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November 14, 2004
November 14, 2004
Nearly 32 weeks
I can’t believe that it’s been so long since I have last written. I have no excuse to offer except the usual: fatigue and lack of time. Well, I guess there’s a lot of catching up to do…
First of all, I feel really good – not great per se, but good. Sure, I am tired and all but I don’t feel nearly as exhausted as I did 5 weeks ago. I think a lot of it has to do with the weather. Thank God it is finally cold outside and that ridiculous warm weather seems to have disappeared. It was killing me and I truly think it affected the way I felt physically. And for once, I think I have finally “out frozen” Charles – what I mean by that is, usually he is the one who is dying from the heat and I am complaining about how cold I am. Well now the tides have turned and I am practically freezing him out of the house. I don’t remember feeling this way when I was pg with Cam but for whatever reason, I feel a lot hotter this time. When it’s 50 degrees outside, I don’t want the heat on and the only reason I do turn it on is for Cameron, not for myself. Last night, I turned the heat down to 67, opened all the windows in our bedroom, (even though it was below freezing outside), and slept in nothing but my underwear – pure Heaven. Charles slept in the guest bedroom because he couldn’t take it. Now he knows how I feel when he freezes me out of house and home under normal circumstances.
My blood pressure is back to normal, low actually, so that is also a great sign. I am not dilated and have virtually no contractions, even though I stopped taking the terbutaline. I stopped taking it before my dr. told me to, and then when I went in last week (November 8) for a check-up, he told me I could go off it if I felt up to it, so I didn’t bother telling him I already had. He had taken me off complete bedrest a couple of weeks earlier and put me on modified bedrest only. Now I am off it completely and I couldn’t be happier. While on modified bedrest, I had asked Dr. S if I could go out at all or did I still have to remain at home. When he asked me why, I told him I just wanted to know, no particular reason and that’s when Dr. S told me to stop BS'ing him, and to basically admit that what I wanted was to go the mall. I couldn’t deny it at that point, I really did want to go to the mall and get stuff I had been putting off while on bedrest. So, Dr. S said I could go as long as I promised to stay in a wheelchair while someone pushed me. I must digress here for a moment and say, I have a newfound respect and admiration for those confined to a wheelchair. It was really not a fun experience at all. I can’t even believe there are times in my life where I was tired while walking somewhere and I thought how nice it would be to just once get to ride in a wheelchair. I couldn’t have been more wrong. First of all, as we all know but don’t fully understand until put in that situation, public places are not equipped to handle people in wheelchairs – there is never enough space, never enough room in stores or aisles, and certainly, never enough consideration. I can’t believe how many people would bump into my chair or walk in my path, even in the main part of the mall, and expect me to move out of their way, even though I would be going with the flow of traffic. It was ridiculous, simply ridiculous. All I can say is I pray for those confined to a wheelchair, and hope to God that at some point, society will get a clue and exercise a little more compassion and consideration in these situations.
Getting back to Dr. S. and my most recent appointment - he measured me and said this is going to be one huge baby. Hmm, funny, but I believe they told me that crap last time and Cameron was still small. I know he was induced two weeks early but this baby will be as well so what’s the difference? Of course, maybe the dr. is right and I will be proven wrong (I hope not) but I seriously doubt it.
