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A peek at the baby and a very rude encounter

August 29, 2006

So I got a peek at the babe last Monday.  That morning I was attending a conference and all morning I was having these sharp pains.  It felt like I was being poked with a stick from the inside over and over again.  At first I thought it was in my head (huh?) then I thought it was just my body adjusting to this pregnancy.  Soon I moved on to telling myself it was just gas.  By noon I couldn't pretend it was nothing, so I called my ob.  After speaking with two different nurses they determined an ultrasound was in order and scheduled one for me at 4:00pm.  In my first taste of parenting two children our schedules made it impossible for John to attend the ultrasound unless Ava came with him.  We talked and decided it would just be too confusing and potentially scary for her and probably not altogether appropriate to take her when we didn't know what, if anything, we would see.  So I went by myself fearing I would hear bad news alone. 

I was sufficiently worried, but not just a total wreck while I waiting for my appointment.  At this stage they needed to do a vaginal ultrasound, but the nurse told me to arrive with a full bladder just in case.  In case of what, I'm not sure, but it made the 20 minutes I had to wait past my scheduled appointment pretty uncomfortable.  I got into the room and blessedly the tech told me to empty my bladder.  She did the ultrasound and told me pretty quickly that she could see a baby, in my uterus, with a heartbeat.  I was so relieved.  I didn't realize how worried I had been about miscarriage and the health of our little swab until she told me that.   Our babe is measuring 4 days behind our EDD based on the date of my last period, but that didn't cause anyone any concern due to the fact that I had only been off the pill one cycle before we conceived.  His/her heartbeat was flickering along at 116 beats per minute.  The tech took some pictures (which she shared with me) in which our swab looks like a little lentil bean and told me to wait to talk to the radiologist.

The radiologist arrived to tell me that there was evidence of some hemorrhaging on the corpus leutal cyst on my right ovary, likely the ovary I ovulated from, and that was likely causing the discomfort that led to the ultrasound.  He assured me it wasn't uncommon and would likely be absorbed.  So they sent me on my way with the suggestion that I speak with my ob 'in the next day or two.'  Naturally I drove straight home to our computer where I googled things like 'normal heart beat at six weeks pregnant' and '4 day variance between edd and ultrasound date' and found mostly reassuring information on the internet.  This whole experience confirmed to me that it would be a very kind and reassuring thing to do for ob/gyns to see pregnant women much sooner than the 10 week mark.  In my google research I discovered that the risk of miscarriage falls dramatically once a heart beat as been established.  (And yes, I do know that even though the risk falls, it isn't eliminated.  A good friend lost a baby at the 16 week mark after she had heard the heartbeat several times) And frankly I am pretty glad I don't have to wait another month to hear the heartbeat even if it did mean a couple of worried hours.  The next day the doctor called to confirm all I had learned on my internet research.  She was very kind – new to the practice so I haven't met her, but extremely reassuring. 

With this pregnancy I have found myself much more worried about all the things that can go wrong.  Birth defects, problems with labor and delivery etc....  I know that I am a world champion worrier, but I wish I could turn that part of my brain off.  I know that unfortunate events in pregnancy are very rare, but I have known too many people (in real life) who have dealt with some pretty sad events in their pregnancies, deliveries and after their children have been born. I worry that I've pushed my luck with all the blessings I have in my life to ask for one more would be taking more than 'my share.'  But I am still asking for one more and hoping each day that our swab is born safe and healthy.

It's been awhile since I've updated and there is a lot to report. We really enjoyed our trip to the Twin Cities, kind of the last hurrah of summer.  John took the older kids to a Twins game and I had the opportunity to catch up with a good friend of mine from my college days.  Ava absolutely loved playing with her cousins.  Like lots of little kinds, I'm sure, family is very important to her.  She's a bit of a den creature in that she's never happier than when her whole family is together.  Ava played hard all day everyday.  Minnesota was delightful in their clear community commitment to parks and trails.  Ava loved riding in the Burley to the park.  She would end each day we spent there filthy and exhausted from playing outside with her cousins, happy as could be.  Certainly my favorite way to see my sweet girl.

