Amy's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/3/02 -------------------- 9/29/02 -------------------- Amy's Introduction

September 29, 2002

I’m finally finishing my introduction! Here is the story of my daughter Emma Grace, and I also wanted to talk about an issue that I am dealing with right now. To work or not to work, that is the question.

My DH and I knew that after my D&C we would immediately start TTC again. We waited till AF came and after the second month, we found out we were expecting again. I was a complete and total nervous wreck. All I could think about was my miscarriage, and would it happen again? My OB’s office was so sympathetic and understanding. Even when I had it in my head that the same thing had happened again, they did not question it and sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. Everything was fine and I got to see my peanut again. I rented a Baby Beat Doppler and used it twice a day probably until my last trimester. It really wasn’t until I could feel the baby move that I actually thought that this was happening to me. Overall, my pregnancy was relatively easy. I had no morning sickness, and I had been laid off from my job early in my second trimester and never went back to work so I rested and slept a great deal. The only thing that really bothered me was my back but that bothers all the time so it was nothing new.

I loved being pregnant, that is until the very end. I was a week overdue and already 3 centimeters dilated when I was induced. I went to the hospital and had my water broke and a pitocin drip started at 8:00am. Since I was already 3 centimeters I didn’t have to have many contractions to be able to get my epidural, so by 11:00am I was not feeling any pain. At 4:00pm I was fully dilated and ready to push. I pushed for two hours before my doctor called it quits, I was exhausted and the baby was not getting anywhere. I went to the operating room for my c-section. Everything was fine until they tried to pull her out. She was stuck, and how! My OB was almost up on the table pulling and someone was under the table pushing. He remarks to this day whenever I see him, how much of a workout he got that day. Come to find out my pelvis is shaped weird so there was no way I was going to have a vaginal delivery and never will. I also lost a great deal of blood and had incredible case of the shakes. But once I heard them say, “It’s a girl” and heard that cry, nothing else mattered. I couldn’t believe that my little girl was here! I was a mother. Emma Grace was born on April 11th, 2002 at 7:19pm weighed 7lbs 15oz and was 19 inches long. She has the most beautiful blue eyes and looks exactly like her daddy. My life is so blessed. I could not ask for more.

So that’s my story. But I have an issue that I am looking for help with. Like I said earlier, I was laid off in October of last year. I have not worked since. I technically do not have to work but if I did we would be able to save more money, which we really should be doing. I have been sending out resumes and have been getting calls for interviews. Some of them I am actually excited about but then I look at my daughter and think, how could I let someone else raise her? Look what happened to Jenny’s daughter over at the PG diaries. How do you know who to trust? It tears me apart. My job never defined me, was never who I am. I only ever really worked as an Admin Assistant. But I did like working with adults and spending time with people. And I was good at what I did and I take pride in that. But time with my daughter is so precious and it is fleeting. She gets bigger every second. I was hoping that some of you could give me some advice. Write to me on my TTM, I would love to hear from you.

If you have stayed this long, thanks for reading.

Until next time,
Amy