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Carmajo's Diary Entries

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February 21, 2004

What makes a good Mom? Am I doing my best for Adrianna? Is their such a thing as a perfect Mother?
I confess I obsess constantly wether or not I am being the best Mother I can for Adrianna. I have every parenting book I could find on Amazon.com. Unfortunately I am lacking in the self confidence department. I have recognized my problem. Now where do I go from here?
I don't want Adrianna to see this and think it is ok to not have self confidence in herself. I want to raise a happy, healthy and self confident child. I want her to know that she can accomplish anything she wants. I also want her to know that her Mommy and Daddy will support her no matter what.
Now since I have confessed to the whole world that I am a nutcase I will give you an update on Adrianna.

**Terrible Two's**

We are dealing with some major tantrum and behavior issues. To cut to the chase, Adrianna will not listen to me. I know you are thinking "suck it up, get a spine!"
I talked with the nurse practitioner about it today. I relayed what I thought was our problem (my fear of being a bad mother.) I was relieved to hear sympathic words from her. She probably thinks I am a nutcase but she said this is very common in Mother's who have battled infertility. She said exactly what I feel, "I tried and waited for so long to have a child" that I am trying to hard to be the perfect Mother.
I am so glad I finally got that out on the table. I felt like such a weight was taken off my shoulder. I am working vigilently on being consistent with Adrianna's discipline in these areas (hitting, grabbing, scratching, disrespect and anything that will harm her (ie running towards the street and so on.)

***Ding, Ding do you see the light?***
I have been reading several toddler books and found something that made a light bulb come on in my head (((You can't be a Mother 24/7))) For the last 2 plus years everything I have done is for Adrianna. I am now learning to spend some ((ME)) time. I know some Mothers will take offense to that saying "You're a Mom 24/7 it comes with the job!" I have learned different the hard way. I am happy to report I joined a Lady's Gym and am going 3 nights a week. I love the exercise! It really helps relieve stress not to mention I am feeling better and beginning to see some toning.

**From 95% to 45% in 1 year!**

Today at Adrianna's 2 year well check she weighed in at 26 lbs. which is 50% down from her 1 year well check on the percentile scale. We are going back in 8 weeks for a weigh in. In the mean time I am going to try providing veggies for her to snack on several times a day. We are going to try a cool approach to it by using a child's lunch box (Dora the Explorer if we can find one) and use a ice pack to keep the veggies cool. I hope this works!

In closing, I echo Jennifer D's words that we need to stop the child abuse that is going on. I am unfortunate to have spent several years seeing it first hand working at a Police Department. No child, not matter what deserves to be abused.

Carmajo & Adrianna

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