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September 12, 2003
September 12, 2003
Nearly 18 Months
A Human, Bloomin’ Onion
Do you know what a Bloomin’ Onion is? It’s an appetizer you can get at Outback Steakhouse that consists of this huge fried cut up onion that you pick apart in bits and I think, dunk into some sort of dip. Sort of like a big, batter fried onion-y flower. The other day as Cameron is running from one side of the room to the other, Charles turns to me and says, “Doesn’t Cameron’s head look like a Bloomin’ Onion?” And you know what? It truly does. His hair is the same color and style as a Bloomin’ Onion, all light golden and puffed out. We can’t bear to cut it though, he wouldn’t be Cameron without that shock of hair, a cross between Heatmiser and those tiny troll dolls that were so popular back in the 80’s.
He Has What?????
One of the most common statements we hear about Cameron these days is “I can’t believe he has hearing loss, you’d never know it!” And it’s true, for the most part we see no evidence of it. Well, let me rephrase that – *I* see evidence of it – like for instance, his grandmother bought him this tiny wind up music box that plays “When You Wish Upon a Star,” and Cameron is just in love with this thing. He holds it up to his ear and is overcome with happiness as he listens to the little keys “twink” away. However, when I tried to put the music box up to my own ear, I nearly burst an eardrum, it was that loud to me. I could barely stand it for 10 seconds. It’s these sorts of situations where I really notice a difference.
Most days I no longer even think about Cameron’s hearing loss. It is what it is. We will deal with it and as our doctor said last Monday, Cameron will one day become a janitor or a doctor or a lawyer or a nothing – it will all depend on him but it will all be attainable – he can do whatever he wants. And that is enough to make me happy.
Movies Galore
We do try to do all we can to make sure Cameron is exposed to every sound possible. We noticed that he is not that interested in videos yet so we bought a portable DVD player for the car. (It’s really nice, sort of like a laptop in a case with straps so it hangs in between the two front seats – personally I think the portable ones are better because if the DVD player is installed you can’t use it anywhere else but the car. This way we can take it on the plane or to another house or whatever. Ok, so you get the picture). Anyway, we thought that if he had the opportunity to watch a video and really listen to it, he’d learn more words and learn *more* in general. Since we were going to CT to see Charles’ family, we figured what better opportunity to do this than the 6 hour drive north where he is confined to a car seat and has no choice but to watch. Well, as predicted, Cameron loved watching videos in the car. He would laugh and point and say little words every so often so we felt we had gotten our money’s worth. (Note for the record: Cameron likes watching with the headphones, it is obvious he hears better with them on than off). I quite enjoyed it myself and abandoned Charles for most of the trip so I could sit in the back with Cam and watch Monster’s Inc., Shrek and ET.
Watching those movies in the car inspired me to straighten up, (i.e. organize) all our DVDs/videos at home. We have a huge coffee table in our den that stores all our movies and up until last week, they were just thrown in all cock-eyed and in a complete state of disarray. Every time we’d want to watch a movie, we could never find what we wanted. Well, don’t ask me WHAT possessed me but one night (morning) I decided that I just had to organize this mess and stayed up until 5 a.m. organizing every last movie (nearly all 500 of them) into alphabetical order. What’s worse, I typed up an alphabetical list (index/reference guide) with each and every movie listed and even went so far as to categorize the movies (fitness, Christmas, kids, drama, comedy). Clearly there is a problem here. I think it would be safe to say that there is something severely wrong with me and that my OCD is taking over again. I was like a woman possessed. In my warped little mind, these movies had to be organized or my life would fail to have any meaning. Can somebody please help me? (Smile).
Connecticut=Completely Indulged Cam!
