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March 21, 2003
March 21, 2004
Two Years Old
It has been quite awhile since my last entry and I honestly wasn’t sure at the time whether or not I would ever submit another. Clearly I have decided to continue writing and the reasons why aren’t really important so I won’t go into them now. Basically, I just wanted to quickly say that I am back, at least for now. There is so much to catch up on, I hardly know where to start. I’ll just begin with the basics and work my way backward.
Cameron turned two on March 15. At his two year check-up he weighed 25 and ½ pounds (which I believe is a slight drop from the last time) and is in the 20th percentile. His height is 34 and a half inches and he is in the 55th-60th percentile. His head circumference is 19 and a ½ inches and he is in the 60th percentile. He wears a size 2T and his shoe size is 5 and a half, same as it was last August. All in all, Cameron is in perfect health. His reflux is cured, he is off medication and though he still has issues consuming solids, he is working through that and the doctor expects he will be eating normally within 6-12 months. In the meantime, he is still very healthy, not in any way malnourished and he is forever incredibly active. His cognitive and physical abilities are ahead of his age, the only area where he is behind is his speech, which I will get to later.
For his birthday, we had a very simple, small celebration at home with my parents and our closest friends in this area, C&S, and their two children, B&R who are 23 months and 3 months respectively. The morning of Cameron’s birthday Charles had a conference call so he went in to work for a little while and in a way, I was glad. I wanted, no, I needed that time alone on Cam’s birthday to spend with him and sort of ponder and appreciate where we were two years ago and all that we have today. I took Cameron to the indoor playground at our local mall and then I took him for a ride on the carousel. It sounds simple and even dull, I admit, but it was quite special to me. I really enjoyed my time alone with him and even though I am alone with him often during the day, it was just different knowing it was his birthday. It sounds sort of hokey to even say this but just looking at his little face and knowing he is completely ours just made me so happy. God, I love him so much. I hope he always knows that.
The “funniest” or should I say, most memorable part of the day was when we were in the ladies’ room. Cameron (who now refuses to sit in a stroller) was standing next to me watching me wash my hands. In the midst of my maniacal hand-washing routine, Cameron decides to run out of the ladies’ room. (This restroom was the kind that has no door, you sort of have to go around a corner to get in to the restroom so that even though there is no door, you can’t see into the restroom itself). So he runs out, with me in hot pursuit, runs straight into the men’s room on the opposite side and stops right next to this man poised ever so delicately at a germ-infested urinal. I tried to avert my eyes but this very angry looking man, complete with wife-beater t- shirt, NASCAR hat and filthy blue jeans was not at all thrilled, especially not when Cameron raised his hand and said “Hi!” (as in, give me a high-five). Mortified does not even begin to describe my sentiments at that particular moment. I just grabbed Cameron and ran out praying that I didn’t see anything that would give me nightmares for the next decade. And you know, though I felt bad for the man that I had infringed upon his privacy, I also thought to myself, “Too friggin’ bad, mister,” because he had another thing coming if he thought I was going to let my little boy stay unaccompanied in a public restroom while I called in to someone and ask for help. No – I really don’t think so.
Charles got home around noon and by that time my parents had arrived so we took Cam to the park in his new (birthday) red Radio Flyer wagon which he enjoyed immensely. Later that afternoon, our friends came over and we had pizza and cake and opened gifts and it was really very nice. There were no clowns or horse and pony show but it was all we needed, a sweet, simple birthday and one happy little boy.
It is amazing how a child changes so much over the course of such a short span of time. Just very recently, Cameron has been showing such signs of independence both in the way he carries himself physically, and in his thought process. I was stunned to see that he now wants to choose his own clothes (much to my chagrin). The other day he expressed to me that he wanted to wear his red shoes and not his tan ones. Another time it was the blue shirt and not the white one. I really didn’t think kids started getting finicky about their clothing this early, but apparently, they do. Or should I say, at least MY kid does. While I am glad that he can form his own opinions in this manner, I must secretly admit that I hate giving in to him. As we all know by now, I have very specific ideas about these things and it looks like now I am going to have to compromise a little. Ugh.
