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October 8, 2002
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
…Myrtle The Fertile Turtle, that is!
When I conceived Ethan, I called him my little peanut. Well, it looks as though Ethan is going to be a big brother! I now have a little Jellybean! We are so excited and so happy about this new addition to our family. We’ll be the proverbial family… a mom, a dad, two kids, a house and a dog… all that’s missing is the white picket fence! Since a white picket fence wouldn’t go with my house anyway, I guess we’re not missing a thing!
Let me go back a bit…
About a week or so ago, I started feeling pregnant. It is difficult to describe. Sine I’ve been pregnant before, I recognized the changes for what they were. It’s very subtle, but it’s there. If I hadn’t been pregnant before, I probably would never have given these feelings a second thought. I had had a couple of very brief waves of nausea… but it was pregnancy nausea. Again, difficult to explain. For me personally, pregnancy nausea is just different than “regular” nausea, if there is such a thing. Pregnancy nausea is always accompanied by a really sensitive gag reflex (when I say sensitive, I mean SENSITIVE… I can gag for no reason and with no warning… including mid-sentence). While I never gagged with those brief waves of nausea, I could feel it at the back of my throat. I also felt very, very tender in my lower abdomen (well, I guess it’s my uterus) and my ovaries also felt bruised and tender. One other thing I noticed was that my lower abdomen hurt when I sneezed or coughed… and that was the telltale sign for me… I have NEVER had that problem unless I was pregnant. Really, if you think about it, that was nothing… I mean… the waves of nausea were very, very brief and only happened a couple of times and the other symptoms were intermittent or only when I sneezed or coughed. Still, I had a sneaking suspicion.
I can get free pregnancy tests at work. However, now that I work weekends and you can only get them on weekdays, it would have required a trip to Seattle (another 50-60 miles on the car!) I decided it was worth it to just go to Walmart and fork out the cash for a test. I found a First Response Early Pregnancy test that had a free test in the box! Two tests for a little more than $8. Compared to all of the tests I saw, this was a bargain. So off I went with my HPT’s. I got home and took one and wasn’t sure what to make of the result. It is difficult to explain. The pink control line came up pretty quickly. At first, I just thought, “Ok, it’s negative.” But when I held it up to a very bright light, I could see another gray line, but not pink. At first I thought it might have been a positive line, but then I just realized that I thought I was seeing the line UNDER the test… like where the line WOULD be if it was really positive. No biggie. Negative. I wasn’t upset in the least and went about my day. About four days later, I still felt pregnant. Darn it, why did I feel that way if I wasn’t pregnant? So on Saturday, I took another test. This time, there was a faint pink line almost immediately. Could it be???
I had had all these delusions of grandeur about how I would tell my husband. I had gotten some great ideas from some of the other diary writers… I could make him pink and blue pancakes… I could get him a card and some balloons… I could announce it on a t-shirt and have Ethan wear it… I could put the test in a box and wrap it up as a present. None of it would come to light. Ethan was hungry and darn it, he wanted a boob! Mike came to the bathroom door and rather unromantically said, “Honey… What are you doing? The boy needs a boob. Hurry up.” So I opened the door and had a sickeningly silly smirk on my face. I think he knew right at that moment. I couldn’t wait. I showed him the test and he said, “Oh my gosh! We’re PREGNANT! Ethan, you’re gonna be a big brother… woohoo!!”
We were so excited! Just like the first time, we decided to keep it a little secret for awhile… and then about ten minutes later we were on the phone calling people! Again, we decided that this is a gift from God and we are happy and grateful. No need for secrets. Yes, it’s early. If for some reason God chooses to take this baby away from me, I will want a support group and I’d hate to have to tell people that I had miscarried when they didn’t even know I was pregnant. Pregnancy is a gift… I wanted to shout it from the rooftops!
My mom was shocked, to put it mildly. I know that most of my friends and family are. I told most people that it would be a LONG time before I ever got pregnant again. My first pregnancy was just so difficult. But I have seen now that the reward for a difficult pregnancy is priceless. I have the most incredible child now. I can’t believe I’m going to have another. I thought I would be terrified to be pregnant again, but I’m really not. As so many people have told me, every pregnancy is different. Just because I was horribly sick with the first one, doesn’t mean that it will automatically be that way with this one. I am just going to enjoy each day for itself. It goes by SO quickly (well, until the end of course, when it drags on for years!) I am really optimistic about it and am keeping a good attitude! All I can do is be hopeful! I am only about a month along, so it IS early.
So… as far as symptoms go, there are definitely more this week. I have had a couple of more bouts of nausea, but nothing that was bad at all. Again, they were short lived and passed by quickly. I also have a runny nose… a very strange symptom but I had it with Ethan too. It’s just a clear discharge that drains from my sinuses and causes me to be sniffly. Just this morning, my nipples are starting to feel that burning sensation that I got last time… in fact, that was my first symptom last time. I wasn’t sure if I would even have that this time since I am still breastfeeding Ethan.