Our trip to CT was very nice, we saw a lot of family and Cameron generally had a wonderful time. After all, what kid doesn’t thrive when he is completely doted on, hugged and kissed every two seconds? Not to mention, my MIL and her sister (Charles’ Aunt) went crazy buying Cameron everything he laid eyes on, from toys to books to you name it. When we got to Charles’ parents’ house, my MIL had already gone out and bought Cameron a bunch of toys so he would have things to play with all week. (Very sweet of her, totally unnecessary). And speaking of indulging – beyond material items, my MIL and FIL completely spoiled Cameron in one area that still haunts me today – by letting him flick light switches anytime he wanted to. Literally, they would stand with him at a light switch and let him just flip it on and off, on and off, for 15 minutes at a time. I thought it was so sweet and generous when we were there. Now that we are back home, I am not so sure. Now, he expects US to stand there as well, but he can forget that. I appreciate his excitement and his glee over this game of cause and effect but no way am I going to spend half my day at the light switch! (SMILE) It is cute to watch him though - I don’t know WHAT it is with babies and buttons (as in elevators, microwaves, remotes, phones) and switches (lights, fans, appliances) but they sure do get a kick out of it. What is so cute about it (at least in Cam’s case) is that every time he turns something on/off it’s like it’s the first time for him, as if he has never seen it done before. He’s just as excited at the first flick as he is at the 1000th. Hmmm….
Lotion Licking
Let’s see, what else…OK – here is something REALLY weird, and if your kid does this, please let me know so that I don’t think my kid is strange, but Cameron has this obsession with lotion, as in, he loves to eat it. Every day after his bath, I lotion his body up completely so that his skin will smell nice and stay healthy and soft. I can barely squeeze it out of the bottle before Cameron is just licking it off his body. He licks it off his arms as fast as I can put it on. When I put it on his face, he is like a little puppy licking my hand clean before the lotion can even hit his skin. One day he even got a hold of the lotion bottle, (unbeknownst to me) opened it and squirted a whole dollop down his throat, and was left with a lotion mustache all over his lips. I don’t get it. I even tasted the lotion myself to see if there was something I was missing. I nearly gagged it was so incredibly disgusting. The really scary part of this story is that I remember when I was about 2 or 3 years old, I myself had an obsession with Vaseline Intensive Care lotion, in the yellow bottle. Like Cameron, I would lick it off my body because it tasted really good to me. I was obviously old enough to realize I shouldn’t be doing this because I never let anyone see me do it. One day after I had “eaten” too much, I threw up and never did it again. Ok – how strange is it that my kid is doing the same thing? I never knew there was a gene for lotion licking. I am just so very glad that out of all the good things Cameron could have picked up from me, it is this highly disturbing practice which has managed to resurface. (Note sarcasm here). I suppose I should mention it to the doctor but then again, what can she do about it? Nothing except tell me to not let him do it which I try my best not to let him do. Like everything else, I assume he will outgrow it.
He Eats
Cameron has all his molars and his top and bottom front teeth but the teeth in between are all missing. Except for the fact that he is adorable and clearly, a baby, he looks like some sort of malformed jack-o-lantern. Rather endearing but I really wish he’d get more of his teeth so he’d have more confidence when chewing. I should be happy though as he is making progress in his eating of solids. For the first time this past weekend Cameron ate pasta – rigatoni with pesto sauce. Charles had made the two of us lunch and as usual, Cameron was very interested in what we were eating. For about the millionth time, we gave Cameron some of our food, fully expecting him to lick the taste off and then spit it to the ground. We still always give him tastes of our food just in case because we figure eventually, he will actually EAT it. Turns out we were right. He ate two full pieces of rigatoni, (which is sort of impressive considering that rigatoni has a lot of texture, not like a flat noodle or spaghetti), and though he had to work to get it down, he swallowed and seemed happy about it. We now feel fairly confident “normal” eating is not all that far away.
18 Month Stats
I suppose that I should include Cameron’s results of his 18 month check-up, all of which were fine but I did, once again, receive some rather disturbing news and when you hear what it is, you’ll know exactly why I say that, based upon the history of all my obsessions.
But more on that in a minute.