Let’s see, let’s see, what else is noteworthy for this entry – oh yes, a really fun thing happened last month and if it happened to me, I am sure it has happened to someone else out there who is reading this – one day I went to the washing machine after the cycle had finished, to load it into the dryer. As I opened the top and peered inside, I noticed that there was fluff and fuzz and what looked like cotton EVERYWHERE. I thought that once again, my lovable husband must have left something in one of his pockets as he is always stuffing things in there. But this was a different kind of fluff and debris. There was also what looked like yellow caviar throughout every article of clothing – do you see where I am going here??? So I dig deeper down in to the washer and to my horror, found a dirty (only wet) diaper had accidentally fallen in to the washer and I hadn’t noticed it when I turned the washer on. Whenever we change Cameron’s diaper upstairs, we just bring it downstairs and throw it out in the big garbage can in the garage. We find it easier and more economical than the Diaper Genie, and at this age, certainly more sanitary. What had happened this time is that CHARLES had put the diaper on top of the washer planning to take it down when he went downstairs and somehow it had fallen inside and no one ever saw it. So now I had what looked like a new delicacy – urine caviar – all over my clothes and my washer. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get that stuff off your clothes? I failed miserably. I ended up having to throw a lot of stuff out. It was so gross, all this jelly –like substance over everything, not to mention the cotton-like fibers just glued to the clothes, nearly impossible to remove. These are definitely the fun times you don’t often forget throughout parenthood. I laugh about it now but at the time, I just felt like sitting on the floor and banging my head against the washer itself. Yes, really fun times. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve scraped urine soaked jelly balls off your favorite bra.
Ok, let’s see, what else…ahhh, yes – did I mention that I am technically responsible for corrupting the morals of a minor – to be specific – the morals of my 14 year old baby-sitter? One night Charles and I went over to friends’ for dinner for a couple of hours, and we had the baby-sitter come to watch Cam. This girl is the daughter of one of my closest friends and has a baby brother Cameron’s age, so she is very capable and accustomed to dealing with babies. She is so mature and well put together that I clearly forgot how young she actually is. We have about 300 or so movies that we keep in our family room and I showed this girl (B) the selection before we left. I asked her if she is allowed to watch R rated movies and she told me that she was definitely allowed (first mistake – believing her). So then I proceeded to tell her about all the movies we had that I thought might interest her – Breakfast Club, Legally Blonde, Clueless, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, The Brady Bunch Movie and…American Pie (second mistake). As B had never seen American Pie she asked me about it and I told her it was hysterical and I thought she’d love it (third mistake). So naturally she watched it and when she went home that night, she told her mother, (my friend) that she had watched it. The next morning I got a call from my friend telling me that B was DEFINITELY not allowed to watch R rated movies and DEFINITELY not allowed to see American Pie and though she was not at all angry with me over the incident, she just wanted to let me know for future reference. She was angry at her own daughter for lying to me and betraying her parents but she was not at all angry with me. Still – can you imagine how awful I felt hearing this? I mean, I truly never thought about it, that the movie American Pie is too advanced for a 14 year old. I am so not in that mindset yet to even be thinking about such things. It simply never even remotely occurred to me. I was wondering if there is anyone out there who would have been allowed to watch such things at 14. My parents were very liberal that way, they could have cared less so I guess I am just mimicking their mentality but I guess I had better rethink that. I suppose in my mind I worry more about violent movies or scary movies that might frighten my child, as opposed to things that are just gross, tasteless and contain sexual content. And it had been so long since I had even seen the movie, I really had forgotten about some of the infamous scenes that would make it inappropriate for a young teen to watch. Well, the point of my whole, long drawn out story is that I really feel bad that I recommended this movie to a mere child and only hope that my Good Parenting Award will not be revoked for such transgressions. When I inquired as to the opinions of some of my friends, some even went so far as to say that they wouldn’t let their child watch the Lion King because some of the characters use the phrases “Stupid!” and “Shut up!” which they feel are inappropriate as well. All I know is that I must be the most liberal mom on the planet or a hippie living in a different era, because I just don’t see the problem. If the worst thing Cameron ever says in this house is “stupid” we should count our blessings.
And speaking of liberal, I have a question I would like to pose in search of honest opinions – at what age do you think it is time to stop undressing or be naked in front of your child, particularly if the child is of the opposite sex? I am beginning to notice that Cameron is clearly aware of the difference in our anatomies. He calls my breasts apples and while I think it is cute now, it won’t be in a few years. On the other hand, I don’t want him to think nudity is shameful or that my body is something that should embarrass him, but there is a very fine line to be drawn here. My own personal experience is that I grew up seeing my mother naked. I don’t remember ever seeing my father unclothed, but then again, he was such a prude he would have died simply knowing that I got a period, therefore nudity clearly was not within the realm of possibility. Charles grew up seeing both parents without clothes and to this day, I don’t think my MIL would care if her sons saw her in bra and underwear. She is very liberal and proud of her body, as well she should be, but then again, what do I know? Any thoughts out there or words of advice for a clearly clueless individual?
