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October 16, 2003
October 16, 2003
19 Months
Ear Surgery
Cameron’s surgery for his preauricular pits is scheduled for October 22nd. I suppose we should be worried about it but we aren’t at all as we have been told it is a fairly simple and painless procedure. I am actually more concerned over the fact that he can’t have any food or water for 8 hours prior to the 6:30 a.m. preregistration. Without food, Cameron can’t have his Prilosec. Without his Prilosec, Cameron could have a reflux episode during the surgery which would not be good. The nurse I spoke with this morning reassured me it won’t be a problem but I will call the doctor today to speak with him directly about it. I have complete faith that all will go well with the surgery and that after it’s all said and done, this will be one less thing we have to ever deal with, thank God.
Reflux Update
And speaking of one less thing to worry about, we took Cameron to see his gastroenterologist yesterday for a check-up. Cameron weighs 23 & ½ pounds now which is a one pound gain in one month. He has also grown an inch and a half in the past 3 months which is supposedly phenomenal. He is eating more regularly and starting to eat table foods to some limited degree, so we are well on our way to normalcy. (Cameron has also mastered the art of feeding himself using utensils and amazingly enough he does it without making a mess). After a thorough examination and speaking with the doctor, he determined that Cameron is well on his way to recovery, that he is in excellent health and that he should only need to be on medication for another 5 months (until he is 2), and that he should be completely cured by that time. We could have jumped for joy when we heard that. The doctor completed his examination with a statement we hear from almost every doctor we see, that Cameron is one of the happiest kids he has ever seen. I tell you, it’s a great thing to hear. Maybe it has nothing to do with us as parents, but it’s nice to fantasize that it does.
A New Way of Movie Watching
I often think back to the days when Charles and I would go to the movies maybe two or three times a week and how I would always include a movie review in each of my entries. I think about how now, I never include movie reviews in my entries, obviously due to the fact that we never see movies anymore, at least not in the theater. There was a time when you would ask me for my movie reviews if I didn’t include one. Well, I have therefore decided that in this entry, I will do a few movie reviews but in a completely different manner than before. Though we don’t go to the movies that often these days, we do often catch a movie on cable. Recently I have seen a few that really make me think of Cameron and what I would do if we were all characters in the movie we are watching, what would our lives be like and how would I handle the situation at hand. It’s nearly impossible for me now to ever watch a movie and not view it from the perspective of a parent, a mother, to Cameron, my son.
For example, last week we caught “The Good Son” on HBO or Cinemax, I can’t remember which. This is one of our favorite movies, crappy movie that it may be. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, it stars Elijah Wood as a little boy whose mother has recently died. His father has to go on a two-week long business trip immediately after the funeral so he drops his son Mark off at his brother’s house (in what looks to be Maine), until he returns in two weeks. The brother is married with two children, a boy the same age as EW and a girl, slightly younger. The boy (Henry) is played by Macaulay Culkin and the girl by his younger IRL sister. At first the two boys hit it off and are enjoying each other’s company, but as time passes, Henry shows his true colors as a little psychopath who suffers from jealousy, psychosis and purely evil tendencies. He plays cruel pranks, kills/tortures animals and tries to kill his own sister. You learn later in the movie that he killed his baby brother and made it look like an accident. Mark finds all of this out during his stay and tries unsuccessfully to convince the rest of the family of what an evil being Henry is. At the very end of the movie, the mother finally becomes aware of her son’s capabilities and evil ways and Henry, upon realizing this, tries to kill his own mother by shoving her off a cliff while Mark tries to save her by fighting Henry off. The two of them end up brawling on the ground, and both end up rolling over the side of this huge cliff overlooking the ocean. Both are (miraculously) caught by the mother, each one’s jacket grasped tightly in each of her hands. The mother struggles desperately to hold on to each one and pull them up but is unable to do it. Both boys are screaming and begging her to save them but she simply doesn’t have the strength. The mother is clearly faced with a desperate situation, if she tries to hold on any longer, she will lose both boys, but is she lets go of one, she can at least save the other. The ultimate decision: which one does she save? I won’t tell you the answer, you will have to watch it for yourselves if you haven’t already seen it to find out how it ends.