Cameron’s appointment, other than the disturbing news, went rather well. We saw Dr. P who was really nice and very friendly and sweet with Cameron. I like her a lot because she spends a lot of time talking with us and making sure all our questions are answered. I never, ever get the feeling I am being rushed which let’s face it, is rare for any doctor, let alone a pediatrician. So, she examined Cameron, went over his weight, height and head circumference with us, all of which she says are great. His measurements were:
Weight: 22 lbs, 5 oz (10th percentile)
Height: 33 inches (50th percentile)
Head circumference: 19 & ¼ inches (75%)
Dr. P asked all the standard questions for this age, can he point to his body parts, does he respond to commands, does he sleep well, eat well, does he have temper tantrums – all of which our answers were yes. BTW, she said temper tantrums at this age are extremely normal, so is the hitting and the displays of “aggression.” According to the sheet they gave us on 18 month olds, “Defiance and negativism of an 18 month old is not truly aggression, but rather the assertion of his emerging sense of identity. Parents who can view the toddler’s negativism as budding independence and who can provide a physically and emotionally stable environment will support him through this sometimes stormy period and be richly rewarded…”
That’s another thing I like about this practice, they always give you reference sheets of what your child should be doing (within limits of course), good and bad, so you have something to hold on to, mentally and physically when you leave that office. Of course, it goes without saying I have about 200 baby books at home so I don’t really need a handout from the doctor, but I still think it’s nice that they do it. Dr. P also made us feel really good about Cameron starting his “Terrible Twos” and reassured us that it would all pass, that he was a smart little boy meeting all his milestones and that he was one of the happiest kids she had seen in a long time. Very nice to hear.
We also discussed the results of Cameron’s visit with the nephrologist (kidney specialist) on Monday. (To quickly recap. Dr. B said that Cameron seems healthy, that based upon the renal u/s, his kidneys look perfectly fine, that they positive UTI results Cameron had from his urinalysis was probably a fluke since he had no fever, no pain, not even any discomfort. He also said that 85% of all positive tests for UTIs are false positives, and that it is his belief that Cameron’s first test was a false positive. He had Cameron do another urinalysis just to be sure and once we get those results, we will go from there. If the test is positive again, they will conduct further testing, if not, we don’t have to return – wouldn’t that be nice? He said that based upon Cameron’s appearance, his test results and his records, he doesn’t believe Cameron has BOR syndrome but advised we see a geneticist just to be sure. We had always planned to regardless, so this was not surprising news).
Back to the 18 month well visit: I also pointed out to Dr. P that Cameron has what looks like to me to be ingrown big toenails, which she confirmed was correct. She told us to put Neosporin on it until we could get to see a pediatric dermatologist because they are better equipped to treat a baby with special medicine for this sort of condition (apparently you can’t give babies fungal medication the way you can give it to adults). Don’t I always say that for us every doctor’s visit branches out into another one?
After the examination, Cameron got three of his shots from the nurse, his second Polio, I believe, his last Hepatitis, and a vaccine for something called Pneumococcsus virus, (I know I spelled that wrong), some new virus that is becoming more and more resistant to antibiotics.
Ok – so here is the terrible news. As Dr. P was examining Cameron, she looked in his mouth to check his teeth. She then said as my heart dropped to the floor, “I notice his teeth are ever-so-slightly discolored – do you give him vitamin drops?” When I told her that we were instructed (by our former pediatrician) to give him Poly Vi Sol, she said that if the vitamin drops touch his teeth, the iron in it will discolor them a bit. Ok – we all know by now my obsession for perfect, white teeth. And here I am DISCOLORING my baby’s perfect virgin teeth unknowingly! My first thought was clouded by pure rage, that I just wanted to storm over to that first pediatrician’s office and raise hell - I mean – how do you not WARN someone that excess iron can stain a person’s teeth? Am I an idiot for not automatically knowing this or something????? This is just another example of how our first pediatrician was so lax in their care.
