Corinne's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 1/30/05 -------------------- 12/28/04 12/22/04 12/13/04 11/29/04 11/14/04 10/13/04 9/27/04 9/8/04 9/2/04 8/26/04 11/24/03 10/16/03 9/30/03 9/12/03 7/21/03 4/3/03 3/21/03 2/28/03 1/19/03 -------------------- Corinne's Introduction

January 30, 2005

January 30, 2005 - One month old today

Cassidy Skylar’s Birth Story

Born: December 30, 2004
Time: 10:52 am
Weight: 7 lbs
Length: 20 inches

The whole event started on December 29, 2004 when I had my last pre-delivery check up with Dr. S. at 10:30 am. Unable to secure a babysitter, I was left with no choice but to bring Cameron with me – total nightmare. He was in some kind of mood that morning and was pissed when we arrived at our destination and I wanted him to get out of the car. He was totally engrossed in what he was watching on TV and pitched a bitch when I tried to take him out. When I finally did manage to lift him out of the car, Cameron let his whole body go limp in an act of defiance, so I had to drag him to the office building all the while struggling and out of breath. Still pissed off and bitching up a storm, Cameron whined and cried the minute we entered the actual reception area, forcing me to wait outside in the hallway with him until my name was called. Thrilled, I wasn’t. I spent the 20 minutes waiting time pondering what the hell I was doing bringing another child in to the world, when I clearly was incapable of handling the one I already had.

My actual appointment was uneventful – Cameron changed completely once Dr. S walked in. Dr. S saw Cameron was crying, gave him a big hug and kiss and Cameron was a new person, happy, laughing, talking and jubilant. Real nice. Dr. S determined that my cervix was still long and that I was nowhere near labor so based upon this information, decided I needed to check into the hospital that night in order to get labor going with an application of Cervadil. I was not thrilled with this news as Cervadil proved to be a complete waste of time back when I was ready to deliver Cameron.

After the appointment, I called my GF Peggy and asked if I could come over and hang out at her house with her and her son B (Cam’s age) and just spend the day relaxing and not having to chase Cameron all over the place, I was just so tired and out of it, I wanted to sort of just veg out all day and take some last minute pictures with Cameron before he and I became three. I arrived at Peggy’s at around 12:30, we had lunch and for the rest of the afternoon, we just hung out, had fun and took a ton of pictures, Peggy even took some nude belly shots for me for my and Charles’ own personal viewing one day down the road. At around 4, I decided it was time to go home and get ready to leave for the hospital. Check in was at 7 and Charles and I planned to go out to dinner alone for a sort of last minute get away. (When I had had Cameron, no one told me that I would get no food once checked in to the hospital and this time I had vowed that I would get my last meal before being starved to death predelivery). My mom arrived at 4:30 to stay the week to take care of Cameron while I was away in the hospital. After I showered, we took a ton of pictures and video of me getting into the car to leave, of Cameron and me alone before getting into the car, all of those sorts of cliché-ish pictures, but something we just had to do nonetheless. We left and headed for Reston Town Center where we ate dinner at Paolo’s and left for Reston Hospital at about 6:50 (the hospital is literally in walking distance of RTC). Once checked in, I changed into the hospital nightgown and waited for the nurse to come and administer the Cervadil. Charles left to go home to help my mom get Cameron get ready for bed. Originally he was going to stay with me but I told him to go home and get some rest, that I would be fine by myself. My only fear was that the Cervadil might send me into labor too fast (as I had been warned it works faster in subsequent pgs) and that I might have the baby before Charles would have the time to get to the hospital. Being superstitious, I was also worried that I might actually deliver the baby on Wednesday and based upon that ridiculous poem about Monday’s child, I had no desire for a Wednesday baby. If you are not familiar with the poem, this is how it goes:


Monday's Child
Rachel Sturges (1899-1976)
Monday's Child is fair of face,
Tuesday's Child is full of grace,
Wednesday's Child is full of woe,
Thursday's Child has far to go,
Friday's Child is loving and giving,
Saturday's Child works hard for a living
And The Child that is born on
the Sabbath day is bonny and
blithe and good and gay.

I damn sure didn’t want a Wednesday’s child with that sort of omen hanging over his head! Silly of me I know, but I am funny that way. I was even less thrilled that my delivery room # was 13! Anyway, Cameron was born on a Friday and I loved that he was thus assigned a “loving and giving” category. Though the prediction for Thursday’s child can be interpreted negatively, you can also interpret it to mean that the child born on a Thursday has a great/successful/significant life ahead of him and that in order to achieve the pinnacle of his success, he will go very far in achieving that goal – at least, that is the way I am going to interpret it!
