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January 14, 2003
I think I might be pregnant. I'm due to get my period today. I have 24-day cycles (yeah, they're really short, I know), and so far, no sign. I took an HPT today, not with first-morning pee, but after lunch and got a faint line. I have no reason to think I'm NOT pregnant, since Dima and I had unprotected sex on New Year's Eve and almost every time we've done that, an egg has been fertilized. I put it that way, because of five fertilized eggs, only two have resulted in babies. Two were pregnancies that ended almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and one ended at 11 weeks with two D&Cs.
I'm wondering how soon the doctor can fit me in, based on my history. I bled with Andrei and even more with Anna, and also with the pregnancy I lost in October 2003. I took progesterone with both Anna and the October pregnancy, since I have low progesterone. I'm wondering if I should go to my OB at the state-run clinic where I went with Andrei's and Anna's pregnancies, and where I delivered them, but which has horrible HORRIBLE conditions (in terms of equipment, testing and cleanliness), or should I go to the super-duper elite clinic which I can afford now that I'm a banker's wife, but which is where I lost a pregnancy in October? I feel great confidence in my OB, and if G-D wills that I have another baby, I will definitely give birth with her, but she just doesn't have the technology available, and I'm always scared I'm going to get some terrible and incurable STD when I'm there. Ava-Peter (the state of the art clinic) is more impersonal.
Will I look stupid and paranoid if I tell them I "suspect" I'm pregnant and can they please check me? Do I care? Not at all. Better safe than sorry, and I need to know if I'll be spending the next 20 weeks giving myself jabs of progesterone in the butt. I need to know if it's safe to work out. I know in the States and Canada, the general consensus is that not only is it safe, it is good, but I miscarried right after the first time I went to the gym with the last pregnancy. I probably didn't miscarry because of that and I'm not blaming myself for working out, but it is something that I still wonder about.
I am really really scared to be pregnant. Getting pregnant for us is as easy as leaving a male and female rabbit in a cage together, but staying pregnant is not so easy for me, and were it not for modern medicine, I would only have one child right now.
I'm going to stop by "Ava-Peter" on the way home from work today and see if I can at least talk to someone. And then I'll go home and call Lyubov Ilinichna.
Warm regards,
Lisa
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