Christina's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 2/6/03 -------------------- 1/27/03 1/16/03 1/7/03 12/24/02 12/7/02 11/15/02 11/5/02 10/30/02 10/23/02 10/11/02 10/8/02 9/29/02 9/24/02 -------------------- Christina's Introduction

January 7, 2003

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

Happy New Year!!

Okay, okay… this is going to sound so cliché, but I really can’t believe that another year has gone by! Really. I think this one might be the fastest one in history! (Okay, so maybe that’s pushing it a bit?)

Ethan is napping and I am going to attempt to write an update here. Oh heavens, wouldn’t you know… the second that I type this, he starts crying. Okay… he’s quiet again. This is the story of my life! Hahaha! Ah… the joys of motherhood. He never lets me forget that he is, indeed my first priority in life!

I don’t even know where to start. There is so much going on right now and the holidays were filled with so much hustle and bustle. I will probably just ramble through this entry, in hopes that I can just get it done, no matter how disorganized it is! I guess disorganized is better than absent!

The Pregnancy…

The pregnancy is going so well. Yes, my gag reflex is out of control. Yes, I am STILL having bouts of sickness (I’m 16 weeks this week). Yes, there are the usual pregnancy discomforts. But on the whole, I really cannot complain. Life is good. I have another baby on the way! I am still astounded that I am 16 weeks already. Really. Where HAS the time gone to? My belly is huge. I am absolutely thrilled to be wearing all maternity clothes. Unlike some women, I actually LOVE maternity clothes and LOVE having a huge belly that I can rub any time I want and that I can stare at in the mirror. (Or that I can stare at simply by pulling my pants down and marveling at its shape and size.) This is one of the parts of pregnancy that I DO enjoy! As for movements… I am pretty sure I have felt a little jab or two, but nothing consistent. It’s early. There will be plenty of movements here soon enough. Those movements really do take my breath away, however. That is really the best way to describe it. My whole universe comes to a complete standstill when it happens. Pregnancy is such a miracle. It really is… a true, beautiful miracle. I am so blessed to be experiencing this a second time around.

I had another doctor’s appointment today. I am down another two pounds, which puts me right at my prepregnancy weight. I was pretty shocked by that and double checked the scales twice… with all the holiday fare I consumed, I was SURE I’d be getting a lecture today! I started to think about it and I realized that my appetite has been down. I eat frequently, but in very small amounts. My urine had a trace of protein in it but was negative for glucose. My blood pressure was 122/84. I really can’t complain. I had my blood drawn for the quad screen today. The results should be back Friday or Monday and they will call me either way. I’m really not worried about it in the least. I go back in four weeks for my next appointment, which will be on January 28th.

The Big Ultrasound

Yes, we had our ultrasound today and it was simply divine! After the last two entries I’ve written, I’m sure everyone is dying to know whether or not we found out the sex. To put it simply: NO WAY! The sonographer asked I said no. She never even looked at the genitalia so there was no temptation at all. Now that it is all over with, I am really even MORE excited about the big surprise that awaits me on delivery day!

Our little Jellybean looked absolutely beautiful on the screen. Although I have been very excited about this baby, it is a different kind of excitement. I didn’t count down the days to the ultrasound, like I did with Ethan. I felt sort of guilty that I wasn’t thinking about it more and talking about it more. However, as I watched my little jellybean on the screen, he/she was rolling and kicking and brought its hand up to its mouth, tears began rolling down my face. I was witnessing a miracle and it felt so joyous. That was my baby inside there, moving around with a heartbeat all its own. It was absolutely beautiful.

She measured everything… the head, brain, neck, spine, arm & leg bones, stomach, abdomen… everything. It was just so amazing.

Once she was done, she left the room and then the radiologist came in. He introduced himself and then congratulated me. He then said the words I had been waiting all morning to hear. “Everything looks perfect. I see no anomalies or concerns. The baby looks great and is measuring right on target! Congratulations!” Sweet, sweet relief! My jellybean looks great!

Ethan

My sweet little angel bug. All he has to do is just look at me and my heart melts. What happened to my little baby? Someone took him away and replaced him with this sweet little toddler. As much as I miss that cuddly little infant, I get so much joy from the toddler that he has become. All he needs to do is just look at me and I melt.

Friday, January 03, 2003

16.5 weeks

So… I got cut off from writing on Tuesday. I’ll add a bit more here but doubt I’ll get very far. Ethan should be up any time now.

