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Issues with my eldest

August 23, 2006

I think that the initial euphoria that I felt following the birth of Lorelei is starting to fade a little.  I am still in love and loving life but have come back to Earth a little more. 

Surprisingly (probably to nobody  but me) one of the biggest frustrations lately has been Ella.  This is such a shock to me since in the past she has largely been extremely easy going, fun to be around, and fairly obedient.  For this reason, and because I think it's good practice, I keep my expectations high for her.  I guess, in fairness,  a lot of the harder issues we are dealing with seem to be because she is growing older and is less willing to take this 'structure' that we provide her without reasoning.  It seems like lately every single time I ask her to do something or, more likely, to not do something, the first words out of her mouth are "I just".  As in "Ella, please don't climb on the couch while I'm nursing Lorelei on it"  "I'm just climbing on this part" "No snacks Ella, it's almost dinner" "I just want a small one"  A lot of the time she will spit out the "I just..." before she's even figured out what her comeback is going to be.  In any case, it's very frustrating because I don't like to get into long winded arguments with her, especially about trivial matters, but she doesn't like to let any topic go.  Often I have resort to the much despised "Because that's the rules... that's why!"

She has also picked up my habit of the silent sulk when she doesn't get her way.  I guess it's better then a temper tantrum but is tres annoying nonetheless.  Especially when, in my opinion, she will get her feelings hurt and begin her soundless reproach over what I consider extremely small slights or unreasonable requests. 

Even as I write this I know how normal this behavior probably is, especially with the very new addition of the baby in the house.  I also have to remember that she is not even five yet and this very well could be something we would be dealing with regardless of outside circumstances. Added to all this, as I mentioned, is my struggle in trying to juggle two kids both physically and mentally.  I am probably shorter with her then I have been in the past.  I know I am more tired and obviously I am incapable of bowing to her every whim (not that I bowed to EVERY whim in the past) when I have a newborn's needs to consider as well.  It is hard for me to be completely impartial when I consider a situation and try to see who is making a situation so combative, but Jamie and I really have been trying hard to make Ella feel special and loved and not neglected or second rate. 

This weekend, for instance, our only 'big' trip was to go to the zoo.  This was based entirely on a request from Ella (and the fact that we hadn't been in two years and had the time available).  We all had a great time, however.   Ella was very cute and excited about all the animals.  We saw lions, tigers, giraffes, gorillas (including a baby), and lots more.  Here, however, is an example of Ella's sulking over minor things—she got all verclempt for the last part of our visit because we told her we didn't want to spend time at the zoo's playground.  We reminded her that we go to playgrounds nearly every day and that we had come to the zoo to see animals.  Well, apparently she didn't agree with our line of reasoning and gave us the silent treatment for much of the last part of our visit.  Ug.

She is also very into baby/nonsense talk and butt jokes, both of which get on my last nerves very quickly.  Jeez, I really am a cranky pants about this sweet girl of mine, aren't I? 

There are some other big changes in the works for Ella coming up in the near future too, which may also be contributing to subconscious (or conscious) free floating anxiety.  This is her last week at the daycare/preschool that she has been attending since she was 17 months old.  The school is essentially being shut down and reopened in a few months as a Bright Horizons—with twice the students and over twice the costs.  All the teachers are leaving and nearly all the students.  I am probably the most upset about this.  We have absolutely loved her school these last three years.  The teachers were phenomenal, the programs fun and even the cost was reasonable.  We attended their end of the year barbeque yesterday and there were a lot of misty eyes, from teachers, parents and students, as people celebrated their last hurrah with this organization.  It has meant a lot to many many families and will be sorely missed.

 To have to switch schools now is doubly annoying since Ella can't start kindergarten until next year so will have to adjust to a whole new preschool with all new friends and then a year later do the whole thing over again.   Since I am going to be home I have enrolled her in a smaller program that is M-F 9-12 which will be starting in September.  It is actually the shortest period of time she has spent in daycare practically since birth but should be enough to give her some structure and stimulation outside of me.  It is run by our local Boys and Girls Club and has a good reputation so hopefully she will enjoy it. 

As for the youngest, she is doing quite well.  She has a kickin' case of infant acne right now, which gets even more pronounced in the heat or when she is screaming at us, poor thing.  Suffice it to say I haven't been snapping quite as many pictures of her lately... Other that I think we've seen our first smiles, which were fleeting but nice.  She is awake a little more during the day but still sleeps a lot, especially in the morning.  She has been pretty consistently only waking once at night around 2, and goes down fairly easily, so this is nice.  She was 8lbs, 8oz at her one month appt (which was scheduled early, more like around 3 ½ weeks) and the Dr. declared her perfect.  I have gotten out our Gymboree play mat and she will stand that for about five minutes.  She really likes the swinging chair, however, which is nice.

Thanks for reading,

Bonnie