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March 30, 2003
Sick of winter wonderland
The saying "March goes in like a lion and out like a lamb" was NOT thought of by a Russian. March goes in like a lion and out like a bear awakened too early from his hibernation. It's snowing as I write this, and let me tell you, there are 180 million people up here who are darn tired of that sky dandruff. We've bought the kids their running shoes, their bikes, their spring coats, we've done our "spring cleaning" and taken our down coats to the dry cleaners. We've put away our fur hats and heavy boots, the clocks have even been changed an hour, so WHERE IS SPRING? Bring it on. The leaves, the sun that will melt the snow away, the birds twittering in the trees. The kids are like bulls cooped up in a pen, they want the freedom to run unencumbered by 4 layers of clothes and the uncomfortable scratchiness of wool hats. They want to ride their bikes and feel a warm wind in their hair and fill their dump trucks with sand, and to be outside without fingers and toes freezing. The days have become much longer, fuelling us with solar energy, but the temperature is not corresponding and we are anxious for winter to finally be over.
Road less traveled
I gave notice to the personnel manager yesterday. My last day is April 30. Ironically, I was made a job offer (from another company) a mere 45 minutes before telling the firm I'm leaving. It's business editor of a medium-sized newspaper. So here I was, all set on becoming a SAHM, and BANG! out of the blue, the job of my dreams is in the palm of my hand. I'm turning it down, though. The hours are truly frightening. You have to be there to "put the paper to bed", and that doesn't ever happen earlier than midnight. I'd only see the kids on the weekends. Sigh, is life ever easy? Always such huge decisions to be taken. I guess that's why Robert Frost's "Road Less Traveled" strikes such a chord in many. So for the record, I am taking the road home to my kids.
"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference"
More than ever, those lines ring true for the decision I made to marry Dima. It was 1996 and I had just resolved to leave Russia and go back to Canada, where I spent my "formative years", where my dad and best friend live. Days after I'd called my dad and Marion to tell them that I would be coming after New Years, I met Dima. It was November of 1996. To marry Dima and stay in Russia was definitely the road less traveled by. I mean, more often you hear about Russian women who marry foreign men and leave Russia, right? Especially in the wild and lawless 1990s. But unlike Robert Frost's narrator, I am not telling this with a sigh. I so love my life that I have never even contemplated where the other road, the one back to Canada would have taken me.
Maybe someday Andrei and Anna will read this (I am confident they will learn English at some point!), and they will know to follow their heart when they must choose between two paths. I made the choices I did because of love, and I am content with those choices also because of love.
Andrei and Anna
It must be the worry of all parents expecting another child what kids of relationship the siblings will have. I was probably worried about this more than most parents. I have a brother who is two years younger with whom I have no relationship at all. I haven't seen him since I left home, and really have no desire to re-establish contact with him. So I was very nervous about how Anna and Andrei would relate to one another. Is it nature or nurture? What is more influential? Is it he way the parents treat siblings, or the character of the children that establishes the type of relationship they have? I know many mothers take time with the new baby to establish the mother/child bond, to breastfeed, to recover from the pregnancy and birth experience. I decided against that. From the time Anna was born, she was talked to like a full-fledged member of the family. As she grew, she was treated more and more equally with Andrei. I had no special "nesting" with Anna, where there was Anna, there was always Andrei, and this seemed even more important to me because of the small age difference (20 months). Even in the first few days after giving birth, I always made sure that Andrei had my attention just as much as Anna. Little emphasis was put on his being a "big" brother, he was just a brother and Anna a sister (not "the baby"). Two years later, Andrei and Anna have what I consider a truly amazing relationship. When Andrei gets dressed for preschool, Anna brings him his scarf, his boots (and undoes the Velcro on them, loosens the tongue), gives him one of her Lego firemen to put in his coat pocket. They hug and kiss and shake each other's hand before Andrei and Dima leave for school. Anna goes and sleeps in his bed in the middle of the night, she holds Andrei's hand when they walk from the kitchen to the living room to protect him from any encounter with Barsik (Andrei's scared of Barsik, Anna isn't). When the nanny was getting ready to leave for the day, she picked up Anna and said she'd take Anna home with her. Andrei burst out in tears, and grabbed Anna's legs pulling her back into the house and crying "don't touch my Anya!" When Andrei is home, the two of them are inseparable. They comfort and worry about the other if one gets a bump or cut. Anna puts on Andrei's socks for him and Andrei does up Anna's buttons. I can only hope their relationship will remain so close throughout their lives.
Talking about death
Dima's mom told Andrei his uncle Andrei died. We hadn't told our Andrei, because we just didn't know how to explain about death to a 4-year old. Evidently Dima's mom didn't either, because Andrei is really concerned about death now (aren't we all?)
I don't want to die, he says, and asks me to confirm he's never going to die. I can't really lie to him, so I try to explain about heaven and God and do a really terrible job, because I don't believe in either, despite wanting to terribly. Andrei's worried about the coffin. "Will they put me in a box when I die?" and what happens next "How do I get out of the box?" and "I don't want to get put in a box." He's worried about us dying. "I don't want you to get old and die." If only he knew how terrified I am of death, how the fear has poisoned my life since I was a small child (at the age of 2 I had my first dreams of death and I still remember the terror). I try to do a good job, telling him that his soul, that what make him Andrei gets out of the box and goes to a different world where everything is beautiful and nobody ever gets ill or dies, and uncle Andrei is already there, and that when we go to church, we can light a candle for uncle Andrei if we feel like we're missing him, and uncle Andrei will see it and feel good that we're thinking of him.
Yup, I know I suck at trying to explain to a four year old (not even four yet) the mystery of the ages. Anyone with a religious background who could give me some tips at explaining God and heaven to children?
And last but not least, I'll take the idea from Kelly's post and write a few things you don't know about me.
I can sew anything from dolls to evening gowns and make my own patterns.
In the 3 years I went to college in the States, I gained 40 pounds.
I don't like TV or movies and never have.
I rarely eat fruit.
I love brussels sprouts.
I don't know how to drive, and I've never had a licence.
I can write cursive backwards.
I've never seen a circumsized penis.
I auditioned to be a stripper when I was 22 years old.
I can't read "Love you forever" without crying.
I wish I believed in God.
I want my children to grow up believing in God.
I am an extrovert living an introvert's life (yes, me too, Kelly!)
I don't like Italian food.
I don't miss the ocean, but I miss the mountains every day.
I love hot weather. When everyone else is complaining about the heat, I am in my element.
I am married to the man of my dreams.
I love to fly.
I haven't seen my best friend since 1998.
The kids and I have dual citizenship (Russian/Canadian).
I love life.
Warm regards,
Lisa
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