Dr. P could see how mad I was and told me that the discoloration is so faint that you can’t even tell without really looking, but still I don’t care. It’s just the principal of the thing. She also said that the staining would most likely go away if we made sure not to keep giving him drops directly into the mouth. So, from now on I have to give him the vitamins with his food so it doesn’t stain his teeth. If I could describe the stain to you, it basically looks like some parts of his teeth (the edges) are transparent – do you know what I mean? They aren’t brown or gray, just sort of lighter in spots than others. And here I was thinking it was just the way baby teeth looked!
As soon as we left the doctor’s office, we headed straight for the next office building to our beloved dentist, Dr. R, who quickly took a look at Cameron’s teeth. He reassured us that the staining was 1) not going to affect his permanent teeth, that 2) the staining on his baby teeth was removable and 3) that he could clean the stains off if Cameron would let him do it.
We have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday at 9:00. Come hell or high water, those stains will come off.
From Baby to Boy
Every day Cameron does something new to amaze me. And when I say “amaze” I don’t mean that he has performed some incredible feat or demonstrated any overt signs of genius. No, I just mean that it surprises me to see him evolve, bit by bit, from baby to boy. It’s sad, really. I crave his boyhood but I lament the passing of his infancy. Am I crazy? I don’t believe so, I just think I want it all.
I broke down and bought Cameron a bunch of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars. I say “broke down” because the package label warning indicates for ages 3 and up. Cameron rarely puts anything in his mouth and I never let him play with anything unless I can see what he is doing, so I figured I’d be a rebel, throw caution to the wind and get him the cars. He loved the ones his little buddy Max always has and I got tired of him trying to take them away. Let me just say, I think that they should change the name of those cars from “Hot Wheels” to “Baby Heroin.” For Cameron, those cars are his salvation, he could play with them for hours. It boggles my mind how he will run them across anything – the floor, the TV, the sofa, and much to my chagrin, the WALL – and say “rmmm, rmmmm, rmmmm.” Where did he learn THAT? I certainly never taught him. It’s stuff like that which amazes me. But even more incredible to me than that is that I have a little BOY who is playing with toy cars on the ground. When did all this happen? Just yesterday I was sterilizing his bottles and burping him after a feeding. Today he’s imagining and playing and creating.
I guess what is most amazing is how babies/kids just out of the blue will do something that they never did before, that all of a sudden, they can just do something that even a day ago, was impossible. We have one of those Radio Flyer Trikes with a handle on the end of it so the parent can guide/control the child. I took Cameron out today to see if he would be able to hold on (when we first got it, he’d hold on but always looked like he’d slip off) and enjoy himself. Not only did he enjoy himself, but after I held his feet to the pedals and rolled him forward, (toward me), he just took off and pedaled all by himself. He didn’t do it for very long but he did it. I couldn’t believe it. Out of nowhere. Once again – bye-bye baby, hello little boy.
Asserting his Independence
One other thing that Cameron has really started doing is making sure that everything he does, he does by himself. What I mean is, he hates for you to do anything for him, he always wants to do it on his own. He wants to pour his own bottle, feed himself, strap himself into his own car seat, stroller or whatever it is you are doing, and has a royal fit if you try to do it for him. He’ll shove your hand away and yell at you for having the audacity for trying to “help.”
By contrast, Cameron will also get frustrated if he tries to do something on his own and can’t, mostly these are things that test his physical capabilities. For example, he loves to push his toy ride-on train around the house. Many times he will get it stuck somewhere, between the kitchen table and chairs, behind a door, over his toys. He will whine and cry for us to get it “unstuck” for him but unless he really can’t do it himself, we just tell him “You can do it honey, just try,” because we want him to get used to having to figure things out himself and sort of work it out on his own. I have a friend whose kid gets frustrated the minute he can’t do anything, and then my friend rushes over to him every time he cries to immediately “fix” whatever it is that is wrong. Now as a result, this child cries as soon as he realizes he can’t do something, he doesn’t even bother to try, he just looks to his mother to come help him. We really don’t’ want that for Cameron. Of course, I am not going to force him to struggle on his own until he gets sick over it but I never thought a minute or two of struggle would hurt him. And then when he finally does figure out how to get something done, he is so proud of himself, so I hope we are using the appropriate psychology for making him independent.
