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December 11, 2003
***Forced to conform***
At the age of almost 23 months, Anna is experiencing some gender issues in Russia's very gender constricted society. I am shamed to say that today, I contributed to that experience.
Anna doesn't wear dresses. Not because she doesn't have any, she has lots, ranging from practical corduroy pinafores (thanks, dad) to embroidered beaded chiffon princess outfits (thanks, mum). None of them have ever been worn, because as soon as Anna sees the dress coming at her, she starts tensing up. Get any closer, and she'll push it away and say "YOU wear it, mama." I've always respected her choice to wear what she wants, and our "dress encounters" have ended with the dress in the closet.
With the holidays coming up, I'd really like her to wear a dress once in a while. At least for some pictures. So today I chose one of the least offensive dresses, a low-key lavender-coloured plain corduroy one, and held it out to Anna. "YOU put it on, mama!" Followed by "I want pants! Where are my pants?" This time I didn't retreat. I know I was wrong, and I encroached on her physical rights, and I am shamed by my own behaviour, heck, I hardly ever wear dresses myself and who says girls have to, and man, what a horrible example I am showing my little girl, especially me, who hates frills and pantyhose and makeup and always played spies and cops and robbers with the boys while the girls were playing with dolls and helping mom in the kitchen. What was I doing here? Why had I decided Anna needed to wear a dress?
Can you imagine trying to put a dress on an octopus? And imagine the octopus is screaming. Once dressed, she dropped to the floor writhing as if she was trying to wrestle off a giant boa constrictor and screaming "take it off! take it off!" After about 15 minutes I managed to distract her and she forgot about the dress until Dima came home and Anna ran out to greet him and to show off her "new" dress. Anna is quite a daddy's girl, already practicing eyelash flutters (and she's got the longest fluffiest eyelashes I've ever seen, even in mascara commercials) and other flirting techniques, not to mention giving him huge bear hugs.
Now only if we could convince Anna to pee sitting down. She wants to pee standing up like Andrei, and even holds her hands as if she's well ... you know what I mean.
***Oedipus complex***
I read recently that at age 3 or so, boys may enter a phase of the Oedipus complex. Well, I am not a big believer in Freudian psychology, but Andrei has been acting pretty strangely lately. He's been quite agressive to Dima, both verbally and physically. He doesn't want Dima to hug him or give him his bath, or basically do most things with him. If Dima tries to make contact when Andrei when Andrei doesn't want it, Andrei may hit him or say "go away, papa", or "I don't love you." Apparently, this is normal behaviour, but Dima feels so hurt by it, and it's hard to see. Perhaps it also has to do with Dima being at home very little since he changed jobs. Before, we always came home together at 7 pm and were home on weekends. Now Dima works late, weekends and travels quite frequently. Could this be Andrei's way of showing he's upset that Dima doesn't have the time for him he once did?
Talk to me! Do any of you have girls who identify themselves with boys, have no interest in "girl" toys and clothes, pee standing up? Boys who suddenly don't want anything to do with their father?
Warm regards from the far north (which is unseasonally warm and snowless)
Lisa
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