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September 9, 2004
What a two weeks, what a two weeks, what a two weeks.
Did I mention in my last entry Brandan nailed a gastro right after we found out he had an ear infection? By day three of non-stop messes out both ends and no fever, I second guessed whether this was a gastro. Usually they run a good 24 hours, maybe two days, there's a point where the worst is over. Perhaps he couldn't tolerate his antibiotic? The problem with wondering over the cause is it had been seven long weeks since he first started with supposed migraines. Seven weeks of complaining about dizziness and nausea, weight loss and now non-stop vomiting. Deep down, ah hell, actually it was right up there on the surface, was this fear that it might be bad.
Brandan woke up day four able to keep down his toast. Still pretty week and very gaunt looking, I sent him to school. He came home and threw up. I didn't send him the following day. He only threw up in the morning. That same day, Andree called me to say Kaillan was crying every time she peed and she felt like she had to go every five minutes. How do you spell UTI? We got an appointment with our own pediatrician who agreed gastros don't generally run this long, she wanted to run a blood test on Brandan to rule out Colitis and Crone's and we needed to do a culture on Kaillan.
Brandan took that blood test like a man. Watched the whole time, giggled nervously and was surprised how fast it was over. Now getting Kaillan to pee in the cup was an absolute nightmare. I begged, bribed and threatened her. I felt like a jerk given that she was in pain but it was seven o'clock at night and our pediatrician was going to wait till the lab had the results. An hour later she called to say Kaillan had large amounts of blood in her urine and her red and white blood cell counts were very high, though there were very few bacteria present. She suggested we start the antibiotics.
I sent Brandan to school the following day, they called us to go get him after he threw up there. That night I ran to the pharmacy to buy more pedialyte and liquid meal replacements for kids and I ran into my girlfriend there. Annie has to be one of the most genuine and good hearted friends I have. She believes in greater good and living a life that's exclusively kind. She asked about the kids and I told her Brandan was in the middle of something, we didn't know what. Her eyes welled up and she looked too quickly at her husband.
"What is it Annie?"
"Nothing".
"I don't believe you, what is it?" She looked nervously at her husband and again insisted nothing. I prodded and pushed because I'm me. With eyes and a nose that were crimson red, she said she had a stupid dream. I asked her point blank, I don't know why or what made me ask, if Brandan died in it.
She said yes.
She was a mess.
I know dreams about dying mean someone is getting married or having a baby or winning big money. But still you don't want to have or hear of someone you love dying in a dream. Especially when it involves the frail, flopping kid who belongs to you. I swear to God, I REALLY don't believe in that kind of stuff.
BUT.
I dreamed Matthew died and he did and I dreamt Grandma Jackie died and she did.
The seventh day was a day of rest. Brandan came back to life and he was starving to death. Better than that, Emmie started a mess of diarrhea and vomiting which meant Brandan very probably had a gastro! Emmie continued the rest of the weekend, Kaillan started hers on the Saturday. The excitement over having a wicked gastro faded very quickly. Emmie seemed to be handling it better, Kaillan was getting sick all night long, night after night. If Brandan has to throw up he will leap over furniture in his race to make it to bathroom in time. Emmie is able to lean over a bucket and give you a lopsided grin in the middle of her misery, but Kaillan will in getting sick, hit furniture that's in another room even.
I have three sets of sheets for each of the kids rooms. Kaillan had so many messes one night I ran out of sheets and moved her into bed with me. It's easier to have her with us though I change my sheets and mattress cover once or twice a night. Sad to say, even in our sleep we're tuned into what she sounds like right before she throws up. As luck would have it, all three kids also started a cold. With Kaillan's cough and her wrecked stomach, even when she coughs, she throws up. She's lost so much weight and getting her to drink or nibble on something, anything, is impossible. She's terrified she'll throw up again, she has no energy. The two girls have barely eaten anything all week. Before I write that I KNOW in a week this'll all be behind us, I have to share the night Kaillan hallucinated.
She needed to drink a little at a time, and what it took to get her to do it was crazy. This day (her fourth) she kept nothing down. We'd wake her up every half hour to drink and one sip at a time took us saying some crappy things. It was nine o'clock at night and I was making a leak/potato/chick pea soup, half because it would get me ahead but mostly because I was wiped and it would keep me from falling asleep. Remo yelled for me to come to the family room. Kaillan got off the sofa and I assume she meant to walk but she dropped to her knees on the floor and she said, dazed, "blue school bus". She looked drugged out of her mind. I picked her up and put her on the sofa, trying to talk to her, but she pointed past me at, I don't know, people she saw behind me? She'd throw her head back and laugh a crazy, old, slow laugh. Her eyes would half roll. Remo thought it was funny at first. It scared the crap out of me. We thought maybe she was just half asleep and coupled with dehydration and a low fever, she was out of it. She'd say things that made no sense. I kept calling her name but she wouldn't react. My heart pounded out loud. After I don't even know how long she came out of it. I was so terrified she needed to have the IV again and she was awful with it. Making a health call as a parent is impossible. You don't want to overreact, but you don't want to wait too long either. I lost count how many times I got her to drink sips that night. She threw up those sips twice. What made me most nervous is my kids have their kidney conditions (hydronephrosis). Kaillan's is worst, but it only affects one kidney, Emmie's is a lower grade but it affects both. With Kaillan having a bladder infection (that turned out to be viral, have you ever heard of a viral bladder infection?), I was really worried about her not having any fluid intake. Both girls pee, but not frequently.
Today is the first day the girls are with Andree. Kaillan was sick (from coughing) twice overnight but she was very alert this morning. She ate some cereal and tolerated it. Emmie was very quiet but hadn't thrown up since yesterday morning. Andree called as I started this paragraph to say that Emmie threw up three big times in a row and she has a burning fever. Remo's taking both of them to the pediatrician this afternoon. I can't tell you how many times I've wondered how people with chronically ill children do it. Do you become so tough, you move through motions? I've been at it for two weeks but at least I know there's an end. If I was to this very moment get into how I would give ANYTHING, EVERYTHING to not be working, I'd open up a can of worms. There's a time and a place. And honestly, I don't have time.
How about we make a bet I'll be back on the weekend saying we survived?
Let me win. Please.
It's our anniversary today. Remo remembered and I forgot.
Allisun
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