He’s Gonna’ Give Me a Heart Attack…
I often feel like the woman in that commercial who watches her little boy grow up and throughout the years, he is constantly hurting himself or involved in some daredevil act that makes his mother wonder aloud if her son will make it to his next birthday. Don’t even ask me what it is they are advertising, I am so engrossed in the message that I completely miss out on the product. My point is that I feel like I am watching myself and Cameron for the next 18 years. I often feel like Cam has shortened my life span by about a decade. He has always been a climber, if it is climb-able, he will climb it. Well now, it’s not just climbing on me or Charles or a chair, it’s the coffee table, the baby gate, or even worse, our dresser. He will move whatever he can find – a chair, a heavy book, a basket – whatever is available, next to whatever it is he is trying to get to and use it to work his way up. We recently bought a new chair just for him. We got it at Zainy Brainy, this really cute denim upholstered rocker with yellow checked piping. We thought it was time for him to have a chair of his own. Well, I suppose in theory the idea was a good one, what we never thought about was the fact Cameron still loves to climb. When we first brought the chair home he rocked in it about 5 seconds and within minutes had discovered that if he stands up in the chair, facing backward, he can propel himself forward and rock himself onto his head over the back of the chair. For Cam, this is clearly great fun. For me, it’s cause for heart palpitations.
BTW - this chair has to weigh about 15 pounds, at least, it’s not even close to being light. Well the next thing we know, Cameron has lifted the chair up by the wooden rocker pieces and is chucking it across the floor, laughing hysterically. Did I mention we recently started calling him Bam-Bam? I really hated this expression in the past, but I can’t help but admit it fits in our case. No truer statement there ever was with respect to Cameron than the one that says “He’s all boy.”
A New Library, All Those Great Books and Some Important Guest Speakers…
A brand new, freshly built library opened up right down the street, about 5 minutes walking distance from our house. I just LOVE libraries. There is just something so glorious about all those books, the smell of the paper, the sight of the bindings, the endless rows and rows of shelves of books. It’s nearly intoxicating. I have always hoped that Cameron would share Charles’ and my love for reading. So we were thrilled when we noticed that he is really starting to show an interest in books. It’s usually the first thing he wants when we come downstairs in the morning. So when the new library opened up we headed right on over to get library cards and check out some new books. We saw that every Tuesday afternoon there is a story reading time for toddlers which would be nice if I thought Cameron would actually stay still for that long. I figure we can give it a try and if he is restless, we’ll wait until he is a little older.
I also noticed that they are having a speaker come to the library who works with deaf children and has an assistive dog. The following week another guest will be present to “sign” a story to children. I made sure to mark both in my planner so that we wouldn’t miss either day. Of course when I told Charles about it, he was like, “That’s great, you should take Cameron, but don’t you think it’s slightly overkill since he’s not deaf?” Well, I don’t know if overkill is the right word. I mean, no, Cam isn’t deaf but I think it is important to make sure he is exposed to the deaf world whether he has hearing loss or not, and since he DOES, then even more reason to go. Does that make sense? And who knows – maybe on some remote, subconscious level it will help…me. Probably more than Cameron, I need to go. I think it will bother me a little bit, I think it might even make me teary but better to face your fears than stick your head in the sand and hope it will all work out. Charles said he’d take the day off and go with us if I wanted but I *don’t want.* I need to go by myself, this is something I don’t want to share with anyone but my son.
A New Life
Before you get any crazy ideas, no, I am not pregnant and not even close to trying so get that thought out of your head right now. No, I am referring to this week as I watched as a dear friend experience what we have all craved (and hopefully experienced) at some point in our life – the falling in love with our new baby. My very dear friend Mary had her baby this past Saturday, a mere 6 lbs, 12 oz, and 19 inches, virtually the exact measurements of Cameron when he was born. I went to see Mary the day she came home from the hospital so I could meet this new little life. Well, let me just tell you, I was just in awe of this teeny little thing. She was so beautiful, so precious, so new. I can’t even remember when Cameron was that small or helpless. God, do I miss that. I really envied Mary at that moment because I think even with subsequent children, you never get that experience again, that first time feeling of love of your first born.
