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The bed time stall...

September 22, 2006

I have found myself experiencing a refreshing shift in how I view diet and exercise as a result of this pregnancy.  It is different than my pregnancy with Ava, where the first trimester I was plagued by crushing fatigue and nausea.  After the first trimester with her was over I began to walk occasionally do a pre-natal yoga video about once a week, but I wasn't very intentional.  I only gained about 30 pounds, but my labor and delivery was rough and losing the baby weight/regaining my pre-pregnancy fitness level was an 18 month process.  This go around I am being very intentional about maintaining my workouts. I have continued to row, to lift weights, run, walk and bike ride regularly.  I do find it poops me out more than usual, but overall it feels good and eases my pregnancy symptoms.  I am also much more intentional about what I'm eating – trying to focus on fresh, healthy, whole foods. I've obviously cut out alcohol, although, I must say I am CRAVING a very cold, yeasty beer.  Usually I'm a wine drinker, so I'm not sure what that's all about.  (And no, I am not indulging that craving) Anyway – what prompted this is since learning of this pregnancy my focus on exercise and diet has been healthy food, consistent exercise so I can take good care of my body and my swab.  I hope it will help make labor and delivery a bit smoother this time around and make the recovery period, both in terms of weight loss and physical fitness swifter. When I am not pregnant I tended to look toward exercise as a means to an end – either training for rowing, maintaining or losing weight, the way I look in my clothing etc...  I hope to sustain my current attitude long after this little one arrives. 

This week Ava had a play date.  It is interesting how this came about and the reason I am writing about it is because of a comment made by a colleague of mine that surprised me a little bit.  Several weeks ago we were at a political event where some acquaintances of ours brought their daughter.  To protect their privacy, I will refer to her as B.  B is probably about 14 months older than Ava – when we arrived Ava and B started playing.  I was helping at the event, so John was kind of keeping an eye on the girls along with a friend of their family.  Honestly, I didn't pay much attention as they all looked pretty happy running around, splashing in the puddles left by a rain earlier in the day and so forth.  Several days later I ran into B's father at another meeting and he mentioned how much fun B had playing with Ava.  He then shared that B has been diagnosed with autism and the friend of the family who had been at the picnic was also a therapist who has been working with them.  He told me the therapist had mentioned what a nice disposition Ava had and how it might be a good idea for the girls to get together as kind of practice play for B.  She has difficulty identifying social cues and interacting with other children, but, he said, Ava was so kind and good natured.  They are working with B on an intensive therapy program to try to assist her in establishing appropriate peer to peer interactions before she starts school.

So B's mother called and asked if she could set up a play date with Ava, facilitated by B's therapist. Thursday night they got together and did an arts and craft activity and had a snack.  The girls seemed to get along quite well and I was proud of how centered Ava remained in the midst of B's occasional outbursts. I hadn't intended to stay for the playdate, but the girls went downstairs with the therapist and B's mother and I drank some coffee and had a really nice time getting to know each other a little better. B's mother and therapist were just effusive in how well the play went, what a nice girl Ava is and we set up another time for them to play again, facilitated by the therapist.  I mentioned this in an off-hand way to a colleague who quickly implied I was not looking for Ava's best interests allowing her to be 'used' in this manner.  I guess the reason I brought it up is because I thought it was such a nice commentary on my sweet girl.  And I feel the interventions B's family are using to assist her social emotional development are really forward thinking and interesting as they hope she is able to more easily socialize with her peers going forward.  Plus Ava seemed to genuinely enjoy playing with B at the picnic several weeks ago and again Thursday evening.  John wasn't the least bit concerned either so I have no idea why I let this person throw me off with her snide, small comments.

This week I had another minor pregnancy scare.  I woke up Wednesday morning spotting a little bit.  I had quite a lot of spotting in my first trimester during my pregnancy with Ava.  So when I woke up to it Wednesday I was initially not that concerned.  But as the day wore on I got more and more worried until eventually I called my OB around 1:30p.  I was fully expecting them to tell me to take it easy, keep an eye on it and call back if it got worse.  Instead they said I needed to come in right away.  My blood type is B-, making me Rh negative.  Apparently, while not totally uncommon, it is not the norm.  And since John is Rh positive the likelihood of Swab being Rh positive is quite real.  And so anytime an Rh negative woman starts spotting a Rhogam shot is in order – sooner rather than later.   

The contrast between this incident and the incident during my pregnancy with Ava is stark.  My ob practice was so great.  They got me in to see a doctor, who I hadn't met yet, but was so kind and reassuring.  She checked to see that my cervix was still closed (it was) and they located the heartbeat with the doppler. Then the very kind ob said, let's just go take a peek at the baby just to soothe any lingering fear.  So we went to the ultrasound room where they keep an ancient ultrasound machine.  But Swab showed up on the screen right away, with his/her back to me.  S/he flipped over and, I swear, waved at me.  The ob started laughing and said, 'oh, that's it's way of saying 'I'm ok Mom!'  The heart beat was 166.  So maybe this is just the way my body handles pregnancy.  I got my Rhogam shot, which they will repeat at 28 weeks and again after the babe arrives if s/he is Rh positive.  (Ava and I share the same blood type)   The spotting has since tapered off, but is still intermittent.  I am able to relax about it after hearing the heart beat and seeing our Swab on the ultrasound.  I know I am a world champion worrywart, but I had forgotten how disarming pregnancy is.  I try to tell myself I need to relax and enjoy the organic nature of this process, but it is honestly so hard for me.

Ava has started to exhibit two new, somewhat related behaviors in the past few weeks.  The first is the big bed time stall.  She is really quite good at it and pretty subtle.  Her bedtime ritual has remained essentially unchanged since she arrived. John does the bath and I put her to bed.  This all starts around 8:00pm each evening.  But Ava has now started to do things like ask for a few extra minutes to snuggle downstairs.  Or insist she is starving and has to have something to eat.  Or thirsty and need a glass of water.  We've tried to anticipate the hungry/thirst argument by giving her some fruit before bathtime and telling her this is her last snack of the day and just move her through the rest. 

But the more recent behavior that exists even outside of bedtime is emerging fears of monsters and other creatures that apparently come to eat her.  She will go on and on about the things that are scary to her.  Monsters, she went to the barn and the barn was empty, but then the animals came to her room to eat her.  I had been responding by offering reassurance that mom and dad are here to keep her safe and that she doesn't need to worry.  I didn't try to tell her there weren't any monsters or anything.  But apparently I am world class rookie on the whole monsters thing....  Thursday night as I was glued to the season premiere of 'Gray's Anatomy' even though Tivo was catching it, John handled the sob-fest over the monsters.  He came back downstairs in about three minutes, Ava's crying is over.  I asked him what he did/said?  He said 'oh, I just told her as long as she kept her covers on the monsters couldn't get her.'  I say, 'and that worked?' 'Oh yeah.'  Rookie!

I think I'll wrap up for now and thank you for reading—

--Kate