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February 27, 2004
I am here, I haven't updated in awhile due to the circumstances but I have been thinking about all the wonderful and encouraging posts on my TTM board, and I cannot thank everyone enough for them.
If I can just get through this I know that I will be a better mother and a stronger woman.
I know that things could be worse, and I just continue to do what I can to cooperate and get my sons home safely where they belong. I know that no matter what happens I have learned that I have faith in God and there is no situation or circumstance that can shake that EVER. I have no really discussed religion in my diary but I have always had faith and beliefs and they have gotten stronger and more resolved. God did not do this to me, he knows the truth even when others dont.
Avery is not coping to the separation well, and Hayden is slowing withdrawing, he is quiet and doesn't seem to be as happy and playful. It breaks my heart to see the toll that this hell is taking on them and I want to scream at the unfairness of it all...but life is unfair and things happen beyond YOUR control..
It is up to me to know that I can either sit here and feel sorry for myself or I can try and make a difference in the outcome, my children need me more than ever and I have no choice but to fight for them.
Hayden is going to be seen at Shriners in two weeks and I pray that they can put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out what is wrong with my son. He is almost 9mo and he can't even sit up, crawl, or even bear weight on his legs for very long, the back of his head is misshaped and flat. I have also gotten in contact with many people who are knowlegeable about pediatric bone disease and they are willing to help us find the truth. The kids are with my neighbor but that is not going to last, she has decided she cannot keep them so we are trying to get CPS to agree to allow my MIL to move in our home, us move out and have her take the kids.
I am willing to do anything it takes to keep them out of the system and with family until we can be with them. Please keep us in our prayers, a few months ago we thought that the worst of problems were Donny's deployment in Iraq, now that seems so minor in comparison. So many things that seemed so important are so childish and petty, it is sad it took such a tradjedy to figure that out. I am still working, only because I know without my job I would go nuts thinking about what is going on among other things.
Hug your children and pray,Corinn
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