Ok – back to the birth story…so I stayed up until about 2 am on Wednesday morning, a complete bundle of nerves. I couldn’t stop worrying about the baby’s health, his hearing, the possible pain I might endure (surely since it was so easy the first time, I could never be that lucky twice, now could I???) and worst of all, I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom (and I don’t mean pee) and I was terrified of the possibility of going while pushing and that thought almost made me sick. I was cursing myself for having eaten the night before and really wished I hadn’t, but at that point, what could I do?
I woke up at about 5, an hour prior to when the nurse told me she would wake me up to get started because I wanted to shower and do my hair – sad, isn’t it? But seriously, I wanted to look good in the pictures. I didn’t look so hot in my delivery pictures with Cameron and I was going to make a go of it this time around, if I could. Don’t you just love my priorities? (Not to mention, I love my doctor and I certainly couldn’t look like a wreck while he delivered my baby, now could I? GRIN. Anyway - I was ready by 6, hair done, light makeup application and all I had to do was wait for Charles who arrived just as I was finishing up. At about 7, the nurse came in to remove the Cervadil and start setting up. From this point on, it’s all sort of a blur. The Pitocin was administered at approximately 8:00 a.m. Dr. S arrived and sat on the sofa (did I mention my room was huge and scrumptious, resembling a hotel suite?) next to Charles and the two of them chatted and read the paper together – pretty cool. Anyway, after examining me, Dr. S broke my water and just like with Cameron, this is when the contractions started. Not long after this moment, the anesthesiologist was summoned to administer my epidural. When asked how the epidural worked for me the previous pg, I told him that it had had no effect except to make me itch uncontrollably, whereupon I was informed that with some women, the fentanyl? (I think that is what it is called), has that effect and I was one of those lucky few. Lovely. Oddly enough, I had no itching this time around, although once again, the epidural did nothing to control my pain so I just tried to remember what little I could of Lamaze and tried to breathe through the contractions. I dilated from about 3 centimeters to the full 10 in about ½ hour and at that time, I was told to start pushing though honestly, he just sort of slid out, I didn’t have to really push, or so it seemed. With Cameron, the sensation of him descending was like a fork was making its way sideways through my intestines and along my spine. With this delivery, I felt like he was going to pop outside of my left hip – very odd sensation. After a few minutes, Dr. S said he could see the head and that there was a ton of hair. He told me to push and I did and out came the head. It only took two more pushed to get the rest of him out and once he was out, he barely cried, just like his brother, they were both quiet as they entered the world. Dr. S grabbed him and sucked out all the goop and then laid him on my stomach and together Charles and I cried and kissed him as we examined every part of his body. We were shocked to see all the hair, I mean seriously, he had so much that is was unbelievable. Cameron had had so little so we expected the same this time around. Cassidy’s mouth was also very wide as were his eyes. He had much larger hands and feet and was a tad paler than Cam had been upon birth, (if that’s possible) and to us, he was simply beautiful. But the first thing we looked at were his ears – they were/are tiny, tiny, tiny but what we were really looking for was those ear pits like Cam has, which can be a marker for hearing loss. Thankfully we discovered there were none. I got to nurse him almost immediately, which I had been unable to do with Cameron (different hospital, different practices). After I had nursed a few minutes, he was swooped away to be measured, weighed and cleaned up.