Did I ever mention that as a kid, I loved School House Rock? I think it only showed in certain areas of the country and where I grew up, in NY, School House Rock was a staple during Saturday morning cartoons. I learned (and more important, remembered), so many things from SHR, about grammar, math, politics, history and the government. I still get sentimental whenever I hear an old song from that series. I liked it so much, we ordered it from Amazon for Cameron, and he now loves it too, particularly the song, “I’m Just a Bill.” It’s funny, but I never thought my child would enjoy and learn from the same things that I grew up with, it all seems so far removed.
Our trip to Mexico was absolutely amazing. We had a fabulous time and I can’t wait to go back the next time with Cameron who will by then be of an age to fully appreciate all that there is to do on such a vacation. Charles I did everything we could while we were there in order to rest and relax. We sunbathed, read, slept and of course, did a ton of water sports and activities – parasailing, jet skiing, banana boating, and obviously, we swam almost nonstop. It was probably the best vacation we ever had and we came back very relaxed and content. If you would like to see pictures, go to Cam’s webpage at http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/swiss/ for a taste of our wonderful vacation.
Contrary to what some nay sayers in our family had predicted, Cameron was completely content and secure with us being gone. Upon our return he was very happy to see us, yet showed no signs whatsoever of resentment or bitterness. I think it is important to get away every once in awhile without your children, as well as with them. I think it rejuvenates the relationship between the spouses as well as between the parent and child. Of course, it all depends on the individual child. I do believe that there are some children who would not fare well if their parents left them and went away for a week and if that is the situation, one might have to reevaluate, but in our particular case, Cameron was perfectly fine and capable of handling the separation and I have to say, I am glad. I do think however that we did leave him at the easiest age – at 22 months, he was still too young to have a true concept of time and to know for how long we were actually gone, and he was also too young to realize that we were removed from his daily life and thus unable to cry and beg and plead with us to stay. By the same token, he was old enough to be cared for by someone other than his parents, and old enough not to be so fragile that he couldn’t be apart from us. Though I know it can be done, I would have a hard time leaving an infant for a week, I am not saying it is wrong, I just know I couldn’t do it. But at this age, it wasn’t difficult, just emotional (for me). And though I admit, I did cry the first night we were away from Cameron, I soon got over it and realized he would still live, thrive and be happy outside of our presence. And I was right.
I have been thinking a lot about birth defects lately, not just because of Cameron’s hearing but because of something that happened recently, not to me, but to someone I know very well. This person, who had been trying to get pg for years and through all sorts of methods (IUI, IVF, etc.), had abandoned all hope of ever having a child yet surprisingly ended up pg all on her own at the age of 43. All was well and she was happy until a CVS test (chorionic villi sampling) proved at 13 weeks that her baby had Down’s Syndrome. She made the immediate decision to terminate the pg and she now suffers greatly because of it. Not due to the guilt of ending a life but because she does not and may never have another child. It is not the place for me to judge anyone unless I have been in their shoes, and so I will not do it here. But I do think about it a lot. What would I have done if this had happened to me? At the time when I was pg with Cam I did think about it and at that time thought that I would never have aborted my unborn child. I was so happy just to be pg, abortion was not a possibility for me and that is also part of the reason why I never got an AFP test. I felt that I would never base a decision to keep a child on such a test, so why have it? (Barring any arguments of preparing mentally for the needs of a disabled child). So why am I contemplating this scenario now? I don’t truly know. I guess the subject really hit home with me and I just can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think one really ever truly believes such things can happen to them but it did happen, to someone I know and to someone who is close to me and I can’t help but think about it. I don’t know how I feel about it now, I THINK I feel the same as I did when I was pg with Cam, but I don’t think you can ever really answer such questions about yourself until you are put in that position. I pray to God that I never find out.