Well – we have finally come up with a name, a name we absolutely love. I don’t know why we never thought of it before but it just never came to us, and it was right there all along. Actually, my mother came up with it. One night during the time when she was staying with us helping to take care of Cameron and me, she Charles and I were sitting around one night and we all decided we had to come up with a name because it was getting ridiculous that he hadn’t found one already. So, my mother starts poring through all the baby name books and reading off every name she likes. After awhile, she reads “the” name, and I believe both Charles and I said nearly simultaneously, “I love it but I know Charles/Corinne hates that name so I never suggested it.” Well both of us then corrected the other and said we loved that name and where did the other one get the idea we hated it? So, after that misconception was cleared up, we agreed that this was definitely the name to keep. However, we decided to keep the name a secret from everyone we know, because if one single solitary person were to say they hated it, or if they didn’t have a strong enough positive reaction upon hearing it, it would ruin it for us and we simply don’t want to have our feelings affected by the opinions of others. It’s one thing after the baby is here and already named but beforehand is kind of different, at least we think so. Besides – there has to be some surprise left since the gender is already known (which btw, if we ever have another child, I am definitely not finding out the sex before the birth, I miss that surprise). The only thing I will say about the name is that it is definitely a name everyone in the world has heard so it’s nothing weird or strange or just out there. It’s common enough that it should never be mispronounced or even misspelled, but yet, still not a trendy name that you are going to have 6 of them in every elementary school class, which was also important to us. We have known the middle name for awhile now and really like the way it sounds with his first name and to be honest, I am so much happier knowing the name ahead of time than I was picking it last minute, like we did with Cam. I will say though that contrary to what I thought, naming this child before he’s born has not brought me any closer or made me bond any more with him than I did with Cameron. The bonding and the love is equal for both, nothing could alter that. The only thing deciding on a name this early has done for us is take away that pressure of having to find a name at the last minute. I hated that with Cameron, we were deciding on a name the night I found out I was to be induced. Too much stress and too much pressure. So next time, having learned from past mistakes, I will take the best of both worlds (in my opinion), and that is, not find out the sex of the baby but have both a boy’s and girl’s name set long before the birth.
This baby definitely moves a lot more than Cameron, so much so that sometimes his kicks actually hurt. He is also up way higher than Cam was and sometimes I feel as though his hand or foot is caught under my ribs and it is a very disturbing sort of feeling, so maybe Dr. S is right and this baby is big, and that’s why I feel parts of his body under my ribcage – I never had that with Cam.
When I go in for my appt. next week, I am supposed to take the 2 hour glucose test, even though I passed the initial glucose test 2 weeks ago. Dr. S just wants to be extra cautious so I just follow along. I have also had my Rhogam shot which was pretty painful but at least if the baby were to come early, I would be all set in that department. I have to say, I was worried about being in preterm labor and not being able to get the shot in time. Things are fortunately falling into place exactly as they should, and I am very grateful because for awhile there, I wasn’t sure they would.
Cameron is getting more and more jealous of other children - this doesn’t bode well at all for the new baby at all. Last week I took him to My Gym, (basically this is the same sort of place as Little Gym and Gymboree except much bigger, much better equipment and a lot more things to do – ball pit, tons of slides, swings and a constantly changing variety of new toys) and Cameron was happily playing in the ball pit. Another little girl was in there with him as well and was trying to climb out but couldn’t because she was really small. She was getting upset and her mother had her back turned to her and was talking to another mother so I just reached in and pulled the little girl out. When Cameron saw this, he had a fit and jumped out of the ball pit and started pushing me. Then he ran away from me and through the gates and back to the area where you put your shoes on. There still was a half hour left to go in the session but Cameron was so pissed off at me that he just wanted to leave. Lovely. There have been other instances of Cameron displaying signs of jealousy toward my attention of other children as well, and I just am not quite positive he is going to take this new addition as well as everyone keeps saying he will. But he will get through it as others do – what choice does he have, really.