I must back track here a bit to tell you about the one disturbing part of the delivery. Right after Cassidy was delivered and swooped away, I asked about making sure they collected his cord blood (which is what we did with Cameron) and even though I had reminded my nurse (Penny) and Dr. S. all morning long about this, as soon he was delivered and the words were out of my mouth, a look of shock appeared on their faces. It was clear they had both forgotten and I was heartbroken. How was I one day to tell my boys that I had life saving cord blood for one and not the other? What if Cassidy had a horrible disease one day and needed that cord blood? What would I tell him? And what if (jumping the gun a bit here) one day we have another child – do I not collect his/her cord blood because Cassidy missed out, or do I do it anyway in the hopes that if Cassidy should ever need some, he has a shot at being a match with at least one of his siblings? All these thoughts are running through my head a mile a minute as I hold my second child and I felt a horrible wave of depression wash over me. I felt so bad for my new baby, like he had already lost his life and it killed me (mind you I was pretty hormonal at that moment). Dr. S then reassured me that because Cassidy was born so quickly, (actual labor was only about a half hour), because the cord was wrapped around his neck and because of something called dystocia (difficult labor), it would have been nearly impossible to collect sufficient amounts of cord blood and properly deliver the baby at the same time. Personally, I think that’s a load of bullshit and that the dr. was trying to make me feel better but whatever, no sense crying over spilled milk. Everything happens for a reason, or so I am prone to believe. Aside from that little glitch, it all went off without a hitch. I felt great the entire time and had virtually no pain. Oh sure, the contractions were unpleasant but I have felt worse and I was to feel worse, as I you will see in a minute. Shortly after delivery, I was wheeled to the actual room I was to stay in until discharged and once there, Charles encouraged me to take a nap as I had been up practically all night. Cassidy was with then nurses getting his first bath and all the preliminary tests that newborns go through. I napped for about 20 minutes before awaking with the most horrible carpal tunnel episode of my entire life. My whole right arm and hand felt like it had been amputated but at the same time, felt as though they had been smashed a 1000 times with a metal bat. My hand and arm ached something horrible to the point where I was sobbing in the bed and literally moaning in pain. This was horrible and far worse than any labor could ever be. The nurses were shocked at my reaction and didn’t know what to make of it until Charles explained. Someone was immediately summoned to get me some Percocet and an ice pack while I paced the floors like a wounded water buffalo waiting for a gun shot to the temple so I could be put out of my misery. At this point, I was also bleeding a ton – I had apparently torn from delivery and had a bunch of stitches, not that I felt any of it. I just know at one point I looked down on the bed and literally ¾ of the top of the bed’s surface was soaked in blood. The nurses about freaked when they saw this and probably assumed I was bleeding out or something. They immediately checked me and saw I was fine, just bleeding a lot from the wound (nice) and rechanged my entire bed and my nightgown.
As an aside, I must comment on something here. A GF asked me the week prior what nightgown had I bought to wear in the hospital during my stay. Dumbfounded I asked her why I would buy a nightgown when the hospital provides them and she said that she would think I would want to look nice while in the hospital. So, out I went and bought a nightgown that I ended up never even taking out of the bag – is it just me, or is there actually a person out there who can wear their own nightgown after having a vaginal birth? I must have soaked through literally a half dozen gowns in about 12 hours by the time all was said and done. No WAY could I have worn a real nightgown and not ruined it, no way in hell. Maybe it’s just me, I am sure some people can actually wear a nice nightgown, maybe if they have a Caesarean.
After awhile the nurse assigned to me (Denise) came back with Cassidy, all cleaned up and fresh in a blanket. As I held him and let him nurse some more, I just examined his little face all over and again was shocked to see all the differences between him and his brother. Not being able to imagine anything other than a Cameron replica prior to Cassidy’s birth, I was just dumbfounded at how different they really are because I truly expected them to look exactly alike. Physically, neither Charles nor I see a true resemblance between Cameron and Cassidy, there really is just not a lot there
at all. Maybe in pictures you could see a resemblance but in real life
though, the differences are more pronounced (to us) - Cam's head and face
were/are long and oval, Cassidy's is very square. Their hair line is completely
different – Cam’s starts further back. Cam’s hair in general was also very different, he only had a light covering all over and it was light brown and straight. Cassidy has a ton of hair and its jet black and wavy. Cam's eyes are smaller. Cassidy's eyes
are larger and wide set and he has a noticeable lid. They are also very blue,
which I am sure will change since Cameron's started out deep brownish blue and now they are brown. Cassidy's nose is a totally different shape than Cameron's, much more
pointy, much longer but with tinier nostrils. His mouth is way bigger
and his lips fuller than Cam's. But the main difference is in personality.
Cameron was so sleepy and never opened his eyes for days and days. Cassidy's so
alert and when awake, very interested in things, he likes looking outside,
he just stares and his little eyes go back and forth, slowly taking it all in. Cameron really never did that. He was basically asleep for the first two weeks. In retrospect, I often wonder if it had anything to do with his hearing. If he couldn’t hear properly, maybe he was sort of in a fog and that’s why he appeared less alert. Which leads me to the question everyone wants to ask me, the question so many people already have – did Cassidy pass his hearing screening? The answer is a gleeful: YES. The fact that he passed (Cameron never did) and the fact that he does not have the ear pits (often associated with hearing loss) Cameron has, are leading us to believe that Cassidy’s hearing will most likely be fine. Of course, we won’t know for sure until his hearing is officially tested (next week) but for now we are hopeful. What’s life without a little optimism, right?