When watching this movie, I couldn’t help but analyze each and every situation and scene in the movie and think about how Cameron would be if that were him, and how Charles and I would be as the parents handling the situation. When Mark’s mother first dies and his father has to go on a business trip, I thought, there is no way in HELL that Charles would leave Cameron if I died and go away for two weeks immediately after, no way in hell. I knew that if Cameron were 10, 11, or 12 years old, I would not let him and his cousin run gallivanting all over town, climbing rickety self-built 20-feet high tree houses where he could kill himself, nor would I let him run and play on a 100-foot high cliff where he could very easily fall off to his death. I would not allow Cameron to go to an outdoor (lake) ice skating rink by himself where he could get hurt and I wouldn’t be there to take care of him (I have a deathly fear of outdoor rinks that are over natural bodies of water). I also would not leave Cameron and his cousin and his little sister while Charles and I went out for an evening alone. That is much too young and there are way too many crazy people out there for that to be even a remote possibility. (The thing that kills me about these sorts of situations in movies is that there are obviously people out there who really do these things, otherwise why would screen writers have the script written this way)?
If I knew Cameron had intentionally killed his baby brother and that he tried to kill his sister and then tried to kill me, if forced between choosing his cousin to live or himself, who would I choose? I believe that I would choose my own son to live over anyone in this world, not matter what he had done, because I just love him so much, I can’t imagine not choosing him. But how do I know? I guess I wouldn’t unless I was actually put in such a horrible situation. I realize that this may seem like a ridiculous thing to even be talking about but sometimes it makes for interesting conversations and gives insight as to what really makes a person tick. Plus, like I said, I do this to myself every time I watch any movie, I ask myself “What would I do?” I notice my answers have changed greatly since Cameron has been born. What would you do?
Another one of my favorite comparative-analysis type movies when it comes to Cameron is the movie “Riding in Cars with Boys.” This is a movie based on a true story about a girl from a blue collar neighborhood in 1960’s CT. She gets pg at 15, is forced by her parents to marry her loser of a drug-addict boyfriend, and proceeds to a downward spiral of resentment, parental neglect and overall misery. The girl, played by Drew Barrymore, has always dreamed of going to college and becoming a writer but because of the path she has taken, is unable to do anything productive with her life. What she does in fact do is make her poor little boy feel guilty for having ever been born, in addition to giving him responsibilities that a child should not have to carry. She is not cruel to him, but she ignores him and is selfish and doesn’t show him the proper amount of care or love, so I guess I have to take that back, she is in fact, cruel - though seemingly unintentionally.
It is painful for me to watch this movie because the concept of behaving like this at all to Cameron is completely inconceivable to me. Of course, I am also 34 years old and the protagonist in the movie is a 15 year old child, who doesn’t have the ability to behave responsibly in this case (though there are some 15 year olds who do). I just love the movie and I can’t explain why. Maybe I like it for selfish reasons because watching it makes me feel better about how we are as parents.
If Charles and I were teenagers and had Cameron and neither of us had degrees or (decent) jobs, I think (when watching the movie) about what our life would be like. First of all, the minute Charles came home completely drug-addicted and losing jobs and spending all our money, not only would I kick him out, but I’d probably kick HIM. I cannot even imagine leaving Cameron standing outside in the cold while my BF and I stayed inside to “dry weed” for extra money (I can’t believe someone actually did this). I can’t imagine that I would be so neglectful that I would let Cameron fall into a freezing cold pool in the dead of winter and then be annoyed that he was there in the first place. But worst of all, I can’t imagine treating him like my annoying little brother and not giving him all the love and attention he deserves and needs. It is a sad story to watch unfold, especially if you have a son, though I suppose the gender of your child wouldn’t really matter as long as you love them. The worst part is when she kicks her husband out of the house and he goes to say good-bye to his son, telling him he is never coming back. The thought of watching Cameron running screaming out of the house, chasing after Charles as he drives away forever is pretty unbearable. Again, it’s totally different because I love Charles and he is a good father so you can’t really compare. But what if that had been our life? You know what they say: “There but for the grace of God go any of us.”
So what is the point of all this random babble of mine? Nothing really except to point out he obvious, how lucky we all are to have what we have in life – good sense, good health, good parenting skills and a lot of good luck. (That and the fact that my sense of perspective has completely changed).I don’t profess to have all that much but what we do have is good and I think Cameron is lucky to have us, though not as lucky as we are to have him. I know that barring any unforeseen insanity or dementia, he will always have food on the table, clothes on his back and our unconditional love, and that nothing will ever be as important to us as he is. I say this not as a pat on the back to Charles and I as parents, but more as a relief that it is so.