Ethan

I left off talking about Ethan but didn’t get far. On the whole, Ethan is doing quite well. We say everyday that we are so blessed to have such an easy child. In the past few days, he’s been having a lot of diarrhea and has been clingy and cranky. By day three, I decided to call the pediatrician, fully expecting to get phone advice (which was fine with me, I prefer it rather than going in all the time.) I was surprised when she said, “Can you come in at 3:30pm?” Okay. Sure. I’m glad I went in…

My pediatrician had left his schedule wide open since it was the day after the holiday. He thought a lot of moms would call but the day was a lot easier than he expected. He spent a LOT of time with me and did a lot of in-depth teaching with me (he knows I’m a nurse so we often go off on medical tangents). Yesterday was no exception… we ended up in a big conversation over medical malpractice suits and how they are crippling the state of healthcare. All that aside…

He didn’t think the diarrhea was real serious (and neither did I). He went to inspect his mouth for thrush and said, “Oh, that’s a tooth.” I said, “WHERE?” He pointed out that my little angel has a little molar on the lower left side. I was floored. How had I missed that? I am always checking the front. I never imagined he would cut a molar before a year. I don’t know why, I just never thought about it. Okay, so he has a molar. I was a bit hurt because I wondered if that was his problem and I had denied him analgesics of any sort. Bad mommy. He didn’t have thrush, but he did have a yeast infection in the diaper area. That was my main reason for going in… fire engine-red bottom that hurt like the dickens to be touched. It broke my heart to change his diaper because he would cry so hard. We got a prescription for Nystatin cream and it’s helping tremendously already.

We also started a BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast)… no biggie… Ethan loves all those things. He said to cut down on juices and go lactose-free for a week or so. So we switched him to a soy-based formula. He’s doing great.

This morning, we were rough-housing on the couch and I swore I spied a speck of white on his upper gum. No way. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t let me look so I shoved my finger in his mouth and was absolutely shocked… not only does he have that molar on his left lower gum line, but he has TWO MORE MOLARS on either side of his upper gum line. How had we missed that? It absolutely crushed me that he has been cutting these teeth, sans Tylenol or any other pain relief. Diarrhea – crankiness – clinginess – DUH MOMMY. I feel like my mommy card is going to get taken away here soon. My little bug has TEN TEETH and he isn’t quite a year old! WOW! I am still shocked!

Anyway, aside from all these recent developments, Ethan is an angel. He continues to sleep through the night. He is taking two solid naps a day and is a happy child. He loves music, books, and watching the Simpsons with his Dad (don’t get me started). He is babbling like mad… if you weren’t listening carefully, you’d think he was actually speaking English and making sense! He loves bath time. He is starting to dance when music is played. It’s so cute. One day, Mike caught him bouncing up and down when a song with a good beat was on. We’ve also caught him tapping his feet to the music when he is in his car seat! Too precious!

Ethan has mastered object permanence! We can no longer take things and put them behind our backs or up out of his reach. He still knows they are there and goes on a frantic search to find them. Nothing can distract him when he is on a mission to locate a forbidden object!

I love my little guy so much! I fall deeper in love with him as each day passes. I really do. Just when I think my heart is so full it will burst, it grows more and I love him more. He’s such a sweet child.

The Diary Writers Retreat

I know, I know, I’m actually writing about this. It’s only been more than a month! This will probably be short as I will most likely forget many of the details that I had originally intended to include.

We had been planning this meeting for quite some time. For the record, the writers are Heather of Special Kids, Jessica of Moms Today, Jeanette of Moms Today, and myself. To be honest, I wasn’t really nervous at all. I had met Heather before when we had a shopping adventure at the end of last summer. I knew that I liked Heather and at least we would know each other. I had talked to Jeanette numerous times on the phone. Plus we were email bandits… writing back and forth all the time! Jessica and I had also been emailing for awhile and I felt really comfortable knowing her (if only on a cyber level at that point!) We had planned out a weekend of fun and I was really excited to finally get everyone in the same room, in person!

Jeanette flew in to Seattle Thursday and stayed with Jessica. The whole group didn’t get together until Saturday. On Saturday afternoon, we had all agreed to meet at IKEA, right inside the entrance. I live in the area and knew exactly how much time it would take me to get there. I planned accordingly, keeping in mind that we were meeting at IKEA on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My timeline was shot when the road I normally take was closed for construction and I was forced to go WAY out of my way to get there. I got lucky. Someone was pulling out of a space when I got there and oddly enough, no one else was waiting for it. I zipped in and made the trek into the store. I just have to say, I always feel like an idiot at times like that. When I got about 50 feet from the store, I immediately went on a frantic search for everyone. I am always wondering, “I wonder if they see me already and think that I look stupid looking around.” UGH. Why do we let ourselves think thoughts like that? It’s so stupid.