Speaking of breastfeeding, I think that I am going to have to wean Ethan earlier than one year. I’m a little sad about it, but also a little relieved. There are multiple factors involved, the biggest of which is that my milk supply has decreased DRAMATICALLY since I got pregnant. Also, he is just not real interested in nursing anymore. Each nursing session has become a battle lately… he likes to chew, tug, and bite on my nipples and darn it, it HURTS! He nurses for VERY short periods and then is disinterested. He likes eating real food and drinking from a cup. I used to be able to pump quite a bit of milk, but not so anymore. I will be calling his pediatrician today and asking the nurse what she thinks I should do about his nutritional needs if I do stop nursing. I mentioned that I was also a little relieved… it will be kind of nice to have my boobs back to myself again for a little while before this next baby comes! We shall see what happens. Either way, I’m happy. I have successfully nursed him for nine months. If I’m shy a full year, I am not going to be unhappy. I think that many signs are telling me it’s time to wean.
By my best estimation, I think I am due about June 8, 2003. I don’t remember exactly when my last period was, but I am pretty certain I know exactly what date this baby was conceived. Supposedly, you can add 266 days to your date of conception to get a due date. So for now, it’s June 8th. I have my first doctor’s appointment on November 4th and will be having an ultrasound that day. I think I will get a more accurate due date at that time. I love my doctor and all the staff in his office and I am looking forward to seeing them all again! I just didn’t think it would be this soon!
This pregnancy is already different in so many ways. I am SO much more relaxed this time around! I didn’t think I would be, but I really am. Last time, I was SO emotional. I worried about every little thing. If my boobs hurt one day but didn’t the next, I was sure I had miscarried. If I was nauseated one day but not the next, I knew something was wrong. I was so worried about it all. This time, I don’t care! I have only had a few twinges of nausea and breast pain and I am SO THANKFUL!!! No worrying here! I KNOW what it’s like to be sick all the time and I’m just glad that I still feel good (here’s me, knocking on wood!) If I never have another symptom, I’ll be fine. Soon enough, my tummy will pop, I’ll feel fetal movements, and I’ll start having all the other aches and pains of pregnancy.
Another thing that is so different this time around is that my focus seems to be much different. With Ethan, my focus was on fetal development… wondering each day what new physical changes were happening with the baby and how he was growing. This time, my focus is not so much on that. I think more about the idea of having two children and what an impact that will be on our lives. While I am terribly excited about it, I also understand that it WILL be challenging! It just amazes me at how differently I am thinking of this pregnancy! I’m just as excited as I was the first time, but it’s a totally different kind of excitement!
Right now the big dilemma lies in what to do about my recent career revelations. I have been asking myself so many questions: Do I really want to start a new job after finding out I am pregnant? Do I want to go and work with a different group of people or do I want to stay with the group that supported me 1000% during my first pregnancy? I have seniority where I am and have a schedule that works for my family. Do I risk losing that now that another baby is coming? Or do I follow my heart and make that leap? Can I tolerate that many stressors all at once? When it was just me, it did not matter… I packed up my bags and moved to another state, site unseen, without a job… just took a lot of faith with me. If the unthinkable happened… if I couldn’t find a job or ran out of money or had to be homeless, I would just do what I had to do. But now I’ve got a husband and not one, but TWO children to think about. It isn’t as easy to throw out security for something in my heart. One thing I know for sure… I’ll certainly be praying about this.
Before Ethan was even conceived, it was our intention for me to quit my current job and go work for a nursing agency. I could still work 3 12-hour shifts each week but the kicker was that I would get a tax-free housing bonus each month… to the tune of $1,500! It would pay our mortgage each month. We calculated that it would take us less than two years to become completely debt-free. A lot of my friends were doing it and LOVED it… no debts, lots of extra money each month… and no end of it in site… as I’ve said, they are SO desperate for nurses. I told my agency I was ready… and it took them FOREVER to find me a job. While everyone else was getting contracts, I sat and waited… and waited… and waited. I found out I was pregnant with Ethan and the job offer came two hours later. Coincidence? I think not. I think God knew what He was doing. If I had found out about my pregnancy AFTER taking that agency job, we would have been in huge trouble. I took it as a sure sign that I was supposed to stay right where I was. Good thing, too… my pregnancy was really bad and they were so supportive. At the end, they even gave me a job watching the cardiac monitors for a month because I just couldn’t be on my feet anymore. It was such a blessing.
So here I am, figuring out once again that it is time to move on to other realms of my career. I have talked to a nurse recruiter, received an application and applied for two positions. And once again, I am pregnant. Another sign to say? Do I think it’s a sign to stay just because it was the first time?
So much to consider. My mind has been racing. I hope I get this all figured out SOON. I don’t really have much time if I DO decide to switch jobs.
I think this entry is just long enough! I have another 8-1/2 months to write more!! I’m so excited! I will be chronicling my pregnancy journey on my Moms Today diary and will not be starting a Pregnancy Diary, so feel free to follow along on that diary!
~~Christina, Ethan, and a new little Jellybean!
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