I often wonder, no worry, that I won’t be able to love another baby as much as I love Cameron. I also often think that if I were to have a girl that I would be even less able to understand how to feel about a baby of a completely different gender. Silly, I know because I am positive that any other child of mine not only would be loved as much but would be just as special to me as my first, regardless of gender. But still, I can’t imagine (right now) feeling the same as I did after Cameron was born. I mean, does anything compare to your first born child? Only those of you with more than one can answer that for me. Having only Cameron, I can’t begin to speculate on the answer. To quote Isak Dinesen “When I was very young I fell deeply in love…and really believed I would never feel that way again…then nine years later…I did, and just as strongly and deeply as before…”
I don’t think this great Danish writer was referring to the love for his child when he made this quote, but I think the theory behind it sort of encompasses what it must be like to have a second baby – am I right?
Mother-in-Law From Hell
Before you think that I am about to launch into a diatribe about Charles’ mother, please know that you are mistaken. No, the title of this segment refers to ME. I know that I am sort of jumping the gun here, after all, Cam is only 18 months old, but nevertheless, humor me here.
I think, no – I KNOW – that when it comes to Cameron and his future as a man who is dating and eventually marries, I will be his girlfriend’s worst nightmare. You think I am rough in my writing? Ha! It is to laugh…you ain’t seen nothing yet. I am so protective of Cameron now, and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older and is more vulnerable/susceptible to having his heart broken. Oh, pity the woman (fool) who so dares to hurt MY baby! I wish it were possible to create the perfect woman for Cameron. If I could, I know of several criteria that would have to be met. Here are some of my ideas:
1: Sex – female. If Cameron turned out to be gay, I’d not be thrilled to say the least, (because his life would be hard) but I’d be happy for him if he was happy. But for the sake of ease, let’s just assume he marries a woman as we continue along here…
2. Race – any. Race is completely unimportant to us.
3. Religion – same as race.
4. Education – I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care if my son’s future spouse was educated or not, I mean, clearly, I’d prefer for her to be educated, just because in this world, people will often (unfortunately) respect you more if you have a formal education. By the same token, she could have nothing beyond an 8th grade education and still be a model wife and mother so again, I have to leave this one open for debate. But more important than education, she must be smart. You can be smart without being educated. I have met people with doctorate degrees who have no clue who the Secretary of State is. I have met people with M.D.s who can’t even balance a checkbook or manage to stay out of debt (not very smart). I have met people who have enough diplomas to wallpaper a small room who have managed to do nothing with their lives. I have also met people who are not formally educated who have I.Q.s at genius level, can speak three languages, raise families, and fly planes.
5. Personality – definitely must have a sense of humor. I’d hate it if Cameron’s (let’s call her significant other) failed to appreciate the significance of a little levity in her life. Laughing has done so much for Charles and I and even with my parents and I when I was growing up. Laughter, if just temporarily, lets you displace pain. Laughter sees you through hard times. Never underestimate the power of a good belly laugh or a cleverly delivered witticism. To be without a sense of humor well, you might as well be dead.
6. Most of all, I would just hope that she is a nice person. Fun. Loving. Affectionate. I would hope we could be close, that she could be like the daughter I never had (assuming I never have one).
This is what I would like. Now here is what I believe I would actually get - a woman with:
1. Numerous body piercings, probably in places I don’t want to envision.
2. A vocabulary that includes a lot of “Umms,” “Uh-huhs,” and “Like, you knows!”
3. Hair of a shade created only by man
4. A penchant for tattoos, probably across her face and more than likely, spelled incorrectly.
5. A love of reading, but only with respect to warning labels, street signs and court documents wherein she is the named defendant.
6. Stained and/or crooked teeth.
Oh yes, I definitely see fun times ahead!
All the best,
Corinne and Cam, born 3/15/02
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