Speaking of My Gym, I am on the fence as to whether or not to enroll Cameron for the next semester which starts beginning of January. On the one hand, we feel he is not really enjoying it as much as he used to, he seems to get very cranky in there and even bored, which surprises me because there is just so much to do. They have all the neatest toys and equipment I have ever seen – a rock climbing wall, trampolines galore, slides, ropes, monkey bars, poles to climb, balance beams and the best part of all are the swings. Hanging from the ceiling are about 25 chains/ropes that you can attach any swing or object to. Each class they attach something different. Sometimes it’s regular swings like the Little Tikes kind, other times, it’s these huge mats or a hammock or an enormous cylindrical shaped mat that half a dozen kids can sit on top of and ride. There is also this T-Bar thing that hangs from a wire that the older children hold onto and zip from one side of the room to the other. Sometimes they attach a Little Tikes swing to this wire contraption that runs across the length of the room, hanging from the ceiling, and they then zoom the little kids across. They also bring out a lot of toys that you see in that magazine One Step Ahead, such as this electric train you sit on and ride in a circle (there’s a picture of Cam riding it on his webpage). I just think the place is so unique and everyone is so friendly and so accommodating to each child that I hate to stop going but if Cam isn’t really enjoying it, what’s the point? I don’t know though – the few times that Charles has come with us, Cameron has a blast and I am wondering if that is because Charles can do so much more with him than I can. I can’t jump or run after him or hold him while he scoots across the monkey bars or any of that stuff, so maybe that’s what makes him cranky. The other thing is, because we signed up late, we didn’t have a great choice as to which class to put him in and instead of being in the class with kids his own age, all the kids are between the ages of 18 months and 2 and half years, so Cameron is the oldest in the class and Cameron always functions much better around older kids. Charles says we should definitely sign him up again because after the baby is here, Cameron will need that alone/one-on-one time with us more than ever and if I schedule the class for Charles’ day off, then Charles can take him and I can get quality (alone) time with the baby or I can come as well and just sit on the side with the baby while Charles plays or I can even take Cam myself and let Charles stay home with the baby. It’s so cheap compared to the other places we’ve gone ($150/semester as compared to $375/semester at the other places, and the semester at My Gym is longer), that I feel we are really getting a bargain. So, we’ll see, we don’t have to decide for another few weeks and a lot can change in that time.
Cameron now repeats nearly everything you say, it is amazing what a difference school makes. He even sings which shocks us every day. He sings the Elmo song and hums what sounds like Jingle Bells. I didn’t understand how he would have learned that so soon as it is not yet the season, but one day I was watching Elmo with him (for about the zillionth time) and realized that a lot of the silly songs Elmo sings use the same melody as Jingle Bells, it’s just that they change the words. Example: Imagine this to the tune of Jingle Bells – “Feet, feet, feet – feet, feet, feet. Feet, feet, feet, FEEEET.” You get the picture. They really racked their brains coming up with that one, don’t you think? Anyway, it’s still cute to hear Cameron walking around humming all these little tunes. I am just glad he can sing at all, I certainly had my concerns about a year ago.
We have slowly but surely been making progress on the boys’ rooms and on acquiring things we will need for the baby. We have been slowly restocking things like newborn diapers, bottles (since Cameron’s are all skanky and scratched and gross due to getting so much use), burp cloths, clothes (since I didn’t really have a lot of winter newborn things for Cam), bedding for both the crib and bassinet, etc. There are so many things that I completely forgot about like those burp pad things you put in the crib/bassinet so when the baby spits up, you don’t have to change the sheet every time, or crib mattress covers, or baby mittens, so they don’t scratch their hands, you know, piddly little things like that. As far as big ticket items, there isn’t a thing we need for this baby except maybe a double stroller, though we are still on the fence about that one. I am thinking we really won’t need it since Cameron will be too old (in my mind) but according to friends who have kids the same age difference as my two will be, half of them say it is worth having, the other half says to forget it and not to waste my money. So, we are going to wait until the baby comes and play it by ear.
We ordered the crib bedding after looking long and hard but just like with Cam, it was nearly impossible to find anything that didn’t make me want to puke every time I looked at it. Finally, we found a set we like, it’s actually really pretty, a combination of (shocker) red, yellow and green with a cute embroidered animal pattern. If you know me at all, I don’t do themes and I don’t do animals, but this I really liked. At first, I didn’t think I would like it as much as I do now, but now that we have finally ordered it, I truly love it. I didn’t even realize that crib bedding was something that has to be ordered and can take a lot of time before it arrives. With Cam’s bedding, I bought it in the store the day I saw it, this time, it will take 4-6 weeks to come in. I don’t mind since the baby will be in the bassinet for awhile but it still would be nice to have so the room will be complete.