Getting back to “Delivery Day” a little while later, there was a knock on my door and in walked the staff pediatrician with an ominous look on his face. He looked so grave that I knew bad news was not far away. Sure enough, he starts out with the words, “I’d like to talk to you about something we found…” It took all of my self restraint not to lose it at that point, so instead I just sat back and listened. Without going into all the long winded details, basically, to make a long story short and to cut out all the medical jargon, what it boiled down to was that my being O- blood type and Cassidy being B+ blood type, even though I received a Rhogam shot prior to delivery, some of my blood crossed over to Cassidy during delivery, and as it turns out, this caused a bad case of jaundice, requiring him to be monitored and as it turns out, inevitably led to him having to be checked into the pediatric unit and stay in an incubator under the bili rubin lights. I was relieved to find out that the problem with Cassidy wasn’t that serious and was easily fixable but I swear, the way that dumb pediatrician originally started out, I would have bet my life he was going to tell me that Cassidy had cancer or worse. Great bedside manner, I tell you. You have to wonder about doctors sometimes, I swear.
Cameron also came to see his baby brother for the first time that afternoon and was really, really great. He showed no jealousy, no animosity, and was as happy as a clam the entire time. He sat on the bed with me and kept patting Cassidy and saying “Nice baby, nice!” So that was a relief to see that he wasn’t miserable over the situation as I had predicted he would be. I can say with all honesty (and shock), to this day, he has not shown one ounce of jealousy or resentment to his little brother, though I am sure that day will inevitably come.
The following day was Friday and one of my closest GFs came to visit me and see Cassidy. It was nice having her come, the maternity ward was actually sort of depressing because a lot of the new mothers had checked out early because they wanted to be home for New Year’s Eve. I don’t know why you would want to go home one night after having a baby, I mean, it’s not like you can go out and party, after all. But, to each his own.
Saturday, the 31st, (the day we were supposed to come home), the hospital pediatrician informed us that Cassidy’s bili rubin levels were still high enough to warrant him possibly staying in the hospital one more night. He gave us the option of taking him home in a bili blanket, but because the jaundice was caused by the difference in blood type, he highly recommended we stay another night, which was fine with me. I’d rather be safe than sorry, after all. We were thus checked into the pediatric unit since Cassidy’s health was no longer a maternity issue and fortunately, we were able to stay with Cassidy in a room all to ourselves. Initially, we thought we’d have to go home and come back during the day or more likely, sleep on a couch in the waiting room all night but the hospital said that in cases like this, they check the mother in to the room as well, (if that’s what the mother wants = clearly, that’s what I wanted). So, Cassidy was to spend the next 24 hours in the bili rubin incubator while I had a bed and bathroom to myself, and Charles had a flip out bed. I thought that we would have a nice relaxing 24 hours together in the hospital before we finally took Cassidy home, but as it turned out, it wasn’t as fun as all that. First of all, I can’t even imagine what people go through when their child has a serious problem and can’t bring their child home for weeks and weeks because that first 24 hours seemed interminable. When you have a new baby, all you want to do after they’re born is hold and kiss them, at least, that’s what I always wanted to do. But in this case, Cassidy had to stay in the incubator and we really couldn’t hold him or touch him except when feeding him because he needed all that time under the lights in order to get better. So I would stare at him longingly and want nothing but to hold him, especially when he would start to cry. That would just break my heart because I really wasn’t supposed to remove him from the lights just because he cried, though of course, I ended up doing that on several occasions because I couldn’t bear to see him cry like that. At that point, I really felt bad for people whose babies are sick or premature who have to leave them behind for weeks and weeks and weeks – I never really thought about how hard that had to be but after what little bit I went through, I realized how horrible it really has to be for parents in that situation.