And speaking of birth defects, I’ll end this entry with what’s going on with Cam’s hearing. At his last evaluation, it was determined that Cameron’s speech is that of an 18-24 month old so he is technically behind but not by much. At this point, I had finally had it with Cam's lack of progress with this speech and hearing, and primarily, his refusal to wear his hearing aids. I got on the ball and without going into the long, drawn out details of how, why or when, enlisted the help of some experts who have been absolutely wonderful. We ended up taking Cameron last week to the Virginia School for the Deaf and Blind, 3 hours away. We had to leave at 5:30 a.m. and got back late that afternoon. It was a rough day, what can I say. Emotionally
it was just so draining I can't even begin to describe it. The situation
truly hits home when you pull up to that stereotypically huge, brick institution with the blaringly obvious placard reminding you exactly of why you are there, and that’s when the reality check sinks in. I nearly lost it several times that day, not just because of Cameron but because of the other kids. One little girl was born with malignant tumors behind her eyes and lost most of her sight when they removed them. She was mostly bald due to chemo but the worst part was that removing the tumors affected her auditory nerve and she is also now deaf. I
nearly burst into tears when I heard that story.
The hallways of the school were so, oh, I don't know -
awe-inspiring/mind-boggling/encouraging/intimidating to me. They were filled with kids signing all over the place or yelling loudly because they can't hear that well. And like I said, I wanted to cry for them all because it was so unfair but you know what? None of these kids cared or felt sorry for themselves at all, they were happy as larks and all doing so well. Made me realize how damn lucky we truly are, Cam has it so easy. Also made me realize that strength can be drawn from places you never had it and happiness is truly something you create for yourself, no one else can do that for you. The school was an eye-opener for me, a great lesson and an experience I won't ever forget.
The good news is that Cam is finally wearing his hearing aids, hallelujah. They finally got him to realize that his hearing aids help him HEAR. Also, we have established for the time being that Cameron will wear his hearing aids if Charles puts them in, but not me. Apparently, there is often a child/mother dynamic going on that prohibits a child from accepting the mother’s desire for the child to comply with a certain task, and it is only with the mother. And it’s true, Cameron wants no parts of me touching his ears but he doesn’t care if Charles does it. They say that will change in time but for now to indulge him. I could care less as long as he wears them, and boy do they look so cute. The best part of all is that he finally, truly responds to sound like a "regular" kid. That day at the school when he wore them for the first time, I somehow held it together but I would have to say it was one of my prouder moments, not pride in myself of course, but pride in my child, because he had done something I have dreamed of seeing for a year. He responded to my voice and not from me speaking loudly or making him look at my face. You have no clue what that was like for me, it was amazing. Better than anything I could dream of, that is for sure. I guess it would be the same for someone whose child had never walked before or saw or talked and then for whatever reason were given the ability to do so. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's still not perfect and we have a ways to go but they promised me that Cameron will hear and speak like a "regular" child his age, and soon. He said when they get finished with him, no one will ever know he has a hearing loss, unless of course they see his hearing aids. He will also get to go to a private preschool in our area starting this fall and have a hearing impaired expert/teacher work with him. Usually this preschool won’t let a child enroll until they are three but based upon testing of Cameron’s cognitive and physical skills, they feel he is advanced enough for early enrollment. There will be no other hearing impaired children or kids with disabilities in this school, the director of the VSDB says that Cam is a "normal" child and should only be with "normal" children. She said if he were deaf or profoundly deaf, she would enroll him in the VSDB and teach him to sign but since he does have so much hearing, she said both of these options would only create a crutch for him and impede his speech progress, so that was nice to hear. Though we would have done it, it would have been tough putting Cameron in the VSDB logistically, as it is 3 hours away and the preschool he will be attending this fall is in our county.
After we got home, Cameron wore his hearing aids for a whole hour and was so happy with them, he actually wanted them and then he ran around trying to see what he could hear with them, poor thing. It was so cute, but it made me sad to think of what he has been missing all this time. Now he is wearing them up to 5 hours a day which is amazing in such a short span of time. Of course, we still have setbacks like when he pulled one out yesterday and hid it and we couldn’t find it for two whole hours. Charles and I nearly firebombed the house looking for that thing, and thankfully we eventually found it. But that was Cam’s way of telling us he had had enough for one day.
So - bottom line - I feel much, much better. I will write more about the details of the hearing situation next time, but I just wanted to cover the basics for now. I know we have a long road ahead of us and some work to do but that's OK, that's what being a parent is all about, as I am learning every day.
Well, I think I have you all caught up for now but I am sure I will think of more later, and when I do, I will be sure to post, yet again.
Take care and all the best,
Corinne and Cam
Born March 15, 2002
To see recent pictures (if you haven’t already), go to http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/swiss/
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