I walked into the entrance and immediately spied Jessica. I recognized her off the bat… and of course she had Hana in a front pack. She was SO cute. I then scanned the group and found Jeanette. Now I have to admit, I have always pictured her with long hair and was expecting it. She threw me a curve ball by having short hair. Still, I knew it was her… looking just as hip as she could! Also there was Jeanette’s friend, Debbie, who drove all the way down from Vancouver, B.C. as well as Jessica’s friend Melissa, who was there with her sweet baby, Ella. Heather wasn’t quite there yet, having gotten held up due to an accident along the way (not involving her, thank goodness). Heather showed up a short time later. I of course recognized her right off. We had a GREAT time in the IKEA. I spent time talking to each person along the way (I think it took us 2 hours to wade through that place… it was a typical madhouse after Thanksgiving). I have to admit that I was comfortable with each person. It was nice to be there with a group of genuine ladies… no one seemed stuffy or snooty in the least… I always worry about that when you get into groups.

After making our purchases (and by the way, I found some GREAT things!), we all piled into our vehicles and headed up to Jessica’s house. Jessica has a very cute house! I absolutely loved it… a charming little house that was so cozy! (I shouldn’t call it little… it’s a lot bigger than it looks). The rest of the night was spent eating, drinking, gabbing, looking at photos, and gabbing some more. We each took turns sharing our birth stories (even though most of us had all heard each others’ stories before… who can resist a great birth story, especially when told by the author herself?!) We compared notes on our children. We played with Hana and Ella… two of the cutest little girls around! We just generally had a great time. Poor Debbie… she was the only one among us who hadn’t been pregnant yet! Boy did she get an earful… and boy is she prepared!

Heather stayed the night at Jessica’s. I left. I was still battling morning sickness and wanted to sleep in my own bed. Plus, I had to work the next night and I knew that whatever sleep I got that night would be the only sleep I got until Monday morning. The next morning, we all met up in downtown Seattle at a great little joint and had a wonderful breakfast! I had been craving eggs Benedict anyway and it happened to be a breakfast special that day. We ate and gabbed some more (seemed to be a familiar theme among us!)

Once we were done with breakfast, I said my goodbyes to the girls and headed home to try and nap before working that night. I had a GREAT time with the girls and I’m so glad that we all got together. I only wish that some of the other writers could have joined in on the fun. The internet is a wonderful place to meet people, but the disadvantage is usually the distance. Jessica does live close enough to me that we could get together more often. We had been talking about meeting up for months before this rendezvous but we just never did it. Funny how that happens. Anyway, I hope that we can all get together again someday. Somehow, I have the feeling that I’ll have to do some traveling if that is the case. I hope I’m up for it!

Christmas

We spent a quiet Christmas here at home. It was nice. Ethan had a GREAT time. I knew the highlight for him would be ripping the paper and sure enough, he loved it. I think he was a bit confused. He kept looking at us as though he was expecting us to stop him each time. I’m sure it astounded him that we were actually encouraging it!

Before I forget… In my last entry, I mentioned that I was making cinnamon rolls and that they wouldn’t rise. Well, I just wanted to add that I DID get them to rise and they turned out incredibly delicious! Everyone loved them. It was a recipe I found on the internet. Supposedly, they were comparable to cinnamon rolls at Cinnabon. I have to say, they were BETTER!

Back to Ethan and Christmas… Ethan got some wonderful gifts. He got a few cute outfits, two scooters, some books, some stuffed animals, new pajamas, a personalized growth chart, a musical turtle, and some other nice things. I also got some nice things. My husband had coerced my mother into sitting for a formal portrait with Ethan. He had it framed and waiting under the tree for me. I loved it. I was also shocked that my mother agreed to do it. She absolutely hates having her picture taken. It looks nice on my wall. I got a cook book for my slow cooker. I also got a double stroller that I am thrilled about! My mom and husband picked it out. They bought the same brand we had before and made sure that our infant seat will click into it, just like it had in the previous stroller. So, Ethan can sit in the front and I can click the seat into the back. I am so excited. This baby is coming in mid-June. It really warms up here in July and stays that way for a couple of months. It’ll be great to go out on evening walks with both kids. I also got a few new Boyd’s Bear figurines (I collect them), including a Nativity scene! I am so excited about that.

Mike got some nice things too. We recently won a photo contest here at iParenting. I took that photo and blew it up to an 8x10 and had it matted and framed. He loved it! I also took some of our favorite photos of Ethan and made 5x7s out of them and also put them in a frame with matting. They look great on our wall. (And I did them all in black and white!)

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

17 weeks!

Well, I still haven’t posted the last entry, so I’ll just add to it and post when I can (my ISP is currently down and so my connection to the internet is gone right now).

MAJOR Pregnancy/Hormonal Meltdown & Those Dread Eye Teeth!

I think the hormones really hit me hard the last couple of days. I mentioned earlier that Ethan was doing great after his bouts of diarrhea and the switch in his diet. (I’m backtracking to give some background information relevant to the meltdown.) I spoke too soon.

