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May 12, 2004
May 12th, 2004.
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Baby, I will wait for you...
When the receptionist from our midwifery practiced called today regarding our afternoon appointment and referred to me as being "post dates", I was slightly taken aback. Faltered briefly in our conversation, and have been left thinking about this label.
Yesterday was our "40 week estimated due date" -- today I am one day past prime, apparently. As if babies are like milk in a fridge that spoils as soon as the calendar page flips past the printed ink date on the cardboard carton. As if these dates are absolute.
I have been preparing to labour for weeks now, planning for birth for months. I sincerely expected that this babe would be here in arms by now, simply because my first daughter arrived on her 40 week estimated due date and I felt confident that my body would deliver this one at an appropriately earlier date. With each passing hour of each passing day my hope wanes slightly, although I still remind myself with forced enthusiasm that this might be the last minute of quiet. Summer Lily's birth was so spontaneous, such a precipitation, so shocking, I am preparing myself for a repeat experience. The first contraction to hit with no prior notice, and labour to take off, barrelling down the tracks full force right till the end. Or perhaps I will labour for endless days, tired and exhausted. Who knows?
My only certainty in this little adventure, is that it must eventually end. Baby -- birth is inevitable, we'll do it together, don't be shy, come out and meet us soon! You are loved and adored by your big sister, Summer Lily, who daily kisses and hugs my tummy and makes sure I share my dinner with you. Dad whispers softly to you, and offers silly name suggestions.
I am eager to meet you, little one, my new baby. To see that cute little round bum finally dislodged from my rib cage, to kiss that head currently nestled deep in my pelvis. To count those tiny fingers and toes that gently brush my insides, delicate tickles. I want to hear dad tell me if you are a boy or girl. I want to learn your name.
As excited as I might be, and though I am ready -- baby, no matter what else I will do, baby... I will wait for you.
with love,
Ashley.
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