything—the food, the lights, the smells, the cheer, I just cannot help myself! Usually I am through Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, but after Hannah-Banana and a new job, I just could not find the time; plus, we were finalizing our house plans to begin building--so last years Christmas was, to say the least, stressful for me. Hence, my cycle was a bit out-of-whack. Not so strange, I dismissed the first clue. DH noted that I was a bit more emotional than normal, could that be possible, me emotional, nah! I was in complete denial, I think I knew in the back of mind, but I would not let myself admit it!
On Christmas Eve, I was at the grocery store getting last minute items for the different dishes I was preparing, and I decided to pick up a HPT to remove all doubt from poor, stressed DH that I was NOT pregnant. Two pink lines later. . .
On Christmas morning, our entire family gathered at our house to watch Hannah open her gifts from Santa Claus, her last gift was a t-shirt that said, “I'm the Big Sister.” Everyone read it aloud about two or three times before they realized we were going to have another baby.
Pregnancy
What a whirlwind. . . .Hannah, the house, and the job were enough to keep my mind a little preoccupied. My pregnancy was completely different from my first. Camryn was extremely active, and strong. I often thought if I had been pregnant with Camryn first, I would have panicked the entire pregnancy with Hannah—Hannah never moved, she would wiggle or squirm about 10-15 times per day. Nothing more--Thank goodness she was healthy.
As I approached my due date, Dr. R began talking to me about inducement. I had dilated to 2 cm and was 80% effaced at 36 weeks. (Note: We decided this was the best way for me to have Camryn, so I could prepare Hannah to stay with her grandparents for a few days, and not run out in the middle of the night—this would traumatize out my little Hannah. Hannah needs to feel comfortable with a situation before she will relax, and I knew if I left Hannah crying, then I would not be able to concentrate on Camryn.)
At 39 weeks, there was no change in my progress, so he told the nurse to put me on the waiting list. My first appointment for induction was August 22nd, but was cancelled the day of because there were no rooms left in L&D at the hospital. My dad’s birthday is August 25th, so I was not too upset that I was bumped from the list. I realized that Camryn would eventually make her appearance.
On August 25th, I woke up with mild contractions, I thought this was the day. We called all of our family, to put them on alert. We waited and the contractions faded into nothingness. Camryn was teasing us.
On August 26th, DH and I woke up and rushed to get out of the house before the hospital called us again to cancel our appointment. We brought Hannah to MIL and went to the hospital. The trip to the hospital was a bit nostalgic. At this point, I knew the flood of emotions that was about to hit, and I was a bit reluctant at this point. With Hannah, the birth was virtually painless, so I was definitely curious to see if Camryn would be as kind to her mommy.
We got to the hospital at 6 am, and after being hooked up to every machine possible, poked and prodded, we began the pitocin. I was still at 2 cm and 80% effaced, so I new I had a long way to go. Dr. R came in and broke my water and decided to increase the pitocin. Throughout the day, DH and I had a myriad of friends and family stop by to wish us well, and check on our progress. Both of our families kept a constant vigil in the waiting rooms. Camryn had a huge welcoming committee. I was not really feeling a great deal of pain, but I was beginning to have to breathe through the contractions and remind myself to let my body take over. I knew for sure that I did not want any narcotics, but I was going to have an epidural if I was able. I was making minimal progress and my contractions were coming regularly, but the intensity was barely enough for the contractions to be considered productive. I was able to get my epidural a little early (3 cm) in hopes that it would speed things up. I had always heard that epidurals would slow things down, but Dr. R said that in my case, he thought it would help my body relax and let Camryn find her way out. He was right. It took all day, but by 4 pm. I was ready to push. With Hannah, I could not feel myself pushing, I could not feel anything, so naturally, I could not tell if my pushes were effective. With Camryn, I had the urge to push, I had the intense desire to bear down, but I had absolutely no pain. I pushed a few times, and Camryn was born at 5:21 pm.
I have mentioned before how peaceful Camryn is, but I must mention again, when she was born, she was so content, so alert, and absolutely beautiful. They put Camryn on my chest, and she just stared into my eyes as if she was putting a face with the voice she had been hearing for nine months, and then she gently laid her head on my chest. DH cut the cord and they brought Camryn to the isolette to begin cleaning her up and testing her. Camryn’s APGAR scores were 8 and 9.
Camryn Grace weighed 7 pounds and 11 ounces, and was 18 ½ inches long. She has big bright blue eyes, and brown “peach fuzz” hair. The nurse brought her over for me to begin nursing her, and she was very enthusiastic about nursing. Each time Camryn was offered the breast, she would nurse until we pried her off.
This probably sounds cliché, but I am sure every mother wonders how in the world can I love another child as much as I love the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc—but you do! With Camryn, as it was with Hannah, I felt an overwhelming sense of love, responsibility, protection, and absolute pride with the first gaze into Camryn’s sweet angelic eyes.
After we came home, I tried nursing her, but I was not able. In the hospital the nurses noted that Camryn was not being satisfied after nursing on each side for over 30 minutes. I was getting extremely sore, dry, cracked nipples that would bleed with every suck. I was terrified that Camryn was going to turn into a vampire before she was one month old. So with great reluctance, hormones ablazing, and many tears I abandoned my nursing effort with incredible sadness, Camryn was about 5 days old. I honestly felt like a failure and tiptoed to the door of “baby blues.” Nursing was always something that I had wanted to do for my girls, but I just was not able. Suddenly, it was not about nursing any longer. How would/could I possible be enough to these incredible little creatures to inspire them to be strong, confident women, what can I do in my life to help them understand what a true miracle they are and how awesome I think they truly are. I feel like I have always had ample self assurance to know that I can accomplish anything, and have anything, should I want it badly enough, but my children have humbled me in a way that I will never, could never be everything I want to be for them. My mother was absolutely an incredible source of strength to me and really was able to help me realize that if I am able to do the job she did, I will, and should, feel confident in my role as a mother.
Camryn is now 11 weeks on Monday, she weighs approximately 12 pounds and is about 23 inches long. She is a very happy baby and showers us with smiles and coos. She is kicking and wiggling with excitement now, and loves to play and be talked too. Hannah is a wonderful big sister, and loves to play peek-a-boo with Camryn. These moments melt my heart. . .
 |  |
|
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community. Click here to start...
|
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families. 