On Sunday night, we put Ethan to bed as usual, around 7:30pm. At about 8:30pm, Mike had to go out and run an errand. At 9pm, Ethan woke up crying. I let him fuss for awhile; he’d only been asleep for an hour and a half. Finally, I realized he wasn’t going to calm down. I went in and picked him up and rocked him and he went back to sleep. It wasn’t until after he had fallen asleep that I realized that his head felt warm. (We keep his room warm and the rest of the house of really cool so it can be difficult to tell when you first walk in there). I wasn’t about to wake him up to give him Tylenol. It wasn’t a high grade fever; I could tell. I put him back down and went back to the living room. Mike came home shortly thereafter. At 10pm, he was up again. We gave him Tylenol and put him back down (though he was cranky and wouldn’t go back to sleep until nearly 11:30pm). We all crashed.

This is where things got ugly. He was up at 2:30am. He was cranky. But it was a different kind of cranky. I got him back to sleep and the very second his head touched the crib, he started screaming. Mike got up and took over while I made him a bottle. We don’t usually give him a bottle in the night, but I could tell he needed one. He sucked it dry and fell asleep on Mike but would not be put down. None of us got any sleep for the rest of the night. I tried to go back to bed while Mike stayed up with him and watched television for awhile. He was cranky, clingy, and ONLY wanted his father. Mike said he put him back down around 4am. At 5am, he was up again, this time madder than a wet hen. He was inconsolable. It was almost as though he was in a catatonic state… he was writhing and screaming and flailing himself in every direction. That’s when I freaked out. I realized at that point that something was very wrong. I started to cry. Nothing would console him. Finally, Mike was able to calm him down as long as he stood with him. We finally figured out that his eye teeth were coming in. Poor, poor baby. He was in so much pain and was so tired. The Tylenol only helped temporarily. We all just stayed up at that point.

Poor Mike. He took off to work as usual, on no sleep. I stayed up with Ethan. Actually, at about 8am, Ethan took a bottle and fell asleep in my arms. So, the two of us went to bed together. He crashed hard for 2-1/2 hours. I slept some, but he was sleeping in the crook of my arm and so I didn’t sleep real well.

For the rest of the day, Ethan basically wanted nothing to do with me. He pushed me away all day. He’d slap at my face and push me away whenever I tried to pick him up, hold him or love him. The second his father walked in the door, though, it was all loves and kisses. Well, I took it personally. (Yes, in hindsight, I realize how childish that was, but I was sick, tired, and very, very hormonal). By the time the evening rolled around, I was a mess. I broke down and started sobbing, just sure that my baby didn’t love me. Mike was more than supportive, saying all the right things to make me feel better. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t true, but I was really in the depths of a pity party at the moment. At about 7:30pm, Mike sent me to bed. I slept hard all night. Mike stayed up and cleaned the house, put Ethan to bed and then went to bed himself. I felt so bad… he hadn’t had any sleep the night before either.

Ethan slept all night until 6am. He woke up a much happier child this morning, though he still has a lingering low grade fever.

STILL Sick

Okay… Ethan and I are best pals again. He snuggled with me all morning. I think he knew his mama needed that.

At the same time, I’m sicker than a dog this morning. Why am I still so sick? I’m 17 weeks pregnant. I’m supposed to be feeling great and glowing and loving this. I really, really, really just want to feel good again. I’m so tired of being sick and gaggy. I can’t even sneeze without gagging. I can’t get the dog any kibble without gagging. I can’t change a diaper without gagging. I can’t look at the toilet without gagging… seriously… and if there’s urine in it, watch out. If the temperature is too hot, I gag. If something doesn’t look right, I gag. If I try to brush my teeth, I gag. I’m so tired of this. I sometimes wonder how much longer I can endure feeling this way. Every morning, I wake up with a mental agenda of all the things I’m going to accomplish during the day. By 9am, I’m sicker than a dog and usually nothing but dinner gets checked off my mental list. The laundry is piling up. There are so many things that need to be done. Thank goodness my husband is so patient with me (and does a lot of it himself.) I’m sure he is getting tired of me being this way too (though he does well at keeping it to himself). I nearly broke down in tears this morning. When will the sickness end? When will it go away? I’m so thankful to be pregnant. I’m thankful for this baby. I know that there are a million women who would gladly trade places with me… but it’s still hard. It’s hard. It’s so hard. I keep telling myself that I can do this. But I’m starting to doubt.

Okay… this update is long enough. I’ve got dishes and laundry calling my name right now… as well as some leftover Christmas decorations to get put away. Now that the busy season is behind us, I will really do better in writing updates. I seem to have a few more minutes of time on my hands each day!

Next week will be a busy one… we are having two separate get-togethers for Ethan’s first birthday. I am also taking him up to the University of Washington to participate in another study and he has his one-year pediatric appointment (complete with vaccinations!) on Wednesday. Oh joy! I should have LOTS to say by the end of next week!

Christina, Ethan, and the Jellybean!