Today Charles painted Cam’s new room which is red. It was red before Charles painted it but originally it had a flat finish. We decided we wanted it to have a glossier finish this time, so we repainted it with the same color red, but this time with a satin finish, which looks really nice. Also, with the glossier finish, I can wipe the walls down if they get wrecked with crayon or handprints or as is most likely in our world, puke. Cameron’s furniture arrives Thursday – two wrought iron twin beds, a night stand (to go between the two beds) and a large dresser/armoire combination. The dresser and nightstand are made of medium colored (maple-y) pine with wrought iron handles, and should look really nice when it’s all put together. The tough part is going to be finding bedding for those two beds. We looked at Pottery Barn Kids and found nothing that was original or unique (same for the crib bedding) – I loved PBK when I was pg with Cam, since it was new and different at the time, but now it’s so commonplace and I am so over that. Thing is, I don’t know where else to look – Bed N Bath maybe? All I can say is thank God Cameron isn’t at the point where he cares what sort of sheets/comforter he has because seriously, I don’t think I could handle bedding emblazoned with Elmo or Big Bird (his idols). I don’t think he understands that bedding with those characters actually exists, and I don’t plan on informing him of that fact anytime soon. I know, I am a horrible mother but I know that soon enough I will have no choice about such things so I am enjoying his ignorance while it lasts.
Cameron was a Hershey’s Kiss for Halloween and if I do say so myself, I think he looked really cute, even if he wouldn’t wear the hat portion of the costume, which I think was ridiculous anyway. My mother eventually removed the Hershey’s Kiss faux paper label from the hat and re-sewed it on to the body portion of the costume so people would at least know what he was. I think the hat was interfering with his hearing aid reception anyway, so all worked out for the best.
A few days before Halloween we went to Cameron’s school for a Halloween party that the parents were invited to and it was so cute seeing all the little kids all dressed up and having a good time. On actual Halloween Day itself, we went to a Halloween party that one of Charles’ coworkers was having and all the kids came dressed up there as well. I was bitching and moaning the whole time because it was so damn hot and in my mind, having grown up in NY, Halloween is supposed to be a cold weather day, not damn near 80 degrees. Despite that, we had a good time and got back home in time to take Cameron trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. I was actually stunned that Cameron had had his costume on for an entire day and had not complained once. He even got the hang of trick-or-treating and though he didn’t want to carry his trick-or-treat bag, he would wrench it out of my mother’s hand the minute he approached a house. I still can’t believe that next year I will be dragging two little kids around for Halloween. I can’t wait.
Since Halloween is also our anniversary, we celebrated by going out to dinner at Morton’s (steak house) and proceeded to stuff our faces. We had thought about going to a movie afterward but I simply can’t stay out that late anymore and all I wanted was to go home and go to bed. Real romantic, huh? Oh well, there’s always next year. Charles was sweet though, as always, and didn’t care that I wanted to go home. I think these days he’s tired too. Since I can’t do as much with Cameron as I used to, Charles picks up the slack and I can see that he is pretty exhausted himself, though he’d probably die before he’d ever admit it.
I have been keeping track of my dreams in my baby journal that I write in by hand, so it forces me to remember dreams that I would probably otherwise forget. The other night I dreamt that Charles and I could hear a baby crying, and it was definitely the cry of a newborn and not an older baby or Cameron as we initially believed. We searched everywhere for the source of the cry and then finally Charles turns to me and says, “Corinne, the cry is coming from you, from your stomach.” We both look down to bring our heads closer to my stomach and sure enough, the baby was crying inside me and we could hear it perfectly. I remember Charles saying how incredible it was and how our baby is already unique or something to that effect. That same night, I had another dream where the baby was kicking me so hard. The kicks were actually painful and knocking me around a bit, that’s how hard they were. So in my dream, I called Charles over to come feel the baby’s kicks and when he did, that’s when we could actually see the kicks, except in my dream, the kicks turned from lumps in my abdomen to sharp, pointy things (like pencils) poking directly under my skin. Charles starts to freak out in my dream and push them back through but that just makes the pokes come harder until finally one breaks through the skin, and I wake up. I can still see those tiny little bloody holes on my stomach. I would love a psychological analysis of that dream. Does it mean I fear a Caesarian or does it mean I fear this child will harm me? Or does it just mean that the baby is kicking me so hard that it feels as though he will burst through?
