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February 6, 2003
I believe the time has come to close out my diary. I have considered doing this before, but somehow, I just couldn't do it. This time I think the decision is real and will stick. Right now, I am feeling pretty overwhelmed in my life.
I'm pregnant (and VERY hormonal, I might add).
I have a VERY active toddler who requires more and more of my attention every day. Don't get me wrong. This isn't a bad thing. My #1 responsibility is my son and I need to be there to nurture him and raise him in this most unpredictable world. He needs an incredibly strong foundation. We are living in a world of so much uncertainty right now. There is a possibility that our country could be in the middle of a war in just a matter of weeks. My son deserves my attention.
The internet has overwhelmed me. I have been writing here for over two years. In that time, I've made some very good friends. I continue to meet new people all the time. I am fast learning that I am no longer able to keep up with everyone... there are so many diaries to read, so much good news to share in, so many posts to answer, so many boards to write on. I can't do it anymore. It requires so much of my time and I feel like other things in my life are suffering because of the time that I devote to this computer.
My house is suffering so much. I am drowning in laundry and other messes. There are meals to prepare, dishes to wash, laundry to fold, and a toddler to educate. I say all the time that I can't keep up, yet I find time to be here on the computer. I know that if I devoted as much time to my home as I do to my computer, I'd never be whining about all the messes to clean up.
I feel so sedentary when I sit at the computer. At least when I am cleaning and caring for my home (my piece of heaven on earth) I feel energetic and accomplished. I can't say the same for sitting in front of this computer monitor.
When my computer crashed for a few weeks in November or December, I remember that after a few initial days of withdrawal symptoms, I actually didn't miss it anymore. I got a lot accomplished and spent a lot more time with my family. I need to get away from this. The internet is a wonderful tool and I've learned a wealth of information from it, but it has taken over my life.
I am ever so grateful to the many, many people who have followed our story. I started writing here when I was trying to conceive my first child. Here I am now, nearly 22 weeks pregnant with my second. I am so thankful for the support, love, encouragement, and kind words that people have shared with me. I am grateful for the friendships I have made. I've met the most amazing people through iParenting. My life would certainly not be the same without them. They certainly helped make my life as a new mom much easier!
As the bible says, there is a time and a season for everything. I think the time has come for me close out this chapter of my life and move on. I will soon have two children in diapers, two little spirits to nurture and love and educate and be there for. They, along with my husband, are my primary focus in life. They are the reason that my life is so rich and full. They deserve a better mom and a better wife. It is my season to become that person.
Thanks for following our story... may God bless each and every one of you!
~~Christina, Ethan (12.5 months), and the Jellybean (due 6/15/03)
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