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Make yourself comfortable, there's a lot to catch up on

October 5, 2006

I started this entry over a week ago and time has slipped away. Forgive me if it is a bit choppy. I'll try to break things up so the 'flow' isn't totally confusing.

We'll start with - The things I forgot to mention in my last entry...

I somehow totally forgot to mention that we told Ava about the baby and she is being so very sweet. I am totally aware of the fact that, so far, this baby has caused minimal disruption in her life and that it is pretty much an abstract concept to her. Even with that, Ava chatters on quite excitedly about the fact that she is going to be a big sister. I think I have mentioned in previous entries that Ava is very serious about her 'jobs' both at daycare and at home. The other day I was driving Ava to daycare and she told me that her 'job' for the new baby would be to help Daddy give the baby a bath when it gets stinky. She even offered up her blue baby bathtub. Waiting to tell Ava about the baby was certainly the right thing to do because she tells everyone she is going to be a big sister. Taking Bonnie's advice, when we told her we tied the baby coming to the seasons. So we talked about what happens in the Fall (the leaves turn orange and fall off the trees), then Winter (Santa comes) then Spring (the flowers start to grow).... I think as much as a three year old can get, she gets it. She has started rubbing my tummy and tickling the baby. It is so heartwarming I will try to carry this memory when she is, no doubt, feeling jealous and displaced by our new little one in the spring.

As Ava shares the news of our growing family far and wide, she also tells people, alternately that the baby is a boy or a girl. Which leads me to another point I wanted to write about, which is my total surprise at the large number of people (including family members!) who say things like 'you must be hoping for a boy.' Um, no. Which isn't to say I wouldn't be perfectly thrilled with a boy. I would also enjoy having another girl – Ava has been such a delight. So lucky me, right? What I really want to say, (but don't want to invite people that far into my worrywart space) is that right now I am just focused on moving through the pre-natal testing process and hearing news that would indicate our little one is healthy and thriving. THAT's what's got me tied up in knots right now, not the gender of our babe.

Thursday is my diagnostic ultrasound and blood serum test. I called the office today to get directions and some additional information. The referral says I need to not wear any perfume, lotion or deodorant that day. I was curious... apparently it interferes with the test? Urgh! My appointment is at 2pm, so I am to go the whole day with no deodorant? And yes, I know, that is a petty thing to be concerned about. I also learned that the doctor/expert will be present during the ultrasound and we will have those 'results' immediately. The blood test results take a week. So we'll have a decent amount of information that day. Phew. I know I've written about this a lot, but I had no idea how much this aspect of the pregnancy would throw me for a loop.

The ultrasound...

So Thursday I went in for my ultrasound and I was so nervous. I was trying to be cool, especially since I wasn't wearing any deodorant. In actuality, I was having that odd nervous side effect of being completely freezing cold. I was shivering, my hands were freezing. I had a full bladder. And we waited for almost 30 minutes past our appointment time. When I went to ask the front desk people how much longer

I might have to wait they told me my bladder didn't need to be full (I showed them the referral that said otherwise) and that I could use the restroom. They mentioned they had new equipment that didn't require a full bladder and I told them, maybe not so nicely, that they might want to make that information available on the piece of paper that says to drink 32oz of water 1 hour before your appointment.

So we finally go to the ultrasound room and the experience was very similar to a regular ultrasound. The technician was a very nice woman who did a great job of explaining the measurements she was taking and what she was looking for. Our Swab was moving all around, bonking him/herself in the forehead and giving us a good view of both arms, both legs. As the technician took the measurements she shared them with us. Swab is measuring right on his/her due date. Stomach is visible and appropriately sized, brain hemispheres are great. Nuchal fold was between 1.4-1.55mm (she took three measurements) and well within the range of what's considered normal. At the end of the ultrasound there was the 'diaper shot' to measure femur length. I asked her what she thought about a gender prediction and she said there was no way she would predict at a 12 week ultrasound. We were kind of joking and laughing and so I asked her if she had to guess, that I wouldn't hold her to it, that I don't care etc... but what would she say. She gave us 51% boy.

Then they drew some blood and told me they would be back in touch next week with the results. My new insurance plan wouldn't pay for the blood work, just the ultrasound, so the test cost us $105. They shared this news about a second before they pricked my finger for the blood test, at the point I was feeling better (because the ultrasound measurements were so reassuring) but still nervous. Who knows how much I would have paid for that blood test?! They told me either the nurse or the genetic counselor would call me with the results within in a week. John and I 'joked' on the way out that the nurse would call if it is good news, the genetic counselor would call if it was bad. Right?