Second, even though we were checked in for Cassidy’s health, the fact of the matter is, I was still healing from my own ordeal and though the birth was easy, let’s face it, if you have a baby, there’s healing to do and it’s not comfortable staying in a hospital bed in a pediatric unit that is not meant for recuperating mothers. I had no ice packs, no pads, none of the medication that I needed at hand, though I was later able to get all of that delivered to me. But that’s just superficial stuff, it was really more that I was so exhausted from lack of sleep and when your child is in the pediatric unit under these circumstances, the nursing staff doesn’t take him out of your room at night so you can sleep and help you when you have a tough time nursing or anything like that, it’s totally on you, at least it was in my case. And that’s not to say the nursing staff wasn’t wonderful, they were, but the fact remains that it wasn’t the cushy service you get as a maternity patient. For example, Cassidy had to stay under those lights all the time except for feedings and it was my job to put the protective goggles on him each time which initially didn’t seem like a big deal, but since he hated them and would pull them off every time, I had to watch him like a hawk to make sure he didn’t 1) suffocate from pulling the goggles down over his nose/mouth (which he did a couple of times and was screaming trying to get air to breathe) and didn’t 2) blind himself by opening his eyes under the lights without the protective goggles. The whole time we were there I never slept one wink, I simply read and watched TV and stayed up watching him all night to make sure that every time he woke up and pulled the goggles down, I could immediately rush to him and make sure he was all right. The nurses would come in periodically to check his blood but that was about it. I was so tired, I was almost sick. While we had initially thought we could bring Cassidy home Sunday it turned out that the doctor on staff in the pediatric unit was a cautious type and thought even one more night would be in Cassidy’s best interest. I was disappointed and upset to say the least but I knew it was for his own good. I was just so tired from staying up all night the previous night, I had no clue how I would do it for another but somehow, I just did. I guess some people might wonder what the hell the nurses were doing and why the hospital left us with certain responsibilities in regard to his care, but I think that they just assumed since we wanted to stay in the hospital with him, that we would to care for him ourselves. I did ask the nurses where he would be if we had opted to stay at home during this time. They told us that he would be in a room with other babies in incubators and that someone would watch them to make sure they were all right and if we wanted to, we could put Cassidy in there at night so we could sleep but that wasn’t good enough for me. I mean, one person to watch a room full of babies? What if Cassidy pulled his goggles down and couldn’t breathe and the nurse was busy with another child? No, we simply couldn’t take that risk. I do realize that no child has ever died or gone blind that I know of in that hospital while staying under the bili lights, but I was not about to make my child the first case, that’s for sure. No one would watch my child like I would and I would be so worried if he were away from me, I wouldn’t sleep anyway so it was just as well he stayed in the room with us.
Had I known that we would be spending those two sleepless nights watching him endlessly, I would have probably taken the maternity ward nurses up on their offer to keep Cassidy in the nursery the first two nights in the hospital when he was first born. Actually, Charles only stayed with me one of the two nights. He had wanted to be home with Cameron in case my mother was having trouble with him or in case Cam felt like he we were gone for too long. But after my first night alone, he felt bad for me I guess and decided to try and help me stay up to watch Cassidy but as I had predicted, Charles was pretty much useless. I love the man dearly but lack of sleep is something he simply cannot deal with and he was asleep within minutes of lying down. So, I simply continued to watch over my son myself and counted the hours until we could go home. I look back on that time and I wonder, how did I ever manage to stay awake? I had had no sleep practically from the previous Wednesday night to that Monday and somehow I managed to stay awake that whole time. Desperation will do that to you though. I was so scared my baby would suffocate or go blind that my fear completely surpassed my need for sleep. Funny how the mind and body work that way.
When Monday morning came, I could barely contain myself, I was so happy to be going home. They had taken Cassidy’s blood very early in the morning, (around 5 am) and tested it to make sure his bili rubin levels were going down. Later in the morning it was confirmed that his levels had indeed decreased and that he could go home. We left that morning at around 11:30 and it was a beautiful day, 75 degrees and sunny, just as it had been the entire weekend, a fluke for our area but it was a wonderful change and a fabulous day to bring home a new baby.
In the car ride home, Cassidy cried for the first 10 minutes and after that, he was fine once we gave him a pacifier. When we got home, Cameron came running to the front door to greet his baby brother and was all over him from that day forward.
Life With Two
Everything I say now will sound like a cliché, so forgive me for that, but I can’t help it, it’s all true what they say – it’s hard as hell with two, one is always in need of something, sometimes they both cry at once and you don’t know who to help first, you’re exhausted, you’re frustrated, you never get a chance to eat and then you have to worry that you are not eating well enough to nurse a baby, the worrying is endless, and trying to spend equal amounts of quality time (unsuccessfully) between two children is mind numbing because no matter how hard you try, you feel like you are failing someone or something.