Last week we packed Meghan up and took her back to college.  I will say that this time it was without the bittersweet feeling I had last year.  She was ready to be back at school and frankly I think we were ready to have her back at school.  In our society today the transition to adulthood has been extended so much, but it doesn't make an 18, almost 19 year old living at home any easier.  Immediately she seemed happier, more at ease to be back in the school environment with her friends.  Her dorm room this year is quite a bit nicer than last, although it is amazing to me how much stuff young people can cram into their spaces.  Lane also started back to school last week and I think the routine of the school year and his activities are good for him.  I am a big proponent of year around school and, in fact, already have Ava signed up at a year around school when kindergarten begins for her two short years from now. 

My mother in law was in town last week and over the weekend spending time with the kids before school started.  She is a delightful woman, loving and generous to us and our kids.  It is nice to have her around, but I will say it takes some time to get settle Ava down once she's left.  She can literally sit with Ava for hours hosting imaginary tea parties or coloring without wavering in her focus on her.  Ava had a bit of a cough and cold for much of last week, but I didn't think it was anything to be alarmed about...  My mother in law is a nurse, so Friday night after we'd spent the day moving Meghan and John and I were preparing to go to a baseball game (our town has a minor league team) she comes to us as we're getting ready and says 'Ava is running a fever and I can feel the rattle in her chest when she coughs.  I am pretty sure she has bronchitis and needs to go to the doctor.'  Oh.  Apparently we shouldn't be having another child as we are just barely fit to raise the one we've got.  A quick trip to the walk in clinic confirmed her diagnosis so Ava is wrapping up a course of antibiotics and seems to be doing a lot better.

Even with that flurry of activity we still managed to make it to the baseball game.  The firm John is joining has a suite at the ball field, so they had a social outing there.  It was more fun than I expected it to be.  The associates at John's firm are a nice group and I already know several of them from my own work life.  At the game we ran into some friends in an adjoining suite where something really awkward happened to me...  A woman who I've worked with and known a long time, but I wouldn't consider a close friend, made special note of the fact that I was drinking water.  She spent the rest of the evening literally harassing me asking if I was pregnant.  She'd say things like, 'I know you're pregnant, you may as well tell me or I'll email everyone I know.'  It was appalling.  Certainly during my last pregnancy a number of friends said, once I started telling people, that they suspected, they noticed I was drinking water etc...  But they had the dignity not to ever express their suspicions to me. It made me really uncomfortable because we haven't told Meghan and Lane, we haven't told my brothers and sisters or much of John's family...  I'm not ready to share this news far and wide.  It would take pages and pages to explain how my pregnancy was revealed to this nosy, inappropriate woman, but the short version is a close friend (one of the three people who know about this pregnancy), who was also at the game, spilled the beans, inadvertently thinking I had told her.  She was devastated and can't stop apologizing for the mix-up. I quite literally begged Nosy to please keep the news to herself until I had the chance to tell my grandmother, but I have no confidence she will.  Isn't that one of the rudest things you've ever heard?

John has been on vacation the past several weeks as he transitions to his new job after Labor Day.  That, along with my mother in law's visit and Ava's bronchitis she hasn't been at daycare much the past couple of weeks.  As I referenced above, Ava loves being with her family - even though she really likes her daycare, naturally its not her first choice.  This morning I took her back to 'school' for the first time in nearly a week and she was super clingy.  She kept saying 'I just give you one more hug,' or 'But I want to be with you and daddy.'  It was like a dagger through my heart.  John was planning to pick her up around 3pm and I know she was probably laughing and playing within minutes of me leaving the building, but it still made me feel very sad.  As I was walking out of the building this morning I realized that very soon we will be paying as much, if not more, for child care as we pay for our mortgage once swab makes his or her appearance.  Not working is not an option for me or for John for lots of reasons, but it sure does give you pause when your monthly daycare check will soon be sporting a comma.

Another nice, recent development is that Ava has come to love riding in her Burley bike trailer.  She used to merely tolerate it and sometimes would be downright fussy about it, but she is a convert now.  We've had a lot of fun taking her on bike rides the past month or so.  John and I rarely exercise together – I row, he sails, he runs about 1 ½ minutes per mile faster than I do.... But biking with Ava is perfect.  Especially since he pulls the Burley, creating a 35 pound handicap – at that point we're pretty evenly matched.  It is a very nice way to get outside, get a little exercise and spend time with Ava.  She chatters about everything and especially likes it when John and I 'race' on the bikes.  She looks beyond cute sitting in the trailer, she almost always brings her beloved 'two' (her blanket) and her mousie.  Life is pretty sweet.

Thanks for reading—

--Kate