The results...

Tuesday afternoon the genetic counselor called and left a message on my voice mail saying 'This is ------ calling from the Perinatal center with good news. Please call back.' How nice was that voice mail? I called back and left a message and she returned that call quite quickly. She told me my tests came back with a risk factor for Down's syndrome at 1-3000 ('normal for a woman my age is 1-298) and the other trisonomies (can't remember) were 1-2000 ('normal' for a woman my age is 1-150). Phew. She was careful to tell me that the decision about further testing was up to me and my OB, but that they don't recommend further testing unless those numbers fall within the normal range. Since my risk was ten fold lower than 'normal' she didn't have a recommendation for further testing (amnio or CVS) unless I felt strongly we needed to do it.

I immediately called John with this information and after a brief conversation we decided we were not going to pursue further testing unless our OB offered up a really, really compelling case for it. Even with the anxiety this option produced for me, I can certainly say I am glad I took this test. While I know it only checks for a fraction of all the things that can go wrong, it was very reassuring to me both to see the babe and learn the information we did.

The rest...

Despite the three pages it took me to report all of that, it is not the only thing going on in our lives. We've had a busy couple of weeks with work and other obligations. Saturday we rowed our Regatta and what is likely to be my last row of the season. We posted our best time of the year, but didn't place in the race, which was a little discouraging. John and Ava came to watch the race and Ava seemed to really enjoy it. She loves being outside, near the water. When we were launching she was saying 'that's my momma!' 'Go momma go!' Monday night our cox took my seat and I coxed the boat, which was pretty fun. Next season I think I am going to have figure out what to do. We typically start rowing early in April (not an option for a 9 month pg woman) and I probably won't be able to start until sometime in June. Cross that bridge when I get to it.

If you've made it this far you are a super hero, especially since I haven't updated in a while. I need some advice on a couple of things.... First baby, gear. I would like a recommendation for a good sling. I don't particularly care for the one we had with Ava. In fact, I'm not 100% sure where it is. I need to replace it and am taking suggestions. Also, we donated her infant travel system (car seat and stroller) because, well, I wasn't sure I was having any more babies and I wanted someone to get some use out of it. I didn't like our stroller – it was bulky and we frankly rarely used it. So I'd like to buy a new stroller that will get more use. Should I look to the travel systems or should I buy a stroller we like and a new infant car seat and just make the transfer when we need to?

And finally, I have a bit of a dilemma with Ava that I'm not at all sure I'm handling the right way. Ava seems to be continually demanding snacks. And they are not always of dubious nutritional quality. She'll ask for almonds, apples, grapes, toast, Triscuits.... But it is all the time. Our evening pattern has been to get home and allow her to watch a little Dora and have some crackers while we try to get dinner ready. Some nights we don't get home until 5:30-5:45pm, so I am sure she is hungry. But she becomes demanding to the point of being obstinate about wanting more and more food. And then, you guessed it, she doesn't want to eat dinner. It will set up dinner time where we are bargaining how much she has to eat to be excused. "Two more bites of chicken and three bites of green beans." But now that has become a norm, where she will pull up to the table and ask right away how many bites of everything she needs to eat. She also frequently asks for more food after dinner. On the weekend the asks for food seem to take a continual loop. So I told her maybe 100 times that we were going to eat like she eats at school; breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner. I so intensely dislike the power struggle over food that this is creating.

I have thought one solution might be to have her eat dinner as soon as we get home because she is probably legitimately hungry. But frankly this isn't the most realistic option. It would require me having a meal ready to go in the 'fridge each day. And it would mean no longer sitting down for dinner as a family. Both of which are pretty difficult to swallow for any period of time. I work hard to make dinners that are quick and basically nutritionally sound, but the transition from work to home each day – getting Ava in the house, bathroom, changing my clothes, mail, messages just takes longer than I ever think it could or should. John is turning in much later hours at work, so I am handling all of it myself nearly every day. Last night we didn't eat until 6:45pm and I was hustling the whole time.

Since this has been a marathon entry I'll wrap up....

Thanks for reading—

--Kate

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Kate's Diary Entries

Make yourself comfortable, there's a lot to catch up on

October 5, 2006

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