That said, life is great. Really. I mean, I can’t even imagine our life without Cassidy. To say that he completed our family sounds like I am taking something away from Cameron but it’s true. It’s also true that Cameron is the one who started our family for before him, Charles and I were just two people, unrelated by blood but with enough love in both of us to create life for another. With that first life we created, we started our family. Cameron started our family. Now Cassidy has completed it and that is a wonderful feeling, and I wonder how we even lived before they were born.
I love watching the two of them together. People will think I am lying or exaggerating when I say that Cameron “just LOVES his little brother” and will mumble to themselves “Yeah, right, what a liar…” but I am telling you, it is true. Cameron has amazed us all with his attentiveness and affection for this little baby. He is so tender with him, always making sure he is happy and content. The minute Cassidy starts to cry, Cameron immediately tells me “The baby’s hungry.” He will try to cover him with a blanket whenever he is not covered, (though one time he tucked the blanket in over his head which I was quick to unwrap in a panic), or try to help change him, he will even come up to me and lift my shirt and tell me the baby is hungry and that I need to feed him. We have been doing our utmost to make Cameron feel included and we do let him hold Cassidy when he is well positioned on the sofa, and he just loves that. Holding Cassidy is without a doubt his favorite thing, unfortunately I can’t let him hold his little brother as often as he’d like. The thing that amazes us the most with Cameron is that he never seems put off by the time we spend with Cassidy, never makes a fuss, never gets his feelings hurt, nothing. When he sees we are busy doing something with Cassidy, he simply goes on about his business and plays quietly by himself, it’s really wonderful, we can’t believe how lucky we are that Cameron is adapting so well. He is even happy when he sees Cassidy in what used to be his crib, he thinks it’s funny and has no territoriality issues whatsoever. I just hope this lasts, at least for awhile.
Cassidy is doing really well. He is such a good baby and though fussy due to reflux (yes, he has it too), he is still a dream. The first week he was home, he slept a lot due to lethargy caused by the jaundice. It was amazing because in the mornings, I was sleeping in with him until 10:30 – 11:00 and was in seventh heaven. After the jaundice disappeared, he started becoming more alert and was awake a lot more, particularly at night. Unlike with Cameron, this time I am exclusively BFing and while I love it, I will admit it is a helluva lot harder than supplementing with formula as I did with Cameron. Now it is all on me – I get up to feed him and though I could express so that Charles could help feed, I don’t do it because I want to make sure Cassidy is well established on the breast before I regularly give him bottles. Also, Charles has been so great taking care of Cameron so that I can be with Cassidy and a couple of times, Cameron was up in the middle of the night with a cold, so Charles was up with him as well and I wouldn’t feel right asking him to care for Cameron and feed Cassidy as well.
I never realized that BF babies poop as much as they do, that part really sucks in that he’s up all the time in need of a diaper change but that’s fine, at least I know he’s healthy, or at least, his intestines are.
Cassidy is now 4 weeks old as I type this and on his exact 4 week old birthday, he slept through the night for the first time and has been doing it ever since. He falls asleep at 10 or so and wakes up at 6 to nurse. I express at around midnight since I have so much milk and so that I don’t become engorged in the middle of the night and this system works out perfectly. Every day I manage to express 16 oz of BM and to date, I would say I have approximately sixty 8 oz bags of BM in our deep freezer, enough to last far past the expiration date. What can I say, I am a true cow.
I am amazed still at the differences between my two children. Cameron was a REALLY lousy eater, Cassidy is a great eater. Cameron was so very sleepy for quite a long time, Cassidy was alert and bright eyed from Day One. Cameron rolled over the first night we brought him home. Cassidy rolled over at about two weeks (my pediatrician informed me that reflux babies tend to roll over very early, it’s from the pain they endure from lying on their backs). Cameron hardly ever cried and when he did, it was quiet crying. Cassidy definitely cries more and when he does it is LOUD – this is also due to reflux because unlike Cam, Cassidy lets you know he is in pain, no question there. And as a result, Cassidy is on Zantac which has worked wonders. If only we had done the same with Cameron, maybe we wouldn’t have had all the difficulties we have had with his eating, although it is much better now…Cameron was an early smiler and even though Cassidy isn’t as smiley as Cameron was at this age, we can see Cassidy will be smiling soon too. He started smiling a little bit already and it is just the cutest thing. However, Cassidy is more of an intense baby and seems so pensive at times. Cameron always gave us the impression from day one that he is silly and more mellow, and that is exactly the way he is now.