And One More Example of How We Change…
I can’t help but notice, as I mentioned earlier, how my views have changed so drastically since having Cameron. I used to believe that my biological child was more important to me than anything in the world. A child from my body meant more to me than words could ever explain. Now that I have Cameron, I know that to be an incredibly false statement. I know you are thinking that I am making no sense here, that it should be the opposite, that now that I have a child of my own I should realize the ties to my own biological child are the strongest and nothing can break them. Perhaps this is so, but when presented with the hypothetical – “What would I do if I found out that when Cam was 2 years old, he had been switched at birth? If I had the opportunity to return my non-biological child for my biological child, would I?” Two years ago, particularly when I was pg, my answer would have been an emphatic “Yes.” After all I had gone through emotionally to finally be pg, there was no way in hell I could consider giving up my baby, either at birth or years later. My, my, my, how things change. I can say with all honesty and knowledge that you could present me with a little boy who looks exactly like me and says “I love you mommy” and that would not be enough to make ever give up Cameron. He is MINE and no one is taking him from me, that’s all there is to it. I never would have understood this emotion before but now I do. So that is why I say the emotional tie to my child is way more important than the biological one. I don’t care if my baby was switched at one MONTH old, I still would be so attached by then, I don’t honestly know that I could give him up (willingly).
I asked some friends this question and all that I asked, agreed with my sentiment. But I know there has to be at least one person out there who disagrees. Maybe not. I am not saying either answer is right or wrong, but it is interesting to hear what people have to say about it. This stuff fascinates me. When I ask Charles these sorts of questions his usual response is to laugh and say “What is WRONG with you? Where do you come up with this stuff? It’s never going to happen, so why waste time thinking about it?” As I said before, the answers people give when asked certain questions says a lot about who people are. I like to know, it’s just my way. And how about you?
As You Wish
I’d like to end this entry (probably my shortest ever) with a little anecdote about Charles that makes me sort of teary every time I think about it. And since it is movie-related, it sort of fits in here.
I am sure most people have seen the movie “The Princess Bride.” I actually have never seen it, except in a few bits and pieces, not enough to know what the story is really about. From what I can tell, it is a satire about a fairy tale involving a Princess and her quest for her Prince, whoever that may be. The whole movie is a big spoof and most people I know who have watched it find it hysterical, but since I have never seen it beginning to end, I just can’t get into it. But it has always been one of Charles’ favorite movies. Anyway, many times throughout the day, Charles and I email each other. My emails quite often consist of little reminders to him about things I’d like him to do for me, like drop stuff off at the cleaners – (which before you call me lazy, I will tell you the cleaners we use is right next to Charles’ job and far from our house so it is easier for him to go than it is for me!) – take his car for an oil change, stop at Home Depot to pick up filters for the air vents – you know, that sort of mundane type of drivel that we all have to do. I always email vs. call because Charles likes to print out these emails as his little to-do lists, it is much easier than having me call on the phone and him having to write it all down.
One day, I kept emailing him with reminders of this and that because I couldn’t get my thoughts together and kept wanting to remind him of one more thing. Every time I’d send him something, he’d send me a response to my long drawn email enumerating each and every task I’d have for him, with the simple words “As you wish.” After a few responses like this, I started to think it a bit strange and thought “What’s up with this ‘as you wish’ stuff? I don’t get it?” And I sent him an email saying as much.
The response I got back was one I wish I had saved because it was probably one of the top 5 sweetest things Charles has ever said to me in life. He said “In the movie “The Princess Bride,” the man the Princess eventually marries is in love with her throughout the whole movie, though she is not in love with him at the time, nor does she realize that he is in love with her. He is not a Prince, but a stable boy/servant, and she is always asking him to do things for her. In the movie the narrator explains that every time the stable boy really wanted to tell the Princess he loved her, he would always respond “As you wish” instead. It was his way of telling her he loved her but without her knowing it.
To this day, whenever I ask Charles if he will do something for me, he will always respond “As you wish...”
Warmly,
Corinne and Cameron
Born 3/15/02
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