I can definitely attest to the fact that being pg makes me less tolerant than I normally am. I have a few pet peeves (oh hell, let’s be honest here, I have a ton), and they are really starting to irk me as I near the end of my pg. Here are a couple…
1) Why is it that every time I go to the OB, I get the same nurse who asks me EVERY time, “Do you know what you’re having?” I know that there are about 5000 pg women who come through that office so it’s tough to remember the sex of every expectant pg, but if you recognize who I am each time and remember things like the fact that I have a son, or that my anniversary is on Halloween, how about remembering the sex of my unborn child? And if you CAN’T remember it, no biggie at all, but how about not asking me ever again since it is clearly not important enough to remember? I know this is a super petty thing to get annoyed about, I know it full well, but hey, it’s my diary and I feel like bringing it up so I will remember it one day when all of this is a blur.
2) Before you read this, please take what I am about to say with a grain of salt as I am sure to offend someone. Why is it that people with small children, (toddlers and infants), insist that they include the fact that their child/children exist on their answering machine’s outgoing message? Example: John and Ann have 3 children, ages 3, 2 and a newborn. Their outgoing message says “You have reached the home of John, Ann, Joe, Moe and Curly. It you want to leave a message for John, press 1. If you want to leave a message for Ann, press 2. For Joe, press 3, etc., etc. OK, maybe I am being harsh but I just don’t get this. Clearly I don’t want to leave a message for a toddler, and particularly not a newborn. I know people think it’s cute and sweet and endearing to include all their kids on their message, and maybe it’s fine once they’re older and can actually speak and understand they are being included, but until then I just don’t see the need. I can tell you right now, this new baby will not give a rat’s ass if his name is included on our outgoing message (hint: it won’t be). Last time I checked, he doesn’t pay the bills and has no say about anything anyway. I guess it’s just that people want to make sure everyone who calls knows they have these children. I say this because I notice this trend particularly once a formerly childless couple has their first child. It always seems that within weeks of the birth, the answering machine message is changed. Seems to me a birth announcement would do the trick, but what do I know? I don’t know, maybe I am just a cold-hearted bitch with no tenderness or cuddly parts about me, but it irks me nonetheless. Of course, I write about this and take the risk of offending friends who do exactly what I am saying here, and if I have offended anyone, I am truly sorry, that was not my intention. I don’t think you are stupid, I don’t think you are a moron, I don’t think you are hopeless. If you want, call me a bitch and condemn me all you want, tell me I need to get a life, I understand and accept that. I just had to write about it because I notice that while it never bothered me before, it annoys me now that I am pg.
3) This last pet peeve is an old one, and I am sure a lot of people can identify with what I am about to say, so there is nothing original about this particular pet peeve of mine, which is – every time I walk outside my house and run into the next door neighbor, I am inevitably told how huge I am. Example: Hi Corinne, how are you? (Looks at my stomach) Oh my God, you are looking SO BIG! I just don’t know how you are going to make it all the way to January, you are going to be absolutely enormous!” This coming from a woman who weighs about 300 lbs. She is such a nice lady so I feel bad being angry about this but I can’t help it. I mean, what the eff does she think? That I am just stuffing my face and putting on the pounds for the hell of it? Does she think I like looking like a baby elephant with a face so huge even steroid use couldn’t replicate it? I don’t even know why I let myself get bothered about this crap because we all know it’s temporary and I know this woman means no harm, but it annoying me just the same. She invariably tells me that I should be careful with my weight gain which is usually where I am forced to restrain my fist of death. It’s gotten to the point that I look out my window before I go outside just in case she should be there with her dog or doing yard work or something, just so I can avoid her. I wonder how she would react if I asked her how many Crispy Cremes she had that morning or how she was enjoying her new trough? Oh God, I am so going to hell.
Well, I suppose that’s enough bitching for one day, I am starting to sound like a shrew. I will definitely make an effort to write more often than every 5 weeks. As it turns out, I must run anyway as Cameron has decided it would be fun to jump from the floor to the sofa, and land on the sofa in a standing position. Don’t ask me how he does it, he manages to look like a gymnast perfecting his dismount and landing perfectly, with his hands out. I have got to hurry and catch this on video…
Take care,
Corinne and her two boys
PS: Our webpage has been updated – to check it out go to: http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/swiss/
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