Don’t you just love how parents come up with these dumb conclusions about their kids, particularly when they are so young? As if we truly know their personalities! But you can’t help but form opinions from the get go, it’s just what parents do, I guess.
Again, physically however, is where I see the most difference. They don’t even look like brothers to us. Oh sure, you can see a certain resemblance here or there but outwardly there is just so little similarity (in our opinion). Most people who see the two of them in person will say they look nothing alike but if they only see pictures, they will tell us they think they look similar. Also, people who knew Cameron from infancy agree with us that as infants at least, there is very little similarity. Cameron had much less hair at birth than Cassidy and what he had, he lost and was lighter in color. Cassidy has so much hair and the texture is completely different –much wavier and just so dark but yet the roots are blond so who knows what’s going to pop up down the road. Cameron’s eyes are brown, Cassidy’s are blue and though I know it’s not possible, if I didn’t know better, I would swear they look more blue as time goes on. Cassidy is also larger boned than Cameron, his hands and feet are much bigger. His eyes are larger and wider set but his nose is bigger/longer than Cameron’s and just ever so slightly upturned. Their complexions are different, Cameron has more orange tones and Cassidy has more yellow, though the pediatrician says it takes a long time for the jaundice to completely disappear and not to be surprised if Cassidy ends up being a little pasty looking in a month or so when he has completely lost all the jaundice. Neither is better than the other obviously, just different and I guess when you have one child and are expecting another, you can’t imagine your second child to look like anything except the first. I have to admit, I love having different looking children, it’s nice when you have a variety pack vs. the one flavor only. It’s like I have my own little box of Godiva chocolates, some are light, some are dark and some are caramel – why would I want the same piece of chocolate for the rest of my life?
But when that second child does look different than the first, it is surprising, you just don’t expect it. Or at least, we didn’t. What’s most surprising to ME in particular is not when people tell me Cameron looks just like Charles (this I CLEARLY knew) but when they tell me Cassidy looks like me. I don’t see that one bit except maybe the eyes and the big man hands…
Cassidy is really thriving. At his two week check up, he weighed 7 lbs, 12 oz, meaning he was up exactly one pound from when we had left the hospital. At three weeks, he weighed 8 lbs 7 oz and at 3& 1/2 weeks he was nearly 9 lbs. At this age, they are supposed to be gaining approximately 8 oz/ week and Cassidy is at this time, gaining almost twice that much. So this is all unfamiliar territory for me, a baby that actually gains weight? Say it isn’t so. Wonders will never cease, apparently. Unfortunately as I mentioned earlier, Cassidy suffers from reflux just like Cam, and is pretty unhappy about it. He doesn’t spit up nearly as much as Cameron did, but what discomfort he does have, he is pretty vocal while expressing it. Even worse, when he does spit up, it often comes through his nose. When I took him to the pediatrician at his two week check up, she said that he was fine, just a little bout of reflux and prescribed Zantac. At three weeks, I took him in because he was still spitting up and my doctor checked him out again, said he was gaining weight very nicely and added that Zantac is more for the pain, and doesn’t really do much to lessen the spitting up. The important thing is he is gaining weight and as long as he is doing that and we are managing his pain, there is little to worry about. She also said that in order to prescribe something stronger, we’d have to have an upper GI done to confirm that he does have reflux and not something else (read worse).
I have since taken him to see Dr. S (Cam’s gastroenterologist) who confirmed my pediatrician’s opinion that an upper GI would have to be conducted before stronger medicine could be prescribed. However, he did say that Cassidy is thriving, strong, healthy and gaining weight and that even if he does have reflux, with medication, he should be fine, so I feel pretty good about it. I just hate seeing Cassidy spit up so much and go through so much pain. As it is, he farts like a 40 year old man. I am not kidding you. One day I was sitting on the sofa with Cassidy in my arms, and he let out this fart that could have broken the sound barrier. Charles looked at me and said “Niiiiice…REAL classy Corinne! That’s my wife!” I was like “That wasn’t me! That was him!” and I pointed to Cassidy and Charles said “Oh yeah, like he could fart that loud!” Then Cassidy did it again when Charles was holding him and he finally believed me but it just goes to show how much air he must have in that tiny belly if he can fart like that. We’re giving him Mylanta 5 times/day as well and that really helps a lot.
Did I mention how much I enjoy medicating my kids? Real fun, oodles. Note sarcasm here. I just can’t help but wonder what the hell is in our gene pool that makes our kids have these ridiculously upset stomachs but let me stop complaining, it could be much worse.
Oh yeah, and the name – I am so very glad we waited until Cassidy was born to share the name. The reaction to it after he was born was so strong, I can only imagine what it would have been like had we revealed the name earlier. A reaction that strong might have affected our decision and made us change our minds (yet again) so I am so glad we waited. I love Cassidy’s name and despite what many may think, it is not only a girl’s name. Actually, in my baby name book, it says that Cassidy is traditionally an Irish boy’s name and it is only in America that we have made it a more frequently used girl’s name. I know, we are not in Ireland but I don’t care, I still love it and it suits him so well. As I said, the reaction to the name was strong – either people loved it or they really didn’t like it and both sides were quick to let us know what side they were on. Most people do think that Cassidy is a girl solely based on his name – when I took him to the pediatrician, the receptionist, nurse and doctor all referred to Cassidy as a girl, until I corrected them. The doctor tried to back pedal a bit and went on about how Cassidy is such a beautiful baby and with his dark curly hair and blue eyes and fair skin (her words, not mine) he really resembles a girl, and that I should take it as a compliment because homely babies are never referred to as girls. It was nice of her to try to make me feel better about it but she really didn’t have to – I was never insulted in the first place. I don’t understand why anyone would be insulted if their son is mistaken for a girl – all it means is he is pretty! Now if I had a girl and people thought she was a boy – different story. But despite what the doctor said, I know that the truth really was she just assumed from the name that he was a girl, it had nothing to do with his looks. The people at the registrar’s office at the hospital also made an error with regard to Cassidy’s gender as well – even though I had filled out the form for Cassidy’s social security card and checked the box that said “male,” the office still changed the form to “female” when they typed up the official papers, based solely on the name. Finally, my GF sent me balloons and flowers when Cassidy was born, and even though the card read “Congratulations on the birth of Cassidy, we can’t wait to meet him!!!” the flowers were pink, as were the balloons and on the balloons it read, “It’s a girl!!!!” When I told my GF about it, (I thought it was amusing) she called the florist and they apologized saying that they just assumed that based on the name, that it was a girl. At that point I was beginning to wonder if maybe we had made a mistake but deep down, I knew we hadn’t. I love the name SO much, it just has such a special meaning and when I look at Cassidy, it just fits him so well, I couldn’t imagine him as anything else. A beautiful name for a beautiful boy if I may be so bold as to say it. The bottom line is that we would have been pretty hard pressed to name Cassidy something other than a “C” name, for obvious reasons. I think that the only way we could ever name another child a non-C name would be if it were a girl, because the different gender might lend itself to a whole different consonant entirely, but even then that might be stretching it.
Well that is it in a whole long nutshell. It’s been a long and wonderful journey from the time I started here at iParenting and when I look at where I started I can only marvel at how far I have come. What can I say, I love my Cameron and my little Cassidy and but what’s even more important is that I should never have even thought for a minute that it would be anything but easy having enough love for both my children. When Cassidy popped out, and I do mean POPPED, and they put him on my chest to nurse, I fell immediately in love. I know that definitely sounds like a cliché but it really isn’t in my case, I did love this baby instantaneously. I don’t know what it was or why it was but Cassidy just captured my heart from the moment I set eyes on him, just as his brother did nearly 3 years earlier. I am so lucky, I have two perfect little boys, more than I ever dreamed I’d have and more than likely, more than I ever deserved.
I will write one more entry after this one, (just as a follow up) and after that, I will bid you all a fine farewell from this site. I will more than likely start a blog if I ever get myself together, that is.
Finally, to my little Cassidy, since this is your birth story, your diary, I want to tell you that I love you more than anything in this world, (except your brother of course) but that even though I love you both equally, I love you differently than I love him. Neither love is better than the other but because you are different human beings and completely different souls, I have to love you each differently and I think that one day you will both come to appreciate that love for more than what it is on its surface. You are both so special to me and you each both deserve something from me that is unique and wonderful and all your own. Never doubt for a minute that I love you two more than life itself and always, always remember that no matter where I am, or what happens to me in this life, I am always right there with you, even if you can’t see me. I love you honey and as I type this, you are on my lap, and I am kissing your face…

Mommy

FYI: Cameron’s (and now Cassidy’s) webpage has been updated with pictures, please check them out if you haven’t already, at http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/s/swiss/